S
sepgs2004
Guest
I would like brotherly advice on a matter.
I am associated to a “non-profit” group of catholic Christians. We have gatherings with 2 to 3 times a year with Holy Mass, dinner, kids performances, etc. One of the events is Christmas.
Incident 1:
Few years back, our group has planned to have our choir rehearsal in one of our member house. Host of this choir sent out an email inviting many for the rehearsal. Because of geographical restrictions, etc., there is no strict list of people in the choir and musicians.
One guy used to play a percussion instrument in our gatherings now and then. People stay away from him because lately he attended our gathering being drunk. Since people could smell, many would not like to be near him. He is separated from his wife. We do not know the actual reasons, but could be spending a lot in drinking. He drinks more and more in general. In our gatherings, usually he does not show any such things public. Well, I personally tend not to look into this much. He had a reasonable friendship with me and my family. My nature is just mix with people. My family lives in an apartment.
Since it is our groups event rehearsal, and since he plays good, I called up this guy and asked him to call this “choir-rehearsal” host to see if he could come join the rehearsal.
Well this host knowing this, called me and said that I would ruin the rehearsal for so and so reasons. Like food will not be enough if we add persons to the rehearsal group, etc. Also the host said it is his house and kind of implied that it is his responsibility to invite people and not mine.
Finally, this percussion guy got left out uninvited and felt sad noticing people do not like him. I felt like I am responsible for this. Everything would have been fine had I not initiated this. I did cry a little and did pray for help.
Incident 2:
Couple years later, there was a “Mother Mary” drama that I was organizing with kids. It had two boys in the main role, one being a lame handicapped boy and the other being a butter milk seller kind. In the real story and in the movie, both boys ends up having/receiving miracles from our Lady Mother.
It occurred to me one kid will be good for one of the roles. I asked the parents. It was for the lame & handicapped boy role. I had another boy in my mind for the other role. Since I watched the movie version of the miracles, based on it, these boys would fit appropriate as I personally thought. I wrote the script with these boys names along the roles.
Anyways, later, the parents of the boy who I asked to fill the handicapped said, his boy is more interested in the other boy role and not the lame boy role. I said ok, although I was disappointed. I talked to the other parent and sought consent for the other role. Everything went good.
After few days, when I finally sent out a email asking to gather for practice, I mis-associated the boys names to roles based on the paper. I was not careful.
Parent called me and said I made a mistake and my actions would incite misunderstanding between the parents. I said sorry few times , but in vain. It turned out to be a very bitter experience.
Incident 3:
A year later, here again for choir practice. Host asked if all could make it on a day at 3 pm to their house with snowy weather conditions. Host asked everyone to reply with other options.
I replied that I am fine and would make it to rehearsal since I live close by. I also asked if people could come and stay overnight in their big house for the next day practice.
With this said, I appear to have made them discomfort. Host explained this to my spouse. My spouse says I need to learn how to communicate to people. Host thinks that I have created for them an uncomfortable situation and make them say “no” to people. They are worried that people would feel bad if they say no. And I would be the reason for it.
End
I really feel sad now. Many times, what I speak in good will tend to hurt people (like what I said earlier)
I feel misplaced now and then. Is it correct or wrong? I feel like I should stay away from people.
Should I learn to be more reserved or cautious to talk if others or other’s properties are involved?
Or should I just leave it to God and forget about this?
Do I over assume on others?.
It is tough being a social being.
I tend not to worry about some human intricacies like this.
If someone could read all the way through me email and care to reply with some suggestions, I am glad and thankful to you.
I am associated to a “non-profit” group of catholic Christians. We have gatherings with 2 to 3 times a year with Holy Mass, dinner, kids performances, etc. One of the events is Christmas.
Incident 1:
Few years back, our group has planned to have our choir rehearsal in one of our member house. Host of this choir sent out an email inviting many for the rehearsal. Because of geographical restrictions, etc., there is no strict list of people in the choir and musicians.
One guy used to play a percussion instrument in our gatherings now and then. People stay away from him because lately he attended our gathering being drunk. Since people could smell, many would not like to be near him. He is separated from his wife. We do not know the actual reasons, but could be spending a lot in drinking. He drinks more and more in general. In our gatherings, usually he does not show any such things public. Well, I personally tend not to look into this much. He had a reasonable friendship with me and my family. My nature is just mix with people. My family lives in an apartment.
Since it is our groups event rehearsal, and since he plays good, I called up this guy and asked him to call this “choir-rehearsal” host to see if he could come join the rehearsal.
Well this host knowing this, called me and said that I would ruin the rehearsal for so and so reasons. Like food will not be enough if we add persons to the rehearsal group, etc. Also the host said it is his house and kind of implied that it is his responsibility to invite people and not mine.
Finally, this percussion guy got left out uninvited and felt sad noticing people do not like him. I felt like I am responsible for this. Everything would have been fine had I not initiated this. I did cry a little and did pray for help.
Incident 2:
Couple years later, there was a “Mother Mary” drama that I was organizing with kids. It had two boys in the main role, one being a lame handicapped boy and the other being a butter milk seller kind. In the real story and in the movie, both boys ends up having/receiving miracles from our Lady Mother.
It occurred to me one kid will be good for one of the roles. I asked the parents. It was for the lame & handicapped boy role. I had another boy in my mind for the other role. Since I watched the movie version of the miracles, based on it, these boys would fit appropriate as I personally thought. I wrote the script with these boys names along the roles.
Anyways, later, the parents of the boy who I asked to fill the handicapped said, his boy is more interested in the other boy role and not the lame boy role. I said ok, although I was disappointed. I talked to the other parent and sought consent for the other role. Everything went good.
After few days, when I finally sent out a email asking to gather for practice, I mis-associated the boys names to roles based on the paper. I was not careful.
Parent called me and said I made a mistake and my actions would incite misunderstanding between the parents. I said sorry few times , but in vain. It turned out to be a very bitter experience.
Incident 3:
A year later, here again for choir practice. Host asked if all could make it on a day at 3 pm to their house with snowy weather conditions. Host asked everyone to reply with other options.
I replied that I am fine and would make it to rehearsal since I live close by. I also asked if people could come and stay overnight in their big house for the next day practice.
With this said, I appear to have made them discomfort. Host explained this to my spouse. My spouse says I need to learn how to communicate to people. Host thinks that I have created for them an uncomfortable situation and make them say “no” to people. They are worried that people would feel bad if they say no. And I would be the reason for it.
End
I really feel sad now. Many times, what I speak in good will tend to hurt people (like what I said earlier)
I feel misplaced now and then. Is it correct or wrong? I feel like I should stay away from people.
Should I learn to be more reserved or cautious to talk if others or other’s properties are involved?
Or should I just leave it to God and forget about this?
Do I over assume on others?.
It is tough being a social being.
I tend not to worry about some human intricacies like this.
If someone could read all the way through me email and care to reply with some suggestions, I am glad and thankful to you.