How would you deal with these family issues?

[angell1]

how would you reasonably deal with the following?

if your child/teenager has friends you don’t like/think are bad influences?

if you don’t approve of the person your child is dating/getting married to?

if your parents don’t approve of the person you’re seeing? for non-valid reasons such as don’t like their ethnicity, think they are too poor, etC…

I’m interested in some other peoples’ perspectives. I honestly wouldn’t use my own upbringing as a good model.

 

[joeybaggz]

how would you reasonably deal with the following?

if your child/teenager has friends you don’t like/think are bad influences?

if you don’t approve of the person your child is dating/getting married to?

if your parents don’t approve of the person you’re seeing? for non-valid reasons such as don’t like their ethnicity, think they are too poor, etC…

I’m interested in some other peoples’ perspectives. I honestly wouldn’t use my own upbringing as a good model.

Angel, I don’t know how old you are and that does have some bearing on the thoughts I offer.

As to your first two questions, a lot depends on how well you have raised your children. If they know they are loved and you have their best interests at heart, and have always listened to them and given them the freedom to express themselves honestly and openly, then have a compassionate, understanding, and loving discussion with respect for their maturity and a belief in your own values as a basis. Don’t be an immovable object, but also don’t be a pushover. You have more experience in life than they do.

Second question. Answer somewhat like the first. If your parents truly have your interests at heart, respect their opinions, and explain your own feeling from a basis of trust in yourself and the person you are seeing. Speak and listen honestly, and be prepared to possibly accept that their observations have validity and they see things from a perspective that you may not be able to have due to your position and feelings.

Everyone else isn’t always wrong, be they teens or parents

Good luck.

 

[1ke]

Angel, your parents are not normal parents. You cannot go by what typical people would do. Your parents are not typical.

You are not a child. You are an adult.

If your parents do not like your friends or a future boy in your life, you will just have to ignore it.

 

[angell1]

Angel, your parents are not normal parents. You cannot go by what typical people would do. Your parents are not typical.

You are not a child. You are an adult.

If your parents do not like your friends or a future boy in your life, you will just have to ignore it.

I know, and if I become a futre parent, I’m not well equipped to deal with these issues, precisely because I don’t know what normal looks like

so, what would you do, under those circumstances. you are a reasonable person.

 

[Namwalker]

how would you reasonably deal with the following?

if your child/teenager has friends you don’t like/think are bad influences?

Support the child but make certain that he knows the friend is not of good character. Don’t mock his choice but advise the child and the friend that the friend is not welcome in your house. It is your house and you allow the people you want to come into your house. This is called setting a standard.

if you don’t approve of the person your child is dating/getting married to?

This happened in my family. I let my son know that I did not approve of his choice. But I supported him and if he needed help it was made available to him. His girlfried was allowed in the house only if I was there. He broke up with her. No great loss.

if your parents don’t approve of the person you’re seeing? for non-valid reasons such as don’t like their ethnicity, think they are too poor, etC…?

In time my parent came to approve the choice that I made. In this matter familiarity can either improve or cuase a wound that cannot be healed

I’m interested in some other peoples’ perspectives. I honestly wouldn’t use my own upbringing as a good model.

Regardless of all else your upbringing will weigh heavily upon this situation. It will show how to either handle it or how to not to handle it.

 

[AdamP88]

if your child/teenager has friends you don’t like/think are bad influences?

I’d probably tell them the reasons I don’t approve of them and leave it at that. I’d hope they would understand that.

if you don’t approve of the person your child is dating/getting married to?

If it was dating I’d probably say something like: “Are you sure this girl/boy is someone you can see yourself married to.” If they weren’t catholic I might express concern that marriage is harder if both partners aren’t on the same team faithwise.

If they were engaged I’d keep my mouth shut. No point alienating a family member.

if your parents don’t approve of the person you’re seeing? for non-valid reasons such as don’t like their ethnicity, think they are too poor, etC…

“Sod off and don’t be so unchristian.”

 

[mommy_k]

I would encourage my teen to join some activity that has other teens that have a better lifestyle and are more in line with what the church teaches.

We would have already discussed what expectations of friends etc are good influences…as well as other things…this is a lifelong lesson that has started at a young age.

So with that, i would not make it easy for a teen to be around friends who constantly make bad choices. A parent of a teen can do this, as they are still young and living at home

Race or ethnicity has no bearing…actions do.

 

[LexDivina]

if your child/teenager has friends you don’t like/think are bad influences? - Depends, it depends on what they’re doing that is a bad influence. If it’s something like breaking the law, or doing drugs I would prohibit my child from having contact with said person.

if you don’t approve of the person your child is dating/getting married to? - Depends on the person, if it’s someone who is very promiscuous or is into drugs, and breaking the law I would raise issue with it.

if your parents don’t approve of the person you’re seeing? for non-valid reasons such as don’t like their ethnicity, think they are too poor, etC…

Then I would ignore my parents, label them as bigots and move on. There is nothing wrong with someone because of their income, or ethnicity, or whatever. Sometimes we just have to accept the people our children are involved in, it’s part of loving your child. Being a tyrant and controlling their life will do nothing but make them resentful. So unless the person my child is involved in is breaking the law, doing drugs, ruining my child’s life, or something very dangerous physically or spiritually I wouldn’t have any problems with said person.

 

[Casilda]

As adults, parents should guide their children, teaching them right from wrong with a lot of prayer AND LOVE. Having three, grown, adult children they all have acknowledged we love them and see that clearly in hindsight.

I said no a lot.

Kids learn quickly who is a liar, who is a bully, and the like, but it takes an adult to see through those who are manipulative, the kids or adults who are psychopaths. Beware of broken people, they like to break others. My oldest daughter finally stopped trying to help such souls, because her own mental, physical and spiritual life was becoming undone.

 

[angell1]

Support the child but make certain that he knows the friend is not of good character. Don’t mock his choice but advise the child and the friend that the friend is not welcome in your house. It is your house and you allow the people you want to come into your house. This is called setting a standard.

This happened in my family. I let my son know that I did not approve of his choice. But I supported him and if he needed help it was made available to him. His girlfried was allowed in the house only if I was there. He broke up with her. No great loss.

In time my parent came to approve the choice that I made. In this matter familiarity can either improve or cuase a wound that cannot be healed

Regardless of all else your upbringing will weigh heavily upon this situation. It will show how to either handle it or how to not to handle it.

I’m thinking how not to handle it.

it was always personal, if they didn’t like someone it’s because they simply didn’t like them, they reasons weren’t evenalways valid. or sometimes I wouldn’t get an explanation at all. just “you’re not allowed to be friends”

or ultimatums, “unfriend so and so on facebook or else we smash your computer”

or guilt trips “you’re friends because you’re a bad person like them” and since everything was personal if I was friends with someone they didn’t like then it meant I was “on the friend’s side” and against my own family

I never wanted to hang out with anyone on drugs anyways, so that was not an issue

 

[angell1]

I would encourage my teen to join some activity that has other teens that have a better lifestyle and are more in line with what the church teaches.

We would have already discussed what expectations of friends etc are good influences…as well as other things…this is a lifelong lesson that has started at a young age.

So with that, i would not make it easy for a teen to be around friends who constantly make bad choices. A parent of a teen can do this, as they are still young and living at home

Race or ethnicity has no bearing…actions do.

what do you mean by make it difficult?

would you actually force them to stop being friends though?

I feel like at such a young age, some children make bad decisions because they lack positive influences in their lives. even a friend’s parent coule provide that positive influence.

 

[angell1]

As adults, parents should guide their children, teaching them right from wrong with a lot of prayer AND LOVE. Having three, grown, adult children they all have acknowledged we love them and see that clearly in hindsight.

I said no a lot.

Kids learn quickly who is a liar, who is a bully, and the like, but it takes an adult to see through those who are manipulative, the kids or adults who are psychopaths. Beware of broken people, they like to break others. My oldest daughter finally stopped trying to help such souls, because her own mental, physical and spiritual life was becoming undone.

I find that some kids need guidance though, even if they are not your own, a positive influence from your best friend’s mom, for example, is better than nothing

obviously there are limits, like you said, it depends on the situation but I just find there is so much giving up on people these days