How to tell someone to sit further back in church

[mommy_k]

I don’t usually watch what others are doing in mass…

However, there is a family who’s son is an altar server and when this child serves, they sit in front pew. When the child does not serve, they sit towards the back…no problem there…I noticed but whatever.

This child is now serving funeral masses and the mom and grandmother go to watch the child altar server…and sits in front row. They do not usually know the deceased. The ,family had to break up the relatives seating…I am hearing gossip and also they do this at weddings.

Father at this church is very passive about it.

I know the mom of the altar server too…and it’s not good what others are saying. I don’t want to make a big issue by going to the priest or altar server coodinator. Just a heads up thing…
My good friend asked me to say something as they think I can do it in a nice way. Eek…I don’t know.

What do you think…myob, or tell them?

 

[Rosebud77]

I don’t usually watch what others are doing in mass…

However, there is a family who’s son is an altar server and when this child serves, they sit in front pew. When the child does not serve, they sit towards the back…no problem there…I noticed but whatever.

This child is now serving funeral masses and the mom and grandmother go to watch the child altar server…and sits in front row. They do not usually know the deceased. The ,family had to break up the relatives seating…I** am hearing gossip** and also they do this at weddings.

Father at this church is very passive about it.

I know the mom of the altar server too…and it’s not good what others are saying. I don’t want to make a big issue by going to the priest or altar server coodinator. Just a heads up thing…
My good friend asked me to say something as they think I can do it in a nice way. Eek…I don’t know.

What do you think…myob, or tell them?

MYOB unless you want to be piggy in the middle of an almighty row… and why is it anyone;s place and YOURS?

If the priest is OK with it?

See what I have bolded? Please do not fuel gossip by listening to it. See the catechism on gossip?

 

[SuperHappy]

I personally would not say anything. If your friend thinks it is important enough that something needs to be done, she can do it herself. I don’t really think confronting a family who are obviously happy and proud of a child serving the church is going to be a good idea. The Father or the coordinator are the ones who should handle that.

 

[pensmama87]

I wonder if there’s a way this could be resolved without necessarily singling this family out. I know our parish uses reserved signs on occasion and this could be a good use for something like that.

 

[Aggie414]

I personally would not say anything. If your friend thinks it is important enough that something needs to be done, she can do it herself. I don’t really think confronting a family who are obviously happy and proud of a child serving the church is going to be a good idea. The Father or the coordinator are the ones who should handle that.

While I agree with you in principle, I think the issue is at weddings and funerals. Those front pews should be reserved for the family of the couple getting married and the family of the deceased. I think their places of honor are more important than the family watching little Johnny serve at Mass.

 

[SuperHappy]

While I agree with you in principle, I think the issue is at weddings and funerals. Those front pews should be reserved for the family of the couple getting married and the family of the deceased. I think their places of honor are more important than the family watching little Johnny serve at Mass.

While I agree with what you’re saying, I don’t agree that OP should insert herself into this. Her friend wants her to say something to this family. The friend should handle it if she has a problem with it. She should not try to get the OP into a controversial situation.

At weddings and funerals, there should be reserved signs on the seats, I have never been to one where there weren’t signs up.

All in all, I believe the coordinator or the Father should be aware and handle this issue. If they don’t notice it on their own, it’s time for someone to report it, I am just not sure the OP should be the one.

 

[Rosebud77]

While I agree with you in principle, I think the issue is at weddings and funerals. Those front pews should be reserved for the family of the couple getting married and the family of the deceased. I think their places of honor are more important than the family watching little Johnny serve at Mass.

Again then this is for the priest or the staff to sort? Officially? That is what they are there for after all, and they and they alone have the authority to do this.

 

[Allegra]

Don’t. It’s not your business. Eventually, someone whose business it is will say something. Ie, the best man, a family member of the deceased. I would be more apt to confront the persons spreading the gossip.

 

[PJH_74]

Having a spouse that is a Pastor, I can tell you triangulating your Priest/Pastor in these types of situations is not generally appreciated and has very poor boundaries. This IS gossip and tears apart churches over time. I agree that during funerals and weddings this sort of behaviour would be unacceptable, but does the gossiper consider that the Priest is present at masses and would almost certainly address it immediately?

 

[kptrs]

Agree with the posters who said it’s not your place. It’s up to the wedding couples or families of the deceased to bring up if it personally happens at their event. A sacristan who helps at all of the weddings and funerals and notices a pattern would also be in a position to say something. But if you haven’t personally witnessed it and just heard gossip about it, don’t get involved. Who knows if what you are hearing is even true.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Not your call. If your “friend” wants you to bear the burden of making waves-get a new friend. Most churches have a way of designating a section of pews for friends and families with a sign or ribbon. It is up to the priest or ushers to take care of that. Don’t be used as your friend’s tool. Peace.

 

[mommy_k]

Yes I saw it with my own eyes. The grandmother sat middle aisle side and my friends family climbed over…during a funeral mass.

Now I don’t listen to the gossip I try and fly under radar and focus on mass…but after this, even the family moving up on Sunday is discussed. If they keep it up…yikes.

I told my friend to say something but they are grieving. She asked me to.

I know too many people at this parish, and believe me, I know the gossip mill there. It’s not ours. The only way to stop it is if soneone points out the error.

 

[AdamP88]

I don’t usually watch what others are doing in mass…

However, there is a family who’s son is an altar server and when this child serves, they sit in front pew. When the child does not serve, they sit towards the back…no problem there…I noticed but whatever.

This child is now serving funeral masses and the mom and grandmother go to watch the child altar server…and sits in front row. They do not usually know the deceased. The ,family had to break up the relatives seating…I am hearing gossip and also they do this at weddings.

Father at this church is very passive about it.

I know the mom of the altar server too…and it’s not good what others are saying. I don’t want to make a big issue by going to the priest or altar server coodinator. Just a heads up thing…
My good friend asked me to say something as they think I can do it in a nice way. Eek…I don’t know.

What do you think…myob, or tell them?

Not your job to tell them. The priest or the family at a funeral/wedding will do it sooner or later. It’s only a matter of time.

Usually at weddings do they not hang reserved signs on the front few pews?

 

[Bonnie]

I wonder if there’s a way this could be resolved without necessarily singling this family out. I know our parish uses reserved signs on occasion and this could be a good use for something like that.

If there are reserved signs (this is done at our parish) are they ignoring them or moving them? If so, someone - not necessarily you - should say something to them. If reserved signs are not being used, suggest the parish buy some.

I was surprised that we were led to one of the front pews at the funeral of an acquaintance. Turned out the family was all in the center & there were few seats left. He was a very popular man.

 

[dshix]

In the context of a wedding or funeral, the only reason you would say anything to this family is if you wanted to reveal to them out of charity that they are committing a faux pas, so that they can choose to change their behavior to avoid being ridiculed.

If you can do this in a way that doesn’t insult the family and helps them, great. If not, don’t say or do anything.

If it is ever your wedding or funeral, of course now you have carte blanche to kindly, firmly request that they move because those seats are reserved for the family. Or just arrange to have their son not be one of the servers and avoid the issue entirely.

 

[Allegra]

Yes I saw it with my own eyes. The grandmother sat middle aisle side and my friends family climbed over…during a funeral mass.

Now I don’t listen to the gossip I try and fly under radar and focus on mass…but after this, even the family moving up on Sunday is discussed. If they keep it up…yikes.

I told my friend to say something but they are grieving. She asked me to.

I know too many people at this parish, and believe me, I know the gossip mill there. It’s not ours. The only way to stop it is if soneone points out the error.

I can see there being concern about a Mass during a family event like a wedding or a funeral, but regular Sunday Mass? If someone says something to you about this, then I would definitely say something along the lines of, “I wasn’t aware the sanctuary had assigned seating.” I can’t understand for one second how anyone feels they are entitled to tell someone else where to sit in Mass. If you are that picky about “your spot” then you get your curlers out early and get to Church in time to reserve “your spot”. If a family decides to sit in the front row because their child is serving, that falls into the category of “absolutely normal thing to do.” I would be embarrassed for the person who actually complained about that to other people.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Still…not your call. Why does your friend want you to do-say something-that she is not willing to do herself. Just asking. Peace.

 

[Lorelei12]

Yes I saw it with my own eyes. The grandmother sat middle aisle side and my friends family climbed over…during a funeral mass.

Now I don’t listen to the gossip I try and fly under radar and focus on mass…but after this, even the family moving up on Sunday is discussed. If they keep it up…yikes.

I told my friend to say something but they are grieving. She asked me to.

I know too many people at this parish, and believe me, I know the gossip mill there. It’s not ours. The only way to stop it is if soneone points out the error.

I’m confused about why it is an issue for them to sit in the front during a regular Sunday Mass? Can’t anyone sit where they like? Why would anyone care about that? People normally sit in the same spots, but if someone else is where I generally sit, I sit somewhere else. Maybe the child was scared to serve and feels better when he can see his family?

I would not get myself involved in this. It’s okay to tell your friend “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable saying something” and offer suggestions about how she might word it politely if she would like to address it. Otherwise, maybe the next wedding they do it someone will say something to them.

 

[seagal]

While I agree with you in principle, I think the issue is at weddings and funerals. Those front pews should be reserved for the family of the couple getting married and the family of the deceased. I think their places of honor are more important than the family watching little Johnny serve at Mass.

That’s the job of the usher, and whoever puts those “Reserved” signs on the pews.

 

[PJH_74]

Yes I saw it with my own eyes. The grandmother sat middle aisle side and my friends family climbed over…during a funeral mass.

Now I don’t listen to the gossip I try and fly under radar and focus on mass…but after this, even the family moving up on Sunday is discussed. If they keep it up…yikes.

I told my friend to say something but they are grieving. She asked me to.

I know too many people at this parish, and believe me, I know the gossip mill there. It’s not ours. The only way to stop it is if someone points out the error.

You say it’s not gossip, yet it becomes an issue of non-problematic discussion for Sunday mass. That IS gossip. Taking a step back, it also might possibly be that his grandmother is there for the deceased person by itself even if she is being inappropriate about her seating.

I know your friend asked you to mention something…but now she is using you to triangulate. This is her relationship with the lady, she can as easily thank her for celebrating her loved one’s life but that the family really needed to grieve together as a unit or similar.

Of course using reserved signs is perhaps the best way as it establishes a non-personal boundary that can easily be enforced. I think the previous posters are right as it resolves the issue, but your energies into this.