How To Treat Fallen Brothers/Sisters?

[mostolto]

some of our brothers/sisters in Christ, have fallen by the wayside, into occupations that promote lives of sin, immorality and unwholesome living. from pornographers to pimps, prostitutes, and drug dealers, to those involved in serious crimes. these ones may attend church, wear the cross around their necks, and genuinely love God, and be praying and reaching out for help. how should we treat them in our everyday lives or when we encounter them at church? should we be cold towards them, or try and discipline them, in order to force them to change their ways?

 

[onceablasphemer]

Shunning them will not help to bring them back. You can’t force someone to change, only do your best to live the Gospel message in their midst and pray for them.

 

[JRKH]

Shunning them will not help to bring them back.

Shunning may not help to bring them back, but shunning would help to protect the rest of the community from their bad influence, and from scandal. Scripture prescribes shunning for those who refuse to “listen to the Church” and to reform their ways.

You can’t force someone to change, only do your best to live the Gospel message in their midst and pray for them.

Agreed. Mt 18:15-18 prescribes the method by which to proceed in so far as any formal action is concerned.

The biggest thing to remember is the necessity of approaching all things in Love. You are seeking the highest good of the other person. This must always be first in thought and deed.

Peace
James

 

[NiceMimi]

I would treat them as I would anyone else. Yet, I would graciously decline any invitation to any kind of function, coffee meet, etc. In short: I would keep it on a surface level of pleasantries, and at a distance.

 

[TriciaF]

Kindly and cheerfully, always being true to our Christian Catholic values as a witness to them, never submitting to peer pressure ourselves. I have known people to change just because the christian Catholic acted according to the Christ’s teachings.
Jesus didn’t shun the tax collectors or even the prostitutes, and so he won over great sinners like Mary Magdalen and Zacchaeus

 

[starsmurf]

some of our brothers/sisters in Christ, have fallen by the wayside, into occupations that promote lives of sin, immorality and unwholesome living. from pornographers to pimps, prostitutes, and drug dealers, to those involved in serious crimes. these ones may attend church, wear the cross around their necks, and genuinely love God, and be praying and reaching out for help. how should we treat them in our everyday lives or when we encounter them at church? should we be cold towards them, or try and discipline them, in order to force them to change their ways?

Christ told us to treat others the way we would wish to be treated. When you have sinned, how would you feel if people at church shunned you? Treat the people you mention the way you want to be treated when you have been weak and sinned. We need to be warm and helpful to those who are trying to reach God, both in church and in daily life. If someone comes to church and we reject them, we can push them away from God. My dad has a saying that you’d “find more communion in a pub” than most churches. Being nasty to someone won’t “force” them to change their ways, it will only push them away.

Jesus told us not to judge others or we would be judged. We do not know the life experiences or circumstances that led people into that way of life. In the case of prostitutes, it is usually due to childhood sexual abuse or some other terrible life event. Some of the low level drug dealers are dealing to fund their own addiction and to pay off their debts to the dealer higher up the food chain. Drug abuse is often due to similar mental pain to prostitution and is usually linked with it. The drugs block out the incredibly painful feelings, so it is not just a case of physically weaning themselves off the drug. They need help and support to deal with the thoughts that then come rushing into their minds. You do not know what your actions may do, if they are trying to come off drugs and come to church as a way of dealing with the pain, your warmth may keep them going, your coldness may send them back to drugs.

Christ told us to “love one another as I have loved you”. If we wish to follow His commandments, then we must treat people with mercy, love and compassion, whatever their sins. That is how we all hope that God will treat us.

 

[starsmurf]

Kindly and cheerfully, always being true to our Christian Catholic values as a witness to them, never submitting to peer pressure ourselves. I have known people to change just because the christian Catholic acted according to the Christ’s teachings.
Jesus didn’t shun the tax collectors or even the prostitutes, and so he won over great sinners like Mary Magdalen and Zacchaeus

I loved your post.

My priest gave a wonderful homily on Zacchaeus, that explained that Zacchaeus isn’t a repentant sinner, he’s actually already living a good life. The translation of that passage has a small mistake in (how the verb was traslated), which will be corrected when we update the readings at the Mass in two years time. In Luke 19:8, where Zacchaeus tell Jesus he gives half of his goods to the poor and pays back four times over anyone he’s cheated of money, Zacchaeus isn’t telling Jesus that he’s going to start doing this, he’s saying that he does it already! Jesus is showing the crowd that this tax collector they all despise and call a sinner is a better person than they are.

Perhaps that is a wonderful message for this discussion?

 

[zab]

I’d treat them like I would want my adult children to be treated if they should decide to attend Mass. The sad thing for me is that I have Googled the Catholic Churches in the city where my son resides with his girlfriend and I have read reviews of some people who have attended the Churches nearest their apartment. The impression that I get is that they are very liberal. And this is already a problem- being that his girlfriend is an extremely liberal lapsed Catholic.

 

[fred_conty]

It depends on your relationship with that person. It also depends on the approach and timing.
And the person giving the correction is important.

The point of correction is to help the other person, not to hurt them. If the correction has a good chance of making that person think better of what they are doing, then it is worth while.
If it will do more harm than good by driving they away further, then it would not be good to give it.

A mother might remind her son to go to church. She might say this from time to time and no offense is taken by her son. A brother may not be successful or worse.

There is no easy answer.

Just a thought.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

As a probation officer I have actually been in this situation multiple times. It was complicated by policy and the fact that for some odd reason probationers think they’re homies with their probation officer. It was especially awkward at church. The key is supernatural charity and a good sense of professionalism (and sometimes knowing where all the exits are in the church if you need to make a quick exit).

BTW: If you want to do works of mercy and be humbled by it, forget helping the poor, or the needy children, and work with criminals. It’s easy to feel good about the first two, but people will hate you and give you a hard time about what you do if they know you don’t hate pedophiles etc. Many people can’t separate the sinner from the sin. That’s not to say I think the system should be soft on crime, but there must be logic and reason behind what gets done.

 

[SilverCamellia]

In my opinion - help them.

I know a wonderful retired couple in my church who are doing all they can to help a homeless, alcoholic Catholic man. They find safe places for him to sleep, buy him duvets to help keep him warm, and they have enabled him to sign up for a rehabilitation programme. If they had not helped him, he might be dead by now - indeed, I was told that at one point he was believed dead and there were two requiem masses said for him.

He has been to rehab before and it hasn’t worked: hopefully this time he will benefit from it and be able to confront his problems. But if they hadn’t helped him, it’s likely he would never have had the opportunity at all.