Hurt feelings....am I too sensitive?

[yellowbird]

I agree with jc servant that it would be impolite to ask someone why they didn’t get me a gift. The only benefit I can see is that if your Mom is angry/hurt about something you did or didn’t do (thank her for a previous gift?) and this is her way of communicating that, it would be good to clear the air? If you don’t have the sort of relationship where you can talk about your feelings openly and honestly without causing more damage, I’d totally let it go and try not to harbor any ill feelings whatsoever.

 

[Mom_of_5]

This year we sent a check* and a book about Christmas (The Christmas Sweater) ltop each of our 10 children and their families. Hubby has 5 children, I have 5, we have been together nearly 18 years. All of my children thanked us and gave us a gift. One of hubby’s children thanked us and gave us a gift, one called and wondered what we thought she could buy with that “small” check, none of the other 3 sent a gift or thanked us. Hubby tried to call and wish them a Merry Christmas, but they did not answer or return the call. We are not wealthy by any means and have Dr. bills this year. Next year there will be no gifts for any. I am willing to make a bet that my 5 will give both of us a gift anyway and his family will ask dad why they didn’t get a gift, and maybe one will give us a gift, maybe. *

Our feelings have been hurt so many times by hubby’s children who don’t bother to remember birthdays or Christmas but expect us to give $ when they make a phone call asking for “help”. The game is up, we plan to enjoy the years we have left and spend gift money on vacation time for us. We always give to the grandkids until they are 18, then they get a card. That will continue but the adults will no longer be gifted.

*Maybe we are too sensitive?? I think not. Just bad mannered adults who are teaching their children to act the same way. Never a thankyou from his grandkids. *
*None of this may apply to your problem, but remember that she may have just forgotten or did not have enough money for more gifts. She should have explained this to you however. We will tell all our family *before Christmas of our plans. Sometimes we are overwhelmed at Christmas and those of us who are over 65 don’t like to admit our low finances. Maybe next year you can talk to your mom and sister and work out the gift giving so that no one will be hurt.

Have a a happy, healthy new year.

Mom of 5

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Thank you all for the advice.

What I am going to do is try to be charitable, and believe that the gifts to my kids were a “family gift”. It’s just odd, somewhat, I’ve had kids for 8 years, and this is the first time it’s happened.

I just wish at some point she would have said something regarding this. That could avoided ill feelings.

Thanks again.

I just wanted to add…part of the reason my feelings were hurt (not hurt anymore, somewhat bemused) is that for about 2 weeks prior to Christmas every time she and I spoke, she would mention, “I don’t know what to get for your sister.” basically announcing to me “I will be giving your sister a gift.” The last time she stayed with us, I was making breakfast. I don’t have a non-stick pan (My old one started flaking off the teflon) She mentioned that I needed a new one. I replied if she wanted to get us something for Christmas, a pan would have been a good idea. She agreed, she didn’t say “no, you guys don’t get a gift this year.”

I don’t think it was financial…she wanted to buy my DD a Nintendo DS. I insisted that it was too much money for just one gift, and that she was too young for one anyway. Those cost $150.00.

I know times are tight…she could have said, " I know you thought I would get you something, but I couldn’t do it" I would have understood…

It’s not even the gift, or lack of. It’s just a symptom of my relationship with her.

Thanks again, for all your responses.

 

[AnotherChance]

Just wanted to include the possibility that your mom could be losing her mental capacity to keep track of social obligations. It could be more deliberate, but with one’s parents we tend to overlook the possibility of physical and mental problems that come with age. I know with my own mother, I tend to ignore obvious signs of deteoration, and my husband has to remind me that she is getting older.

 

[iluvmybabies]

This year my mom and sister spent Christmas eve and morning with us. I prepared the Christmas eve meal, since it is fish and seafood, it usually costs a little more.

When Christmas morning came, the children opened their gifts, then the adults. My mom (who usually does get us gifts) didn’t get anything for DH and myself. She had gotten a joint gift for my children. So I thought, “ok. She isn’t doing gifts for the adults” She then gives my sister gold earrings.

DH and I nothing. No explanation. no card, nothing. The kicker is, about 2 days before Christmas, she called saying she needed to get a gift for my sister, and could I possibly get her something on-line. I told her that it was too late to guarantee delivery

This past year has been especially hard, because our baby was born pre-maturely. I thought my own mother would think of that, and maybe get something to show she cares. Even a five dollar box of Whitman chocolates would have been great. Or a card, or explanation.

But she did remember to criticize my mothering skills, though, and laundry skills.

That’s like my siblings… They got each other gifts, and 2 of my siblings didn’t even send my kids a single thing…I didn’t care that they didn’t send me anything, fine whatever, I sent them all something equally, yet out of 3 siblings only one sent something for my kids and the other 2 nothing but the other 2 got plenty of gifts for my other nieces and nephews? GOD forbid my kids ever find out…They would be devastated and extremely heart broken to see that their uncles really don’t give a **** about them to at least send them a Merry Christmas card and sorry no gift this year or something like that…I am tired of making up excuses for them to my kids, “oh honey they were just having some income problems ok! They couldn’t find a post office open!” It’s ridiculous! I don’t want my kids hating them but I don’t think it’s fair that they don’t even bother to call their niece and nephews to wish them at least a Merry Christmas!?! WOW Must be nice!!!

So don’t feel bad…whatever their reasons their reasons they have…I feel good I sent even though I am dead broke, but at least I made the sacrifice even if no one else in my family does…

I do hope your kids at least had a good Christmas, I think that’s what’s important! GOD BLESS!