Hurt by wedding plans gifts?

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symPhonic47

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Dear brothers and sisters, I have two nieces and one nephew…I am or will be invited to two of their weddings…one niece is not inviting me stating that she wanted "no aunts’, which hurt because I know she only meant me since she is inviting her two aunts on her mother’s side…I really do not know what is on her mind…her mother and father divorced and I tried and tried to get them back together…because my brother and I are so close, she may blame me but I could not do anything about them re-uniting…I got an invitation, nevertheless, for a wedding shower for her with instructions on the back of the card to send a money card…I was told by the lady taking the shower reservations that she hesitated for that but that my niece and her fiance wanted to buy a $700 grill…I gave one niece a very generous amount for her wedding and plan to do the same for her brother, my nephew and his bride…I plan on giving them all the same amount…I will not be able to attend her shower because I have been out of work two weeks with a dying dog and the shower is at a bad time for me…the lady taking the shower reservations said she was not invited to this niece’s wedding either…I do not think if I am giving her an already very generous gift that I should have to send something to the shower, especially since she originally did not want to invite me…I think my brother is talking to her about that and it is silly really because her wedding is soon and I would not be able to make it anyway…

Please advise if I need to send a shower gift…thank you…
 
You are not required to send any gift you don’t choose to give. That goes for the wedding itself, and even more so for the shower.

And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .

I’d send her a very nice card congratulating her on her marriage. And that’s all.
 
agnes_therese said:
And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .
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This! Squared!
 
agnes_therese said:
You are not required to send any gift you don’t choose to give. That goes for the wedding itself, and even more so for the shower.

And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .

I’d send her a very nice card congratulating her on her marriage. And that’s all.
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+2
 
agnes_therese said:
You are not required to send any gift you don’t choose to give. That goes for the wedding itself, and even more so for the shower.

And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .

I’d send her a very nice card congratulating her on her marriage. And that’s all.
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Right On!!👍 I wouldn’t send anything…no shower, no wedding and don’t feel guilty about it either. They don’t mind telling you they want your $$ but don’t want you. Take the $$ you would have spent on the two ingrates and buy yourself something nice.
 
agnes_therese said:
You are not required to send any gift you don’t choose to give. That goes for the wedding itself, and even more so for the shower.

And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .

I’d send her a very nice card congratulating her on her marriage. And that’s all.
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Make it + 3. I cannot BELIEVE the nerve of people these days.

:mad:
 
agnes_therese said:
You are not required to send any gift you don’t choose to give. That goes for the wedding itself, and even more so for the shower.

And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .

I’d send her a very nice card congratulating her on her marriage. And that’s all.
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Ditto!
 
symPhonic47 said:
Dear brothers and sisters, I have two nieces and one nephew…I am or will be invited to two of their weddings…one niece is not inviting me stating that she wanted "no aunts’, which hurt because I know she only meant me since she is inviting her two aunts on her mother’s side…I really do not know what is on her mind…her mother and father divorced and I tried and tried to get them back together…because my brother and I are so close, she may blame me but I could not do anything about them re-uniting…I got an invitation, nevertheless, for a wedding shower for her with instructions on the back of the card to send a money card…I was told by the lady taking the shower reservations that she hesitated for that but that my niece and her fiance wanted to buy a $700 grill…I gave one niece a very generous amount for her wedding and plan to do the same for her brother, my nephew and his bride…I plan on giving them all the same amount…I will not be able to attend her shower because I have been out of work two weeks with a dying dog and the shower is at a bad time for me…the lady taking the shower reservations said she was not invited to this niece’s wedding either…I do not think if I am giving her an already very generous gift that I should have to send something to the shower, especially since she originally did not want to invite me…I think my brother is talking to her about that and it is silly really because her wedding is soon and I would not be able to make it anyway…

Please advise if I need to send a shower gift…thank you…
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Now that we are over our outrage at your neices rude behavior, a serious answer to the question. :whacky:

No, you do not have to send a gift to the shower. If you were attending, you should bring a gift but since you are not attending the shower, just send your regrets.
 
agnes_therese said:
You are not required to send any gift you don’t choose to give. That goes for the wedding itself, and even more so for the shower.

And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .

I’d send her a very nice card congratulating her on her marriage. And that’s all.
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Add me to the list! You are not obligated to give a gift for either of these events, invited or not. Gifts are just that, gifts, and are totally voluntary. I would not worry one more nanosecond about the gift thing. I know this whole situation hurts you and I shall pray for you. In the meantime, here is a {{{{HUG}}}}.
 
Thank you everyone so much…my cousin says I should “be the better person” and just give them all the same…but I really don’t feel like being “a better person” some days…this niece is daddy’s favorite and the only hesitation I have about sending nothing is making my brother feel bad…I know he is trying to get her to send an invite and knew nothing about her comments…thank you all so very very much
 
agnes_therese said:
You are not required to send any gift you don’t choose to give. That goes for the wedding itself, and even more so for the shower.

And frankly, sending a shower invitation to someone who has been told they are not invited to the wedding, and topping it off by specifying what gift you are to send, is the absolute height of gall, tackiness, rudeness . . .

I’d send her a very nice card congratulating her on her marriage. And that’s all.
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This. 👍
 
symPhonic47 said:
Thank you everyone so much…my cousin says I should “be the better person” and just give them all the same…but I really don’t feel like being “a better person” some days…this niece is daddy’s favorite and the only hesitation I have about sending nothing is making my brother feel bad…I know he is trying to get her to send an invite and knew nothing about her comments…thank you all so very very much
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I took this page from a friend’s book of life: She’s a granny to a gaggle of kids. About 10 years ago, she sent an expensive present to one when he was a freshman in college. Never got a thank-you. He recently got married and she was invited to the wedding. One of her six daughters said, “You have to send a present.” “No I don’t,” was her reply. She lives too far away to go. And the main reason was she never had a relationship with this person.

We were invited to a life event in the life of one of our grandkids. Because we’ve been burned before, we gave a modest present. One of our realitives felt she must give more because she’s the godmother. I suggested that she do what she needs to do while, simultaneously, knowing how this was going to turn out. So she put out a hunk of $$ and received no acknowledgement. She was very hurt.
 
symPhonic47 said:
I should “be the better person” and just give them all the same…
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On more than one occasion when I was not attending a wedding of people I was not close to (and especially where the couple “suggested” what I should give), I have made donations to a charity in their name, and made sure that the charity sent the couple a note to that effect. I want the couple to have a nice life together, but I am not required to contribute to their materialism. I think I would spend the same amount - on a charitable donation in your niece’s honor. In no other way would I send more than a pretty card with good wishes.
 
Under the circumstances, I wouldn’t send anything.

I just cannot play along with rude people and reward them for it.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Make it + 3. I cannot BELIEVE the nerve of people these days.

:mad:
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Oh, the stories I could tell!!! But I can’t. 😉

It is the utmost in tackiness to send a shower invitation to someone not invited to the wedding. It goes without saying that specifying or requesting a gift (especially from someone you don’t invite to the wedding!) is thoroughly classless.

A card wishing the -]greedy/-] happy couple the best is the most I would do.
 
Wow everyone what great suggestions…I have been trying to give more to charity and am actually sending a student to college for one year in Nicaragua through a program with our sister parish there (only $300 to send her to college including tuition, fees and books…can you believe it?)…the Mass idea is also great…I also appreciate hearing that other people are hurt by these things and not just me because sometimes I am too sensitive…it is certainly a different world than the one I grew up in and it is so great that in this new world you are able through venues like Catholic Answers to get so much great advice and consolation…

My prayers are with you all and to Moo(name removed by moderator) I hope you get hope safe and sound very soon…

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart…
 
dixieagle said:
Oh, the stories I could tell!!! But I can’t. 😉

It is the utmost in tackiness to send a shower invitation to someone not invited to the wedding. It goes without saying that specifying or requesting a gift (especially from someone you don’t invite to the wedding!) is thoroughly classless.

A card wishing the -]greedy/-] happy couple the best is the most I would do.
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Oh, go on, let’s start a new thread! Or, PM me. I love start the day with a

:eek:

😃
 
Okay, here’s a :eek:…followed by a 👍

Sent a wedding gift, pricey, picked from their registry. No problem but I didn’t get a thank-you. My concern was that the present was sent insured. The insurance expires after two or three months so I needed to know. Had to call the bride and ask Yes, they had received the gift. I was embarrased that I had to call and she was probably put out that I was hunting for my thank-you. :mad:

When our kid got married, I asked that they call the sender IMMEDIATELY and thank them for the gift then follow up later with a handwritten note. They did!👍 Everyone was happy and the couple got extra points for being so considerate.
 
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