How would you deal with this situation?

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Servant31

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Hello everyone I was hoping to get your faith opinions on this situation, it’s something I have been struggling with for a long time and can’t seem to find a comfortable place with it, I apologize for the length but context is important.
When I was in college I was a pre-medical student majoring in physics. I didn’t do “well” in terms of GPA but not horribly. I had also started off with very little science experience so I covered a lot of ground quickly. This was a smaller liberal arts college and I definitely felt some friction with those of other life “perspectives.” I spent high school in a catholic high school where I would say the average interpersonal skill level was higher. I was relatively unprepared for the extents people were willing to go to to get what they want (that is the polite version). I “forgave” quite a bit. However if I would bring up problems to the “authority”, professor, or the like, many would just blow you off saying “well you were there too,” saying it was your fault for not asserting yourself. I tried to meet with an academic advisor to lay out a pre medical pathway but he never “had the time,” I don’t know if he did or not, I know he was busy but others didn’t have a problem making an appointment. My chemistry professor about tore my head off because I walked ten feet into the lab to talk to him, outside of lab time, and had a drink in my hand. He put his finger up a bit hostilely said “you need to get that drink out of the lab.” It’s a lab rule to not have drinks, it was a honest mistake, but there was no lab going on, and you don’t shoot someone for stealing a pack of gum. But I accepted it and left. Basically I got no respect. The bottom line is I had no idea of a roadmap and spent so much of my time in uncertainty, and for a small expensive school like this that is a bit ridiculous. In my 4.5 th year out of 5 my physics professor talked to me said he was concerned about writing me a letter. I wouldn’t be a good medical student because I had anger issues. This gutted me. I try to accept admonishment, and our mentors can often see things about us we may not ourselves recognize. However I also felt it was very out of context. I will absolutely admit at being angry, and frustrated, on many occasions there, but I can’t decide whether I was justified in being frustrated by all the garbage happening there, or if it really was an issue. I wasn’t exactly throwing chairs or anything, and viewing some of the other students and their attitudes I just cant decide if this is something I should accept and not apply to Med school, or dismiss as just let go and forgive as yet more crap they do when it is politically or socially convienient. Also factoring in some of their attitudes toward me, if I were to go there again I would probably go to the deans office and complain about interpersonal respect issues. How would you deal with this or approach this situation? Accept admonishment, forgive, other? I often think many of these situations aren’t cut and dry and I definitely had some things to work on, but I think it’s fair to say the treatment from some of them wasn’t ok either. Thanks all.
 
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I will be honest. Your post looks like you are a person with an attitude, anger issues, and general difficulties getting along with other people, who is looking to blame a whole bunch of other people for stuff that happened in your life, instead of taking responsibility and figuring out what you, personally, are going to do about this situation.

As someone else asked, how recent is this situation? If it’s recent, then you would seem to have a number of alternatives, such as:
  • see if someone else would be willing to write you a letter
  • look into other career paths where you could use what you learned in a satisfactory way without needing to go to med school
  • find out if there is another school you could attend for some sort of post-grad work that might result in someone writing you a letter - and make sure you address whatever problems in your own personality, such as this hangup you have over getting “respect”, got in the way of you getting the letter last time
The world today suffers from a huge number of people who are so fixated on themselves and getting some kind of “respect” to combat their own insecurity, that they are incapable of seeing how they bring bad outcomes on themselves, and spend all day being angry and blaming other people for their problems. It’s a bad way to think and you’d do well to change your thinking pattern now.
 
Servant31 said:
I will absolutely admit at being angry, and frustrated, on many occasions there, but I can’t decide whether I was justified in being frustrated by all the garbage happening there, or if it really was an issue.
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Servant31 said:
In my 4.5 th year out of 5 my physics professor talked to me said he was concerned about writing me a letter. I wouldn’t be a good medical student because I had anger issues.
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You admit that you’re frustrated and have felt slighted many times. They may be right, the problem could be with yourself. Have you sought counseling?

I had a coworker who behaved similarly. He incorrectly interpreted benign comments and interactions as personal insults and attacks.
 
It’s been about ten years since I graduated. I’ve done a couple other things since college. I went through a pretty hefty depression from all this, and a couple other things, but think I’m a good but healthier. I’m at about the end of the window where medical school is financially viable. It’s sort if my dream so I don’t want to give it up unnecessarily, but definitely want to be realistic about it as well.
 
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You have no idea what the professor had to deal with that day…perhaps even trying to justify to administers why he was not vigilant enough to keep a student from doing something stupid with a drink in the lab.

Things from dropping a drink to using the cup to steal chemicals.

It’s about time you get over the fact that you got in trouble for a mistake you made.
 
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That you’re still salty about all this after a decade is really ridiculous, and a good sign that you shouldn’t attempt medical school.
 
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A decade?! 😱
 
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Don’t let one person crush your dreams. If one path closes, look for another route. I’ve had friends who took the military route and are civilian doctors today. If you want to be a doctor, you can make that happen.
 
Yeah I hear you, but the goal in stating that isn’t to be upset about it, I actually let it go pretty fast. Forgive me but I was trying to keep the post from being horridly long. It was to give a context that the environment could get pretty hostile. And it happened quite a bit. I did the best I could to deal with it constructively but unfortunately I couldn’t get questions answered the rest of the semester. Most people don’t think I am too aggressive but put up with too much. In the context of being catholic and respecting teachers and authority, I’m more curious when to stand your ground and when to just let it go, even if you lose a career over it.
 
Servant31 said:
Yeah I hear you, but the goal in stating that isn’t to be upset about it, I actually let it go pretty fast.
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You’re complaining about petty stuff that happened 10-15 years ago. You haven’t let go.
 
Yeah I did other things, I gave up on the idea as I had no idea how to progress but after doing more research there were pathways I didn’t know about so that’s what I’m looking at now.
 
Yeah no, you didn’t take any responsibility for your actions in the op. It was not his fault you were scolded, period. You were in the wrong, no if’s and’s or but’s.

Perhaps you need guidance on social norms rather than Catholic teaching.
 
Ok I hear you and maybe my post wasn’t written up as well as I could have, apologies for that. Yes I was absolutely in the wrong, and I did let go. I didn’t really care after about three minutes actually. So for that one mistake I can’t then ask a question in class anymore? But that’s not at all the point of the original post. It’s to ask how do you as a Catholic deal with this type of environment?
 
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Ok after reading the original post a couple more times I can see where you all are combing from, my apologies, I was trying to get a lot across without making it too long and I don’t think I did a very good job… There really was however, some challenging people and hostility in the environment, and most people consider me a pretty nice guy. I’ve also learned some assertiveness skills since then which help quite a bit.
 
Servant31 said:
There really was however, some challenging people and hostility in the environment, and most people consider me a pretty nice guy.
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An environment you’ve been out of for 10 years. Seriously.
 
We really cannot help you here. Are you seeing a counselor? Your posts from years back indicate that this is an ongoing issue :man_shrugging:t2:
 
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Servant31 said:
But that’s not at all the point of the original post. It’s to ask how do you as a Catholic deal with this type of environment?
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Without having thought it all out, I would start with the basic principle of “Love your neighbor,” which, applied to your circumstances might lead to:
  • Respect your peers.
  • Respect your teachers.
  • Avoid rash judgement.
  • Ask not what others can do for you; ask what you can do for others.
This is just a rough outline, which could be fleshed out and extended.
 
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