How well do you get along with your in-laws?

Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mary_Gail_36

New member
I’ve been with my DH for over 14 years (dating, engaged, married)

My relationship with my in-laws is ok…we are cordial, we get along most of the time. I see my MIL and FIL at least every 2 weeks, and my SIL a little less frequently. My BIL I see the most infrequently.

But we aren’t close “friends”. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but lately I’ve been thinking about it and sort of feel sad.

I believe they think we are odd, because we are practicing Catholics so if we go on a Sunday to visit and say we’ll be over after Mass, they will comment:shrug:

Anyway, are we supposed to be close friends? Does any one have a good close relationship with the in-laws? How did you get to that point? Does it depend how close your spouse is to them?

I’m just curious, maybe I’m doing something wrong? I tend to be shy…maybe that’s part of the reason,⭕(🤷
 
*Hi Mary;

I don’t think that you’re doing anything ‘wrong,’ per se. There is no unwritten rule about becoming friends with inlaws. I happen to be very close to my husband’s family–but he is one of 9 kids–there are a lot to choose from. 😃 I tend to gravitate towards the ones who are closer to age as me. I have becoming especially close to two of his brothers, and their wives. We get together a lot. But, his oldest sister, we are cordial and email each other, but nothing as far as friends. She is in her 60’s…we don’t have as much in common as I do those who are in their late 30’s, early 40’s.

I love his mom, and call her every week, I try to, to catch up. She is 87, but she has so much to say, still so vibrant.

I lucked out with a loving and close family as this. And yes, it depends on how close the spouse is to the family. My dh is tight with those I gravitate to…the ones where he calls to wish a happy birthday, or sparingly, I don’t talk to as much. It is not willful on my part, it just sort of happens that way, but I try to email everyone every week, to check in…even ones that I’m not close with.

Maybe try that? Just drop them an email to say hello. Maybe have a dinner at your house, and ask everyone to bring a covered dish. There are ways to bridge the gap that you’re feeling…if it’s bothering you, maybe try that?*
 
My brother’s fiance’ is very close to our family. She knows our extended realitives well and is happy to see them.

However, neither of them much like her extended relatives. They don’t hate them, they just don’t like the things they like. They don’t have much to talk about nor hold alot of values in common. So its nicities and pigs in a blanket most of the time.
 
whatevergirl said:
*Hi Mary;

I don’t think that you’re doing anything ‘wrong,’ per se. There is no unwritten rule about becoming friends with inlaws. I happen to be very close to my husband’s family–but he is one of 9 kids–there are a lot to choose from. 😃 I tend to gravitate towards the ones who are closer to age as me. I have becoming especially close to two of his brothers, and their wives. We get together a lot. But, his oldest sister, we are cordial and email each other, but nothing as far as friends. She is in her 60’s…we don’t have as much in common as I do those who are in their late 30’s, early 40’s.

I love his mom, and call her every week, I try to, to catch up. She is 87, but she has so much to say, still so vibrant.

I lucked out with a loving and close family as this. And yes, it depends on how close the spouse is to the family. My dh is tight with those I gravitate to…the ones where he calls to wish a happy birthday, or sparingly, I don’t talk to as much. It is not willful on my part, it just sort of happens that way, but I try to email everyone every week, to check in…even ones that I’m not close with.

Maybe try that? Just drop them an email to say hello. Maybe have a dinner at your house, and ask everyone to bring a covered dish. There are ways to bridge the gap that you’re feeling…if it’s bothering you, maybe try that?*
Click to expand...
Well, we’ll be having a Birthday cake soon for my 2 older children, everyone will be invited.

That’s nice to hear that you love your MIL and call her often. Is she in PA?

What is funny is that I’ve been developing a friendship with my DH’s cousin. She has an 11 year old daughter, and my 5 year old DD really admires her.

I sort of think it’s the family dynamic with DH’s side.
 
Love my inlaws, they are my family, feeling is very mutual. I wish we lived closer.
 
We had a very poor relationship in the beginning, as much my fault as anyone’s. As I matured, I began to see so much good in my in-laws…for one thing, they raised my amazing husband!
Now I look forward to each visit with them as though they were my own family!
I think at times it takes a few years for genuine affection to grow; and sometimes, having that affection can be nearly impossible if the in-laws aren’t reciprocating. The best thing I ever did was begin treating them like I would treat anyone very, very special to me. They have responded with grateful love for me and now often tell me that I am just like another daughter to them!👍
 
I believe they think we are odd, because we are practicing Catholics so if we go on a Sunday to visit and say we’ll be over after Mass, they will comment
Click to expand...
At least they don’t refer to Catholicism as “the cult”, and whenever someone’s religion is mentioned, they don’t say “Is he a Christian or Catholic, because you know that’s different”, and when discussing their unmarried child they say “Well, as long as she doesn’t marry someone from the Catholic Cult, she’ll be fine” or whenever doing something like blessing food, ask “does your cult do this, too?”, or ask “does your cult have a bible, too?” Oh, it’s a barrel of fun to be Catholic in the rural South.
 
My in-laws live 12 time zones away. I haven’t seen them since we got married four years ago. In fact, I sometimes have to remind myself that they exist - that I have “family” on the other side of the world.

Not an ideal situation, but at least we don’t fight. :rolleyes:
 
I agree that there are no hard-and-fast rules for inlaws. My MIL and I get along great - probably better than I get along w/ my foster mother. My FIL and step-MIL are also close, though not quite as close. But I just don’t have the energy to really get to know the rest of DH’s family, not with my own huge family and my highly introverted nature.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Well, we’ll be having a Birthday cake soon for my 2 older children, everyone will be invited.

That’s nice to hear that you love your MIL and call her often. Is she in PA?

What is funny is that I’ve been developing a friendship with my DH’s cousin. She has an 11 year old daughter, and my 5 year old DD really admires her.

I sort of think it’s the family dynamic with DH’s side.
Click to expand...
*Perfect! I hope it goes well!

My MIL, yes she is in PA…and I will be seeing her next week!! We are heading to PA next week for a wedding…and ALLLLLL of dh’s relatives will be there. I can’t wait, I like seeing his eccentric two sisters too, who dh gets riled up over politics. Should be interesting. I told him …don’t bring up the “O” word while we’re visiting, now…OBAMA, that is. haha*

🍿 😃
 
My in-laws were very active Presbyterians, and my father-in-law a lay Presbyterian official. My wife converted to Catholicism after our marriage. Not only didn’t her conversion pose any problem or concern at all, but my in-laws, in their 80’s, got on a plane from California to Massachusetts when our daughter made her First Communion. They were a blessing to us, God be good to them.
 
I get along with my in-laws very well. They’re great people. They’re very loving and have always treated me with the utmost respect. They’re a lot of fun to be around and we always have a good time when we see them. They live about three hours away, but we see them pretty frequently.

I know this relationship is probably a rarity, but I’m very grateful that I have great in-laws. Not only my husband’s parents, but his siblings as well. They’re all great people and I feel very fortunate to have them. Especially his sisters. I didn’t have sisters growig up, so I feel very blessed to have them now.

Scout :tiphat:
 
I would say we’re closer with my side of the family than DH’s. It just sort of happened that way. he’s the youngest of 5 and according to my best friend (his cousin) they have always treated him like an afterthought…you know…the “oops” baby. :rolleyes:

They aren’t hostile at all…just make comments…at his older brother’s wedding a couple weeks ago, one of his brothers-in-law said, “yeah…3GirlsRUs didn’t get the memo…only supposed to be 2 kids per couple!” It was said in a joking manner…but the fact that we have more than 2 children is often fodder for them to say SOMETHING.

DH’s brother was nicer about it. Kept telling everyone as he introduced my husband to people…“yeah, this is my brother, 3GirlsRUs, the over-achiever.” How is my husband an overachiever you might ask? Yup…because we have 4 kids! LOL

My in-laws always seem to have the “rolling-of-the-eyes” factor if it’s mentioned another of my siblings is having a baby (the 5 of us have helped produce 13 grandchildren for my parents in 8 years)…so, we get along, but there’s always an undercurrent of disapproval regarding our choices for planning our family size.

Oh yeah and they usually roll their eyes when we make sure our children make it to Mass. for example, at BIL’s wedding…all the activities all weekend made it impossible to attend Mass until Sunday evening at 5:00 p.m., but we made it (no, BIL didn’t have a Catholic wedding…but that’s another issue)…I would say that it would take a Mack Truck or something along that line to keep us away from Sunday Mass…and when SIL complains about Mass taking longer than 45 minutes (her parish used to have a priest who would get done in 45 min or less…but now they have a priest who takes closer to an hour most of the time), I get the ol’ eye roll when I ask…“Well, really, though…what are you at Mass for?” trying to get some dialogue going as to why it matters that it lasts longer than 45 minutes?
 
Our parents are actually very similar - both take the faith seriously and actively participated in raising their children Catholic. I get along extremely well with my MIL (FIL is deceased, I never met him).
Our moms are each a little competitive in their own ways, so big family gatherings when both sides come together is sometimes a little… tricky… but overall we’re VERY VERY blessed… they both live within 5 miles in either direction - we have weekly dinners and they’re all very active in the grandkids’ lives…
 
kage_ar said:
Love my inlaws, they are my family, feeling is very mutual. I wish we lived closer.
Click to expand...
Me too. Been married almost 20 years and love my inlaws as if they were my parents. Dh sis and I get along great, but we don’t talk every week or anything like that. Dh and I only have 3 sisters (and their families) between us both so not too many to have both extended families at one house. We try to do that regularly.
 
I have a very good relationship with my in-laws, especially my MIL. She likes to introduce me as her “first daughter” (she has 5 boys), and says she had me when I was 21 (when we got married). I am very blessed to have wonderful in-laws who so eagerly accepted me into their family.
 
Musician said:
We had a very poor relationship in the beginning, as much my fault as anyone’s. As I matured, I began to see so much good in my in-laws…for one thing, they raised my amazing husband!
Click to expand...
Yes…this is me too, although it was just my MIL as my husband’s dad died when he was 10. My MIL drives me crazy sometimes, but then I think of what a FANTASTIC grandma she is to my kids and I just have to thank God that she is such a huge part of our lives.

Kathy
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top