Hugging a friend

[Dorothy]

Trishie, well, actually, I do have family members that I do hug every day actually, not that many as you seem to have, but I’m really a hugger I’d say, I love hugs and such.
But for me personally there seem to be that I am a bit dependent on others outside my family (my family is quite a small one) and to me it is maybe some kind of proof that I am loved by my peers if I get to hug a friend and such.

Also, I believe I have written this before, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to write it again, if I am physical with other guys, I have very seldom had any sexual thoughts (that only happened, as I can come up to think of, years ago when I thought a lot of sexual thoughts in general, nowadays I usually don’t kind of start thinking of that myself, it just pops up in my head sometimes, and almost every time it is when I feel really, really lonely).

Some family members might be home but I can still feel really lonely and then I start looking at indecent pictures. Of course, hugs and being physical with family members mean a lot but it’s just not the same as being physical with friends.

I really wouldn’t say that I’m really SSA since it is mostly under certain circumstances, usually when I feel really lonely…

John,

You just mentioned “looking at indecent pictures.” That is not correct to do. Feeling lonely does not give anyone license to sin.

When you feel lonely how about reading and praying with Scripture? The Bible is a love letter from the Lord to you!

 

[john4christ80]

Just some quotes from a post on CourageOnline:
"If I experience fear and anxiety around male physical affection then rather than avoiding it I need to find occasions to experience it and learn to separate male physical affection from sexuality. I cannot desexualize something unless I have the courage to experience it. Let me repeat that. I cannot desexualize something unless I have the courage to experience it. "

"Think of it this way. Through the evils of the world the flesh and the devil, as a child you did not get what you needed in the way of touch as a child. So in Adolescence you sexualized male touch. So what does Satan do? He comes at you with a religious voice telling you, “don’t touch or let other men touch you because that will be an occasion to sin.” Do you see Satan’s victory. He sets you up for ssa and then frightens you away from the best therapy the Body of Christ has to offer at the same time. What a victory for darkness in your life.

Here is where the world’s view of heterosexuality and homosexuality has consequences. For those who think ssa is just a mirror of osa they will always make the wrong conclusions about what will help them. If I am in the lifestyle and having sex, my sexual appetite is never satisfied. That is because it is not a normal sex drive but instead a neurotic drive to achieve a sense of myself as masculine through sex with a man. I am stuck in a neurotic view of male touch. I view male touch as a gay man not as God sees it. If on the other hand I understand ssa then I will realize that I can desexualize those feelings and learn through experience to get touch without sexualizing it. Desexualized male affection is very very different. I can get “filled up” with this and experience a high level of feeling full and ready to give affection to other men and miraculously it won’t feel sexual."

“Karten & Wade found that overall clients experienced “a decrease in homosexual feelings and behavior, an increase in heterosexual feelings and behavior, and a positive change in psychological functioning.” The researchers discovered that the most significant factors correlating to successful SOCE were reduced conflict in expressing nonsexual affection with other men, being married, and feeling disconnected with men prior to treatment.” - narth.com/docs/newsumm.html

 

[m134e5]

I hate to sound cold, but you thought about this enough to ask it on here, which means the thought that it could be a bad idea has at least entered your mind and lingered for a little while. Please keep that thought in your mind, because yes- it’s a bad idea. Please don’t try to justify it, trying to do so would be dishonest with yourself. Hugs are fine- great, actually- but, spouses excepted, the people giving them had better be vertical and clothed. Also, be mindful and respectful of the differences between hugging and groping.

 

[Dorothy]

I hate to sound cold, but you thought about this enough to ask it on here, which means the thought that it could be a bad idea has at least entered your mind and lingered for a little while. Please keep that thought in your mind, because yes- it’s a bad idea. Please don’t try to justify it, trying to do so would be dishonest with yourself. Hugs are fine- great, actually- but, spouses excepted, the people giving them had better be vertical and clothed. Also, be mindful and respectful of the differences between hugging and groping.

There is also the need to be mindful of seeking to look at indecent pictures when one feels lonely.