Does anybody else struggle with humility (ha ha, I know we all do) but I seem to struggle more than the average person.
When I realize I have done something wrong, or someone criticizes me, I go through extreme pain and I beat myself up over and over and over about it. This pattern has lead me to only an increase in pain, self-hatred, and a compulsive desire to “prove myself” and make myself likeable. When someone I respect doesn’t like me, I am hurt beyond reconcile.
Then, I turn very childish, and my inner thoughts become revengeful, even if I never carry anything out. I am angry with the person, but at the same time, have a deep desire for their approval. The pain can really be intense to the point where I struggle getting my mind off of it or thinking anything positive and I spiral downward.
Does anyone else struggle with this or can offer suggestions?
I would say it’s defiitely a pride/humility issue, as I’ve read about this before and have struggled with it too… like when someone criticizes me, I’d feel a lot of pain; but the Saints rejoiced when they were criticized. I read a quote by St Padre Pio who said that humility is to recognize our abjection, but a greater humility is to love it
that is very difficult.
I think a big aspect might be learning how to accept criticism. If someone gives you a hurtful criticism or tells you harsh words, - try to admit that they are right, and humbly/gently say that you will try to be different in the future. Or say nothing at all, but don’t argue. If they criticize you needlessly, through no fault of your own, - same thing. Then, humble yourself by thinking that you could easily have made that mistake that they were talking about.
It helps to simply pray for humility as well… and to seek humility before God, to recognize our misery before Him, - that we are truly nothing without His grace. It helps to say to God, “have mercy on me because I am nothing but a poor sinner”.
If you feel really discouraged when you are criticized, or when you sin, or make a mistake, etc, that is also pride because it shows that you expected yourself to be different. Then it helps to repent of the mistake/sin, decide to never do it again, and be sorry, - but also acknowledge that we are weak, and we are sinners.
It can also help to admit your failing to others, to not be afraid to let people see them. Try to read about the Saints maybe, and what they did. They often made themselves humiliated in some way just to grow in this virtue. They sometimes even did things that others thought ridiculous; like one Saint shaved only half of his beard.
I know this is difficult to hear and being humbled is never easy, but it’s really worth it in the long run, just keep fighting
if you ever get a temptation to think “oh now I am being humble”, or “I have grown in humility” - that is a temptation… as you grow in humility, you’ll also still be aware of your pride, - but you won’t be tormented so much by things people say or by your mistakes. You’ll have both humility and peace.
A humble person is joyful and peaceful, and accepts everything from God with gratitude, and doesn’t beat themselves up over sin, though - is completely repentant and has much contrition. But a humble person trusts in God’s mercy more than in their weakness, though they are very much aware of their weakness. And they rejoice in the fact that God is their Saviour, not themselves… they rejoice in needing God and His mercy; in being so small. St Therese is a great example!
I struggle with pride very much too
God bless
