How we view our own kids

[Mary_Gail_36]

Haha. Having read your posts for years…mostly lurking, I would bet you have splendid children!

Thank you. My kids are great, not perfect by any means.

So far no major behavioral problems…I have a fidgety, silly 11 year old boy, another silly 4 year old boy and a girl who is 8 going on 40.

I probably have been hardest with the oldest…but he’s my first and did not come with an instruction manual. Seriously though, he reminds me of a large graet dane puppy. He looks large, but inside he’s just a big puppy.

I need to keep remembering that boys mature slower than girls do, and his behavior 95 percent of the time is because he lacks maturity.

 

[Rico_S]

1. You been slapped in this thread twice by my count for assuming people are a certain way.

Assuming? Where am I assuming? This is how she is. This is not some distant relative I see once a year. We have lived just a couple miles from her for the better part of her life. We see the family quite often. There is no assumption here. She is rude, snotty and unpleasant to be around. Why does this surprise the couple of you are are offended? Do you deny that these types of people exist? Is there some reason my opinion should not be taken for face value? We are not talking about a 5 year old here, but someone in high school.

We can’t get a read on the snotty child you speak of but we can get a read on how you describe her.

Why is this important to get a read on her? I wasn’t looking for validation that my opinion of her is correct. I was simply relating the incident that got me thinking about the overall topic of parents struggling to be objective. The details here are not important.

And, again describing her as rude, snotty and unpleasant reflects on me poorly? What if she really is rude, snotty, and unpleasant? I still can’t say that?

Your willingness to go into detail of how terrible she is but softening the blow by saying ‘she’s not THAT bad’ tell us your bitter by her an have a bias on the other end of the scale you accuse her mother of

I specifically did not go into detail…in fact, as I mentioned, I sort of streamlined it to just give a little background to the topic at hand.

And sheesh…talking about assuming Holy Cow!

as I have stated many times on this forum Do Not Come To A Public Forum And Expect No One To Pick At Your Question.

Well we have agreement here!! I have been on enough forums to know that!

I just don’t have a problem poking back at the “pickers.” The pickers should know this too.

If you are asking the wrong question (extreme example) ‘how do I best beat my children with a belt so it doesn’t show’ (again extreme example don’t think your that kind of person) we are honor bound to chastis you for asking and tell you you should do it.

You gotta make a lot of assumptions about me in order to put my post into that sort of category. The only legit concern that I can see is that is an appearance my wife was taking something my daughter said and then tattling on Sally. I addressed that already.

it’s not you job to convince so so parent about her kid. You can try to couch, plead, argue and lead by example but if it falls on deaf ears STOP.

We don’t. Never. It came up in discussion that her daughter did X and she said “No way, she wouldn’t do that” Then it was dropped. Sorry if I gave you the impression that I in some way feel obligated to make her see the truth. I don’t…not my place.

Not trying to slam ya but you been asking for some tough love since you been ‘snotty’ in your own way.

I admit to being a bit caustic in response to some of the “pickers”

Just take it. Grin and walk away.

Sometimes it is simply more fun to grin and poke back.

 

[Rico_S]

I think there’s a bit of confusion regarding the idea that a child can be whatever they want to be. What we should say is that a child MAY be whatever they want to be. In other words, they have a right to TRY to be and astro physicist not the right to BE an astro physicist.

Yes…this is a good distinction.

I also hardily agree with you that someone doesn’t have to be great at something for them to have a passion for it. My oldest daughter loves bball, but she really just isn’t a great athlete. I would never dream of discouraging her from continuing to play and work hard at it. She loves it!! However, I am honest about it with her. I have told her that her talent won’t take her very far, but that hard work can definitely allow her to extend the window she has of playing.

 

[Allegra]

No confusion on my part, but with fame and fortune being held up to our kids every day, many times the attraction of those factors convinces kids that they CAN be the next XYZ if they show the slightest bit of talent at something. And we can’t deny, sometimes people are in the right place at the right time and become an overnight sensation. But most people don’t.

Also, we can continue to develop our talents and gifts throughout our lives, it’s not one static point that never changes.

Fame and fortune are completely different goals than becoming a musician, scientist, or athlete. If a person is only engaged in a pursuit souly because of the attention and success someone else had at it, they won’t be engaged in it for long. They’ll get bored or burned out when they realize the effort it takes in order to be successful. That issue will take care of itself. Where it becomes a crying shame is when children are discouraged or even forbidden from following a passion because the parents don’t think it’s worth it unless they can be a superstar at it.