Hubby leaves next week

[dawid]

dawid,
I love it!!! Could you tell me how to pronounce it.

Vasbyt 101
Vas: Pronounce “Fas” (means “fast” or “hard”)
byt: Pronounce “bait” (means “bite”)
Say it as one word!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

In the South African military there is a term “Vasbyt!”
Loosely translated, it means “bite down hard and persevere through adversity”.

Thanks, that’s a great way to look at things

dawid,

Malia, It is the experience of change that’s the worst. You will be stronger because of it. Trust me. I speak from experience as my husband has been away for more than half of our eight-year marriage if I added up all the deployments and field problems. You can do this, and by the end it won’t be as hard as you thought.

**
You know, if it wasn’t for having Fibro, I would not be worried. I would be sad, but not worried. But having a chronic illness that can vary in symptoms so much from day to day, or even hour by hour, leaving me barely able to care for myself, never mind an active 2 year old… well, I worry:shrug:**

**I know I am emotionally and spiritually strong enough to get through this separation. He was gone for over half of our marriage during our first few years and I survived. But I only had myself to care for…

… and I am very happy that hubby has found something that makes him feel passionate about work again. This will be so good for him and our future as a family. I just need the physical strength to get through it.** If this had only happened a year from now it would be easier…but if God says “now” then I guess there is a reason and we’ll get through it.

 

[SMHW]

Rich people who say money doesn’t buy “happiness” can just give all of their money to me. It sure would come in handy right about now!!!
**
(by happiness I mean that of the world, not in our soul…)**

I’m just curious Malia…

If you could get the kind of help from your parish and/or from the military that you think would truly assist you… whether that means financial help or some well-abled human bodies… what would you want?

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Thanks, that’s a great way to look at things

**
You know, if it wasn’t for having Fibro, I would not be worried. I would be sad, but not worried. But having a chronic illness that can vary in symptoms so much from day to day, or even hour by hour, leaving me barely able to care for myself, never mind an active 2 year old… well, I worry:shrug:**

**I know I am emotionally and spiritually strong enough to get through this separation. He was gone for over half of our marriage during our first few years and I survived. But I only had myself to care for…

… and I am very happy that hubby has found something that makes him feel passionate about work again. This will be so good for him and our future as a family. I just need the physical strength to get through it.** **If this had only happened a year from now it would be easier…**but if God says “now” then I guess there is a reason and we’ll get through it.

Malia, I was thinking of you yesterday. I hurt my back the day before trying to deal with my 2 yr old who decided to plop himself in the middle of the aisle on our way back from Communion, while I had my 7 mo old in my front carrier. I couldn’t do a lot of basic things yesterday due to the pain, (heck, it even hurt if I breathed too deep), and all I could think of was mothers like you and a friend of mine who face this far more often than I do and live through the pain, and how their sacrifices for their children are so exemplary and their offering up the pain can be so valuable.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that you are in our thoughts and that we will be praying for you that you may feel God helping you with your cross.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I’m just curious Malia…

If you could get the kind of help from your parish and/or from the military that you think would truly assist you… whether that means financial help or some well-abled human bodies… what would you want?

**Let’s see… maid service would be very nice. Simple things like vacuuming or cleaning a bathtub sap all of my energy and leave me in a lot of pain.

A personal chef would be at the top of my list. Cooking is one of those things that needs to be done and also saps a lot of energy and time as well as causes pain for me. And I can’t eat a lot of processed foods as it really exacerbates my pain.

Someone to shovel snow all winter so I don’t have to either get a fine (bylaw) or try and do it myself. There will be many times that my dad or bro in-law will be able to do it for me but not all of the time. It would be nice to know someone would be on top of it.

Those are the biggies that are at the front of my mind…hubby usually does most of this (or can take over caring for Lily if I do them and use up all of my energy).

And figuring out a way to sleep in…with hubby’s shift work I have been able to sleep in a lot of mornings and it really helps.**

**Oh, and if I could get one of those de-clutter services to come in and truly organize this place it would make it easier for me or anyone who needs to help me. Clutter is the enemy!!! Hubby and I were slowly working towards this goal over the summer but aren’t anywhere near having things in order…
**

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

How could I forget a DRIVER??? The cognitive symptoms of fibro leave me unable to drive on most days. And the days I do feel up to it are impossible to know ahead of time so i am unable to join any groups (structured) or make plans. My mom will be able to drive us places sometimes…but for the most part I will be stuck at home a lot and so will Lily.

 

[kage_ar]

Please phone your Parish, speak to your Priest, to the Youth Minister, to the president of the CCW - if you lived here, there would be many people willing to help you. The Church Van would pick ya’ll up for Mass - the teens would help with odd jobs and babysitting (extra arms during Mass too!), the ladies would help with cooking and cleaning.

I’m sure that Canadian Catholics are just as caring.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Please phone your Parish, speak to your Priest, to the Youth Minister, to the president of the CCW - if you lived here, there would be many people willing to help you. The Church Van would pick ya’ll up for Mass - the teens would help with odd jobs and babysitting (extra arms during Mass too!), the ladies would help with cooking and cleaning.

I’m sure that Canadian Catholics are just as caring.

We have spoken to our parish before (for similar situations) and they are also aware of the current situation. I don’t think we have a Church van? And how would that work for car seats? Not that it matters much…getting out once a week for Mass can be managed since my dad is home on weekends most of the time.

I have been thinking about this a lot the past week. I think I am mostly sad because I don’t have one single person I can count on “no matter what”. People have to work or are in poor health. So I will have family helping me as much as possible but I don’t have anyone in my family that can just drop work or promise to feel up to helping me for 8 months. I feel like such a huge burden. People have their own lives…they don’t need to be helping me live mine.

 

[kage_ar]

Vans have seatbelts There is also the carpool option.

Remember, in Scripture we are told “bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfull the law of Christ”.

Praying that your Parish family opens their arms.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Vans have seatbelts There is also the carpool option.

LOL, I should hope so. But not carseats…ours is not easy or quick to move. It’s in our vehicle for good until she grows out of it. But, like I said, it’s not Mass I’m worried about getting to.

Remember, in Scripture we are told “bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfull the law of Christ”.

Praying that your Parish family opens their arms.

**Thanks. And I’ll be praying that I can meet Lily’s basic needs.
**

 

[Phemie]

We have spoken to our parish before (for similar situations) and they are also aware of the current situation. I don’t think we have a Church van? And how would that work for car seats? Not that it matters much…getting out once a week for Mass can be managed since my dad is home on weekends most of the time.

I have been thinking about this a lot the past week. I think I am mostly sad because I don’t have one single person I can count on “no matter what”. People have to work or are in poor health. So I will have family helping me as much as possible but I don’t have anyone in my family that can just drop work or promise to feel up to helping me for 8 months. I feel like such a huge burden. People have their own lives…they don’t need to be helping me live mine.

Mahlia, I take it that you don’t live in PMQs. Has your DH mentioned to the guys in his section how ill you are? I know that anytime my DH had to go on course or TD someone from his section always made sure to contact me to see if I needed help with anything. I would think that in a close-knit section like the fire hall they would also help each other’s families out that way.

The MFRC wasn’t much help, was it? Do you belong to the military parish or the civy parish? Don’t be confused by the ‘van’ suggestion. In some parishes that may exist, but I can’t say that I’ve seen it in all my years of moving around. Most parishes struggled to pay regular bills, never mind running a parish van with all the expenses that entails (gas, INSURANCE, gas, gas).

Adding you to our prayer list tomorrow and will keep you in my personal prayers.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Mahlia, I take it that you don’t live in PMQs.

NO, we don’t.

Has your DH mentioned to the guys in his section how ill you are? I know that anytime my DH had to go on course or TD someone from his section always made sure to contact me to see if I needed help with anything. I would think that in a close-knit section like the fire hall they would also help each other’s families out that way.

**He just joined the firehall in August. And there are no guarantees that he will be posted back to it when this course is over…

He doesn’t know the guys well yet and he doesn’t talk about my illness much to anyone. I think it’s because it’s so difficult for him to explain maybe… **

The MFRC wasn’t much help, was it?
**
Nope:nope:**

Do you belong to the military parish or the civy parish?
**
Civvy.**

Don’t be confused by the ‘van’ suggestion. In some parishes that may exist, but I can’t say that I’ve seen it in all my years of moving around. Most parishes struggled to pay regular bills, never mind running a parish van with all the expenses that entails (gas, INSURANCE, gas, gas).

Thanks

Adding you to our prayer list tomorrow and will keep you in my personal prayers.

I appreciate it

 

[Brenda_V]

Malia,

Some other resources for you if Church and Family Services at your husbands installation can’t help you: call your local Boy Scout Council and see if there are some Eagle Scouts or soon-to-be who can help with the heavy stuff like shoveling the walks - something that may be frequent but not everyday kind of thing. I am thinking of an age where the scout would have his own drivers license so he wouldn’t have to depend on parents to get him there.

Also, Girl Scouts for babysitting, inside housework/cooking types of services.

This sounds so sexist and I didn’t mean it to because either can help you with any of the help you want.

Now for driving you to places, is there a handicapped van service in your city? They should have the capacity for a car seat. Your Parish office may have a book of resources with the numbers in it. If not, check out United Way, they may have the numbers to help you.

Oh, I so wish I lived closer to you - if we all did we could take turns helping you so it wouldn’t be time consuming for any 1 person . As it is, we are here for you via the internet and saying prayers for you all.

(edit) I read more posts - your carseat is really hard to move so, could you get one that is easier just for the times someone else would be driving you? Our handicap city vans (there is a small fee for their use) can take a car seat but you have to provide it.

Brenda V.

 

[Phemie]

Malia,

Oh, I so wish I lived closer to you - if we all did we could take turns helping you so it wouldn’t be time consuming for any 1 person . As it is, we are here for you via the internet and saying prayers for you all.

Brenda V.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could do that? I’m sure I could take Lily for a day – after all, I’m flying to another town with a friend’s 3 1/2 year old daughter to take her for a medical check-up (mom full-time college student/grandma full time-teacher; honorary aunt (moi) part-time parish secretary – guess who can more easily take time off??

Little one sleeps better than Lily, but once she wakes up she is a bouncer, never sitting still. I’m going to inflict her on my son for 2 days then spend 2 nights in a hospital hostel with her before flying back. By the time we get back this, by then, 55 year old may need a holiday.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**7 hours and counting…

we had beautiful weather here today so were able to have fun with Lily outside and at the park.

Please pray that Lily adjusts well and quickly to daddy’s absence…**

 

[Brenda_V]

:hug1: For you and :hug1:for Lily and prayers for successful training for Feanaro!

Brenda V.

 

[yessisan]

I’m sorry you have to be put in this situation! I wish I were close to you to take you places, help you with Lily and keep you company :hug1:

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**Prayers please

…hubby just left by taxi for the airport…this is just so much…

I feel like… like someone being dumped in the middle of the ocean and told to swim…maybe you’ll find a shore…maybe you’ll drown…maybe a shark will eat you, or only half eat you… oh, and strap an innocent, dependent baby on board for the ride:crying:

I’m going to bed. I hope I can at least get a bit of sleep…tomorrow is going to be a long day.
**

 

[SMHW]

 

[Magicsilence]

Malia, I know 8 months might seem like a lifetime, but now that your husband has gone, the time till he will come back just gets shorter and shorter.

Try and focus on that end date, and remember that every day is a step towards it, and if you DH is coming back for Christmas and short breaks, then think of it as two or three short placements for him, rather than 8 months of dreariness.

I will be praying for you! :hug1: