How'd it turn out for you?

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I’m still on that limb, not sure how it’s going to turn out yet- but am learning to trust through this whole process.

I was home with my kids for many years while DH worked. We struggled financially- could pay the bills but had no money for savings and “extras” like piano lessons were difficult. I started working part-time to pay for lessons and worked only when DH was home. It was so stressful. Even though I only worked 2 days a week, it meant that we had almost no time together as a family- one of us was always gone working. Well, an unexpected opportunity arose for me to work full time, at a salary almost 4x what my DH had been making, with better hours and more benefits. The catch: we had to move away from our dear church family and friends. The bonus: we are now within a day’s drive from our aging and beloved parents.

A year out, I will not lie: it has been very difficult in many respects. DH is a great stay at home father, and we have experienced some of the things you’ve described, monicatholic (although my DH seems to struggle more with teaching the kids to do their own chores!)- having Dad around to mentor the boys is a wonderful thing. But I am SO homesick sometimes and have found that it’s much harder to make friends when I’m working FT. Harder because I have less time, harder because I don’t fit into the “mommy groups” at our new parish. The kids have not yet made great friends (a lot of acquaintances, not so many friends) and miss their old ones. And yet our family has grown stronger as a unit and we’ve been able to provide more for them. I still pray daily that we do the right thing for our children and that we’re wise and open enough to listen to God’s call, wherever it takes us (even if that would mean taking us back to where we started).
 
wow. so many amazing stories. so many trust–in-God stunt men! (or stunt persons)

jea, how wonderful it is to be able to expereince newly married (or somewhat newly married) life with your spouse instead of separated by work and schedules. and starting from such a tough place-- that hospital job really pulled the rug out from under you! ( when Baby comes, don’t be surprised to see your husband shift into serious/ concerned mode with finances and work hours. after all our babies, my husband always expereinced a few months of intensified work efforts. he has never been a slacker or a partier, but new babies put him in*** ultra diligent ***mode. after a while, he gets balance again. maybe your genenrous, reliable husband will experience the same thing.)

dear musician, your story is profound. the astonishing grace of God and power of your husband’s sacrificial love for you!! that a person could recover and return from the traumatic depths where you’d been hurled-- what a miracle. what an awesome wonderful miracle.

were you able to find another place to live?

your story reminds me something huge and important— we can never tell what sorrows a person has expereinced. i should always be charitable and patient with people-- i can never know what sort of hardships a person has suffered-- what they’re trying to recover from. i never want to make things worse for anyone.

corrine, i have never apologized, either, for the years i spent home with my children. things would be very different for us, finances would probably be better. but without the FORCED disciplines, we might have been less responsible. who knows? i know i’m not sorry for making the choice to be home for decades.

smallcat, i feel your pain of missing your family. i asked my husband if it was this hard for him to leave home every day all those years he went to work. his answer, “it was hard to leave for other reasons-- mostly because the job was so rotten. now it would be hard to leave for the same reasons it’s so hard for you to leave-- I love it here.” smallcat, may God give you peace in your sacrifice. may HE increase your time with your family and may HE double the joy of every hour you spend home with them.
 
monicatholic said:
jea, how wonderful it is to be able to expereince newly married (or somewhat newly married) life with your spouse instead of separated by work and schedules. and starting from such a tough place-- that hospital job really pulled the rug out from under you! ( when Baby comes, don’t be surprised to see your husband shift into serious/ concerned mode with finances and work hours. after all our babies, my husband always expereinced a few months of intensified work efforts. he has never been a slacker or a partier, but new babies put him in*** ultra diligent ***mode. after a while, he gets balance again. maybe your genenrous, reliable husband will experience the same thing.)
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I think he’s sort of there already lol! He is the IT guy for the hospital here in town (that’s how we met, and yes, the same one that pulled the rug out from under me) but he’s also the private IT guy for tons of people and small businesses. When we were first married he decided not to do “side” work, but when he decided to bring me home, they came back. I think if he just worked the “side” jobs we could survive, but he’s too scared to quit that salaried job. I’m kind of hoping when the baby comes he’ll miss leaving home, and will decide to take a chance…we’ll see. 😉
 
Monica, six years later I am healthy and relatively happy. We are in a lovely little bungalow that we could afford, with beautiful gardens - very peaceful and good for my mental/emotional health.
I have been back at work for the past 4 years now. After God giving me grace and healing, I immersed myself into my career and now own a successful set of performing arts studios in the metro OKC area. I look back and see the miracles God has performed for us. My DH went back to work after caring for me for nearly two years. Our children are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with the exception of our daughter, who needs prayer right now.
Anyway, put your family first, you won’t regret it!
 
My family is in the process of going out on a limb too. My husband graduated with a mechanical engineering degree from a uni that usually has a good placement rate. Two years later, still no job prospects other than the one he kept during college. I could work and easily make twice what he is making at that job, but I’m staying home with the baby that everyone said was irresponsible of us to have. We’re hoping to get pregnant again sometime soon and I don’t think anyone believes us when we say that. We just bought land and we’re going to build a building designed for a business we’ll hopefully be able to get off the ground. It will also have a small apartment inside for us to live in. It’s a lot of money, time, and effort… honestly I’m not sure we can afford it or do it, but we’re going to try because up to this point nothing has worked out at all. This plan seems to be working out so maybe we’re finally headed down the right path. Honestly, once we get the building finished, the payments are going to be lower than our current rent, and on paper we should be able to break even (something that we’ve not done in the 2.5 years we’ve been married). Get back with me in a year or two and I can let you know how it turns out.
 
musician, it’s beautiful to know you’re so well, that home is so peaceful, that business is thriving. performing arts! how cool!!! and this:
Our children are happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with the exception of our daughter, who needs prayer right now.
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i will pray for her. we have a struggling son, too. age 25. it’s been going on a long time. may God grant them both many graces for healing and peace. in Jesus Name. amen.

journey:
Honestly, once we get the building finished, the payments are going to be lower than our current rent, and on paper we should be able to break even (something that we’ve not done in the 2.5 years we’ve been married)
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on a limb with a bulding contractor and mortgage! but listen, we’ve been married 22 years and haven’t broke even yet. (we’ve broken a lot of other things, though…) that’s the thing. for us, success is no longer on paper. God can do a whole lot with my family (and HAS) when, to the world, we appear to be stumbling along!
 
Hi monicacatholic -

I really liked your original post - especially the part about God not being present on paper, that is so true.

I’ve done lots of things that made no sense on paper. Specifically 8 years of higher education entirely financed by loans. Loans which are now so laughably large that I doubt I’ll ever pay them off. Oh, and I’m serially unemployed because of the rotton economy. 👍

Sometimes things are really tough and there have been one or two times when I’ve faced a month of no income and less than £10 in my pocket. But God always provides - I’ve had to cut back a lot but I’ve never starved and, more importantly, I’ve learned what things in life are really important. I think if I had been making piles of money from the start I would have never had such rich life experiences, would have never decided to take on volunteer legal cases (God pushed me towards that one again ;)) and would have probably lived a very selfish and lonely life. Fortunately that’s not how things work and I’d like to believe that once I’ve matured enough, I’ll be blessed with a stable income and the wisdom to know what to do with it.

Hope all goes well with your family. Keep the faith. Pray the Rosary and appreciate each day for what it brings. 🙂
 
monicatholic said:
but my question for you all is this: ***when you prayerfully went out on a limb, how’d it turn out?

what’s your story?***
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In a nutshell - bad, terrible, disastrous, homeless for a day, panicky, scrambling, in counseling, out of counseling, in a program, dropped the program, to heck with one day at a time - can I have one hour please? down on my knees, gave it all to Jesus without any expectations whatsoever (well - okay, I seriously expected that I was going to die … ), THEN, peace in my heart, then - whoa, where did all that money just suddenly show up from? Paid all my debts, got a job I really love, and still can’t believe my “good luck” - love my job, love my boss, love my customers, love my life, and seriously thinking that I am God’s most spoiled kid. 😃

Unless you walk all the way out to the very end of the limb and do not fear the long drop off the end, you will be forever scrambling and fighting. Give it all to Jesus. Hold nothing back. Go ahead and go all the way till you fall off the end of that limb - only then, will you discover that you have wings. 🙂
 
would have probably lived a very selfish and lonely life.
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One, i wonder if this isn’t true for me, too. of course, i don’t know what i would have been like without hardships and without so many opportunities to trust God (and appear cuckoo to observers) but i know that what i HAVE been given in opprtunities to trust is a lot of grace. and a certain kind of nutsy courage.
In a nutshell - bad, terrible, disastrous, homeless for a day, panicky, scrambling, in counseling, out of counseling, in a program, dropped the program, to heck with one day at a time - can I have one hour please? down on my knees, gave it all to Jesus without any expectations whatsoever (well - okay, I seriously expected that I was going to die … ), THEN, peace in my heart, then - whoa, where did all that money just suddenly show up from? Paid all my debts, got a job I really love, and still can’t believe my “good luck” - love my job, love my boss, love my customers, love my life, and seriously thinking that I am God’s most spoiled kid.
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i could have written this. i wonder if i did.

jm, i love what you say about climbing all the way out. here is the best illustration of my life with God. HE gives me just enough information (the knight’s book) and just enough motivation (usually urgent, like the dad’s wound) to get me to step off: youtube.com/watch?v=C-c8_OFwZoY

i always find that God is always good. always loving. and always loving me.

but who would risk it without prayer? my mom says, “the difference between hope and presumption is this: hope happens on your knees.”
 
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