Humility VS Desire for Respect

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Lost_Wanderer

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Can I as a Catholic have a healthy desire to be respected? It’s just that I’ve been reading this Litany of Humility and I’m not sure I find it to my taste. I mean I don’t wanna be an arrogant airhead but I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting to be acknowledged for something.

In my life, I’ve had many people look down on me so I can’t see what’s so wrong with desiring the complete opposite. What’s wrong with wanting to prove to people that you are just a human being as they are, can be just as skilled as they are, and that you’re not something to step on? I don’t see how letting people get away with thinking that you’re just a doormat or wallflower changes them.

I mean sure, if you think it might work for you but then… does everybody have to do it that way? 🤷
 
Well, we want to be identified with Christ. He was mocked and humiliated. He lost all worldly dignity. The goal is to be willingly at His side without batting a lash.
 
Humility is truth. The virtue of humility is being yourself. What others think of you and what they say about you does not change who you are. This is what makes saints like Francis, Faustina, Vincent de Paul and Mother Teresa such charming and respectable personalities in Church history.

Their charm was who they were. They had wonderful personalities. The respect given to them was based on their simplicity. I believe that a certain quote from St. Francis says it best, “I am who I am before God, nothing else.” If I’m a rocket scientist or a struggling student, that’s who I am.

Today’s society places too much emphasis on being recognized for our talents and achievements. It places too much emphasis on receiving respect, but a disproportionate accent on giving respect. The truly humble person is the one who gives more than what he receives.

This does not mean that one should be a door mat. But at the same time, one must know when to back-off and let it go. There are some people who just don’t get it. They will not show respect toward you, not because you don’t deserve it, but because they don’t know the meaning of the word. There is a wonderful story of St. Teresa of Avila. Shortly before she died she arrived at one of the monasteries that she had founded. The sister who greeted her at the door was not pleased to see her, but was very rude in her greeting. Teresa’s answer was, “Sister, I’m not here to fight with you. If you don’t mind, can you show me to a room where I can rest, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Here is an excellent example. Teresa was both the founder and superior of the order and was subjected to rudeness by one of her subordinates. But it wasn’t worth the fight. She had the authority to command the sister to be quiet or to impose a discipline. But the question is, would this have changed the sister? Obviously Teresa did not believe that it was worth a power struggle. You cannot change people by putting them in their place. The goal of the apostle is to change hearts and minds, not to gain the upper hand.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF
 
Thank-you for that post, JReducation :). I love the example and wisdom of the saints you continually reference.
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
Can I as a Catholic have a healthy desire to be respected? It’s just that I’ve been reading this Litany of Humility and I’m not sure I find it to my taste. I mean I don’t wanna be an arrogant airhead but I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting to be acknowledged for something.

In my life, I’ve had many people look down on me so I can’t see what’s so wrong with desiring the complete opposite. What’s wrong with wanting to prove to people that you are just a human being as they are, can be just as skilled as they are, and that you’re not something to step on? I don’t see how letting people get away with thinking that you’re just a doormat or wallflower changes them.

I mean sure, if you think it might work for you but then… does everybody have to do it that way? 🤷
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Welcome to the essence of true Christianity,i.e. truly deciding to follow “The Christ, Jesus” or to stay in “the world”, a secular creature happy to exist for a few short years and earn whatever scraps of honor the world will throw your way.

The Litany of Humility is a very difficult prayer, and perhaps something everyone should add to their lenten fast, but it is a request that God remove from us, all which the world holds dear, but to God, is just vanity and without value upon your day of judgement.

You ask to be delivered from: “the desire of being esteemed, loved, extolled, honored, praised, preferred, consulted, approved . . . .and from the fear of being humiliated, despised, rebuked, calumniated, forgotten, ridiculed, wronged, suspected etc”

You are absolutely right to recognize that as “humans” we WANT all of the above positives and none of the negatives, and being “in the world” we expect to receive through our hard secular work most of all the above positives and none of the negatives.

But the prayer gives us the opportunity to begin, in some novice way, the thought process on “the world” versus “eternity”. We know we cannot take any of the positive benefits with us on the day of our judgement. We know the humble and simple and unrecognized life that Jesus lived, as illlustrated in the Bible. So, the decision is ours, we can ask through the prayer of Humility to become more like Jesus, or put this hard prayer away and continue to bask in the eternal worthlessness of the praises of this world.

Jesus doesn’t ask for our resume on our Judgement, He asks, “did you love Me?”
 
Many good points have been made, but IMO nothing is wrong seeking recognition for a job well done. We’re humans, and not perfect. Nothing is wrong w/admitting that.
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
In my life, I’ve had many people look down on me so I can’t see what’s so wrong with desiring the complete opposite.
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At the end of the road of desiring the complete opposite is to be a Pharisee, who all started out wanting just a little bit of recognition, and probably would have called that perfectly healthy.

Nobody ever got looked down on like Jesus. Even so, his prayer wasn’t, “Father, make them all realize I’m better than they think.” It was, “Father, forgive them,” referring to the same Pharisees. The Litany of Humility is not a request to be mistreated or to want to be mistreated, but a request for a certain kind of heart, a prayer for identification with Jesus, who said that if you would be his disciple, you must deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow him. Who wouldn’t want identification with Jesus?

Actually, lots of people, but don’t be one of them.
 
Lost Wanderer, just pray to become united with the mind of God on this matter. Accept that this is something beyond your power at the moment, for that is where you are right now, and pray that God will bring you His knowledge on this matter through His power.
 
Lost waderer,
You are one very special unique person. You are special because the creator of this world knows you, he calls you by name, a name he chose for you even when you were in your mother’s womb. To ensure you stay in his love he came down in the person of his son Jesus to bring you closer to himself. He awaits to be joined with you forever when you finally leave this world. You are blessed indeed.

So, what do you care about human opinion? it doesnt matter. what do you care when they try to walk all over you? it is temporary. Do not seek recognition from mere mortals. It doesn’t last and it’s all too superficial.

I know we all want recognition, I am guilty as yourself. Yet what I have come to realise is that it is only fleeting and a misplaced priority.

Take heart and live life to the full. Dont worry.

Pax et bonum
Odopa
 
JReducation said:
Humility is truth. The virtue of humility is being yourself. What others think of you and what they say about you does not change who you are. This is what makes saints like Francis, Faustina, Vincent de Paul and Mother Teresa such charming and respectable personalities in Church history.

Their charm was who they were. They had wonderful personalities. The respect given to them was based on their simplicity. I believe that a certain quote from St. Francis says it best, “I am who I am before God, nothing else.” If I’m a rocket scientist or a struggling student, that’s who I am.

Today’s society places too much emphasis on being recognized for our talents and achievements. It places too much emphasis on receiving respect, but a disproportionate accent on giving respect. The truly humble person is the one who gives more than what he receives.
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I think I can see where you’re coming from. I’m pretty proud of who I am (minus a small albeit persistent flaw :o). However, reading the Litany, I have difficulty reconciling who I am with it. This is not to say I am arrogant but eh, I’m pretty competitive and want to earn the respect so people will learn to take me seriously when I need it.

I can’t fully agree though with not reminding people of their place. Again, this doesn’t mean I promote tyranny. However, there are times when respect for a person’s authority is crucial. (Take war time for instance or in politics.)
 
Julian0404 said:
Jesus doesn’t ask for our resume on our Judgement, He asks, “did you love Me?”
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This is going to sound painfully blunt but Jesus isn’t the one handing out jobs now is He? He’s not the one whose decision to hire you can be the difference between a stable, healthy life to a squalid one in the streets now is He?
Clevelander said:
At the end of the road of desiring the complete opposite is to be a Pharisee, who all started out wanting just a little bit of recognition, and probably would have called that perfectly healthy.
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Are you suggesting that even the slightest desire of wanting respect is some sort of spiritual poison?

How is that not letting yourself be treated like a doormat?

Esteem, respect, authority… such things give birth to the power of influence. Look at the Pope! His position demands respect and He sure makes good use with the influence he can give out of having such a position. Does that make him a Pharisee?
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
I think I can see where you’re coming from. I’m pretty proud of who I am (minus a small albeit persistent flaw :o). However, reading the Litany, I have difficulty reconciling who I am with it.
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That’s why I recommended prayer. We often lack the desire to change ourselves to make ourselves more in conformity with God’s will, and even if we had the desire we’d lack the strength. But humility is an extremely key virtue and the Litany of Humility is a great expression of it.

I recommend praying to desire what it offers, and then after you desire it, pray that God will give you what you desire. This may take a while but it’s well worth persistence, for the treasures of God’s Kingdom are eternal and far more delightful to have than are the world’s riches. It may not feel like that now, but that’s the point, that’s why I recommend prayer :). Prayer is powerful and can bring us closer to God, and union with God is the whole point of life on Earth.
 
I tend to think that the desire to show that “I’m just as good as you!” is motivated by pride. A person who is humble does not need these things, they don’t think of themselves that much at all… humility is not thinking you’re horrible, but just not focusing on self so much. I say this as a person who struggles with the same thing and wanting human respect…I’ve also had people look down on me and sometimes I still deal with the effects of that, but I tend to think this desire to be recognized comes from self love.
 
Lief_Erikson said:
Lost Wanderer, just pray to become united with the mind of God on this matter. Accept that this is something beyond your power at the moment, for that is where you are right now, and pray that God will bring you His knowledge on this matter through His power.
Click to expand...
odopa said:
Lost waderer,
You are one very special unique person. You are special because the creator of this world knows you, he calls you by name, a name he chose for you even when you were in your mother’s womb. To ensure you stay in his love he came down in the person of his son Jesus to bring you closer to himself. He awaits to be joined with you forever when you finally leave this world. You are blessed indeed.

So, what do you care about human opinion? it doesnt matter. what do you care when they try to walk all over you? it is temporary. Do not seek recognition from mere mortals. It doesn’t last and it’s all too superficial.

I know we all want recognition, I am guilty as yourself. Yet what I have come to realise is that it is only fleeting and a misplaced priority.

Take heart and live life to the full. Dont worry.

Pax et bonum
Odopa
Click to expand...
good posts 🙂
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
This is going to sound painfully blunt but Jesus isn’t the one handing out jobs now is He? He’s not the one whose decision to hire you can be the difference between a stable, healthy life to a squalid one in the streets now is He?
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What makes you think He’s not?
 
Remember humility does not mean self-loathing or masochism. It means recognizing your proper place in the world, an ordinary human, no better or worse than anyone else. It means putting others ahead of yourself and putting yourself last, out of love for God and for our neighbor. It means so many more things, too…too many wonderful things for me to count or list.
With that said, the first time I read the Litany of Humility, I didn’t want to pray it. I wanted to want to pray it, but I didn’t want to pray it…understand my meaning? :o
But it only took me a couple of weeks of just looking at and reading the prayer, without actually praying it, for it to begin working in my heart. Now I boldly pray it along with my other morning prayers. The people of the world who are simple and humble are also the most kind and beautiful. I want to be a part of bringing that kind of love and beauty into the world. But doing so requires that daily I die to the self and practice humility.
Please just try reading it everyday for a couple of weeks. Don’t worry about praying it with a sincere attitude or with folded hands or aloud unless you feel enthusiastic about it. If after some time spent just reading it, you decide to make it a daily habit as well, then that will be a joy to you, not a burden.
God bless!:gopray2:
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
This is going to sound painfully blunt but Jesus isn’t the one handing out jobs now is He? He’s not the one whose decision to hire you can be the difference between a stable, healthy life to a squalid one in the streets now is He?
Click to expand...
Jesus is the one who provides for those who trust Him.
 
I guess I can put it in this way… I am in a position of power as I work as a manager … but I am always humble enough to listen to EVERYONE with respect… no matter whether what the person is saying is something everyone knows about or no-one does… once I have listened to the person, I then make my decision based on the facts… I am humble enough to understand when someone else’s idea is better than mine but when I believe something is right, then I do use my position of power to make sure it is done right.

Humility is respecting the other person but it should also be directed towards our own self in the form of self-respect, in a way where you do not let the other person walk all over you. I love the example of St. Therese, where she did not venture to put down the nun, but maintained her own dignity and got what she wanted.
 
It IS a tough prayer to ‘get,’ though. I had to speak to my pastor about it; it may be too advanced for some at the moment. You know. Walk before you run.

When you’re ready, it’ll call you back.
 
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