A
Arlene
Guest
Oh my gosh, what a horrible situation to find yourself in. I would recommend a group called ACA - Adult Children of Alcoholics. It is an offshoot of AA, and the meetings are run in the same fashion. You can find the strength within yourself to not feel like you can or have to fix your family. You cannot fix them.
I would also recommend any books by John Bradshaw, especially Homecoming. You mentioned you are seeing a therapist. Does he have experience or training in ACA issues?
As far as the end of life issues…are you actually the executor of the estate, or only the health care decision maker. In California, there is a document called the Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare where you can designate a person to be your decision maker and make your specific wishes known. Part of the instructions state…It is important that you speak to the people you want to appoint to make sure they understand your wishes and agree to accept this responsibility.
I would type up some small statement stating, I am unable to accept responsibility for the end of life decisions for my father., attach it to the copy of whatever he gave you and mail it to him, his doctor, and wherever else this document may have been filed.
Can you make other plans for the holidays…rent a cabin somewhere for an intimate family gathering, a ski holiday, the whole family volunteering at a soup kitchen for the day or something where you will not be available to host the family fest. Just say, we;re sorry, we have made other plans this year.
Our childhoods haunt us. We want so desperately to have the Norman Rockwell holiday dinners. Alcohol steals that from us. You cannot change your father. Continue to pray for him, God does work some incredible miracles. But protect yourself and your family. Choose not to participate.
My prayers are with you. Feel free to PM me.
Arlene
I would also recommend any books by John Bradshaw, especially Homecoming. You mentioned you are seeing a therapist. Does he have experience or training in ACA issues?
As far as the end of life issues…are you actually the executor of the estate, or only the health care decision maker. In California, there is a document called the Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare where you can designate a person to be your decision maker and make your specific wishes known. Part of the instructions state…It is important that you speak to the people you want to appoint to make sure they understand your wishes and agree to accept this responsibility.
I would type up some small statement stating, I am unable to accept responsibility for the end of life decisions for my father., attach it to the copy of whatever he gave you and mail it to him, his doctor, and wherever else this document may have been filed.
Can you make other plans for the holidays…rent a cabin somewhere for an intimate family gathering, a ski holiday, the whole family volunteering at a soup kitchen for the day or something where you will not be available to host the family fest. Just say, we;re sorry, we have made other plans this year.
Our childhoods haunt us. We want so desperately to have the Norman Rockwell holiday dinners. Alcohol steals that from us. You cannot change your father. Continue to pray for him, God does work some incredible miracles. But protect yourself and your family. Choose not to participate.
My prayers are with you. Feel free to PM me.
Arlene
