How would you have handled this situation?

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I haven’t told anyone about this, but I wanted to ask for your opinion. A few years ago, I was driving back home for Thanksgiving. I stopped at a rest area, and as I was walking in, I was stopped by a man. He said that he was traveling with his family, and that they had run out of gas. He pointed to a van, and said that his wife and kids are in the van. He asked for money, so that they could make it home.

I wanted to believe him, and it seemed pretty obvious to me that he was lying. So I refused, initially. But then he knelt down and begged me. I was really shocked; I had never had something like that happen to me. Dumbfounded, I took out my wallet and gave him $20. He thanked me and went back to the van.

I still think he made up the story, but the man knelt down and begged. I mean, what was I supposed to do? To this day, I still don’t know how to feel about this.

How would you have handled this situation? Thank you.
 
I have been put in somewhat similar situations. It’s really unnerving and uncomfortable. I want to believe that people are genuine, but the reality is that many aren’t and don’t think twice about scamming others. It’s always tough to know what to do when you are put on the spot like that.

I probably would have done the same as you. You gave him a gift. If he needed it for gas, great. If he wasted it on drugs or alcohol, that’s on him. You still did a nice thing for a stranger who appeared to be in need. I try not to worry about what people do with the gifts I give them once they have passed from my posession to theirs.
 
If I have cash, I give people some, even if I think they’re lying. I’m sure some of them really need the help, and I figure it counts as giving alms either way.
 
If they seem on the up and up, you can ask for details, which a liar will just make up on the spot. Then ask to talk to the kids and ask them what the story is. If they talk freely and get it right and you can manage the help, why not? Fill up their tank, and if it turns out to have been empty, take them out for a meal. It is unusual for liars to do that kind of homework. Even if they’re lying, they can only hit up so many people for that.

The begging would have been a red flag for me, because experienced liars are so adept at playing upon the pity of good people. A play for pity makes it more likely that he was lying, not less.

I once turned down a guy who claimed to have a broken-down pickup and a pregnant wife. He just didn’t look on the up and up. Two days later, the same guy approached me in a different parking lot (just across the street) with a different story. There are a lot of liars out there, ruining it for everybody, and some of them do nothing with the money but ruin their bodies and their futures with more drugs or alcohol. You can’t afford to just give them money and hope that they’re on the up and up, because giving in to a liar can make the liar’s life that much worse.

Still, when the Last Judgment comes, this incident will be held against the man who lied to you, not against you. You did the best you could; don’t regret it. It may even have been the right thing, because maybe he was telling the truth. You can’t know, you can’t undo it, so don’t punish yourself for being charitable. That is the big picture.
 
I would have mostly been concerned for my safety. I would have done whatever it took to get away from the man as fast as possible, even if it meant giving him money, especially if I were alone.

Were there other people in the rest area? If it were my family and we were legitimately out of money and needed gas, I would have my husband as another man, not a woman who appeared alone.
 
As much as I am able, I honestly try to abide by these …

Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back. (Luke 6:30)

Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow. (Matthew 5:42)

I guess I don’t understand why people are so worried they will be scammed or taken advantage of - is that simply a matter of pride? If you have it to give, give it. If they are scamming you, that’s on them. For your part you acted in good faith to help someone who said they are in great need. Nothing will be held against you for doing so. In fact, you may be “entertaining angels.” (Hebrews 13:2) 🙂

I am with HouseArrest in being more concerned about your safety; I wouldn’t approached the van or tried to “prove” his story one way or another.
 
HouseArrest said:
I would have mostly been concerned for my safety. I would have done whatever it took to get away from the man as fast as possible, even if it meant giving him money, especially if I were alone.

Were there other people in the rest area? If it were my family and we were legitimately out of money and needed gas, I would have my husband as another man, not a woman who appeared alone.
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Yep. The first thing I thought of. I’d give him twenty just to stop him from humiliating himself.
 
HouseArrest said:
I would have mostly been concerned for my safety. I would have done whatever it took to get away from the man as fast as possible, even if it meant giving him money, especially if I were alone.

Were there other people in the rest area? If it were my family and we were legitimately out of money and needed gas, I would have my husband as another man, not a woman who appeared alone.
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Yea, safety was definitely one of my concerns, as well, even though I’m a guy. It was later in the afternoon, and it was still light out, so I wasn’t as concerned, and there were other people at the rest area. Nonetheless, part of me just wanted to give him the money, in case something bad were to happen if I didn’t.
 
AllSeasons said:
…

How would you have handled this situation? Thank you.
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my response to him would be unprintable. the $20 I’d give to a legitimate charity or collection.

99.9% certain you were taken by a con artist.
 
Samson01 said:
Yep. The first thing I thought of. I’d give him twenty just to stop him from humiliating himself.
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My thought was that the $20 would ensure he’d be sure try that stunt again in the future. No behavior is harder to extinguish than one that is returns a relatively large payoff for a relatively minimal effort, and with unpredictable frequency.
 
AllSeasons said:
I haven’t told anyone about this, but I wanted to ask for your opinion. A few years ago, I was driving back home for Thanksgiving. I stopped at a rest area, and as I was walking in, I was stopped by a man. He said that he was traveling with his family, and that they had run out of gas. He pointed to a van, and said that his wife and kids are in the van. He asked for money, so that they could make it home.

I wanted to believe him, and it seemed pretty obvious to me that he was lying. So I refused, initially. But then he knelt down and begged me. I was really shocked; I had never had something like that happen to me. Dumbfounded, I took out my wallet and gave him $20. He thanked me and went back to the van.

I still think he made up the story, but the man knelt down and begged. I mean, what was I supposed to do? To this day, I still don’t know how to feel about this.

How would you have handled this situation? Thank you.
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I’m so cynical, the first thing that came to my mind was that the van probably wasn’t even his. :rolleyes:

I would have told him, “Sorry, I don’t have any cash,” and walked away.
 
FriendlyFace said:
If I have cash, I give people some, even if I think they’re lying. I’m sure some of them really need the help, and I figure it counts as giving alms either way.
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Pretty much the same with me. I figure most of it is just a story, but then I tell myself that if I can spend on some fancy drinks at the bar, then I can give money to someone who might need some help.
 
Et_Cetera said:
Pretty much the same with me. I figure most of it is just a story, but then I tell myself that if I can spend on some fancy drinks at the bar, then I can give money to someone who might need some help.
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The problem is that addictions make thieves and liars. There is a need to discern whether or not someone is telling the truth, because a lot of liars will also use the money to do harm to themselves. I don’t want my “charity” to help someone along on their way to becoming a drug-related or alcohol-related premature death, or to waste their lives. That’s why I’d much rather put gas in their tank or feed them an actual meal.

A guy I know once took a fellow into a mini-mart to buy him a sandwich. As he turned to leave, he saw that the guy had gone back into the store. The man had returned the food in order to buy cigarettes. The would-be philanthropist got there in time to take the money back. He told the fellow who had conned him with the story that he was hungry that he wouldn’t donate a dime to ruin his health, and he left with the money.

This problem was so bad in Berkeley that the local stores sold charity vouchers that could only be used to buy food or to wash clothes or in establishments like that; the coupons had no cash value other than that. It was an effort to help people give money to the homeless that would be hard to turn into drugs, because the drug pushers don’t want grocery vouchers. They want cash.
 
EasterJoy said:
I once turned down a guy who claimed to have a broken-down pickup and a pregnant wife. He just didn’t look on the up and up. Two days later, the same guy approached me in a different parking lot (just across the street) with a different story. There are a lot of liars out there, ruining it for everybody, and some of them do nothing with the money but ruin their bodies and their futures with more drugs or alcohol. You can’t afford to just give them money and hope that they’re on the up and up, because giving in to a liar can make the liar’s life that much worse.

Still, when the Last Judgment comes, this incident will be held against the man who lied to you, not against you. You did the best you could; don’t regret it. It may even have been the right thing, because maybe he was telling the truth. You can’t know, you can’t undo it, so don’t punish yourself for being charitable. That is the big picture.
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Last summer, I was at the grocery store when a man approached me. According to his story, he was coming down from Winnipeg to visit some friends, but he’d ran out of gas. He had forgotten his credit card at home and all he had with him was Canadian money, which the nearest gas station wouldn’t accept. He said he needed about $40, $30 was for gas and $10 was to buy a gas can. He said he ran out a few blocks away and the gas station didn’t have one he could borrow, he had to buy one. I’ve been in tough situations before and I know how hard it is to ask for help. So I went back inside the grocery store, withdrew the money from the ATM and gave it to him. He said he would repay me and asked for an email address or a phone number so he could contact me later. I told him that if he really wanted to pay me back, that he should do something nice for someone else. I felt so good about myself after that. Maybe even a little too proud. Not because I had done a good deed, but because it was my natural reaction. It never even crossed my mind that this could be some kind of scam.

But a few weeks later, I was at the same grocery store and I heard his voice again. He was talking to a man and telling the same story. I felt so humiliated and angry that I had been taken advantage of like that. I yelled out to the man that he was a scammer and then quickly drove away.
 
EasterJoy said:
…

This problem was so bad in Berkeley that the local stores sold charity vouchers that could only be used to buy food or to wash clothes or in establishments like that; the coupons had no cash value other than that. It was an effort to help people give money to the homeless that would be hard to turn into drugs, because the drug pushers don’t want grocery vouchers. They want cash.
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I bet they were black-marketed.
 
this must be coming more and more common. My girlfriend and I were approached at a fastfood place just off the highway exit. A man with a small child were rushing to the hospital because his wife had been in an accident and left so quickly he forgot his wallet and didn’t check to see how much gas the car had.

We both gave him $5 each. Later my friend said we were probably scammed. I said that we will have reward in heaven because we gave to a person in need. It was the Christian thing to do. what reward or punishment the other person receives is up to God. If only 1 in 100,000 is genuinely in need I would hate to have him passed over just because of the scammers.
 
Fairwinds said:
I bet they were black-marketed.
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Maybe, but they were for local places, so they may not have been easy to unload. A drug dealer is not going to come into a local grocery store and try to use charity vouchers for the homeless, so I don’t know there would be a market, let alone a black market. This was back in the 90s; I don’t know how the program worked out.
 
EasterJoy said:
Maybe, but they were for local places, so they may not have been easy to unload. A drug dealer is not going to come into a local grocery store and try to use charity vouchers for the homeless, so I don’t know there would be a market, let alone a black market. This was back in the 90s; I don’t know how the program worked out.
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you’re probably right. a quick google search didn’t turn up anything, but I did find:

Center for Problem-Oriented Policing, The Problem of Panhandling. well researched.
Panhandlers spend much of their money on alcohol, drugs and tobacco, although some money does go toward food, transportation and toiletries.51 Panhandlers rarely save any money, partly because they risk having it stolen, and partly because their primary purpose is to immediately buy alcohol or drugs.52
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