How would you have handled this situation?

[EasterJoy]

Sounds like one solution is to give generously to charities that care for those in need. The charities, if properly managed, may help the poor more effectively than your handing it directly over to the poor, irresponsible person.

How then do you respond when someone asks you person-to-person? Ignore, avoid, turn away? Point them toward charitable services?

Tell a lie? I try to avoid making excuses like “I don’t have any money.” I prefer to simply say, with true regret, “I cannot.” Done, no excuses. That statement can be both truthful and open to many interpretations.

You can say “would you like something to eat”? and if they do, you can give them something to eat. You can say “do you need to take the bus somewhere?” and if they do, you can purchase then a bus ticket. If a family is sitting there with a van, you can get them gasoline. But if you just give money, you run the risk that they will use it on something that will harm them.

If you have no time or no means to tell whether or not they are really in need, then “I cannot” is a reasonable answer, provided that you make time or find the opportunity to give some of the time, and don’t put off the time that you “can” indefinitely.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Let’s not forget that some of these people are not addicts or alcoholics, but true scammers. They make thousands of dollars a month pretending to need help.

Scams

Panhandler Scam

 

[JackieMom]

Sounds like one solution is to give generously to charities that care for those in need. The charities, if properly managed, may help the poor more effectively than your handing it directly over to the poor, irresponsible person.

How then do you respond when someone asks you person-to-person? Ignore, avoid, turn away? Point them toward charitable services?

Tell a lie? I try to avoid making excuses like “I don’t have any money.” I prefer to simply say, with true regret, “I cannot.” Done, no excuses. That statement can be both truthful and open to many interpretations.

I don’t carry cash on me in places where panhandlers are pervasive. If I am near a fast food joint or market, I will sometimes offer to purchase a sandwich if I feel the situation is safe. In the OP’s situation, I probably would have done the same as he did, being so caught off guard and uncomfortable. Not to mention, scared for my safety.

 

[Beryllos]

You can say “would you like something to eat”? and if they do, you can give them something to eat. You can say “do you need to take the bus somewhere?” and if they do, you can purchase then a bus ticket. If a family is sitting there with a van, you can get them gasoline. But if you just give money, you run the risk that they will use it on something that will harm them.

If you have no time or no means to tell whether or not they are really in need, then “I cannot” is a reasonable answer, provided that you make time or find the opportunity to give some of the time, and don’t put off the time that you “can” indefinitely.

Thanks for those very positive suggestions.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thanks for those very positive suggestions.

I have seen interviews with people who spent some time homeless or down and out, and they say the worst is how exposed you are. You either get stared at when you ask for no attention or else you are ignored as if you weren’t there when you do. So even if you can’t give money, it is an act of kindness to treat them with the same manners you would extend to anyone else.

Now sometimes they’re going to be rude when you are polite–that is, if you make eye contact and say “sorry, no,” the openness to hear them and answer them is going to get you abuse if you’re not forking over money, too–but unless you have aggressive panhandlers, eye contact will usually not cost you anything.

I do try not to encourage off-ramp or stop-light panhandling of any kind at all, because it is dangerous. No one without the authority to stop traffic–that is, essentially no one except police officers, fire fighters, emergency responders, flaggers, and the people doing work on the road–should be approaching your car while you’re on the road.

 

[HouseArrest]

Yea, safety was definitely one of my concerns, as well, even though I’m a guy. It was later in the afternoon, and it was still light out, so I wasn’t as concerned, and there were other people at the rest area. Nonetheless, part of me just wanted to give him the money, in case something bad were to happen if I didn’t.

I don’t know why I thought you were female!

 

[AllSeasons]

I don’t know why I thought you were female!

Hmm, that’s interesting. Apparently, they thought I was female in another thread, too. Maybe I need to do something about that. LOL!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hmm, that’s interesting. Apparently, they thought I was female in another thread, too. Maybe I need to do something about that. LOL!

I think it’s a natural assumption unless the poster has an obviously male name, since there are more of us females on this forum.

 

[SubjectVerb]

I haven’t told anyone about this, but I wanted to ask for your opinion. A few years ago, I was driving back home for Thanksgiving. I stopped at a rest area, and as I was walking in, I was stopped by a man. He said that he was traveling with his family, and that they had run out of gas. He pointed to a van, and said that his wife and kids are in the van. He asked for money, so that they could make it home.

I wanted to believe him, and it seemed pretty obvious to me that he was lying. So I refused, initially. But then he knelt down and begged me. I was really shocked; I had never had something like that happen to me. Dumbfounded, I took out my wallet and gave him $20. He thanked me and went back to the van.

I still think he made up the story, but the man knelt down and begged. I mean, what was I supposed to do? To this day, I still don’t know how to feel about this.

How would you have handled this situation? Thank you.

We hardly ever carry cash, so we probably wouldn’t have been able to help at all anyway.
However, my husband does have a concealed carry permit, so safety wouldn’t have been an issue (I highly recommend it. I’m getting mine soon, too.)

This is why we don’t give to panhandlers: My husband’s work location has several panhandlers near it. There is this one man who several years ago asked him for 35 cents. My husband didn’t have any change at the time, so he told the man so. As my husband walked away, the man called him a dirty name. This same man has been panhandling for almost 5 years and had a nicer cell phone then my husband had at the time of the incident.

Instead, we give to Catholic Charities.

 

[CaptFun]

I also don’t want to hear “I had a substance abuse problem, and you gave money to my lies to clear your own conscience”, either. Hear what he says: “I was hungry and you fed me”, not “I asked for money and you gave me money, no questions asked.” The standard of the golden rule says that if someone might be harming themselves by the lies they are telling you, you can’t pretend you don’t know they might be lying. That is not what I’d want if I were eating up my life with drugs or alcohol or just manipulation of strangers. That would just hurry me to a nasty death, and maybe an eternity in hell, who knows.

If it won’t reasonably lead to a good end, it isn’t charity.

You make some good points. Prudence would mean not being an enabler too. Got it.

I was quoting (paraphrasing) Jesus however. And he was being quite emphatic about His point (about as emphatic as one could be given the consequences).

So be very sure when your answer is no. For the record … I have sometimes said no (mostly passively by not stopping every time I saw a sign held up by … “a person in need”).

Later I sometimes think about the Good Samaritan and the folks who passed by the person needing help. A similar parable warning against those crying wolf doesn’t come to mind. But secular wisdom is abundant where scripture is silent.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Giving to an established charity who will actually do the vetting for you is always a good choice.

Or, as I believe EJ suggested, actually offer to go in and purchase the gas as a means to determine their honesty. Direct actions like that are always good. When I was a teen, a bunch of friends and I would get together and bring food to the park every Saturday morning for a few years—place it on tables and serve it to anyone who wanted it. Many homeless people would come by and they were very thankful as they truly were in need of a meal.