How well do you get along with your in-laws?

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pyro_alchemist:
*Pretty well. They live 13000 miles away. 😃 *
😃
😃
 
My husband’s parents live eight hours away in Montana, and my parents and step-parents live on the other side of our state of Utah. I can’t help but wonder if our relationships with them would be different if we saw them more often than once or twice every few months. Jon’s parents both adore me. My parents and step-parents all get along with Jon, too. I don’t know if they adore him. All of our in-laws are very nice people and help us a lot: advice in healthcare, finances, education, domestics, physics, and I’m sure they would help us if there was a hippo in our yard. My husband doesn’t have a brother or sister in-law. I can assume that Jon’s parents welcome me into their family more than their son-in-law because they came to our wedding and haven’t told me if they would welcome a separation. Both of us look forward to visiting or visits from our parents two years after marriage. But, I wonder how things would be if we saw each other more often.
 
I was fortunate to have a great relationship with my in-law’s. In large part, I can credit them for my conversion to the Catholic Church.

Unfotunately the last few years have been tragic, as we lost my MIL unexpectanly to a heart attack at the same time my FIL was diagnosed with cancer. He passed away a year later. They were both only 65 when they died. I miss both of them terribly. It makes me sad my children will not know them.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
 
Interesting question…I have always had problems with in-laws…My first husband’s parents/family couldn’t stand me, they said I was ā€œgoody 2 shoesā€ etc…They hated me because of things from the past from my parents…And because I was trying to help my husband find GOD…And a bunch of other things like that…But oh well…

My bf’s parents and I are on a 50-50 mark…His mother doesn’t like me very much, because he made me promise not to tell them about being married, she would rather hear that I was promiscuous and had kids without being married than being divorced, shows I am not a good enough woman to be married to- and I think 1.5 years ago she found out about it and hasn’t been fond of me at all ever since. At first she loved and adored me…Big time…It was great I had a great ā€œmotherā€ figure, understanding, supportive, loving, friendship-everything my mother found really hard to do for and with me…Didn’t last long. His father loves me, and he tells me often…I love him too and he reminds me of my father, and I look forward to having him as my dad in law in the future…He also adores my kids all 3 of them alike…His mother has favorites, my daughter and my youngest…She always leaves my middle ADD child out of everything…Upsets the **** out of me…But her husband makes up for it so makes me feel better…

I am hoping she gets over it and understands that it was not really my choice but a promise I made to my dear boyfriend… I respected his request and have kept it… His sister knows the truth and it has never bothered her… she told me it was better knowing I was divorced than having kids outside of wedlock… but to each their own…

Anyhow, hopefully things will get better and I will be able to say happily and joyfully I get along well with both inlaws soon! 😃 crossing fingers
 
I’ve been with my DH for over 14 years (dating, engaged, married)

My relationship with my in-laws is ok…we are cordial, we get along most of the time. I see my MIL and FIL at least every 2 weeks, and my SIL a little less frequently. My BIL I see the most infrequently.

But we aren’t close ā€œfriendsā€. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but lately I’ve been thinking about it and sort of feel sad.

I believe they think we are odd, because we are practicing Catholics so if we go on a Sunday to visit and say we’ll be over after Mass, they will comment:shrug:

Anyway, are we supposed to be close friends? Does any one have a good close relationship with the in-laws? How did you get to that point? Does it depend how close your spouse is to them?

I’m just curious, maybe I’m doing something wrong? I tend to be shy…maybe that’s part of the reason,ā­•(🤷
Thank you for starting this thread. In reading other people’s responses and in trying to write a charitable response, I was able to think more objectively about my relationship with my in-laws. I can honestly say my husband’s family treats me like a member of the family, but that isn’t saying our relationship is everything I hoped it would be (or even good.)

Some people with stronger relationship with their in-laws offered some good ideas. But just because you aren’t as close as you would like to be or as close as some other families are, don’t assume that you are neccesarily doing anything wrong. Take an honest look at the rest of the family relationships and an honest look at yourself. Maybe you could do something to improve the situation, but maybe cordial is good enough.
 
Well, I don’t have in-laws yet, but my boyfriend’s family seems to like me, mostly. His mother definitely treats me like a member of the family, and his uncles do, too. I’ve met one of his two brothers, and he’s like my own brother. His sisters and his other brother, though, I’ve never met, and I suspect it’s because they don’t approve. Not that they don’t approve of me, exactly, but they’re disappointed that my boyfriend’s marriage ended in annulment, and they disapprove of him dating again while the kids are young. I suspect I won’t meet them until we’re either officially engaged or until the wedding. Given that they all live thousands of kilometers away, this doesn’t bother me as much as it might… but still, it does a bit.
 
I have a unique relationship with my in laws, actually my children’s grandparents. I have been divorced from their son for over 20 years. They were very upset with him when he left his family (our children were 18 months and 3 years) because he thought the ā€œgrass was greenerā€ somewhere else. He asked his entire family to decide for him or for me. This was very difficult for everyone. If any of his siblings associated with me then he ceased to talk with them and was actually very mean at times. Since I was his sister’s BFF before I met and married him, she was kicked to the curb, as were his 4 others sibs. He won’t go to a family gathering so I’m always invited, even now that my children are adults. I recently helped celebrate my inlaws 60th wedding anniversary! Actually, I think they invite me 'cause they know I’ll bring a big tray of homemade cookies…at the anniversary party I overheard one of my nieces (adult) say ā€œOK the party’s started Aunt S is here with cookies!ā€šŸ™‚
 
It’s interesting to read others responses.

As for me, I don’t really know how to describe the relationships.

DH has 3 brothers, two ā€œrealā€ brothers and a half brother. The half brothers wife and I are best friends, so we have a very close relationship with them. The other two, its not that we don’t get along exactly…we just don’t have a lot in common. One is a hard core protestant (southern Baptist) and they really have problems with our being Catholic, add to the mix that the half brother’s family converted…and well, I think he is afraid his kids might ā€œcatchā€ Catholicism from us. One is just a lot older, no kids, just not a lot in common. But we do see him here and there. All live fairly close.

As for the parents…again, its not that we don’t get along, but well… They are ā€œtoo busyā€ to really spend much time with us. They live less than 10 mins from us, we see them a few times a year. Honestly they totally favor the youngest…they will drive right past our house to visit them. Heck, they will drive past our house to visit them, and then leave our kids birthday presents with SIL to give to us. But, they don’t really spend that much time with the youngest either. They also DO NOT BABYSIT…its like don’t even ask, not happening, no way. Not our kids, and not any of their other grandkids, (they have 8, 3 from us, 3 from the baptist brother and two from the youngest half brother).

MIL likes to question everything I do. Being a stay at home mom when the kids were little, she just didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just put them in daycare, she didn’t like homeschooling, then when we decided to use the parish school, she didn’t understand why we wouldn’t just put them in the local public schools. She had 4 kids, heck she had her tubes untied to have the last one, but we have too many. She never understood why I wouldn’t just get my tubes tied like she did. Its like no matter what choice I make, its wrong.

MIL does try to make the ā€œimportantā€ events, if they are convenient for her. She did bother to come to my oldest son’s baptism and my girls first communion, but not my son’s confirmation or either of the girls baptisms, because she was too busy. FIL is really a hard person to like, I seriously get the feeling that we are just in the way and just annoy him if we stop by KWIM? Its like, we just don’t matter. He doesn’t usually bother to come by at all, for any reason. My dd’s actually told me they were kind of afraid of him, because he’s ā€œalmost like a strangerā€.

Honestly, I tend to feel kind of sorry for them. They are so wrapped up in money that they have almost no relationship with any of their kids. Out of 4 sons, only two (dh and the younger brother) will even bother to speak to them, and one actively refuses to have anything to do with them. And DH has said some pretty harsh things to his mom, along the lines of ā€œYou don’t care about our family any other time, so just keep your nose out of our business.ā€ During our 17 years together, there have been times when we didn’t talk to them for over a year. Not because we were mad or anything, but just, well, because it worked out that way.

OTOH, the first thing MIL said to dh after our first son was born was ā€œI guess it really is your kid, he looks just like you.ā€ I was not amused :rolleyes: She also likes to talk to both me and the SIL I am close to about ā€œwhat we will do when we get divorcedā€ Seriously, before SIL and family converted, they were talking about a vasectomy. She spent almost an hour going on about how the guys would probably want to marry a younger woman and have more kids. And of course SIL and I wouldn’t want to have to deal with having more kids, since we would be ā€œstuckā€ with the ones we have, so that is why we should have both just had our tubes tied.

So idk, we have some kind of relationship. Its not hostile. So I guess it just is what it is. 🤷
 
At least they don’t refer to Catholicism as ā€œthe cultā€, and whenever someone’s religion is mentioned, they don’t say ā€œIs he a Christian or Catholic, because you know that’s differentā€, and when discussing their unmarried child they say ā€œWell, as long as she doesn’t marry someone from the Catholic Cult, she’ll be fineā€ or whenever doing something like blessing food, ask ā€œdoes your cult do this, too?ā€, or ask ā€œdoes your cult have a bible, too?ā€ Oh, it’s a barrel of fun to be Catholic in the rural South.
What is your husband’s reaction to those statements? Do you have children? How harmful is that going to be when they hear their grandparents’ obvious hatred for the Church? I’d probably limit time spent with them.
 
I’m engaged now so they’re not in-laws yet. But, my FH lives in a town 40 miles east (I’m in rural SE Colo) and I work 85 miles west of him. I am living at his parents’ house until we are married which is almost right in the middle. I love them! 😃 They’re very good to me…and I can really talk to them about a lot of things. Though, before my FH and I started even dating we were best friends and I came to family gatherings and became friends first. We asked his mom what she thought of us dating before dating and he asked if she’d be ok w/ it if he proposed. The responses were all good as we’re now awaiting some final paperwork (please, please, please pray for me that it comes soon!) and are hoping to be married very soon! 😃

I think it really depends on each person and each family…he is not super close to my family…but I’m not either so it’s tough. I’m a convert and my family isn’t Catholic…ok, they’re not even Christian really. But they’re close to us in distance too, so it’s not a bad relationship.
 
We can be cordial too. My MIL has issues, mental issues. I dont know what caused them but she has been that way since I met my dh. At first she was nice, but the longer we continued our courtship, the less nice she was and she started to talk bad about me.

At one time she accused me of doing black magic. After we got married she nearly had me arrested. I was pregnant and my husband wanted me to buy a small car. She didnt like that so she called the dealership saying I was fraudulent person and so many other things. They took the car back, and said to me that I was lucky I wasnt arrested. I was livid and so was my father. I was about 5 months pregnant with my first child her granddaughter. I tried so hard to make them a part of our girls lives. My husband was in the military for the for 10 years of our marriage. So I spent a lot of time coming home when he would deploy for months at a time. During one of those times, I came home for a year cause dh went to Korea. If it hadnt been for me, my IL would have never seen my daughters. I would go to there home every Sunday so the girls would spend some time with them. There were times when they would just go out of town without letting me know. It was sad and it hurt my husbands feelings. I stoped going. A person can do so much. I mean you can take the horse to water but you cant make it drink.

She still did what she could to make me look bad and hurt me. The last straw for me was when she accused me of stealing. She had done it before and dh had enough of it too. So he put up surveilance cameras. When she accused me again, he said ā€œOk lets seeā€ I hadnt been to her office in months by that time. Well they caught her employee doing what she accused me of doing. She even went so far as to say I put her employee up to it! Either way, that was the last time I worked there for them.

Now she does see me in a different light. She only has two sons. My husband, her oldest and my husbands younger brother. She held my husband ex wife to a higher standard because she had a college degree. I dont. Well, so much for that. She treated my BIL worse than a dog. Cuased him a lot of pain. They are now divorced and she apperciates me more cause I treat my husband, her son, like a King!

My husband now works for his father and his father has changed too. They dont get along at all. We invite them to cook outs and other things and they dont come. They are more concerned with money than with spending time with their grand kids.

It makes my girls sad. They also treat the other grandkids better than mine. They say its because they need more love than my girls do, because their parents are divorced and our girls have a very loving and stable home. They have promised outings with out girls then do not come through and when we find out where they went the end up going out of town to amusement parks with the other grandkids.

Its sad…for them, but I try to shield my kids from the hurt.
 
I’ve been very blessed with the in-laws that I have. We’ve only been married a year, but they’ve been loving and kind every day since they met me. When I was only dating my dh, they actually sent me a birthday check, just like they send to their sons and DIL’s. I’ve been included in every family event since we met. They’re really wonderful people.

Sad part is, I wish that we lived closer so that we could see each other more often than once every couple of months. My BIL’s (DH’s 4 brother’s) and their families all live in different states too. We’re in Oregon, there’s 1 in Alaska, 1 in Arizona, and 2 in Idaho with my in-laws on the other side of Oregon. Other than my parent’s-in-law, I haven’t seen any but 1 of the BIL’s since we got married, although we do chat and email quite a bit.

My sister is currently having awful problems with her MIL. Her MIL told my sister that she doesn’t like her, doesn’t like her personality, doesn’t like her parenting style, doesn’t like how she treats her husband, etc. My sister and her family are visiting her In-laws in Australia for 2 months, and it’s been really awful for her. Her MIL treats their boys really terribly. I feel for anyone who is in the same situation. There’s nothing like having another family accept you into their ranks, and for people to be so outright hateful is very sad.

Great question!
 
I’ve been with my DH for over 14 years (dating, engaged, married)

My relationship with my in-laws is ok…we are cordial, we get along most of the time. I see my MIL and FIL at least every 2 weeks, and my SIL a little less frequently. My BIL I see the most infrequently.

But we aren’t close ā€œfriendsā€. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but lately I’ve been thinking about it and sort of feel sad.

I believe they think we are odd, because we are practicing Catholics so if we go on a Sunday to visit and say we’ll be over after Mass, they will comment:shrug:

Anyway, are we supposed to be close friends? Does any one have a good close relationship with the in-laws? How did you get to that point? Does it depend how close your spouse is to them?

I’m just curious, maybe I’m doing something wrong? I tend to be shy…maybe that’s part of the reason,ā­•(🤷
I’ll tell ya the secret to fabulous relations… live 8000 miles away! Most of my in laws live in the Philippines, tho a few in N. Carolina. We do all get along great, but simply can’t get together often enough… 😦
 
At least they don’t refer to Catholicism as ā€œthe cultā€, and whenever someone’s religion is mentioned, they don’t say ā€œIs he a Christian or Catholic, because you know that’s differentā€, and when discussing their unmarried child they say ā€œWell, as long as she doesn’t marry someone from the Catholic Cult, she’ll be fineā€ or whenever doing something like blessing food, ask ā€œdoes your cult do this, too?ā€, or ask ā€œdoes your cult have a bible, too?ā€ Oh, it’s a barrel of fun to be Catholic in the rural South.
And it is even more fun to give it back in spades. With a smile, of course.
 
When we told my husband’s parents we were getting married, my MIL’s question to me was, ā€œAre you sure you want to be a member of our family?ā€ It was not asked in a friendly way, either.

My in-laws and I tolerate each other. Occasionally we actually have a meaningful conversation. Much of the time we visit they are screaming at each other during arguments. When they begin screaming at us, I simply stop participating in the conversation. It it gets really bad I will leave the room. I try to stick by my husband to offer him support when we visit. His parents have hurt him so much by their behavior toward him and me.

Four years after we were married my husband told me that after we announced our wedding plans his father had pulled him aside and told him how unhappy he was that he was not marrying a Jewish woman. This from a man who hasn’t practiced his religion in 30 years.

In the 6 years we have been married, the in-laws have thawed out a bit as we are raising their only grandchild. Not our own child, but my SILs’ daughter. SIL has mental health issues and cannot provide a stable home for a child.

They treat us like caretakers of their granddaughter. As long as we are silent and do as we’re told, everything is fine. However, should we dare to voice an opinion on child rearing that is different from theirs, they are infuriated. It got so bad on one occasion that my FIL called our house and cursed and screamed at my husband on the phone and told him that he and ā€œthat wife of hisā€ were never to come to his house again and that he would do everything in his power to prevent us from ever seeing our niece again. He also supposedly disinherited my husband.

They are self-centered people who think the world should stop revolving when they need something and they become angry if we have plans that conflict with theirs. They are quite wealthy and are used to controlling people through money. Those kind of tactics don’t work with me and that frustrates them to no end. I simply refuse to play their games.

I thank God every day that they live in another state.
 
I don’t have a relationship with my inlaws. I wish I did because when I was growing up I didn’t want to be that person that didn’t like their inlaws. MIL and FIL said horrible things about me and my character to DH after we got married. FIL even insulted my mom’s weight the last time we saw them :eek: We only see them once or twice a year. I really wish I didn’t feel that way about them but I have done all I can to get to know them and have a relationship with them and push DH to have a relationship with them with zero results. My SIL told me not to bother (although she was very sweet about it). Maybe having grandkids will change the relationship.

DH gets along with my parents really well which is nice because we only live about an hour from them.
 
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