Hubby brought home a kitten?!

[28562]

I’d get rid of it, but then again, I hate cats.

I have two but I would never have one around a baby or a toddler - they all scratch. If you keep it, make it an outdoors cat, I mean feed it at the door and never let it in.

Linus2nd

Great idea. Then it can kill plenty of neighborhood birds, use the neighbors garden or sandbox as their litter box, pee and walk all over everyone’s cars, make horrible mating noises at 2am in the neighbors front yard, etc etc…

Did I mention I hate cats? And my neighbors all have nice outside cats?

 

[JennyAnne]

If you keep it, make it an outdoors cat, I mean feed it at the door and never let it in.

Linus2nd

Definitely not doing that. One of our past neighbors (they moved away now, luckily) had a cat who was kept outside all day. It would come to our yard, pee in the garden, kill songbirds, and got stuck in a tree multiple times and then yowled until the neighbor got it down. Not fun.
Also, I don’t want it to track dirt inside or bring in outside germs or anything.

 

[Allegra]

Definitely not doing that. One of our past neighbors (they moved away now, luckily) had a cat who was kept outside all day. It would come to our yard, pee in the garden, kill songbirds, and got stuck in a tree multiple times and then yowled until the neighbor got it down. Not fun.
Also, I don’t want it to track dirt inside or bring in outside germs or anything.

There’s something else they do when people let them run around outside. I just found a litter of kittens living under my shed. Guess who gets to pay to have them fixed?

 

[His_helpmeet]

I’ve been on and off about the idea of getting a pet for some time now, as many of you know. My husband is more into it than me. Originally I wanted a dog but then I decided against it because of the baby. Anyway, down to the point…
My husband brought home a kitten yesterday. One of his colleagues at work has a cat who had kittens, and he was giving them away. Hubby decided to get one without consulting me It’s a cute little kitty, and I have nothing against cats, but I’m worried. What if the baby is allergic? Maybe the cat will need more attention than we’re able to give?
I told my husband he shouldn’t have gotten it without asking me, and he said he’s sorry, but what now? Should I make him bring it back?

I don’t know if I can give you a yes/no answer straight off the hop. There are several things to consider.

1. If you’re currently pregnant, you should NOT be cleaning out the litterbox. Your husband will have to do it because of the toxoplasmosis risk. Is he prepared to deal with it?
2. Is the kitten vaccinated? Vaccinations are important, even if your kitty is a house cat, because he/she may get outside at some point by accident.
3. A cat costs an average of $500 a year. Is this an expense you can afford? Keep in mind that spaying/neutering is strongly recommended. (Animals cannot control their biological urges; thus, spaying/neutering, when done humanely, is part of good stewardship. Spaying substantially decreases the risk of breast and ovarian cancer in females and eliminates heat cycles and the risk of uterine infections. Neutering eliminates the risk of testicular cancer in males and reduces spraying, wandering, and aggression.) These operations tend to be quite expensive unless you know a vet or you’re eligible for a reduced-cost surgery. Even if you don’t intend to let the cat out of your house, the additional health benefits (coupled with the fact that the cat may get out anyway by accident) make spaying/neutering worth it.
4. Kittens can be very destructive, especially if you’re not always around to monitor their behaviour. Are you home most of the time?
5. Most cats live for somewhere around 12-16 years. Older cats (those over 6 years old) are harder to rehome because most people don’t want an old cat. Are you prepared to take on this responsibility?

Cats usually tend to do okay if they’ve been raised among children. We had 2 cats when my brother was born and there was never a problem. It’s a myth that they will “steal the baby’s breath” - they won’t usually go into the crib, and even if they do, they don’t usually cuddle close because it’s too warm. Keeping the door closed when the baby’s sleeping eliminates the risk the cat will get inside. We never had a major problem with cat scratches. I also strongly, strongly advise against having the cat declawed. This can result in major bone and joint problems later on because you are taking off the end bone in the foot, causing the cat to walk in an unnatural position.

If you can’t keep the kitten, your best bet is to see if you can find a local no-kill shelter, a cat rescue organization, or a responsible friend/family member who would like to take on the cat.

 

[EasterJoy]

…I told my husband he shouldn’t have gotten it without asking me, and he said he’s sorry, but what now? Should I make him bring it back?

Ah, how many family pets have gotten their paw in the door in just this way!

The decision about whether or not to have a cat is more immediate now, but it is not a fait accompli. I would neither reject the cat out of principle nor accept him on the “easier to get forgiveness than permission” theory. The cat has the advantage of having gotten himself an in-person interview, but that’s it.

Tell your husband to tell his friend that you’re going to invoke the lemon law, and are reserving the right to give the cat back within a few days. Otherwise, the co-worker can have him back right now. On Sunday night, make your decision with your husband. Your husband has seized the advantage of this “personal interview” for the cat, so the cat needs two thumbs up in order to stay. Otherwise, he needs to be returned on Monday. He will have had his chance.

So–do you like him? Is he friendly? Does he seem to like you? Is he coping with being away from his litter mates? Do you have a good place for his litter box? For perches and toys and such? How is the feeding routine going to work? What happens to him when you vacation? Do you have the money for veterinary bills? Do you have enough room to keep a cat that never gets to go outside?
(humanesociety.org/animals/cats/tips/cat_happy_indoors.html?credit=web_id97552438)

As for the common warning for pregnant women to stay away from litter boxes, cats get toxoplasmosis from eating contaminated raw meat, birds, mice, or soil, things pregnant women should avoid studiously. If you have an all-indoor cat, however, gardening and contact with raw meat are more likely sources of toxoplasmosis than your cat.

Oh, and do ask your husband what sort of penance he proposes as his way of showing his true contrition for this little stunt. People wind up with parrots this way, and they live (and shed and squawk) for decades. Your husband gambled by taking on a responsibility that will be partly yours without consulting you. Unless this is part of the “ride” you signed on for when you chose him, you need to make it clear how much you do not want a repeat. If you decide to keep the cat, double that. (Behaviors that are rewarded in an unpredictable pattern are very hard to eradicate.)

 

[tuscany]

** Just MHO, I say keep the kitten. The kitten touched your husband’s heart, you have a kind and caring husband.

As has been said, have your husband do litter box duties. Have your Vet show
you how to trim the kitten’s front nails every month to protect your baby
once he/she arrives, from scratches. Keep the kitten current on all shots needed.

My children loved hearing about St. Francis and learned to be kind to animals, like St. Francis was. The kitten needs a home, and it seems children that grow up with pets
have an empathy that those that have never loved and taken care of an animal seem to
lack.

We had a dog and a cat when my two children were born. I kept a close eye on the kids/pets being together, but never had any problems with anything.**

 

[bitterhope]

Toxoplasmosis is not a worry unless you are cleaning the litter box, and honestly I’ve never had a problem with it even then. It is very unlikely if the cat is indoors for it to pick up toxoplasmosis unless it is catching mice. No mice problem, not likely to have toxoplasmosis. Cats are much easier than dogs. If you are going on a trip, as long as there is good or water out the cat can stay for several days alone. Can’t do that with dogs. I grew up in a farm so our cats lived in the barn but now I have two house cats. If you live in town it is much better to keep them inside, but in the country it is perfectly fine for them to live outdoors. Neighborhoods and cities are dangerous for cats though so I keep mine inside.

My OBs have always recommended if I clean the litter box to put on plastic gloves and a mask, but being the lazy mom I am I just tell the kids to do it. If your husband is home every night I recommend having him do it. But honestly if the cat is healthy and not eating rodents there is barely any chance at all of a problem occurring. My kids are all allergic to different things and we go to the allergist. The allergist always tells me that having indoor pets is very good for kids and prevents other allergies and health problems (my kids have severe seasonal/plant allergies and some are allergic to a few medicines). All of my kids are outgrowing their outdoor allergies. Dr says the pets help that happen, much like allergy shots. If you are concerned about scratching, no reason you can’t get kitty declawed if he is staying inside. Mine aren’t, but they are not scratchers. Some vets recommend declawing if you have young kids to prevent cats from being given up or kicked out for scratching and many do it while the cat is being spayed or neutered.

Honestly I prefer dogs, but cats are ideal for young children. I don’t like puppies around babies because they nip when they play. House breaking dogs is a ton harder than litter training a cat. I would keep the kitty and at least see how it works out when baby comes.

 

[His_helpmeet]

In my experience, cats are mean and icky. I don’t like having them around my baby. They walk in their own pee, and then they jump up on the counter where you prepare the food. They scratch your furniture. They climb into your lap and pretend to want to be petted when they really want to bite you or scratch your face off. They seem to know when it is most inconvenient for you to have a cat in your lap and then demand to be there. They knock over your drink on purpose. They walk on/lick your sandwiches if you don’t keep an eye on them. It is hard to keep them away from the baby unless you lock them up in a room by themselves. If you get a two-colored cat, their hair will show up no matter what color pants you wear. I had a friend who had a nice cat. It was a purebread siamese cat and cost $700, but I’m not sure if that’s what made the difference. Every other cat I’ve ever met was a major pain. My step-mother’s cat scratched my sister’s eye and she had to go to the emergency room. I would avoid having a cat in your home, but that’s just me.

I think it depends on the cat. I have known some very, very nice, friendly kitties. (Then again I seem to have a knack for picking out the really sappy ones.) A spray bottle filled with plain water works well for discouraging unwanted behaviour. All my husband has to do is point the spray bottle at the cats and they RUN.

 

[Kaliaa]

marymary1975,

Thank you for your words about the maturity and socialization of kittens. What you wrote is a fact that most people are not aware of. Puppies leaving mom at an early age is right for them. A 6-8 week kitten is no way ready to leave mom. You’re spot on about 11 weeks or so. Just so readers are aware, I bred and showed Somalis for about 10 years and have a lot of experience with kittens.

Around 8 weeks of age kittens go through a phase somewhat like the “terrible twos”, lol. They are really into exploring their environment and generally not interested in being cuddled, held and coo’d at. When you try to do that, they frequently will wiggle and struggle to get loose after a very short period of time. ( sorta like the two year old always saying “no”. ) People might think the kitten isn’t going to work out for them. When all they really need is to spend more time with mom teaching and showing them. Once they get past that phase they become the lovely creatures that we expect them to be.

As for the person who thinks cats are icky. It’s okay, you’re probably a dog person. I can’t imagine letting a dog lick my face, my dinner plate, drool all over everything and leave hair everywhere, etc. hehe… I’ve had dogs too, just prefer cats. I’m just showing the opposite side of things. However, it sounds like you have met cats who were taken away from mom too soon as kittens. It can cause problems.

 

[EasterJoy]

In my experience, cats are mean and icky. I don’t like having them around my baby. They walk in their own pee, and then they jump up on the counter where you prepare the food. They scratch your furniture. They climb into your lap and pretend to want to be petted when they really want to bite you or scratch your face off. They seem to know when it is most inconvenient for you to have a cat in your lap and then demand to be there. They knock over your drink on purpose. They walk on/lick your sandwiches if you don’t keep an eye on them. It is hard to keep them away from the baby unless you lock them up in a room by themselves. If you get a two-colored cat, their hair will show up no matter what color pants you wear. I had a friend who had a nice cat. It was a purebread siamese cat and cost $700, but I’m not sure if that’s what made the difference. Every other cat I’ve ever met was a major pain. My step-mother’s cat scratched my sister’s eye and she had to go to the emergency room. I would avoid having a cat in your home, but that’s just me.

Cats vary greatly in temperament They can really be a pain if you don’t understand their signals, or if they are the kind of cat who does not bother to let you know when the amount of petting is suddenly sufficient. Still, many of them co-exist rather well with people, destroying only those things set out for the purpose and providing more enjoyment than trouble. It depends on the cat and the people living with it.

 

[EasterJoy]

marymary1975,

Thank you for your words about the maturity and socialization of kittens. What you wrote is a fact that most people are not aware of. Puppies leaving mom at an early age is right for them. A 6-8 week kitten is no way ready to leave mom. You’re spot on about 11 weeks or so. Just so readers are aware, I bred and showed Somalis for about 10 years and have a lot of experience with kittens.

Around 8 weeks of age kittens go through a phase somewhat like the “terrible twos”, lol. They are really into exploring their environment and generally not interested in being cuddled, held and coo’d at. When you try to do that, they frequently will wiggle and struggle to get loose after a very short period of time. ( sorta like the two year old always saying “no”. ) People might think the kitten isn’t going to work out for them. When all they really need is to spend more time with mom teaching and showing them. Once they get past that phase they become the lovely creatures that we expect them to be.

IOW–if the cat is not 12 weeks old or is older than 12 weeks and not socialized well for your household, send it back ASAP. That is good to know.

 

[Xantippe]

Since you have decided to keep the kitten, I will congratulate you on that. However I would like to comment on what I think is the issue at heart.

Your husband got a pet without consulting you, this is not a serious sin but this kind of behavior can make for huge problems in a marriage. It’s not that hard to pick up a phone to call your wife and say “Hey what do you think if I got a cat?”. If your husband got it as a surprise, then you two need to discuss this in depth. What if he thinks buying a car is a nice surprise, or making a big purchase, or planning a vacation?

Some people are naturally spontaneous, there is nothing wrong with that but to live your life with someone you need to discuss what you are comfortable with and what you are not. You can’t cover every possible scenario but you can make some general guidelines, such as no spouse spends over $200 without consulting the other spouse or things like that. God bless.

And bringing home a “free” kitten is well, well over a $200 purchase, if you look at food, vet bills, home destruction, petsitting expenses, etc.

 

[His_helpmeet]

marymary1975,

Thank you for your words about the maturity and socialization of kittens. What you wrote is a fact that most people are not aware of. Puppies leaving mom at an early age is right for them. A 6-8 week kitten is no way ready to leave mom. You’re spot on about 11 weeks or so. Just so readers are aware, I bred and showed Somalis for about 10 years and have a lot of experience with kittens.

Around 8 weeks of age kittens go through a phase somewhat like the “terrible twos”, lol. They are really into exploring their environment and generally not interested in being cuddled, held and coo’d at. When you try to do that, they frequently will wiggle and struggle to get loose after a very short period of time. ( sorta like the two year old always saying “no”. ) People might think the kitten isn’t going to work out for them. When all they really need is to spend more time with mom teaching and showing them. Once they get past that phase they become the lovely creatures that we expect them to be.

As for the person who thinks cats are icky. It’s okay, you’re probably a dog person. I can’t imagine letting a dog lick my face, my dinner plate, drool all over everything and leave hair everywhere, etc. hehe… I’ve had dogs too, just prefer cats. I’m just showing the opposite side of things. However, it sounds like you have met cats who were taken away from mom too soon as kittens. It can cause problems.

I think the Humane Society where we are adopts out kittens aged 2 months and up. That said, I have seen a couple of situations where it was not possible for a kitten to remain with the mother until that point. My cousin found a kitten abandoned in a cardboard box at the dump. The eyes were barely open, suggesting it was about a week old. She brought it home to my grandparents who adopted it. Although Grandma had to feed Snoopy (the cat) with an eye dropper, Snoopy was their companion until they euthanized her at the age of about 17 years. A number of years back, we were invited to the farm of some friends for my birthday. We were playing in the barn and found a mother cat with 2 kittens. One of the kittens (the female - the other was male) was severely malnourished as the mother did not have enough milk for them both. They were about 3 weeks old. We got permission to take the female kitten home and she became our family pet - we named her Misty. We initially gave Misty cow’s milk and tuna, then kitten food soaked in milk to make it soft. She did very well. I’m not saying that kittens should be away from their mothers too early, but there are situations where it does work out okay.

 

[marymary1975]

marymary1975,

Thank you for your words about the maturity and socialization of kittens. What you wrote is a fact that most people are not aware of. Puppies leaving mom at an early age is right for them. A 6-8 week kitten is no way ready to leave mom. You’re spot on about 11 weeks or so. Just so readers are aware, I bred and showed Somalis for about 10 years and have a lot of experience with kittens.

Around 8 weeks of age kittens go through a phase somewhat like the “terrible twos”, lol. They are really into exploring their environment and generally not interested in being cuddled, held and coo’d at. When you try to do that, they frequently will wiggle and struggle to get loose after a very short period of time. ( sorta like the two year old always saying “no”. ) People might think the kitten isn’t going to work out for them. When all they really need is to spend more time with mom teaching and showing them. Once they get past that phase they become the lovely creatures that we expect them to be.

As for the person who thinks cats are icky. It’s okay, you’re probably a dog person. I can’t imagine letting a dog lick my face, my dinner plate, drool all over everything and leave hair everywhere, etc. hehe… I’ve had dogs too, just prefer cats. I’m just showing the opposite side of things. However, it sounds like you have met cats who were taken away from mom too soon as kittens. It can cause problems.

Exactly Kaliaa! Not too many people are aware of all the issues that come as the result of a cat that has not been properly socialized. As I said, I am pretty knowledgeable about cats. One of my uncles is a judge for cat shows in the CFA and I have a very very good friend who has been a reputable ragdoll breeder for 15 years and I have learned a lot thanks through them. Add the fact that I rescued practically two semi feral cats and was able to domesticate them, taught me a lot so that is why I am aware of many things that the general public is not and that usually only breeders and experts know.

I agree that Allegra probably has been in contact with cats that have not been properly socialed. If notice, Allegra mentions she knows one breed cat Siamese, who does not behave like that! The key is that the breed cat probably came from a reputable breeder that knew what to do with a cat, socialized the cat the right way and handled the cat the right.way. two of the issues that Allegra mentions, the bitting while petting and the scratching furniture are closely related to bad socialization and improper (or maybe lack of knowledge) pet ownership. The cat walking on the pee… Cats are pretty clean, that means that the owner was not doing his job cleaning the litter box or keeping the litter (dirty owner dirty cat). Again currently I have three cats, a ragdoll a Maine coon and a domestic longhair. None of them display any of those behaviors.

Also, Allegra you may be more of a dog person. However too is important to point out that dog people sometimes tend to judge cats under the standard of a dog and cats and dogs are different species with different behaviors and you cannot look at one with the standard of another. It is like trying to understand why a fish cannot fly.

Someone else also mentioned if you are not going to be a responsible pet owner don’t be a pet owner at all. I agree 100% with that statement.

 

[EasterJoy]

Exactly Kaliaa! Not too many people are aware of all the issues that come as the result of a cat that has not been properly socialized. As I said, I am pretty knowledgeable about cats. One of my uncles is a judge for cat shows in the CFA and I have a very very good friend who has been a reputable ragdoll breeder for 15 years and I have learned a lot thanks through them. Add the fact that I rescued practically two semi feral cats and was able to domesticate them, taught me a lot so that is why I am aware of many things that the general public is not and that usually only breeders and experts know.

I agree that Allegra probably has been in contact with cats that have not been properly socialed. If notice, Allegra mentions she knows one breed cat Siamese, who does not behave like that! The key is that the breed cat probably came from a reputable breeder that knew what to do with a cat, socialized the cat the right way and handled the cat the right.way. two of the issues that Allegra mentions, the bitting while petting and the scratching furniture are closely related to bad socialization and improper (or maybe lack of knowledge) pet ownership. The cat walking on the pee… Cats are pretty clean, that means that the owner was not doing his job cleaning the litter box or keeping the litter (dirty owner dirty cat). Again currently I have three cats, a ragdoll a Maine coon and a domestic longhair. None of them display any of those behaviors.

Also, Allegra you may be more of a dog person. However too is important to point out that dog people sometimes tend to judge cats under the standard of a dog and cats and dogs are different species with different behaviors and you cannot look at one with the standard of another. It is like trying to understand why a fish cannot fly.

Someone else also mentioned if you are not going to be a responsible pet owner don’t be a pet owner at all. I agree 100% with that statement.

Animals with a background that is likely to make them challenging are probably better-suited to experienced pet owners with an otherwise uncomplicated home situation. A first-time owner with a newborn and the likelihood of more to follow does not fit that description.

 

[Avocadomom]

I’ve had cats around babies and none of them scratched my kids. Having said that, I would NEVER bring a new cat into a situation with kids. The shedding is disgusting - nothing more nauseating than finding fur stuck to your new crawler’s hands. The litter box - gross. What if the baby gets into it? A lot of cats pee in inappropriate places, scratch furniture and carpet. Cats bury their excrement and there is no way that they don’t make contact with it in the littler box. Basically, your cat is leaving a trail of fecal matter wherever he or she goes.

If you aren’t in an area that is appropriate for an outdoor cat, I’d send it packing.

 

[marymary1975]

I think the Humane Society where we are adopts out kittens aged 2 months and up. That said, I have seen a couple of situations where it was not possible for a kitten to remain with the mother until that point. My cousin found a kitten abandoned in a cardboard box at the dump. The eyes were barely open, suggesting it was about a week old. She brought it home to my grandparents who adopted it. Although Grandma had to feed Snoopy (the cat) with an eye dropper, Snoopy was their companion until they euthanized her at the age of about 17 years. A number of years back, we were invited to the farm of some friends for my birthday. We were playing in the barn and found a mother cat with 2 kittens. One of the kittens (the female - the other was male) was severely malnourished as the mother did not have enough milk for them both. They were about 3 weeks old. We got permission to take the female kitten home and she became our family pet - we named her Misty. We initially gave Misty cow’s milk and tuna, then kitten food soaked in milk to make it soft. She did very well. I’m not saying that kittens should be away from their mothers too early, but there are situations where it does work out okay.

Of course that are situations where there is not much that you can do. But still leaving the mother before 12 weeks means that the kitten is not going to learn many things that they should and that will create in the future certain behaviors that a cat properly socialized won’t have. Now if that kittenbfalls in the right hand…let me repeat again…the RIGHt hand… With someone who knows what to do it will turn out well. I mentioned before I had two practically feral cats who turned out to be two be two love bugs (one of them also was separated from the mother too early and remained on the street by himselfnfor a while) so it is doable. The problem is that the majority of the population do not have the knowledge, do not have the facilities and the circumstances to take on a cat under those circumstances.

For those two cats you describe there are probably a thousand that end up euthanized, on the street or a shelter precisely because of those same circumstances and because they either peed outside the litter box, scratched were they were not supposed or did something destructive. It is the same as if you grab a human infant and let him fed by himself on the street. Yes maybe some will come out if the street OK but for one that comes out OK a thousand come out wrong. So unless someone is fully aware of what they are getting into and is willing to put the time and effort and be a responsible pet owner, do not take a kitten that has been separated from the mother too early. If you find a kitten that has been abandoned and you cannot take the responsibility, take it to your local ASPCA or no kill shelter .

 

[Allegra]

As for the person who thinks cats are icky. It’s okay, you’re probably a dog person. I can’t imagine letting a dog lick my face, my dinner plate, drool all over everything and leave hair everywhere, etc. hehe… I’ve had dogs too, just prefer cats. I’m just showing the opposite side of things. However, it sounds like you have met cats who were taken away from mom too soon as kittens. It can cause problems.

No. I can’t stand dogs either. I’m not a pet person. I like to admire animals in the beauty of nature. My favorite domesticated animal is the horse. I like it because it is friendly, pretty, and never ever comes into a house.

 

[marymary1975]

Animals with a background that is likely to make them challenging are probably better-suited to experienced pet owners with an otherwise uncomplicated home situation. A first-time owner with a newborn and the likelihood of more to follow does not fit that description.

If you note I said in my first post that if the cat is less than 11 weeks she should have returned the cat and instead look for a breed cat that are usually perfect for first owners and children or adopt a senior cat who have already set personalities and are more laid back and easier to handle for first time pet owner.

People who do not have the knowledge or skillsbto handle cats from difficult backgrounds should not take them.

 

[marymary1975]

No. I can’t stand dogs either. I’m not a pet person. I like to admire animals in the beauty of nature. My favorite domesticated animal is the horse. I like it because it is friendly, pretty, and never ever comes into a house.

Well there are people who are just not pet or animal people (actually my grandmother was one of those). Again if someone is not a pet person they shouldntbhave pets. You’d be surprised but I’ve seen people that don’t like animals getting animals and that is soooo wrong. As long as the person who does not like pets doesn’t have them and respect them, that is OK.