Humility and Reality

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PelagiathePenit

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  1. Most of the time, if not all, rejection is rarely personal. How come it still stings?
  2. Harsh words, criticism, disapproval or differing opinions LITERALLY cannot hurt, unless you let them. If we have so much power within ourselves to resist the sting of words, why do people at times become vulnerable to what others do?
  3. We are in full control of our reactions and emotions. That’s is the BIG PROBLEM with sin. Perhaps God is FAR MORE MERCIFUL than I can imagine.
  4. What is abuse then if we as people have the power to NOT LET other people’s words, actions, etc. affect us.
What is the difference between humility and false humility (making yourself a martyr)?
 
"Humility is the mother of many virtues. From it spring obedience, holy fear, reverence, patience, modesty, mildness, and peace; for, whoever is humble easily obeys all, fears to offend any, maintains peace with all, shows himself affable to all, is submissive to all, does not offend or displease any, and does not feel the insults which may be inflicted upon him. He lives happy and contented, and in great peace.----St. Thomas of Villanova

Humility prevents us from feeling the insults inflicted on us?
 
  1. Most of the time, if not all, rejection is rarely personal. How come it still stings?
  2. Harsh words, criticism, disapproval or differing opinions LITERALLY cannot hurt, unless you let them. If we have so much power within ourselves to resist the sting of words, why do people at times become vulnerable to what others do?
  3. We are in full control of our reactions and emotions. That’s is the BIG PROBLEM with sin. Perhaps God is FAR MORE MERCIFUL than I can imagine.
  4. What is abuse then if we as people have the power to NOT LET other people’s words, actions, etc. affect us.
What is the difference between humility and false humility (making yourself a martyr)?
  1. God made us to be social beings. When people reject us, we are rejected from socializing, a core part of our being. In other words, we always want to be part of the group, accepted by others, appreciated, valued. With rejection, we are excluded. It doesn’t matter if there’s a good reason for it, we’re just not going to be happy.
  2. Harsh words cannot hurt physically, but they definitely can hurt mentally. For example kids that were bullied in school, even only verbal teasing have higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicide, and other mental health problems.
  3. Yes, it makes sense you can’t imagine it because God’s mercy is infinite. Sometimes a bad decision is not completely our fault. God sees everything. Remember all the conditions that affect culpability in the Catechism.
  4. This question is based on the false assumption that abuse causes no harm. Actually, it does cause harm. Some people can heal from it with good treatment. Others are plagued with mental illness the rest of their life.
As far as humility, that quote very much represents the ideal. Most people do not meet the ideal, probably extremely few. Some people are able to reach that point during their earthly life, such as the many canonized saints we know of. Most people will not reach this ideal until they are perfected in the purifying fires of purgatory.
 
  1. Most of the time, if not all, rejection is rarely personal. How come it still stings?
Altho the rejection is not made personally, it is taken personally. For example, Mrs Smith has time only for a few social occasions in her life, so she frequently turns down invitations to larger social gatherings with people she doesn’t know well. If an inviter choses to take that personally instead of just figuring Mrs Smith has an impersonal reason for not coming, then the inviter has taken the rejection personally.

Even with something as simple as a bad interaction at a shop, one can take it personally, or assume the other person is having a bad day and say a prayer for them.
  1. Harsh words, criticism, disapproval or differing opinions LITERALLY cannot hurt, unless you let them. If we have so much power within ourselves to resist the sting of words, why do people at times become vulnerable to what others do?
Aside from situations where a person really is vulnerable and the person too harsh, some people suffer from the after-effects of overly harsh treatment; and others suffer from an excess of pride which does not want to acknowledge imperfection on our part, or at least public knowledge of that imperfection.

WRT differing opinions, I am not sure what you mean in this context.
  1. We are in full control of our reactions and emotions. That’s is the BIG PROBLEM with sin. Perhaps God is FAR MORE MERCIFUL than I can imagine.
Well, actually, due to The Fall, we are not in full control of our emotions and reactions. That is something we have to work to gain a measure of.
  1. What is abuse then if we as people have the power to NOT LET other people’s words, actions, etc. affect us.
Abusive behavior is wrong, sinful.

We can, with God’s help, work towards attaining peace despite the cruelty of others. However, wrt their actions, it depends on the actions. Obviously if someone physically hurts another, the victim is affected.
What is the difference between humility and false humility (making yourself a martyr)?
False humility would be letting everyone know how humble you are being. True humility wwould be not noticing yourself being humble.

I will recommend a couple of books to you: *The Screwtape Letters, * by CS Lewis, and *Introduction to the Devout Life, *by St Francis de Sales. The first is in most public libraries in the US, the second can be found online.
 
If you read Introduction… then start at the beginning, but also start at Section Three. The first two parts deal with one’s spiritual life, the third, , etc., with dealing with the world in a spiritual way.
 
  1. Most of the time, if not all, rejection is rarely personal. How come it still stings?
  2. Harsh words, criticism, disapproval or differing opinions LITERALLY cannot hurt, unless you let them. If we have so much power within ourselves to resist the sting of words, why do people at times become vulnerable to what others do?
  3. We are in full control of our reactions and emotions. That’s is the BIG PROBLEM with sin. Perhaps God is FAR MORE MERCIFUL than I can imagine.
  4. What is abuse then if we as people have the power to NOT LET other people’s words, actions, etc. affect us.
What is the difference between humility and false humility (making yourself a martyr)?
True humility brings peace. False humility is still just pride-in disguise. 🙂 And doesn’t bring peace.
 
  1. Most of the time, if not all, rejection is rarely personal. How come it still stings?
  2. Harsh words, criticism, disapproval or differing opinions LITERALLY cannot hurt, unless you let them. If we have so much power within ourselves to resist the sting of words, why do people at times become vulnerable to what others do?
  3. We are in full control of our reactions and emotions. That’s is the BIG PROBLEM with sin. Perhaps God is FAR MORE MERCIFUL than I can imagine.
  4. What is abuse then if we as people have the power to NOT LET other people’s words, actions, etc. affect us.
What is the difference between humility and false humility (making yourself a martyr)?
It’s a good question. I know I can still be very sensitive to criticism and rejection-even when the criticism may well be true! Or even when I may not even truly want to be part of the group that rejects me! I think none of us, speaking generally about humanity, have too much humility, while pride/ ego is always lurking behind the scenes, influencing us in one way or another, whether we’re playing the rejecter/condemner or playing the “victim” at the time.

I view this as unreasonable, unnatural or anomalous even, a mark or evidence of original sin. We’re way too bound to the world’s values, way separate from God’s, relatively speaking. That’s a major lesson we’re here to learn, in fact, IMO.
 
It’s a good question. I know I can still be very sensitive to criticism and rejection-even when the criticism may well be true! Or even when I may not even truly want to be part of the group that rejects me! I think none of us, speaking generally about humanity, have too much humility, while pride/ ego is always lurking behind the scenes, influencing us in one way or another, whether we’re playing the rejecter/condemner or playing the “victim” at the time.

I view this as unreasonable, unnatural or anomalous even, a mark or evidence of original sin. We’re way too bound to the world’s values, way separate from God’s, relatively speaking. That’s a major lesson we’re here to learn, in fact, IMO.
Explain.
 
Pride is a slavery, and a killer in the end. It can justify any sin because it’s the reason behind human self-righteousness, which empowers us to act outside of what we would otherwise naturally do. It’s the basis of all man’s awkwardness, for lack of a better term, vis a vis the universe he lives in. It sets our standards too high for ourselves; Aquinas called it “inordinate self-love”, self-love being good and natural, with pride being a twisting or corruption-and lessening-of that good. All evil is said to follow in the same manner, a detraction from or negation of some created good. And all evil is said to oppose right reason in one manner or another even while it’s always committed in an attempt to obtain some perceived good. All wrong, it can be said, is done in the* name* of right.

And pride works both ways-our own pride can be a source of self-exaltation for us, or it can defeat us. We can be on the “giving” end of pride, as the dominator, the competitor, the one so sure of themselves and confident in their righteousness, consciously or not, that they don’t even question whether they have the right to control or condemn or manipulate or even behead another human being; humans are capable of way more ugliness than the most savage animal, especially in consideration of the fact that humans could at least* refrain *from such behavior if they so choose. Jesus, by contrast, in the ultimate act of humility and love, does the opposite; He willfully dies for us, offering His passion and life, the greatest good that can be offered. Sin/evil is completely overcome and vanquished by such an act, by such love.

We can also be on the “receiving” end of pride and sin, the one harmed by human meanness and abuse. And even there pride can rear its head-in us; we want to slap back, or slip into anger/depression. Because even though the perpetrator has no right to do what they do, we first of all don’t necessarily know that. Maybe they’re right. Maybe we deserve their abuse; we’ve earned it. Our own pride is wounded in any case. If neither side had this quality, this disease, then its power would disappear. We might also just receive another person’s comment or action wrongly, due to our pride, even if they were coming from a completely innocent place-and from truth. We can still feel victimized or abused by being overly sensitive due to this human “anomaly” known as pride. Either way the world is broken, wrong in some basic way, and we’re all part of it. A major aspect of this wrongness, directly connected with pride, is the “distorted image of God” that man conceived of at the Fall, and which persists in us to this day, unless and until it’s overcome as we come to truly know Him for Who He is.

Anyway, the answer is humility, love, a turning to God and away from ourselves. But the world is always trying to tempt us back to our competitive and covetous and suspicious-and/or self-protecting and defensive mode. It’s never just “them out there” in any case; we participate; we have our own pride, our own concupiscence, our own desires- our own struggle with sin that’s mixed up in this whole affair. It’s a life-long testing and refining and growing process, especially as we continue to persevere, to find merit and worth underlying it all. But seeing the “game” for what it is in light of the gospel doesn’t mean we automatically win it -we’ll continue to struggle with being certain of whether its rules genuinely reflect the truth of the human condition to begin with; we struggle with whether or not we even want to believe in this game since its purpose is to disinvolve us with the world that we want to fit into, whether or not man* is* truly out of communion with God to begin with, and in need of returning to it, to Him-whether or not God actually exists, to put it another way.

Maybe there is no such thing as original sin, maybe nothing wrong or broken with our world in some fundamental way even if our newspapers seem to indicate otherwise. But, again, to really *believe *in this brokenness means to turn away from self and the world and the exaltation we crave, and towards something higher than ourselves first of all. With that we begin to know that Someone’s ultimately in control-that justice will ultimately be done, that even though we must ‘see as through an obscure mirror’ in this life, walking by faith through an often frightening and misguided world that by no means places love and truth at the helm, we can still believe in the basic goodness of and order behind this universe. To the extent that I’m my own standard for truth and righteousness, which is the way we’re born due to OS, then we must defend ourselves, our position, virtually to the death-for fear of being humiliated and rejected and lost, even if only in our own eyes. To the extent that God becomes our God instead, to the extent that He’s the standard for truth and righteousness, we don’t need to defend ourselves so vehemently; we begin to defend Him, the Ultimate Truth, instead.
 
Who earns or rightfully deserves abuse? I disagree. No one has the right to seek vengeance on another. If thats the case, why turn the other cheek? Secondly, how is it pride to feel angry?
 
Some of which we label as wrong are natural human reactions. With all these definitions of pride, who will make it to heaven? Humans seem to be always wrong whatever they do. This website doesn’t help. I’ll stick to the bible and a very good priest. I’m no longer interested in people’s opinions on sin.
 
Who earns or rightfully deserves abuse? I disagree. No one has the right to seek vengeance on another. If thats the case, why turn the other cheek? Secondly, how is it pride to feel angry?
That was the whole point: ***NO ONE *** earns or deserves it. But we often question whether we do or not anyway. And when God is our God we stop falling for other’s manipulation and abuse. Otherwise its just an endless cycle of anger and depression or submission to the wrong “gods”. But when we’re manipulated to strike back in anger they’ve succeed in conforming us into their own image-they win.
 
Some of which we label as wrong are natural human reactions. With all these definitions of pride, who will make it to heaven? Humans seem to be always wrong whatever they do. This website doesn’t help. I’ll stick to the bible and a very good priest. I’m no longer interested in people’s opinions on sin.
Pride is wrong only as understood as a perversion of something good, which in this case is self-love. All wrong is such a twisting or perversion of good. Many human reactions are perfectly right-anger is one of them but it, too, can be abused, misused as a means of controlling others.
 
Some of which we label as wrong are natural human reactions. With all these definitions of pride, who will make it to heaven? Humans seem to be always wrong whatever they do.
There’s a* reason* why the Church teaches that pride is the deadliest of the deadly sins. It opposes God by it’s nature. But God still loves us-all of us. So when the apostles asked who could make it to heaven if the rich can’t-the rich being people who themselves tend to feel quite secure and self-assured in their status and position-Jesus answered, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” God remains the answer, working in and for us through His grace, as we humble ourselves and cooperate with that work.
 
Humility doesn’t mean we don’t feel pain when criticized or we are shunned by others. The pain we feel is real.

Humility is how we react to these situations and this is often driven by how well we know ourselves in God’s eyes.

Humility comes from a nondualistic faith. We see God in everyone and everything and understand that we are all connected to that one divine source.

Jim
 
Humility doesn’t mean we don’t feel pain when criticized or we are shunned by others. The pain we feel is real.

Humility is how we react to these situations and this is often driven by how well we know ourselves in God’s eyes.

Humility comes from a nondualistic faith. We see God in everyone and everything and understand that we are all connected to that one divine source.

Jim
I used to think it was a sin to be hurt by rejection until a priest told me otherwise. Honestly, I trust priests when it comes to evaluating sin. Only my confessors. They don’t always say things I want to hear but they don’t jump to conclusions about me based on prior behavior. I miss my last confessor. Gentle yet firm. He never condoned bad behavior nor did he use a sledgehammer to get his point across.
 
Point 3 is inaccurate, as we are not “fully in control” of our emotional reactions, apart from physical behaviors.

Even in our bodily heads, the emotional and intellective centers are physically separate and there is no direct control from one to the other. Hence even the “most intelligent” people can “blow it” emotionally.

Suggestion: read Emotional Intelligence.

ICXC NIKA
 
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