How Would You Respond?

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nickybr38

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I’m not sure if I’m just being a weirdo or if these things are actually irritating.

Two things I’ve noticed consistently happening at the Masses in my area. My reaction has been to grind my teeth, grin and bear it but I’m curious to know how you guys would react.
  1. At the end of EVERY Mass the priest goes through a long spiel thanking everyone involved, complete with a round of applause. For the music ministers, altar servers, anyone who helped out in any way during the Mass. They’re all acknowledged and given a round of applause before the final blessing. I don’t participate in this personally and just kind of grit my teeth until it’s over and we’re given the final blessing.
  2. For the Our Father, the altar servers move onto the sanctuary, the musicians all line up beside the sanctuary and from the altar right back to the farthest pew we all join hands (including the priest and altar servers, which is why they move up onto the sanctuary to be near the priest). This is not optional. I’d rather not join in but there’s really NO way to opt out. Again, I just go along with it and keep my discomfort to myself.
My question is, what are your thoughts on how a lay person should approach these kind of things? Obviously they’re not grave abuses or anything but I find them really irritating. Haha. Should I go to my priest and just kind of ask him: Hey, what’s up with this? I’m a new Catholic so I’m sure he’d be open to my questions…

I suppose that’s the only way to approach such a situation eh?

Anyone else have a parish that participates in these… odd rituals?
 
Personally, I just clasp my hands together, lower my head, and close my eyes during the Our Father part. People in our parish tend to hold hands, and raise them during the doxology that follows, but some (myself included) do not do this. My understanding is that it is explicitly discouraged.

Although hand-holding during the Our Father seems to be a liturgical innovation that is formally discouraged, I don’t think anything can or ever will be done about it. Just gotta grit your teeth, I suppose.

As far as applause, I don’t know about that. Never experienced that, although sometimes our priest asks us to give God a round of applause. I’m generally not a big fan of noise in the nave, like, ever. I dislike the Jabbering of the Faithful before mass starts, and I wish they would skip the invitation to offer one another the sign of peace (which they can do). And I wish they’d stop playing that doggone elevator muzak during administration of the Eucharist.
 
sw85 said:
Fr. Z. relates that, according to the rubrics, the normative position is to remain kneeling during the Our Father (actually, from the end of “Holy, Holy, Holy” clear through to the Great Amen): wdtprs.com/blog/2011/11/d-covington-bp-foys-issues-liturgical-decrees-no-joy-for-hand-holders/.
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I’m in a position in my parish where if I were to kneel, or lower my head and refuse to take hands it would very much stand out and I imagine ruffle feathers and that’s the last thing I want to do.

BUT when I am in the pews and not performing my various duties I think I will take to kneeling. That’s a great idea and should nip the hand holding in the bud without hurting any feelings! Thank you!

I’m with you on the quiet. I just don’t get the applause. Personally I would never volunteer to be part of the music team at the applause Mass because I do NOT want that addressed towards me. Ever. Not at Mass.
 
While I think it is a hard thing that the parish puts you in a position where you feel that you would be alienating them by not joining, it also says something about your relationship with them.

You aren’t comfortable enough to stay where you are comfortable for fear of how they will judge you. Yet, you aren’t comfortable enough to hold hands with the people who are your catholic family.

For me, in that situation I’d either stick to my conviction that I didn’t need to do it and remain kneeling and explain to them why if anyone asked, or I’d tough it out and hold hands with them and then explain to the priest it makes you uncomfortable. Both are situations that should not make you uncomfortable. As part of your family you should be comfortable no matter what. Make sure it is they who are making you feel this discomfort and not yourself though.

I know when I first started going to my parish I felt like an outcast. After a few months of that I realized it was not they who were making me feel that way, but myself. I was making myself feel unwelcome and judged, no one there had ever said anything out of the way or done anything to make me feel that way.
 
nickybr38 said:
I’m not sure if I’m just being a weirdo or if these things are actually irritating. . . Anyone else have a parish that participates in these… odd rituals?
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I think our pastors mean well with these things–trying to make everyone feel appreciated, etc. . . But I wholeheartedly agree with you. I think the kind of things you mention make the Mass seem anthropocentric instead of Christocentric. Sorry for you! Perhaps you could respectfully convey your feelings; if enough people feel and express the same, perhaps your pastor will put a stop to these things.
 
I just want to comment though that Catholicism is very much a communal religion. It’s not supposed to be a moment for you alone with the Eucharist. Yes, you are there in a personal way with God, but you are also there as a family. It’s a moment we are to share. It’s supposed to be a welcoming environment where people greet one another and ‘give thanks’. That’s what Eucharist means! It should be both joyful and solemn, happy and somber. That’s something we must work on with Catholics, having so much joy about our faith that others will see it and say, “I want what they have.”

There is something very sad when we say we grit our teeth and bear it when the priest gives someone acknowledgment for a job well done. While I agree doing it at every service would be kind of repetitive, but maybe there is a reason behind the scene. If it really bothers us, we should talk to the priest in charge of that Parish, but we should never be annoyed when he tries to edify others. We should be happy that those who are serving the parish in such a vital function are being recognized.

As to the holding hands, I do with my family, but unless someone offers me their hand I clasp mine and just pray with my head down. I know it’s discouraged, but it’s not forbidden, and if one of my catholic brothers or sisters offers me their hand during the prayer I hold it unity with them.
 
Some very good points Bmullins. 🙂

To address some of your points. I would not join in music ministry in the parish where the applause happens because I hate being recognized for doing something GOD has given me to do!!! That would be like receiving applause for being able to speak and reading Scripture. God has given me musical ability, this is no accomplishment of mine! It is all God and the glory and applause should go to Him, not to me.

All I have done is say yes to His grace. That’s all. Nothing worth applause. And so I will not participate in music ministry so long as the weekly applause sessions take place. That’s just a decision I have made.

As to the hand holding. I’m just not comfortable with it. I’m not particularly fond of being physically touched… by anyone really. The only person I feel comfortable touching IS my priest, oddly enough! Haha. I love shaking his hand at the end of Mass! And our old priest, I loved giving him hugs at the end of Mass. But this was definitely not common for me at all.

Anyway, you’ve all definitely given me some things to think about.

When I attend the applause Mass I will continue to grit my teeth, but I will try to think my way out of my irritation.
 
nickybr38 said:
I’m not sure if I’m just being a weirdo or if these things are actually irritating.

Not at all.
  1. At the end of EVERY Mass the priest goes through a long spiel thanking everyone involved, complete with a round of applause. For the music ministers, altar servers, anyone who helped out in any way during the Mass. They’re all acknowledged and given a round of applause before the final blessing. I don’t participate in this personally and just kind of grit my teeth until it’s over and we’re given the final blessing.
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bmullins said:
While I think it is a hard thing that the parish puts you in a position where you feel that you would be alienating them by not joining, it also says something about your relationship with them.

You aren’t comfortable enough to stay where you are comfortable for fear of how they will judge you. Yet, you aren’t comfortable enough to hold hands with the people who are your catholic family.

For me, in that situation I’d either stick to my conviction that I didn’t need to do it and remain kneeling and explain to them why if anyone asked, or I’d tough it out and hold hands with them and then explain to the priest it makes you uncomfortable. Both are situations that should not make you uncomfortable. As part of your family you should be comfortable no matter what. Make sure it is they who are making you feel this discomfort and not yourself though.

I know when I first started going to my parish I felt like an outcast. After a few months of that I realized it was not they who were making me feel that way, but myself. I was making myself feel unwelcome and judged, no one there had ever said anything out of the way or done anything to make me feel that way.
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On the other hand, perhaps some people enjoy these kinds of customs because it makes them feel more connected to their parish family. Maybe those who like them are the ones who tend to feel alienated and need the extra encouragement because many of them are not involved in active parish life. I respect that desire or need, and wouldn’t push things either way. But my not liking these kinds of customs has nothing at all to do with discomfort in being close to others. I attend daily Mass and sit with many parishioners for coffee hour afterward to talk about our faith and just enjoy the company of other Christians. I am very active within my faith community, being involved in several ministries within the parish. I don’t feel alienated at all; these kinds of things simply leave me feeling there is a shift of focus from God to man. I understand, however, that others feel differently; and I respect that, too.
 
Lutgardis said:
On the other hand, perhaps some people enjoy these kinds of customs because it makes them feel more connected to their parish family. Maybe those who like them are the ones who tend to feel alienated and need the extra encouragement because many of them are not involved in active parish life. I respect that desire or need, and wouldn’t push things either way. But my not liking these kinds of customs has nothing at all to do with discomfort in being close to others. I attend daily Mass and sit with many parishioners for coffee hour afterward to talk about our faith and just enjoy the company of other Christians. I am very active within my faith community, being involved in several ministries within the parish. I don’t feel alienated at all; these kinds of things simply leave me feeling there is a shift of focus from God to man. I understand, however, that others feel differently; and I respect that, too.
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Well said.
 
I see nothing wrong with recognizing the musicians at the end of Mass, but before the final blessing. The music adds so much to the Mass experience and should be appreciated by all.

As for holding hands during the Our Father, I have experienced some consternation over this part of the service. I sometimes suffer from anxiety when in crowds, and as a result, often my hands are sweaty, which makes it uncomfortable for me, as well as for the unfortunate soul who happens to be seated next to me, during this part of the Mass.

I have noticed others who do not hold hands during the Our Father, or do not participate when asked to extend peace those around them. In my mind, this makes them look small and petty. My advice would be to grin and bear it. It will get easier the more you go to Mass.
 
kykid said:
I see nothing wrong with recognizing the musicians at the end of Mass, but before the final blessing. The music adds so much to the Mass experience and should be appreciated by all.

As for holding hands during the Our Father, I have experienced some consternation over this part of the service. I sometimes suffer from anxiety when in crowds, and as a result, often my hands are sweaty, which makes it uncomfortable for me, as well as for the unfortunate soul who happens to be seated next to me, during this part of the Mass.

I have noticed others who do not hold hands during the Our Father, or do not participate when asked to extend peace those around them. In my mind, this makes them look small and petty. My advice would be to grin and bear it. It will get easier the more you go to Mass.
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Also, if you don’t want to hold hands, sit in the very, very back. I noticed that those who sit near the far back tend to not hold hands and it’s far less noticeable when they don’t!

I can almost understand what you’re saying about the musicians but the altar servers? The Eucharistic Ministers? Do they need applause as well?
 
nickybr38 said:
… For the Our Father, the altar servers move onto the sanctuary, the musicians all line up beside the sanctuary and from the altar right back to the farthest pew we all join hands (including the priest and altar servers, which is why they move up onto the sanctuary to be near the priest). This is not optional. I’d rather not join in but there’s really NO way to opt out…
Anyone else have a parish that participates in these… odd rituals?
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Yup.
What you are talking about sounds like the Human Chain version of the Holding Hands Ritual.
This is an illicit ritual (not found anywhere in the rubrics), which has been introduced into the Mass in many places. It is in no way a Catholic practice.
When confronted with this I just keep my hands folded and do not participate. This often leads to discomfort among those around me since I have been accused of “breaking the chain”. Others sometimes reach across me, join hands and raise them up in front of my face.
Remind anybody of when they were in Junior High School?
 
I can’t stand applause in the chapel. Only under very limited situations. Our priest sometimes thanks members of the parish and asks for them to be applauded right at the end of Mass. I can’t agree with it.
 
What would I do? Speak to the priest about both issues, because both issues are not part of the liturgy, not part of the rubics. If the priest doesn’t offer a satisfactory response, then I’d be looking for a new parish that takes both issues seriously and discourages them both.
 
PatriceA said:
What would I do? Speak to the priest about both issues, because both issues are not part of the liturgy, not part of the rubics. If the priest doesn’t offer a satisfactory response, then I’d be looking for a new parish that takes both issues seriously and discourages them both.
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Moving is not an option. The parishes I mentioned are the only two within driving distance of where I live. 🙂

So running away can’t happen. Instead I have to find ways to deal with things… Ultimately I have to let go of pride and say; Yeah, these things aren’t correct but God will sort it out and I need to keep my focus on God where it belongs.
 
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