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Chinita_12
Guest
Are attending mass and being friendly and helpful mutually exclusive? Are you there just to be an ***-kisser of God but turn a blind eye to your fellow human beings?
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Sarcelle
Guest
Well a person can get defensive.Whoa… Whoa!WHOA!
Hold your horses, lady!
I was just considering possibilities! I never intended to judge you!
Well maybe I did judge you, but… I’m pretty sure that I didn’t *intend *to!
I did not say that I consider you to be cold, I said that I get the *impression *that you are cold!
Whoa Whoa Whoa! :bigyikes:
Especially when your questions have an accusing tone.
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Faxero
Guest
Well, Judge Judy *was *one of my favorite shows…
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AKDee
Guest
With all due respect, your posts do seem increasingly judgmental both of your fellow parishioners and the people here taking the time to answer your thread. Unless you know with absolute certainty what someone’s mindset and motivations were, it’s not right for you to judge them either. We are called to view others with charity. Maybe they’re shy. Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe they’re broke and don’t have enough money to cover the gas of driving you somewhere in the opposite direction of where they live. Maybe they’re afraid of you or maybe they don’t like you. Maybe they have a kid at home with a sitter and they don’t have time to go out of their way on the way home. I don’t know. You don’t know. Maybe they are just selfish which is something they need to confess and work out with God for themselves. But there’s nothing wrong with someone going to church to worship and not make friends. That doesn’t make them a butt kisser of God, and that’s an offensive thing for you to say. I don’t go to church to make friends, I go to serve and to worship. Socializing isn’t even a secondary objective for me at church, it’s way down the list of why I’m there. I don’t think that makes me or anyone else a bad person.
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CradleJourney
Guest
Best explanation I’ve heard yet. I’m of the same ethnicity and background as most of my parish and after 20 years, I still haven’t been able to develop a Catholic social network. I have the dubious distinction of not sending my children to the parish school so that pretty much eliminates me from the majority of other parents.
And yes, I have tried - but once they find out (usually within a couple minutes of talking) that my kids attend public school, they immediately find a reason to break off conversation.
On the other hand, I have trouble building bonds with my fellow parents in public school because most are either extremely secular or passionately evangelical. They are friendly enough smile but not exactly the relationships that build up my faith.
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Tomdstone
Guest
I am very sorry about that. Some Churches are more welcoming than others. From time to time, I have seen some unfriendliness also.I had been naive thinking the name Catholicism means universal and welcoming to everyone.
One nice thing about some Eastern Churches is that the pastor is married and his wife generally has the job of meeting and greeting new people and introducing them to the church.
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Sarcelle
Guest
When I used to go to Evangelical churches it was the pastor’s wife welcomed the newbies.
I must be lucky. I have had to switch parishes several times due to relocating for jobs and at each parish, the old ladies that ran the parish took a liking to me.
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Chinita_12
Guest
In the case of my parish, the Catholic friends that I made and actually maintained and deepened friendship with are mostly from Africa, Mexico and Korea, etc., who have a different ethnic background from the majority as I do. As I was conversing with them, I realized that I am not the only person having issues with the “mainstream” parishioners.
I remember once there was a lady who was reading the scriptures with a heavy Spanish accent being laughed at by some parishioners at mass. I also have an African friend of mine forever being ignored in the church. My Mexican roommate once told me that during the benediction section, few people would actually reach out hands to her because she looks so “different”.
You might assume that people might not like us or are afraid of us, if they have xenophobia issues then your assumption would be valid. I still don’ get it why the obvious behavior of intentionally avoiding certain groups of people be justified under the name of worshiping God. I would have problems with the church if the church members don’t see this as a problem.
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jaimeleglise
Guest
I am sorry this happened to you. The best way to get to know people in the Church is to volunteer for any of the various ministries. Also, you could join a group like Sodality, Young Adults, Legion of Mary, St. Vincent de Paul, etc.
Sometimes in the Church we have to reach out to others and introduce ourselves.
God bless you.
Sometimes in the Church we have to reach out to others and introduce ourselves.
God bless you.
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Tomdstone
Guest
Some areas of the USA are more unfriendly than others. I heard of Indians (asian Indians) complaining about discrimination in the New England area, but I didn’t hear too much about it in California. Last Sunday, at Church after Mass, I heard some very insulting things being said about people of my background, and when I heard this, I told the lady that I was sorry, but that was my background also. She didn’t say too much negative after that.
You have just as much right to attend church as anyone else does. People should be more friendly and welcoming especially to new comers or people out of the area.
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Tomdstone
Guest
that is pretty good advice.
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Chinita_12
Guest
Thank you for your support and I share the same opinion. Many of the nicest people that I met in the USA are from the East Coast and through my observation, I do think that they are more accepting of people from different cultures.
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boomerang
Guest
Gosh, I am sorry to hear that. I am assuming the majority of parishioners are white, is that correct? And you are not white? You know, sometimes white people are uncomfortable around non-whites. They assume non-whites don’t like us and don’t want to be friends. That’s a flaw in their thinking, but they are only human and can’t help the way they were raised and their emotions. But you are right, it’s not Christ-like at all.
I am also wondering, do you have an accent? How’s your English? Language differences can be a deal breaker for friendships.Catholic churches are not known for their friendliness. If you want friendly, go to a non-denominational church. People deliberately choose those just because of their friendliness. But Catholics just go get the sacraments in the parish nearest their home, friendly or not. I’m sorry you’re having this experience. It’s tough to make friends.
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AKDee
Guest
If you are experiencing racism, then that is not acceptable. That’s not what you wrote about in your earlier posts, so it’s not the same as people not being your friend and giving you rides. No one is obligated to be your friend or to give you a ride. Everyone is obligated to treat other people with respect.
My parish is mostly white. We have a few minorities that go to our parish and they are all welcomed. Some of the lectors have heavy accents and they are welcomed anyway, and I’ve never heard anyone laugh at them. Everyone is welcomed. In no way am I minimizing your experience- places are different all over, but that goes back to my first post where I suggested trying a different parish. If you believe that the Church is the Church established by Christ, if you believe that the Catholic Church has all the sacraments (and protestant churches do not), if you believe in the Real Presence in the Eucharist, then you need to remain in the Catholic Church. But if your parish isn’t providing a welcoming place for you, then you might need a different parish or perhaps you are called to reform the parish you are in by bringing to the attention of the pastor what has been going on.
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Chinita_12
Guest
Why did you rush into conclusion that I demand people in the church to be my friends? All I want is just some kindness, a smile, a hello, some support when you have difficulties, maybe equal treatment as others in the church- does that sound too demanding for you? I don’t demand friendship, but I don’t want to be treated as transparent as well. If I am hospitalized and cannot attend church, I hope someone would notice my absence; when I am in hardship I hope people would show some sympathy. If we are all body of Christ, why I should not expect to be treated with kindness and friendliness?
And I am most certain if I, even being a stranger, ask for a ride in a protestant church, someone would provide help, or at least express some regret or concern if they cannot. But I was asking for a favor from Catholics who pray the rosary devoutly and who are supposed to be holier than the rest, and all I received is silence. Yes, it did take a lot of courage to swallow one’s pride to ask for a ride, and the experience of receiving no response was simply humiliating.
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jaimeleglise
Guest
Thanks,Tom.
When I was in my 20’s in a new parish, I volunteered for many different activities in my parish. I made a lot of friends (most of them my parents’ age) who had me over their house on several occasions.
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Casilda
Guest
Dear Chinita_12,
As a revert I visited many parishes in hopes of coming back into the church. The majority of them have cold people in them. I can look at people and see the face of Christ in them. I did not see Christ in these people, or in their actions (ever sit in the middle of a pew and no one sits in your pew?). God was teaching me something about this church I was born into but not raised in. I did find one that was friendly and whose pastor was merciful enough to know I needed an spiritual home. I know that is what you need also. I pray that you find one. Look for one with many different people, all ages that smile at you and greet you as member of the family, a sister in Christ.
As a revert I visited many parishes in hopes of coming back into the church. The majority of them have cold people in them. I can look at people and see the face of Christ in them. I did not see Christ in these people, or in their actions (ever sit in the middle of a pew and no one sits in your pew?). God was teaching me something about this church I was born into but not raised in. I did find one that was friendly and whose pastor was merciful enough to know I needed an spiritual home. I know that is what you need also. I pray that you find one. Look for one with many different people, all ages that smile at you and greet you as member of the family, a sister in Christ.
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Chinita_12
Guest
Dear Casilda,
Thank you for your advice. Your prayers are much appreciated.
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Chinita_12
Guest
Hi Boomerang,
Thank you for your sympathy. Yes, the majority of the church members are white and I am an Asian. I am not sure if my English is proficient enough… I do speak with a slight British accent due to some personal experience but I am working very hard to sound more like American. My international Catholic friends are very strong in their faith and wouldn’t attend other churches. While in RCIA, I was dating a cradle Catholic (Italian American) who attended a nondenominational church instead of a Catholic on. Ironically, I was working very hard to bring him back to the Catholic church even to the point of threatening him with breakup… I must have been so immature, thoughtless and insensitive with people back then.
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Rosebud77
Guest
Thank you. My thoughts also. When I came to Ireland, the impersonal behaviour shook me too, all the more so as I am English and therefore a “blow in” ,
The sheer numbers and yes, the not even returning smiles and greetings… And I found also in the Anglican churches etc that folk are very possessive of "their “roles” and jobs within the church…
There was recently one SUnday I was out , and attended mass at a church new to me. Crowded etc… The priest gave a homily about welcoming the stranger in our midst etc, went on for a long while too, so I though, grand! I love meeting folk!
So we all spilled out of church, crowds, families greeting each other… and not one person spoke to me! Not a soul…
We need to think on this do we not? To look at our own role in this…
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