Hubby & ABC

[tamccrackine]

or just check out CCLI’s home study course. You can get on line and order The Art of Natural Family Planning and puruse through it. It’s a good resource, especially if you’re just getting started.
theresa

 

[triciarapp]

Overstock.com carries ‘The Good News About Sex and Marriage’ and their shipping fees are generally quite low.

I’m so glad I happened upon this thread. I’m also a military wife, I also have three boys, and we are also at a point where we are trying to decide if a #4 baby is the right way to go (for lack of better phrasing). I have similar concerns–I mean, I’m already crazy with three! :whacky:

Anyone have advice or a story about how you decided to keep going or call it quits? My friend tells me, “If you don’t know if you’re done, then you’re not done.” Do you feel this is sound advice?
Thank you so much for any words of wisdom!
Tricia

 

[momof3boys]

Tricia, where is your hubby stationed? What branch is he in?

Well, I like that advice about if you aren’t sure if you’re done, then you’re not done. I really want more kids. I think the thing that frightens both of us is whether we will be able to afford to have more. We already have money problems. I know I am not going to go back on ABC, though. My hubby said the other night “so that means we can never have sex again unless we want another baby?” I kind of felt like saying “that is what the main reason for it is”.
I just found out my friend here is having a girl. Sometimes I think I want to try again for a girl, but then I think that is the wrong reason to have another little one. Don’t get me wrong, I would love a boy, too. Does anyone else feel that way about having all same sex children? I don’t know why, but I just really want a girl, too.

 

[tamccrackine]

That’s pretty good advice (about not feeling sure whether to have another, then you’re not finished). I don’t feel we are finished but my inlaws sure think we are. (I like that too, don’t you? )

I have three girls. My inlaws think we are finished, I’ve been told by my MIL that we need to stop because “her son” doesn’t need to be disappointed anymore. The latest remark was she informed me that he had surgery at 6wks of age to correct a hernia, therefore he’ll never have boys. ey? :ehh:

I don’t feel we are finished and my dh and I have discussed having another. I asked him straight out one night “You are totally against having another aren’t you?” and he said “no… actually I’m not, but right now would not be a good thing.” (We have a four month old, just moved from GA to CA (military), I homeschool our oldest for the first time this year) so we’re on a little crazy coaster right now. I was so excited that I nearly cried. So it’s babysteps right now. I don’t want another baby just to have that boy, but I would like to just have another baby. I would be happy with either boy or girl, but I think it would be fun to have another girl to 1) watch peoples reactions 2)spite my MIL. (Hey, for the past five years I’ve heard how disappointed my dh is about having girls when I know he’s not but she’d like to get me to think he doesn’t like his girls) She’s hell bent on the fact that boys are better so forgive me if I have a small feeling of joy in watching her face fall when I announce we’re having a girl. (I got YELLED at last Christmas when I told my hubby in front of her that we’re having a girl because of a dream I had had the night before. got told I better not bring home another girl).

Anyway… thanks to whoever posted that remark about if you feel like you’re not sure to have another, then you’re not done. That makes me feel better!

As for finances… who on these forums can HONESTLY say they were ever financially ready for a child? God will provide as long as you’re not trying to dress your child in Tommy Hilfinger **** and stuff like that. (IMHO… that stuff is just ridiculously too expensive, not saying anything about the quality)
peace,
theresa

 

[Michelle_in_KC]

dwc:

There are many of us in my own parish who have what we call our “NFP babies.” Do we regret them? No, not at all, they’re a blessing of course. But, they were all conceived at times when we were using NFP trying not to conceive, and we were all educated women who had used NFP successfully for a long time before these pregnancies.

Bless you for being Open to Life! Also, “NFP babies”…IMHO…are God’s way of reminding us just Who is in charge! Not that it makes it any easier to accept sometimes…but even though we’ve successfully postponed and achieved the way we planned, I’ve secretly wished that God would remind my husband and me sometimes. I know that sounds weird…but it’s true. All of our children are blessings.

 

[Michelle_in_KC]

johnnyjoe:

Well, one of the consequences of the BCP is that you don’t really know how it effects a particular individual. I am encouraged that you have discontinued using the BCP, but a word of caution about your mucus signs: They will be HIGHLY unreliable as you come off the pill. Most modern pills have three effects: one is to supress ovulation, one is to thin the uterine wall (called an abortifacient feature because the newly concieved child cannot attach to the uterus), and to thicken cervical mucus. There is no consistant rule for understanding how long the pill residues will effect your system, but you can expect your mucus signs to be inconsistant for at least a couple of months.

I had issues for a whole year after coming off the pill relying on mucous. After I had my second baby, though, I was ABSOLUTELY amazed how different my mucous was and how I COULD rely on it. It is amazing how long BCP can affect a woman. It’s really too bad there is so much non-information and misinformation about it.

Good luck with mucous checks, but follow johnnyjoe’s advice on finding someone to help and probably use a temperature only method at least for awhile.

 

[Michelle_in_KC]

triciarapp:

Overstock.com carries ‘The Good News About Sex and Marriage’ and their shipping fees are generally quite low.

I’m so glad I happened upon this thread. I’m also a military wife, I also have three boys, and we are also at a point where we are trying to decide if a #4 baby is the right way to go (for lack of better phrasing). I have similar concerns–I mean, I’m already crazy with three! :whacky:

Anyone have advice or a story about how you decided to keep going or call it quits? My friend tells me, “If you don’t know if you’re done, then you’re not done.” Do you feel this is sound advice?
Thank you so much for any words of wisdom!
Tricia

I don’t know if this is what you’re asking for…

Anyway, my DH and I talk about whether we will postpone or attempt to achieve pregnancy EVERY MONTH. Seriously. It’s an ongoing discussion. We just feel like being truly open to life means that we must try to pray and listen to God to discern his plan. If we were to make a sweeping decision after this third baby is born in FEbruary that we are “done”…what’s to say that we’ll get comfy with that and then in a couple of years or four years or something, think we were wrong?

I don’t know about others, but we have found it interesting…when we have postponed pregnancy…it has been very easy to abstain during the fertile time. Then, when we have trouble abstaining…we realize that perhaps we are “hearing” a call from God to have another baby. With both #2 and this third baby, it’s been that way. As a matter of fact, when we got pregnant with #3, we had discussed and thought the time was not ready for having another baby. But then the extremely fertile time hit, and we both “threw caution to the wind” so to speak and BOOM, here we are expecting a baby. In our talks since then, we truly feel that God made the decisions for us that weekend.

I know that sounds crazy, but it’s amazing what happens when you just say, “God, you’re in control.”

I truly think that if it wasn’t the time…we would have had no trouble abstaining (as usual) during the fertile time…but the urge and pull to be together was so strong…we were unable to resist.

 

[Island_Oak]

momof3boys:

I wouldn’t try to get pregnant knowing he doesn’t want one right now, but, it is my choice to either take the pill or not. And if I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore, then I should not be pressured into doing it. Obviously there are other options…
I really want more kids. I think the thing that frightens both of us is whether we will be able to afford to have more. We already have money problems. I know I am not going to go back on ABC, though. My hubby said the other night “so that means we can never have sex again unless we want another baby?” …Sometimes I think I want to try again for a girl, but then I think that is the wrong reason to have another little one…I don’t know why, but I just really want a girl, too.

Just an observation…I hear a lot of “I want/I don’t want…” statements from you, but very little unity of purpose/direction expressed between you and your husband on this issue other than mutual anxiety about finances.

I think ALL these decisions: ABC v. NFP, more kids v. spacing v. no more kids need to be thoroughly discussed and AGREED upon before either one of you makes any unilateral decisions. Invest your time, honesty, prayer and listening skills. You may see that while your husband treasures your kids and loves babies just like you do, he feels overwhelmed by the responsibility he alone bears to support the kids you already have. Maybe once he feels you share a plan, or has a little breathing room, he will be able to also share your excitement about considering adding to the family. Keep in mind that God’s plan can be revealed to you by the peace or anxiety you experience after you sincerely attempt to discern your path.

 

[DJgang]

Michelle in KC:

I don’t know about others, but we have found it interesting…when we have postponed pregnancy…it has been very easy to abstain during the fertile time. Then, when we have trouble abstaining…we realize that perhaps we are “hearing” a call from God to have another baby. With both #2 and this third baby, it’s been that way. As a matter of fact, when we got pregnant with #3, we had discussed and thought the time was not ready for having another baby. But then the extremely fertile time hit, and we both “threw caution to the wind” so to speak and BOOM, here we are expecting a baby. In our talks since then, we truly feel that God made the decisions for us that weekend.

I know that sounds crazy, but it’s amazing what happens when you just say, “God, you’re in control.”

I truly think that if it wasn’t the time…we would have had no trouble abstaining (as usual) during the fertile time…but the urge and pull to be together was so strong…we were unable to resist.

I have never heard “it” put that way! Really, you just made my day! I just went for my 6 week check up after the delivery of our third child…nurse comes in…“what are you using for birth control”…my answer “not having sex”…both of us laugh. My doctor came in (female doctor, super sweet)…asked me again…my heart sank and I said “listen, I just will not and can not take birth control pills, I’m looking into NFP”…she’s like…“OK”. The whole way home I was talking to myself …“D - I am so proud of you for resisting that prescription of BC” I kept thinking, I’ve just got to pray about all of this and get some help on NFP soon.

Just a reminder - I’m not Catholic!

 

[MaryB23]

tamccrackine:

I have three girls. My inlaws think we are finished, I’ve been told by my MIL that we need to stop because “her son” doesn’t need to be disappointed anymore. The latest remark was she informed me that he had surgery at 6wks of age to correct a hernia, therefore he’ll never have boys. ey? :ehh:

Well, my boys are living proof that your MIL is mistaken. My husband had hernia surgery when he was less than a month old and I have 2 boys and no girls!

(BTW, I know you didn’t need any proof about your MIL’s silly statement, but now if she says it again, you can tell her you “know” someone that disproves her little theory. )

 

[MilitaryWife91]

Hi Mom,

My hubby is in the AF as well (we’re in NJ for the year), and we had been facing some similar issues. Should we have the 4th? What about NFP? etc.

Our first boy was conceived on the NFP plan. He was NOT however, an accident. We knew what we were doing–throwing caution to the wind as another poster put it! And boom! There he was. Nine years and a lot of heartache later, we finally had twin boys. We’re not using ABC, but we are avoiding those possible fertile times of the month. The other day, my husband, who has been adamantly against having any more, tells me, out of the blue that he’d be okay with another baby.

That blew me away. The twins are 2. (So there may be a point when your husband feels he IS okay with more)

I like the “if you’re not sure, then you may not be not done” way of thinking too, I guess. I just keep thinking of all the time my hubby will be gone and all the moving around we face in the next 6 years. I don’t consider myself ‘good’ at raising my kids alone. I’m a stresser!

This thread has been nice to read. You all make some great points. I like the story regarding being able to control yourself if it isn’t right. I also like hearing that others make their decisions on a month-to-month basis. I feel strange sometimes when I think, “This month I’m all for it!” but other months I think, “There’s NO way!!”

Thanks,
MW

 

[La_Chiara]

MilitaryWife91–I am sending you a Private Message (PM). Click on the blue “Message” link to receive!

 

[MilitaryWife91]

LaChiara,

Thank you for your kind message. I tried to reply to your PM, but apparently, your box is full. You’re a popular gal, I’d say!

MW

 

[MilitaryWife91]

Mom,

Regarding your question about wanting a girl vs a boy: I can relate! Sometimes I think I just want to have another one so I can have a girl in the family! Even my dog is a boy. Help! I’m surrounded!

I’d probably end up with another boy. Of course, that wouldn’t be so bad (I’m a little afraid to have a girl–I have visions of a hormonal mini-me in the teen years–yikes!)

v/r
MW
PS to all–I think I should create a signature for myself which includes a reference to rambling…

 

[momof3boys]

I really want to have a girl, too. I asked my husband, “If we had 3 girls, wouldn’t you want to try again for a boy?”. His answer “I can play softball with a girl”!
So, is is just a woman thing? I honestly think he’d want a boy in the family.

 

[tamccrackine]

I have three girls and my husbands’ response to others pointing out the obvious to him is to cock his one eyebrow like :ehh: and he goes “my girls will learn to shoot as well as a guy, their mother shoots better than some guys, so why not?” Our oldest will take after him in height (he’s 6’3") so we tell people that’s our retirement plan (WNBA here we come). The only thing my husband notices readily about having three girls is the drama. Not saying boys arent’ capable of it… just saying it’s much more noticable.

Do I have a mini-me? yep… my oldest is me through and through in attitude, stubbornness, quick mouth, but she’s smart, quick witted, funny. She and I will butt heads when she’s a teen, but that’s alright… I’m living proof that parents don’t kill their children and my mother is still alive and NOT in a funny farm.
theresa