Didn’t see this until after my post above–but I’ll let it stand, for kicks.
…now to field your question here, even though it was directed to another poster–my take, anyway–where you are, is perfectly natural. It’s how most men are naturally wired.
My wife and I joke to this day about how when we were younger, and we’d hear babies crying, we’d think something along the lines of “…man, shut that kid up”, or “…can’t you control that baby?”, and such…and now, we’re the ones who get the stink eye when our own babies throw their little tantrums…
…but yeah, you get more comfortable; a lot more. You’ll almost assuredly come full circle, and realize that almost everything else in life, is vanity, by comparison.
And the experience changes you completely. You’ll hardly recognize yourself–in the mirror.
Where you’ll recognize your old self however, is in your kids. You see yourself in them, in a hundred different ways…
Enjoy your 20’s, Mongol…and do not be afraid of (or worry about) what comes next.
Life happens.
You ‘man up.’
c’est la vie.
Goya, thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut! I’m glad to hear that the way I feel is normal. I can rest much easier now. It’s interesting to hear your account of parenting. It sounds completely miserable, but then you say that you’d never been more fulfilled. What an incredible amount of sacrifice and selflessness to feel fulfilled in those circumstances.
Seems like no one answered your question yet. Here is an attempt.
When you go before a priest when seeking marriage one question that is supposed to be asked is if you are open to having children. If the answer is no then the priest may not confer the sacrament or just leave it open for later grounds for annulment. The possibility of having children is a factor in being open to the will of God. Closing that door means that you are not open to a factor in marriage which is a shame.
Even the Psalms say children are a blessing. Are we open to how God chooses to use us in His plan of salvation ?
Interesting. My response to the final statement from the psalms is that, sure, for some people they might be a blessing, but God doesn’t call all of us to be parents, right? Not even all married people are called to be parents. However, I realize this comes dangerously close to a kind of relativism that we as Catholics should stand against.
Suppose, hypothetically, a couple went to a priest and asked him to witness their marriage. He asked if they were open to children. Their response was “Well, we don’t want kids, and will try not to have them, but if it happened, we would recognize God’s will and love it nonetheless.”
That, to me, seems like openness to children.
Well, it’s only been a month (our little boy celebrated his one month birthday yesterday!) but I can say I am much more comfortable around babies, not just my own. It was quite a change, especially how he was born (very quick labour, only 8 hours, then BAM here’s your boy) but you learn and adapt because you have to. One of the great things about being a man is our urge to be challenged, and nothing challenges us more (and in the best ways) than being dads. That said, the hardest part, so far, is not being able to help my wife as much as I would like - she’s the only one that can feed our boy, so she’s kind of necessary. But I find I can do so many other things - make her meals, do the housework and other things she used to do so she can get her sleep. I would say that fatherhood brings out the true man in you. It is highly recommended - once you get married, that is. I think my wife and I wouldn’t have stayed as sane as we are if we hadn’t been married - it really is true that God gives you the grace necessary for your state in life, cause we have gotten tons of it!! And, I also have to echo what Goya said - he’s got it spot on.
Congratulations on your new baby! Your and Goya’s descriptions seem unreal to me. That’s an interesting point with challenge. It is definitely part of human nature, and I’ve never thought about the need to be challenged as being ordered toward a procreative end. You mentioned not being able to help your wife. Would you say your wife has a more difficult time right now than you do? I’ve always thought of parenting as being split 50-50, but maybe that happens later.
When I think of a “true man”, I don’t really think of a father. I think more of a cool bro who’s good at video games, can pound back beers, and leaves the toilet seat up. But what you said is food for thought. When I think of my dad and grandpas, they’re definitely “true men”. I’ve been so lucky to have good male influence from my dad in a society where fatherlessness is endemic. A father really is a true man, in a more mature sense of the term.
