Husband a terrible leader

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My husband does not lead our family in any way. He has become comfortable letting me be in the driver’s seat. I have to be the “brain” of our family and I am growing very tired, angry, depressed and regretful over my marriage. Was wondering if anyone can relate or had any thoughts/tips on how I can break this horrible trend in our relationship before I end up wanting to divorce him. Men, what do you think about another man refusing to lead his family?
 
I am not a man, but as long as you keep doing it all, you are enabling him to behave this way. Perhaps your role can be to delegate only. Not everyone is a good leader, but you may be able to steer your husband into becoming a leader through your patience and positive words.
 
Is this a recent development? Has he gone through something?

As a man and a husband, I don’t think it is up to me to be a leader. In today’s modern world, a family is partnership.

My wife and I were co-workers before be became a couple. Both of us were/are professional people and owned our own companies. When we got married there was a quasi partnership formed. Ultimately we make decisions together on family issues.
 
When we got married there was a quasi partnership formed. Ultimately we make decisions together on family issues.
I agree with this and want to add that it most likely will never be an equal partnership. It sounds good to think it can happen, but I don’t think that is always the case. You do have to work out between both of you, what works. And clearly, the way things re right now is not working for you.
 
Could you name some areas where you want him to lead but he is not?

Does he have a job? If so, how demanding is it on his time?

Does he attend Mass with you and the family?

Some more details may help people to give you some advice.
 
My husband does not lead our family in any way. He has become comfortable letting me be in the driver’s seat. I have to be the “brain” of our family and I am growing very tired, angry, depressed and regretful over my marriage. Was wondering if anyone can relate or had any thoughts/tips on how I can break this horrible trend in our relationship before I end up wanting to divorce him. Men, what do you think about another man refusing to lead his family?
Have you tried counseling? Catholic Social Services has Catholic counselors, and maybe you could address that issue, there.

What you could do is ask him if he’d go with you to marital counseling. If he doesn’t, I’d encourage you to try to go by yourself.
 
Show your husband this thread. Tell him it is you that posted.
 
As for what I think. I think it is almost impossible to lead a family where the wife has no respect for you and where you undercut each other and degrade each other online.

I could not lead my wife anywhere if she posted what you posted.

Perhaps he is not a good “leader” but perhaps you are a poor follower as well. At any rate. My wife leads me and I lead her. What are you doing to lead him? Or are you a poor leader as well?
 
My husband does not lead our family in any way. He has become comfortable letting me be in the driver’s seat. I have to be the “brain” of our family and I am growing very tired, angry, depressed and regretful over my marriage. Was wondering if anyone can relate or had any thoughts/tips on how I can break this horrible trend in our relationship before I end up wanting to divorce him. Men, what do you think about another man refusing to lead his family?
I don’t think you really gave enough details here for anyone to really help you. What do you mean when you say he doesn’t lead your family? If you consider yourself the “brain”, what do you consider him?

Is it possible that you have unreasonable expectations about what leading a family means, or about what you want him to do? If he has a more passive personality, it probably makes sense that he doesn’t take the leading role. It may be that it’s not so much a “horrible trend in your relationship”, but rather learning to accept who your husband is.
 
Is this a recent development? Has he gone through something?

As a man and a husband, I don’t think it is up to me to be a leader. In today’s modern world, a family is partnership.

My wife and I were co-workers before be became a couple. Both of us were/are professional people and owned our own companies. When we got married there was a quasi partnership formed. Ultimately we make decisions together on family issues.
Yes, I would be fine with a partnership as well. Maybe I should rephrase and say that I would like for him to “co-lead” because he doesn’t so much as lift a finger to help with any decisions involving the family, be they financial, planning the day/weekend/meals/vacations/purchases.

When we decided to buy a house, he just went along with it. I was in charge of every aspect of looking for houses and arranging financing. When we had our kids, he went along with my timing. When any repairs or upgrades have happened at the house, I have done them. Anything that has happened during our marriage and family life has only been from my initiating and executing everything. This was an issue before we married and I was foolish to believe my now husband that it was going to improve.
 
I don’t think all husbands make good leaders, actually. I’ve crossed paths with some husbands who seem to have absolutely no interest whatsoever in being the head of the family, preferring to leave that role to their wives. I think this has occurred moreso as a result of women’s lib, too. I’ve even seen cases where the roles actually more or less invert, but I think it can be rough on the relationship.

I don’t blame the OP and in no way would like to invalidate her feelings. I believe she has a right to her thoughts, feelings, and opinions. She’s posting, anonymously. I understand what she means. It’s not necessarily the woman’s fault if the man simply doesn’t want to, doesn’t like to, lead.

Again, I’d encourage counseling in a case like that, because if you’re even thinking of the word “divorce”, it means this is to the level of a problem. I encourage you to seek outside help, not expect this to resolve itself on its own.
 
Yes, I would be fine with a partnership as well. Maybe I should rephrase and say that I would like for him to “co-lead” because he doesn’t so much as lift a finger to help with any decisions involving the family, be they financial, planning the day/weekend/meals/vacations/purchases.

When we decided to buy a house, he just went along with it. I was in charge of every aspect of looking for houses and arranging financing. When we had our kids, he went along with my timing. When any repairs or upgrades have happened at the house, I have done them. Anything that has happened during our marriage and family life has only been from my initiating and executing everything. This was an issue before we married and I was foolish to believe my now husband that it was going to improve.
I understood the implicit co-lead. At some times, and instances, you should lead, others, he should. That’s co-leading. No marriage is 50/50; the balance will shift acccordingly but there should still be a cooperative balance.
I wouldn’t know what to reccommend, as you don’t want to know how I nipped the problem.
Whatever it takes for you, do not wait, as it is not likely to get better without some action.

:gopray:
 
Does your husband resent you doing the leading?
Maybe he thinks you do a better job than he possibly could.
Maybe you need to be happy that he is “ok” with you leading, if you are making good decisions for the family.
 
I don’t think you really gave enough details here for anyone to really help you. What do you mean when you say he doesn’t lead your family? If you consider yourself the “brain”, what do you consider him?
I’d consider him the freeloader. The one who kicks back while everything is done/planned for him. I know that sounds unloving but I am growing increasingly angry and resentful over his lack of initiative. I find THAT (the lack of involvement) unloving.
 
male speaking here well a tip? inclusive to what end? “he will do what” might be the inquiry…
well reading this as a male…i should say more negative things about the male, than you could ever think up, adding to the honest negativity, exponentially to what ever you could write/this means so much more the need for a soul-tion
so a tip is to be a soul mate…

the expanse of america from sea to shining sea-here there is a couple living together. given one demographic example,.they ‘seem’ happy;but hypothetically they rule each other’s lives -fifty shades of darkness…

wonderful the church has mysteries…those catholics entering the church are souls who can be seen to dip into the baptismal font;
families do this together
a visitor during which at the rustling to seats gathering before mass may observe in the mind’s eye doves do fly through the windows in the light descending to the baptismal font at the end of the church;

i confirm the male is passive, does not listen.he chews his cereal louder to block out communication ( i think i recall a tv commercial like that ); , the male is too complacent ar home/ i confirm a male would lie to himself before anybody else- (and he would be good at wearing the pants in the family?) he cannot even argue well enough to persuade

sooner or later in the example of americanism, comparing married soul mates to a couple living together, well words can be like pulling the pin on a grenade and handing it to him…except in the married state…the husband in question- is responsible,will be guranteed to be seen in the ‘great task master’s eye;’

i don’t know what will happen in the future for you…tell your husband in silent language, those silent moments, that doves do fly…resolved in a second, with your prayer for him; i predict that in a week, he will reflect, and change to the performance of an athlete to take a role taht serves/one more benifit- he begins a new courtship of you/as men should court their lifetime partner…courtship should never stop, he should do this ever day, and he will…
 
It could be a confidence thing with him. Find something that needs done, ask him if he can handle it as you are busy with whatever else. Let him take the lead on it and be there to support him. I could stem from his childhood or just be his personality.

My wife and I are 50/50 generally. There are things she takes the lead on and I with other tasks/ projects. We had to find a delicate balance because both of us are somewhat “type-A” detail oriented “control freaks” when it comes to getting things done. So when she is handling something I purposefully take the backseat and give her support with it …as much as it kills me to do it sometimes.

Just be sure that you are actually giving him the ample opportunities to actually take the lead on things and not just jumping in and taking over. Not saying that you are, but its something that can happen.

Have you sat and tried to discuss it with him? Tell him how you feel about it? If so, how did he react?
 
I’d consider him the freeloader. The one who kicks back while everything is done/planned for him. I know that sounds unloving but I am growing increasingly angry and resentful over his lack of initiative. I find THAT (the lack of involvement) unloving.
Just to be clear here. Does your husband have a job? Do you both work outside of the home?
 
I should also point out that he acknowledges that he has a problem when it comes to contributing leadership to our family. We both work away from home (me part time, him full time) so it’s not as though I am a stay-at-home-mom who has a little more free time and flexibility to plan everything.
 
I should also point out that he acknowledges that he has a problem when it comes to contributing leadership to our family. We both work away from home (me part time, him full time) so it’s not as though I am a stay-at-home-mom who has a little more free time and flexibility to plan everything.
If you work part time, and he works full time…you DO have more free time and flexibility.
 
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