Hugs From Other Men

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Em_in_FL said:
My only thought is that these could just be innocently “huggy” people.
(which now makes me wonder if I’ve ever made another wife uncomfortable by innocently hugging her husband)…
🤷

If this is something that truly bothers you and your wife, then you need to work on strategies for dealing with these situations. Body language says a lot. If someone obviously looked timid or shy I don’t think I would be as inclined to hug them. But if their face is lighting up and I see smiles and signs of outward affection then it appears as though they are welcoming and open to a greeting.
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I have seen the opposite to be true - the people who want to violate boundaries sense that someone is not strong enough to repel the advance and they move in before the person has a chance to compose a repellant move. If you don’t want hugs, what you do is stay back from a distance and extend your arm to shake hands, quite a distance from your body. You have to do this with confidence and before the hugger can move all the way into your space.
 
Em_in_FL said:
Honestly - we’re “huggers”… we have lots of friends that both DH and I hug (both the husbands and wives)… we even often give cheek-pecks to these friends…:bigyikes:
I have never had any thoughts about these things being inappropriate… because they’re not. My husband and I defend our marriage very strongly and outward signs of affection for good friends have no impact on that.
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We are huggers and kissers too. lol. I have never thought of it as being inappropriate. We have a friend from college, my hubby and the friend are fraternity brothers and were roommates in college. When we meet up, when DH and I go home, we always hangout with the friend. I’m very petite and the friend is much bigger than I am (about a foot and 1/2 height difference). Our friend will pick me up and spin me around and give me a peck on my cheek. Come to think of it, most of his fraternity brothers treat me this way. lol. My hubby has never gotten upset. My sorority sisters always give him big hugs, as well. 🤷
 
iHeartGrumpyCat said:
Have you been hugging my wife? Seriously, I don’t know how you can possibly know that, but I’m not worried about her. I’m worried about the creeps.

I’m OK with that concept, but…I have to…take their measure first.

I have no doubt that some of them are making advances.

In the future I will be giving calm and possibly polite warnings. But once and only once.
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I suggest that your wife stand slightly behind you as you introduce her to others, or she introduces you to others. Practice this at home, it’s not that hard to do, it will not be obvious to others if you do it right, but the body language will be clear to the other person that they are NOT to violate her personal boundaries. If the other person does not acknowledge the personal boundaries you have set, she can also take a step back and put her hand out to block them.
 
I’m a “huggy” person, too, but remember that we’re talking about people who are barely acquaintances. Guys in that group, let us face it, have been known to have the “what do I have to lose?” frame of mind.

Ick. If society is going to give them the green light to try to hug any woman they’re even remotely acquainted with, give me a way to keep them away from me without it being something wrong with me that I want to do so. Guys that you know better, you know well enough to say, “Hal, you pervert, if you try anything when you hug me, I’m going to kick you!” Ha, ha, ha, we’re just joking around, but if Hal knows me, Hal will mind his manners. If you don’t know a man that well, he shouldn’t feel free to give you some long full-frontal hug, because let’s face it, women aren’t really allowed to kick men that they barely know! It’s been known to cause a scene… :rolleyes:
 
EasterJoy said:
I’m a “huggy” person, too, but remember that we’re talking about people who are barely acquaintances. Guys in that group, let us face it, have been known to have the “what do I have to lose?” frame of mind.

Ick. If society is going to give them the green light to try to hug any woman they’re even remotely acquainted with, give me a way to keep them away from me without it being something wrong with me that I want to do so. Guys that you know better, you know well enough to say, “Hal, you pervert, if you try anything when you hug me, I’m going to kick you!” Ha, ha, ha, we’re just joking around, but if Hal knows me, Hal will mind his manners. If you don’t know a man that well, he shouldn’t feel free to give you some long full-frontal hug, because let’s face it, women aren’t really allowed to kick men that they barely know! It’s been known to cause a scene… :rolleyes:
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:rotfl::rotfl:
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I suggest that your wife stand slightly behind you as you introduce her to others, or she introduces you to others. Practice this at home, it’s not that hard to do, it will not be obvious to others if you do it right, but the body language will be clear to the other person that they are NOT to violate her personal boundaries. If the other person does not acknowledge the personal boundaries you have set, she can also take a step back and put her hand out to block them.
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The big problem here is our lack of agreement on boundaries.

Like some of the other female posters in this thread, she doesn’t seem to want to believe there are a lot of creeps out there who will push the boundaries of appropriate behavior to get their jollies.

All men are horndogs, but some of us can control ourselves.
 
iHeartGrumpyCat said:
The big problem here is our lack of agreement on boundaries.

Like some of the other female posters in this thread, she doesn’t seem to want to believe there are a lot of creeps out there who will push the boundaries of appropriate behavior to get their jollies.

All men are horndogs, but some of us can control ourselves.
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Do you think women are innocent and that they aren’t horndogs as well? Maybe you can’t control yourself and that is why you are so freaked out about this situation.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
Yes, you seem out of line and creepily possessive to me.
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Did we, by any chance, belong to the same parish a few years ago?

Of course I’m possessive, she’s my wife!

GC

*Marcus Brody: Follow me. I know the way. Ha! *
 
KendraDZ1902 said:
Do you think women are innocent and that they aren’t horndogs as well? Maybe you can’t control yourself and that is why you are so freaked out about this situation.
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I control myself just fine, thank you. I don’t walk around creepily trying to hug women.

Hell, I don’t need to, I’m married.

And, yes, some wimmins are horndogs, but they are a much smaller percentage than the men.

Also, it’s more acceptable for a woman to initiate a hug.

It just is.
 
ActingCatholic said:
I find this line of thinking to be problematic.
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In theory or in action?

The action part is very simple.

So is the theory: You don’t let people touch you in inappropriate ways and I won’t touch people in inappropriate ways.

Which…I…don’t.
 
I don’t mean to offend anybody here but I think that question is ridiculous! It is culture-based, so possibly in America, Canada etc it is not in your culture but here in Europe there is a big culture of hugging between both genders, as well as even kissing on the cheek. There is nothing sexual about this - it is primarily a custom.

I do not think it is right for people to classify this as ‘‘too far’’ or ‘‘too much’’ because at the end of the day, the traditions from country to country vary. It might be ‘‘too much’’ for the society in which you live but that does not mean that it is for my culture.
 
iHeartGrumpyCat said:
Did we, by any chance, belong to the same parish a few years ago?

Of course I’m possessive, she’s my wife!

GC

*Marcus Brody: Follow me. I know the way. Ha! *
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Deciding who it is ok for your wife to give a common greeting to seems a bit far to me. You honestly don’t seem very secure in your relationship if that is what you feel you have to do. Has she ever given you a reason to not trust her?
 
I personally know if I was married, I would not feel very comfortable hugging other men I do not know, even if I work with them or even in church. That is how loyal I would be to my husband. This is just me. It is ok to hug family members. That is different. Now it is ok to give a polite handshake to other men I don’t know. How many women here shake hands with a man?? I know that would be viewed as a very male thing to do but like me, some women have and will shake hands with other men. But hugs take on a very different vibe and personality. It is on a more personal level than handshakes.
 
iHeartGrumpyCat said:
I don’t walk around creepily trying to hug women.
.
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I don’t think I have ever encountered anyone creepily walking around trying to hug people. 🤷 If a stranger walked up to me at Target or the mall and tried to hug me, they would get punched in the face, no matter what gender they are.
 
I hate hugging, but I don’t think any of this is a big deal. It’s out in the open, everyone is clothed, you’re there - meh. In my husband’s culture it is common for men to kiss women on the cheek when meeting - even casual aquaintances. It’s not sexual.
 
ActingCatholic said:
In theory. Whom your wife hugs should primarily be based on her comfort not yours. This is only my opinion.
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I agree with this. I am spiteful. If I was told I wasn’t allowed to do something, I would do it just to prove to you that I could. 😃
 
Neilan said:
I don’t mean to offend anybody here but I think that question is ridiculous! It is culture-based, so possibly in America, Canada etc it is not in your culture but here in Europe there is a big culture of hugging between both genders, as well as even kissing on the cheek. There is nothing sexual about this - it is primarily a custom.

I do not think it is right for people to classify this as ‘‘too far’’ or ‘‘too much’’ because at the end of the day, the traditions from country to country vary. It might be ‘‘too much’’ for the society in which you live but that does not mean that it is for my culture.
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Well, in some other cultures like Japan, they take hugging as an affront and I have never seen a Japanese hug another person. So, we might have to be careful going into another country and observe how they do things. I am talking to all you big huggers out there. 😉
 
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