Hurt, on behalf of another

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I won’t give names, of course, only vague identities. Someone close to me has said something that has bothered me lately. All I will say is that it involves another person I know, only an acquaintance, yet I think highly of her. About a year ago, her mother died, and I felt for her. I was talking about her to someone, and this “someone” (again, close to me and I love her) was critical of her race (I won’t say which race she is), and saying how those people are never pretty, and that her mother was ugly.
I thought it was terribly cruel, and it just cut me to the core. I couldn’t believe she would say such a thing. And I don’t agree with her that people of this certain race are “never pretty.” I thought it was an awful thing to say, thankfully, this person will never know what was said about her and her mother, but it still doesn’t make it right. I don’t even know how to explain how I feel about this. I’ve just been very bothered by it. This person is very nice, and would never deserve such a terrible remark.
All I will say is that the person who said this often says things she doesn’t mean, yet still, to have said it, you must mean it at the time.
How should I feel about this? I don’t normally bring my personal life onto this forum, but I just needed to talk about it, and it truly* has* been bothering me.
 
Perhaps you recognize the value of this person is more than skin deep and your friend is being superficial. Beauty is often in the eyes of the beholder. Perhaps, the people of her race would find your friend ugly?
 
Crown_of_Stars said:
I won’t give names, of course, only vague identities. Someone close to me has said something that has bothered me lately. All I will say is that it involves another person I know, only an acquaintance, yet I think highly of her. About a year ago, her mother died, and I felt for her. I was talking about her to someone, and this “someone” (again, close to me and I love her) was critical of her race (I won’t say which race she is), and saying how those people are never pretty, and that her mother was ugly.
I thought it was terribly cruel, and it just cut me to the core. I couldn’t believe she would say such a thing. And I don’t agree with her that people of this certain race are “never pretty.” I thought it was an awful thing to say, thankfully, this person will never know what was said about her and her mother, but it still doesn’t make it right. I don’t even know how to explain how I feel about this. I’ve just been very bothered by it. This person is very nice, and would never deserve such a terrible remark.
All I will say is that the person who said this often says things she doesn’t mean, yet still, to have said it, you must mean it at the time.
How should I feel about this? I don’t normally bring my personal life onto this forum, but I just needed to talk about it, and it truly* has* been bothering me.
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well, it’s probably too late to do anything about it this time around, unless you really want to bring it up to the person. if they say something again though, it might be worth mentioning that you don’t think this type of comment is appropriate. especially in the case of the mother, who is already deceased. it’s simply bad manners to say something meanabout a dead person, in my opinion
 
The “someone” made a racist comment. It’s not surprising that you feel uncomfortable about this. I’d be distancing myself from that someone, if possible, and if it’s not possible, I’d confront them with the implications of the remark, if it happens again.

It’s not acceptable for adults to say outrageous things and then say “I didn’t really mean it”.
 
Crown_of_Stars said:
I won’t give names, of course, only vague identities. Someone close to me has said something that has bothered me lately. All I will say is that it involves another person I know, only an acquaintance, yet I think highly of her. About a year ago, her mother died, and I felt for her. I was talking about her to someone, and this “someone” (again, close to me and I love her) was critical of her race (I won’t say which race she is), and saying how those people are never pretty, and that her mother was ugly.
I thought it was terribly cruel, and it just cut me to the core. I couldn’t believe she would say such a thing. And I don’t agree with her that people of this certain race are “never pretty.” I thought it was an awful thing to say, thankfully, this person will never know what was said about her and her mother, but it still doesn’t make it right. I don’t even know how to explain how I feel about this. I’ve just been very bothered by it. This person is very nice, and would never deserve such a terrible remark.
All I will say is that the person who said this often says things she doesn’t mean, yet still, to have said it, you must mean it at the time.
How should I feel about this? I don’t normally bring my personal life onto this forum, but I just needed to talk about it, and it truly* has* been bothering me.
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Wondering if you listened or said something then?
 
Isca said:
The “someone” made a racist comment. It’s not surprising that you feel uncomfortable about this. I’d be distancing myself from that someone, if possible, and if it’s not possible, I’d confront them with the implications of the remark, if it happens again.

It’s not acceptable for adults to say outrageous things and then say “I didn’t really mean it”.
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I think it is too late to confront someone, but I would distance myself from the person who made the remarks. If it should happen again in your presence-then that is the time to gently remind someone that you don’t care for their remarks.

What otfen amuses me is that we seem to think that Jesus was a blue eyed, brown haired, handsom fellow depicted in most paintings while he probably was not, given that he was born and raised near African countries or in the mid-east as a Jew and probably well tanned or even swarthy. We tend to see people through other,s eyes or adopt their impressions. I commend you for seeing past all of that and recogonizing that we are all the same-brother and sisters. Peace and prayers.
 
I agree with you, Mary Estelle - we often depict Jesus as a fair-skinned Westerner. If He had been like that, He’d have been the only person in the country with those looks! Same goes for the Blessed Virgin, who would no doubt also have been dark-haired and brown-eyed with a darker complexion.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
What otfen amuses me is that we seem to think that Jesus was a blue eyed, brown haired, handsom fellow depicted in most paintings while he probably was not, given that he was born and raised near African countries or in the mid-east as a Jew and probably well tanned or even swarthy.
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My mother, years ago, had started a cross stitch project of a very common profile face of Jesus, and He had blue eyes and brown hair. She said it always bothered her that He had blue eyes in the picture, because He wouldn’t have had blue eyes.
Like I’ve said before, I’m Italian, with Indian heritage, and I’m not swarthy, but a deep olive, and I have dark hair. I think swarthy skinned people with dark hair (like Hispanics and lighter to medium Africans) are very beautiful. Dark skin is strikingly pretty. I just love that dusky look, especially with the dark hair.
 
Crown_of_Stars said:
I won’t give names, of course, only vague identities. Someone close to me has said something that has bothered me lately. All I will say is that it involves another person I know, only an acquaintance, yet I think highly of her. About a year ago, her mother died, and I felt for her. I was talking about her to someone, and this “someone” (again, close to me and I love her) was critical of her race (I won’t say which race she is), and saying how those people are never pretty, and that her mother was ugly.
I thought it was terribly cruel, and it just cut me to the core. I couldn’t believe she would say such a thing. And I don’t agree with her that people of this certain race are “never pretty.” I thought it was an awful thing to say, thankfully, this person will never know what was said about her and her mother, but it still doesn’t make it right. I don’t even know how to explain how I feel about this. I’ve just been very bothered by it. This person is very nice, and would never deserve such a terrible remark.
All I will say is that the person who said this often says things she doesn’t mean, yet still, to have said it, you must mean it at the time.
How should I feel about this? I don’t normally bring my personal life onto this forum, but I just needed to talk about it, and it truly* has* been bothering me.
Click to expand...
Get rid of the “someone” who is close to you. She is obviously a bigot and racist and not a real friend.
 
thistle said:
Get rid of the “someone” who is close to you. She is obviously a bigot and racist and not a real friend.
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I don’t know that I would say “get rid of that friend,” but would say to distance oneself from that person. We learn and teach from and by example Sometimes silence and a frown are really good teaching aids.

As I have someone who is probably coming from Nigeria next fall and rather on “the dark side” I am really worried as to how I will protect this person from snide and open racism. Please pray that I will do well for and by this person-I’m going to really need special graces to meet the challenge. Peace and prayers for all.
 
thistle said:
Get rid of the “someone” who is close to you. She is obviously a bigot and racist and not a real friend.
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She isn’t a friend. She is a relative of mine, and I care deeply about her. She herself, actually, is half Latina/ half Italian. She, at times, has had very deep emotional upsets which have made her say certain things.
 
Crown_of_Stars said:
She isn’t a friend. She is a relative of mine, and I care deeply about her. She herself, actually, is half Latina/ half Italian. She, at times, has had very deep emotional upsets which have made her say certain things.
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I know now this sounds like I’m making an excuse for her, and I’m not. It’s just difficult when you care about both involved. How would Jesus handle it?
 
Crown_of_Stars said:
She isn’t a friend. She is a relative of mine, and I care deeply about her. She herself, actually, is half Latina/ half Italian. She, at times, has had very deep emotional upsets which have made her say certain things.
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Then what if you just had a heart-to-heart with her? With love. Let her know how it makes you feel when she talks that way.
 
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