Hubby wants to wait till baby sleeps better before conceiving next child

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We’ve a 6month old who nurses a lot during the night… 4-6times.
Okay, yes, I’m tired… But I don’t want to wait till he sleeps better till we conceive again. I don’t want a big age gap between children and we both want a large family.

How do I accept my husbands wishes when I so desperately want the opposite!
 
Pray together for God’s will to be done and to bring you both peace in your decision together.
 
Pray together for God’s will to be done and to bring you both peace in your decision together.
Even if you wait until your baby is a year old before conceiving, the two will ne ess than two years apart. This isn’t a race!!!😃
 
I agree with Em in FL… pray, pray, pray!! I don’t say this to discredit your feelings at all, but I also remember really wanting another baby at around the 6 month mark. I almost think it’s hormonal to a degree. Either way, maybe take that time when you’re up nursing to devote to prayer about this. I always find praying through the late-night nursing sessions is when I hear answers most clearly…
 
We’ve a 6month old who nurses a lot during the night… 4-6times.
Okay, yes, I’m tired… But I don’t want to wait till he sleeps better till we conceive again. I don’t want a big age gap between children and we both want a large family.

How do I accept my husbands wishes when I so desperately want the opposite!
Have you tried talking to him? Are you ready to deal with several children at once (you admit you are “tired” now)?

What if you get your wish and have a special needs child and don’t know at first? Our oldest son has Doose Syndrom and we didn’t suspect it until he was 3 years old and didn’t know it until he was 5 years old. I can’t imagine taking care of him and 3 other children even younger at the same time. We had our sons two years apart and it was still a massive amount of work and money. His perscriptions alone run $40,000 a year now - 5 years ago it was nearly $100,000 a year.
 
If your are breast feeding, and your baby is feeding 4 - 6 times through the night, your natural fertility *should *be quite low if it has returned at all.
But that may vary from person to person. The best tell is if your cycle has returned to a fairly normal pattern. My wife’s cycle did not return until she went back to work after both our kids. (over 9 months in both cases. you get 9 months “Statutory Maternity Pay” in this country, and may take longer without pay if you want, with your job being secure throughout that time.)

With a baby that young there’s certainly no question of any moral issue in choosing to wait a while longer before deliberately trying to conceive.

When you say you want a large family:
how many do you currently have: the jump from 1 baby to 2 is huge, and the jump from 2 to 3 requires a paradigm shift in skills and parenting approach. (you only have 2 hands)
If you’ve already got 3 then you’ve a far better idea of what’s to come as that paradigm shift has already occurred: but many parents stop there not realising that no.s 4+ don’t require the huge personal changes required by each of the first 3.

What I would say is that if you have the choice, and are already breast feeding your current infant, that to continue to BF up to the 1st birthday is very strongly advised by medical science and child development science.
When you get pregnant again you may find your milk supply changes or stops completely.

If you compromise, and wait until then (1 year) you will still have a babies under 2 years apart which allows an nice, healthy spacing, letting your body properly recover, and each baby getting all the 1:1 time with you they need before your next baby places huge demands on you.

My wife and I had our first 2 babies at 25 months apart. This does mean their needs are very different until the new baby grows a lot. We are aiming for 31 - 36 months apart for No. 3, so that no.2 is more self sufficient when the next one arrives.
For us that means we’ll start TTC around 2nd half of December this year, hoping for a baby between September - November next year.
 
We’ve a 6month old who nurses a lot during the night… 4-6times.
Okay, yes, I’m tired… But I don’t want to wait till he sleeps better till we conceive again. I don’t want a big age gap between children and we both want a large family.

How do I accept my husbands wishes when I so desperately want the opposite!
Sorry if I make once again my advocate of devil in saying that the absolute physiologism of the procreation coming from wives is not good. The wife/the mother has to be careful, has to be prudent, has to be moderated concerning the procreation: the just balance. The responsible procreation implies the management of wishes of a new baby and of the gap between two childbirths by the wife and by the husband …etc.

The fact of wanting to try to have a new baby has to be decided by the couple. *Only the opening to life is required by the natural law and by the catholic church. *

*The theoretical providentialism, the fideism the quiestism and Co (their intellectual friends) of the procreation are morally wrong, in my humble opinion. The fact of having a family is not a race. *

The reasonability and the rationalization are two very important notions for deciding. *A form of dictatorship of reproductive hormones is not very human. *

Pray, pray, pray, talk, discuss, wait, educate the present baby and after decide together in being open to the life (next baby in the respect of the responsible paternity and of the responsible maternity - the responsible maternity -).
 
Sorry if I make once again my advocate of devil in saying that the absolute physiologism of the procreation coming from wives is not good. The wife/the mother has to be careful, has to be prudent, has to be moderated concerning the procreation: the just balance. The responsible procreation implies the management of wishes of a new baby and of the gap between two childbirths by the wife and by the husband …etc.

The fact of wanting to try to have a new baby has to be decided by the couple. *Only the opening to life is required by the natural law and by the catholic church. *

*The theoretical providentialism, the fideism the quiestism and Co (their intellectual friends) of the procreation are morally wrong, in my humble opinion. The fact of having a family is not a race. *

The reasonability and the rationalization are two very important notions for deciding. *A form of dictatorship of reproductive hormones is not very human. *

Pray, pray, pray, talk, discuss, wait, educate the present baby and after decide together,* in accepting the new possible life*** (next baby in the respect of the responsible paternity and of the responsible maternity - the responsible procreation -).
 
Pray together for God’s will to be done and to bring you both peace in your decision together.
👍

Our 2nd was conceived around the time our first was 6 months old and I love the gap. We weren’t TTC or TTA… but honestly if you aren’t TTA for a lot of people that is pretty much TTC. I think God sent that child at a time that was perfect for our family (and dd was having trouble sleeping too, I was nursing nightly as well, but things worked out for us). It isn’t about a “race” or about having as many as you can (frankly we weren’t even trying to have a big family, just trying to seek God’s will for our family), we just didn’t feel we had reasons that would make us need to avoid at the time. While we did have sleep issues with DD early on when while I was pregnant I believe (she was in our room, and when she could see me she would want out of her crib; if she didn’t see me she would not cry and would go back to sleep etc), but from what I remember they went away and I don’t remember having any issues around when DS was born nor after. I’m sure there may have been phases related to teething or being sick, but I don’t remember any :D.
 
*Only the opening to life is required by the natural law and by the catholic church. *
If by opening to life, you mean not using any artificial means to avoid is the only requirement, it isn’t entirely correct. The Church does require for us to have good reasons to avoid… To be extreme, a couple cannot avoid throughout all of their marriage and be ok regardless of their reasons as long as they are not using contraception.
 
If by opening to life, you mean not using any artificial means to avoid is the only requirement, it isn’t entirely correct. The Church does require for us to have good reasons to avoid… To be extreme, a couple cannot avoid throughout all of their marriage and be ok regardless of their reasons as long as they are not using contraception.
The serious or grave reasons for using the information of the N.F.P. in order to avoid or postpone a new baby are not defined by the church. The catholic church does not give strict definitions.

The responsible procreation implies *the rationalization, the reasonability and thus of the existentialism in the fact of trying to want a new baby. *Inside the catholicism, there are many theological debates concerning the articulations between the ends of marriage (SSPX FSSP, the ordinary form versus the extraordinary form…etc).

The theoretical providentialism, the fideism and the quiestism and their intellectual friends (the almost catholic quiverfullism) of the procreation are not very catholic, in my opinion. This thoughts are dangerous.* The fact of wanting a baby can be morally irresponsible, under special conditions.*

A catholic couple *is not obliged to have a large family and the fact of having a large family is not a race. * The marital act is morally okay without the fact of wanting a baby, only the direct and voluntary contraception by artificial tools is deeply wrong, by nature and per se.

The sin of egoism of a couple concerning the lack of wanting a baby is more difficult to identify than the direct and voluntary contraception.
 
The serious or grave reasons for using the information of the N.F.P. in order to avoid or postpone a new baby are not defined by the church. The catholic church does not give strict definitions.
Exactly, the Church does not spell out exactly when it is or isn’t ok, but it does say we have to prayerfully discern if we have just reasons to do so. That we have to be prudent and generous. Using NFP the couple still keeps the procreative aspect there, which is why NFP can be used to avoid when a couple has good reasons to do so. That is different from saying the only requirement is to keep the procreative aspect there (I wasn’t sure if that is what you were saying, perhaps not 🙂 ).
I do wonder how many people thought this woman was irresponsible for being open to so many children, their openness would probably fall under “Providentialist” for many (note, the Church does not say all couples have to use NFP at some point; it is very possible for a couple to responsibly accept children as they come without having to recourse to NFP for avoiding)
ucanews.com/news/mother-of-five-priests-a-bishop-and-four-religious-dies/24639
 
I’m actually shocked at most of these responses.

I did not ask to be educated on contraception, marital sexuality, or teachings on bearing children.

My husband and I are firm in our religious beliefs, we practice NFP, feel we are called to have a large family… 5+ children if The Lord will allow us.

I did not say I would disobey my husbands wishes, I asked for advice on how to obey him…

Thank you for all of the private messages that were sent to me agreeing with me and offering prayers of patience.
 
Exactly, the Church does not spell out exactly when it is or isn’t ok, but it does say we have to prayerfully discern if we have just reasons to do so. That we have to be prudent and generous. Using NFP the couple still keeps the procreative aspect there, which is why NFP can be used to avoid when a couple has good reasons to do so. That is different from saying the only requirement is to keep the procreative aspect there (I wasn’t sure if that is what you were saying, perhaps not 🙂 ).
I do wonder how many people thought this woman was irresponsible for being open to so many children, their openness would probably fall under “Providentialist” for many (note, the Church does not say all couples have to use NFP at some point; it is very possible for a couple to responsibly accept children as they come without having to recourse to NFP for avoiding)
ucanews.com/news/mother-of-five-priests-a-bishop-and-four-religious-dies/24639
In my humble opinion, at each time that the couple makes love, the couple should be capable to know if the wife is potentially fertile in order to be responsible in the sexual act that can permit the conception.

What is the good definition of the theoretical providentialism of the procreation? Is it morally okay for a catholic couple to want to be a theoretical providentialist couple in the procreation? Is it morally wrong to be providentialist in the procreation because of the refusal of using of the human reason, sexual act as almost an animal? The marital act* has to be conscientised* in the human fashion (the body and its corollaries and the soul and its corollaries)???

The fact of trying to have a baby for a wife, in the voluntary manner, without the consent of her husband is not very fair. The obligation of husband is, only, the fact of accepting the opening to the life during the marital act.

The sin of voluntary and direct contraception??
The sin of egoism in the opening to the life??
The sin of egoism in the conjugal sexual love??
The sin of lack of the conjugal sexual charity??
The sin of the conjugal theoretical providentialism in the procreation??
The sin of the dictatorship of the female hormones of the wife??
The sin of the dictatorship of the male hormones of the husband??
The sin of the irresponsability in the conjugal procreation??
The sin of lying in the fertility situation of the wife by the wife herself??

ETC…
 
I’m actually shocked at most of these responses.

I did not ask to be educated on contraception, marital sexuality, or teachings on bearing children.

My husband and I are firm in our religious beliefs, we practice NFP, feel we are called to have a large family… 5+ children if The Lord will allow us.

I did not say I would disobey my husbands wishes, I asked for advice on how to obey him…

Thank you for all of the private messages that were sent to me agreeing with me and offering prayers of patience.
I hope so that my messages were not shocking. If it was the case, i am very sorry. I wished to insist, only, on the dangers of the theoretical providentialism in the procreation.

I did not say I would disobey my husbands wishes, I asked for advice on how to obey him….”
Honestly, I do not understand this sentence, why do you say how to obey to him??? In the marriage, there is a mutual and reciprocal donation of body, an equality and an equity between wife and husband concerning the marital act, a mutual submission.

About the sexuality with all corollaries, the husband is not the boss, is not the chief, is not the master, is not the leader. Why do you use these words???
 
“We’ve a 6month old who nurses a lot during the night… 4-6times.
Okay, yes, I’m tired… But I don’t want to wait till he sleeps better till we conceive again. I don’t want a big age gap between children and we both want a large family.”

5-7 months old are often so agreeable that it’s easy to think that we could easily manage a bunch of them. I would encourage you to wait a bit until your infant is mobile and reassess the situation at that point. I think you will find that your thinking on this evolves as your baby develops. It’s not ridiculous to have a 15 month spacing, but infants of your baby’s age do tend to lull mothers into complacency. I remember having exactly similar thoughts when some of my babies were that age and then changing my mind a few months later.
 
My dear, I hope my response was not upsetting to you. Just pray constantly. You’ll know what to do. 🙂
 
I did not say I would disobey my husbands wishes, I asked for advice on how to obey him…???

Could you explain, please???

The conjugal sexual equality and the conjugal sexual equity of each spouse about the marital act is the natural moral rule (the total lack of superiority and/or of inferiority of wife about the marital act, the total lack of superiority and/or of inferiority of husband about the marital act). The mutual and reciprocal submission concerning the conjugal sexual life between spouses is the catholic moral law.

The married woman is or should be the " New Eve of her Man " and the " Saint Mary Magdalena of her husband ", I mean: the Female, the Fiancée, the Bride, the Sweetheart, the Love, the Mistress, the Lover, the Beloved, the Muse, the Friend, the Best-friend, the Girlfriend, the Helper, the Soul-Mate, the Companion, the Partner, the Associate, the Educator, the Teacher, the Professor, the Thinker, the Philosopher, the Schoolgirl, the Pupil, the Student, the Follower, the Female Opposite Number, the Alter Ego, the Alterity, the Complementarity, the Princess, the Queen, the Doctress, the Nurse, the Guide of her Husband and the Person who reveals in him, his part of feminity and helps his masculinity: his Wife and the Potential Mother of their future children.
And
The married female, who is the wife, has to understand the normal sexuality of her male: wife is the teacher of the sexuality of her husband, she is also the professor of the sexuality of her husband, and then she is the doctress and the master of love of the sexuality of her husband. A catholic wife should have a huge consideration for her male. In her mind, man would be the most beautiful creature of the creation, he would be on the top of the natural creation wanted by God. He is her lover, her husband and her potential father of her children. For a catholic woman, he is her natural complementarity and her husband who is so divine, as he is coming from the creation of God. The bashing of man / husband coming from the wife is a social scandal and a moral scandal. The sexual violences on husband done by wife are wrong, are immoral and are very sinful. The conjugal rape done on him by wife is sinful and very immoral.

The married man is or should be the " New Adam of his Woman " and the " Holy Beloved of his wife ", I mean: the Male, the Fiancé, the Bridegroom, the Sweetheart, the Love, the Lover, the Master, the Beloved, the Pygmalion, the Friend, the Best-friend, the boyfriend, the Helper, the Soul-Mate, the Companion, the Partner, the Associate, the Educator, the Teacher, the Professor, the Thinker, the Philosopher, the Schoolgirl, the Pupil, the Student, the Follower, the Male Opposite Number, the Alterity, the Complementarity, the Prince, the King, the Doctor, the Nurse, the Guide of his Wife and the Person who reveals in her, her part of masculinity and helps her feminity : her Husband and the Potential Father of their future children.
And
*The married male, who is the husband, has to understand the normal sexuality of his female: Husband is the teacher of the sexuality of his wife, he is also the professor of the sexuality of his wife, and then he is the doctor and love’s master of the sexuality of his wife. *A catholic husband should have a huge consideration for his female. In his mind, woman would be the most beautiful creature of the creation, she would be on the top of the natural creation wanted by God. She is his lover, his wife and his potential mother of his children. For a catholic man, she is his natural complementarity and his wife who is so divine, as she is coming from the creation of God. The bashing of woman / wife coming from the husband is a social scandal and a moral scandal. The sexual violences on wife done by husband are wrong, are immoral and are very sinful. The conjugal rape on her done by husband is sinful and very immoral.

THE EQUALITY AND THE EQUITY ABOUT CONJUGAL SEX WITH ALL COROLLARIES ARE THE RULES
 
I’m actually shocked at most of these responses.

I did not ask to be educated on contraception, marital sexuality, or teachings on bearing children.

My husband and I are firm in our religious beliefs, we practice NFP, feel we are called to have a large family… 5+ children if The Lord will allow us.

I did not say I would disobey my husbands wishes, I asked for advice on how to obey him…

Thank you for all of the private messages that were sent to me agreeing with me and offering prayers of patience.
How to obey your husband, or perhaps a better way to phrase this is to use the phrase used in Ephesians “Respect your husband”:

I would suggest that you try to put yourself in his shoes.

Some people do just fine if they’re sleep deprived. They actually get mellow and giggly and happy. My husband is like that. Maybe you’re like that.

I’m not. I get sick to my stomach, and have a headache that makes me want to bash my head against a brick wall to make the headache stop. I’m so mean that I’m literally afraid to talk to anyone for fear that I will end up punching them. And I have no patience when I’m sleepy.

Perhaps your husband is more like me, and he actually suffers when he is deprived of sleep, especially if he is responsible for the bulk of supporting your family. He probably works very hard not to be grouchy or mean or sick-feeling because there’s a new baby and he’s trying to be a good daddy. But perhaps he’s really getting close to the ragged edge, and he’s trying to tell you that another baby in the house would push him over that edge and he’ll just up and run down the road and book a hotel room to have a little uninterrupted sleep.

Just try to put yourself in his mind and body and feel what he feels. Perhaps that will help you to respect his wishes.
 
I hope so that my messages were not shocking. If it was the case, i am very sorry. I wished to insist, only, on the dangers of the theoretical providentialism in the procreation.

I did not say I would disobey my husbands wishes, I asked for advice on how to obey him….”
Honestly, I do not understand this sentence, why do you say how to obey to him??? In the marriage, there is a mutual and reciprocal donation of body, an equality and an equity between wife and husband concerning the marital act, a mutual submission.

About the sexuality with all corollaries, the husband is not the boss, is not the chief, is not the master, is not the leader. Why do you use these words???
FTP I think you may be unaware of
[BIBLEDRB]Eph 5:22[/BIBLEDRB]

[BIBLEDRB]Col 3:18[/BIBLEDRB]
[BIBLEDRB]1Pet 3:1[/BIBLEDRB]

In the modern days of feminist view of theology these verses from St’s Peter and Paul often get ignored, glossed over or retranslated. However Both St’s. Peter and Paul taught this. If it was to be automatically assumed in the culture of day they would not have needed to say it. The challenge for a modern christian is how to interpret this in a manner which is faithful to the Sacred Scripture, while retaining the importance of the equal dignity which men and women share, and neither caving in to the worldly pressures of the modernist ideologies nor refusing to accept where modern progress has indeed shown a valid point on the equal dignity and rights of both men and women.

My personal interpretation is a bit like how the Captain and 1st Officer interact in Star Trek stories. The 1st officer has huge liberty to challenge the captain - particularly where that does not occur in public or in front of the junior crew (i.e. family)… However when the Captain makes a ruling, then that should be followed. Conversely: to “Pull Rank” on your spouse or overrule them is very damaging to the relationship, and should be avoided except in serious circumstances.

These verses in no way support a misogynistic role by the Husbands, rather in every case the inspired writers put heavy responsibilities on the husbands and demand they treat their wives with great love and respect. In Ephesians St Paul says a husband must love his wife to the point of giving up his life for her.
 
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