How would you feel if

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Maine52

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I have started previous threads about this topic, which some of you may remember. This thread is more of an opinion poll. I am a private person, and so I try not to ask personal questions, and I don’t really appreciate them being asked to me. I realize not everyone thinks the way I do. So I’d just like some insight. How would you feel if any or all of the following things were asked/said to you? I promise to be open minded and not start any arguments! 😃
  • “Are you pregnant again?”
  • “You didn’t have a glass of wine. I guess you’re pregnant!”
  • “Was your pregnancy planned, or was it an accident?”
  • “Are you going to have more kids, or are you done?”
Opinions please!
 
People who ask questions like this are social boors and I have very little tolerance for them.
 
The second one is a teasing one that has been said to me by friends; but I know they really aren’t trying to pry into my private life. Plus my husband and I are pretty open about how we plan/don’t plan our family - we’re not pushy, but we figure we can evangelize in our own little way about the joys of family life with the other people our age who seem scared of it.

The last question has been asked of me by some of the same people, but it’s always been more of a curiosity than a judgment. I’ve explained why our answer is, “We don’t know.” Again an opportunity to evangelize. That’s probably the question I get most by strangers, and then I don’t like it all. It’s worse when someone adds, “Oh, but of course you’ll want your girl.” :mad:

The third I’ve only been asked once or twice. That, with the first one, I don’t like, no matter who asks me. I’ll tell you if I feel you need to know. (Though, with the third, I find that starting the response with, “Well, [name], when a man and a woman love each other very much…” it breaks the tension and they get what I’m saying. We laugh and they quit prying.)
 
Maine52 said:
I have started previous threads about this topic, which some of you may remember. This thread is more of an opinion poll. I am a private person, and so I try not to ask personal questions, and I don’t really appreciate them being asked to me. I realize not everyone thinks the way I do. So I’d just like some insight. How would you feel if any or all of the following things were asked/said to you? I promise to be open minded and not start any arguments! 😃
  • “Are you pregnant again?”
Click to expand...
Yup, Ignatius will be number 12. We couldn’t be happier!
  • “You didn’t have a glass of wine. I guess you’re pregnant!”
Click to expand...
Yup, Ignatius will be number 12. We couldn’t be happier!
  • “Was your pregnancy planned, or was it an accident?”
Click to expand...
We actually found out that having sexual intercourse causes pregnancy afterwards - twelve times!
  • “Are you going to have more kids, or are you done?”
Click to expand...
Yup, children are a blessing and we are open to have as many as God decides to bless us with.
 
Rude rude rude nosey. I refuse to give anyone who asks questions like this a real answer. They either get a strange look, a politically vague non-answer, or called out for asking questions that are none of their business.
 
The one asking if a pregnancy was planned or unplanned…I’d be surprised at that one, and respond something to the effect of “what kind of a question is that??”

The others wouldn’t bother me. People who ask must feel close to you, and aren’t meaning to be offensive. There are a lot of other things more important to be ticked off about!
 
Boorish but also usually mindlessly reflexive rather than malicious. Best to smile and ignore.
 
My own mother never even asked me if my husband and I were planning to have a family. She figured it was none of her business. But I’ve been asked personal questions like that by people at an initial meeting.

Why aren’t there more people like my mom?
 
Maine52 said:
I have started previous threads about this topic, which some of you may remember. This thread is more of an opinion poll. I am a private person, and so I try not to ask personal questions, and I don’t really appreciate them being asked to me. I realize not everyone thinks the way I do. So I’d just like some insight. How would you feel if any or all of the following things were asked/said to you? I promise to be open minded and not start any arguments! 😃
  • “Are you pregnant again?”
  • “You didn’t have a glass of wine. I guess you’re pregnant!”
  • “Was your pregnancy planned, or was it an accident?”
  • “Are you going to have more kids, or are you done?”
Opinions please!
Click to expand...
My wife and I used to be annoyed by these questions. Now I kind of like them. My wife is pregnant with our fifth so these questions kind of lose their sting. After the 4th (our only boy so far) People would always say “oh, now you have your boy so you can be done” or You finally got your boy!" My oldest daughter would then say, “Hey what am I? Chopped liver?”

We say that we are blessed to be fruitful and that God has not led us astray so far and leave it at that.

I have matured a bit, and perhaps that is because the questions don’t bother me as much anymore but I used to be quite graphic in my answers. I figured if they were going to ask about my sex life like “Was this planned or an accident?” I would give them the play by play. People tend to leave you alone after that conversation at thanksgiving!:eek:
 
Ignatius said:
We actually found out that having sexual intercourse causes pregnancy afterwards - twelve times!

.
Click to expand...
REALLY!!! My gosh, I had no idea. My, my…everybody told me to “be safe” nobody told me that THAT might happen…:rolleyes:
 
No child is an accident, yes I am pregnant, and no Im not done.
Until the Second Coming, we cannot be done with our call to “go and make disciples”…😃
 
What’s sad is that I’ve even been asked things like this by women who have complained in the past about being asked these questions themselves!

I agree with Scottgun, though; I think it’s generally not intended to be malicious–they just speak before they think. And I have said some stupid and/or thoughtless things in the past without thinking, too, so I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I am polite in answering (or “non-answering,” as the case may be). At least ONE of us should try to remember our manners, right? And since they asked the question, I guess it’s up to me now! :cool: 😃

"Are you pregnant again?" - I haven’t been asked this one by anyone except my husband (and not in a negative way). I would probably be okay with answering it as long as it wasn’t said in a condescending tone. If it was, I’d probably just pointedly ignore the question, or look at them a good long while with a blank stare and then change the subject.

"You didn’t have a glass of wine. I guess you’re pregnant!" - I rarely drink alcohol, anyway (maybe 2-3 times a year), so no one’s said this to me. If it was friends, I’d probably jokingly reply, “Wow, am I that predictable?”

"Was your pregnancy planned…?" - I agree with Pax2u, my first inclination is to think, “What kind of a question is that?” I think this is one of the most thoughtless questions that can be asked of a parent (expectant or not), so I usually don’t answer this one–I have to assume they just aren’t thinking. So I give a non-answer, like, “We’re very blessed,” or change the subject as though I didn’t hear them. I haven’t had anyone repeat this question.

"Are you going to have more…?" - We have seven children, and I get this one (and similar ones) all the time! Yet I’m still not certain how to answer, because I’m not really sure why they’re even asking! :confused: I usually say something like, “We’ll see what God has planned.”
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I have matured a bit, and perhaps that is because the questions don’t bother me as much anymore but I used to be quite graphic in my answers. I figured if they were going to ask about my sex life like “Was this planned or an accident?” I would give them the play by play. People tend to leave you alone after that conversation at thanksgiving!:eek:
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:bigyikes: :rotfl: :rotfl:

If it ever happens again, maybe you (or the OP) could ask, “What, you really want the play-by-play?” and see if that would help them realize what they’re asking! 👍
 
CatholicRaven said:
:bigyikes: :rotfl: :rotfl:

If it ever happens again, maybe you (or the OP) could ask, “What, you really want the play-by-play?” and see if that would help them realize what they’re asking! 👍
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WELL, it was planned, right from the seduction one night. It all started when out one night…
 
ialsop said:
WELL, it was planned, right from the seduction one night. It all started when out one night…
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Like from a harlequinn book.😉

I usually start it out like My muscles were bulging that night, as the moonlight glistened off my shirtless body as I rode a horse up to the ranch…

I guarantee after you finish that story people will not ask such personal questions anymore.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Like from a harlequinn book.😉

I usually start it out like My muscles were bulging that night, as the moonlight glistened off my shirtless body as I rode a horse up to the ranch…

I guarantee after you finish that story people will not ask such personal questions anymore.
Click to expand...
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Exactly!!
It doesnt even have to be entirely TRUE, just AWKWARD as possible!
 
These type of questions annoy me but I try to brush them off. Since the twins I’ve gotten fairly used to awkward conversations about my reproduction. But I’m a pretty private person anyway and I’m not good at small talk.

The one time it really bothered me was when my manager asked if we were planning to have more kids when I was in the middle of a miscarriage (which he didn’t know about until much later).
 
My wife and I have been asked each of those questions at different times. And have probably asked others similar.

Yes, the can be intrusive and rude. Or they can be polite and caring. It’s all in the delivery and more importantly, who is asking the question. There can be a level of familiarity between family and close friends that allows for such frank questions.

But equally, people who want greater privacy ought to be respected. It’s sometimes hard to recognise this, which is why familiarity is so important.
 
Maine52 said:
I have started previous threads about this topic, which some of you may remember. This thread is more of an opinion poll. I am a private person, and so I try not to ask personal questions, and I don’t really appreciate them being asked to me. I realize not everyone thinks the way I do. So I’d just like some insight. How would you feel if any or all of the following things were asked/said to you? I promise to be open minded and not start any arguments! 😃
  • “Are you pregnant again?”
  • “You didn’t have a glass of wine. I guess you’re pregnant!”
  • “Was your pregnancy planned, or was it an accident?”
  • “Are you going to have more kids, or are you done?”
Opinions please!
Click to expand...
- "Are you pregnant again?"

To which I would respond, “Oh my, I guess my diet and exercise routine isn’t working. I’ve been really trying hard to lose weight. I guess I’ll have to try harder.” Maybe that would get them to see that asking something like this is not a good idea.

- "You didn’t have a glass of wine. I guess you’re pregnant!"

My personal pet peeve. There are a variety of reasons why someone may not be drinking. It doesn’t automatically mean pregnancy or trying to achieve pregnancy.

- "Was your pregnancy planned, or was it an accident?"

My response: “Yes, it was planned.” (Hey, even if my husband and I didn’t plan it, God did, so yes it was planned.)

- "Are you going to have more kids, or are you done?"

My response: “We’re thinking about it - we’ll just see how things go.” It’s vague enough so that whatever you decide to do (have more kids or not) can make sense with it. Answering definitively will make any future kids look like “accidents” or lack of future kids look like fertility problems.
 
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