Husband against conversion

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CaitlinSiobhan

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I’m a candidate in RCIA, scheduled for reconciliation with the church in 2016. My husband was raised Catholic but has separated from the church. We attended non-denominational churches for the first four years of our marriage, then nothing for the last two.

I’ve always been drawn to the Catholic Church, for it’s traditions and liturgy. After much prayer and, what I believe to be, two signs from God that this was His will, I entered the RCIA program at our local parish.

I know this is where I’m supposed to be. I know it’s where our children (both toddlers) are meant to be, to grow. It’s just difficult when I come up against his opposition. He says he’ll never set foot in a Catholic Church again, that they do things that are against the Bible. I never argue with him, just listen and either state my intention or change the subject. I pray for him daily and I love him unconditionally. I know that he may one day change his views, but it seems so hopeless right now.

Has anyone ever dealt with the opposition of a spouse? How did you handle it?
 
You might benefit from reading Scott Hahn’s book Rome Sweet Home.
He talks about how devastated his wife was when he converted, and how finally she became a faithful Catholic, through God’s working, not Scott’s.

I would recommend you continue to be loving to your husband, and not let Catholic duties interfere with responsibilities as a wife and mother, while fulfilling the Sunday obligation and so on. Prayer will work better than discussion.
I wonder where your husband thinks we got the Bible? It was compiled by the Catholic Church, of course, And even the Bible itself doesn’t claim to be the sole source of our faith.
God bless.
 
CaitlinSiobhan said:
I’m a candidate in RCIA, scheduled for reconciliation with the church in 2016. My husband was raised Catholic but has separated from the church. We attended non-denominational churches for the first four years of our marriage, then nothing for the last two.

I’ve always been drawn to the Catholic Church, for it’s traditions and liturgy. After much prayer and, what I believe to be, two signs from God that this was His will, I entered the RCIA program at our local parish.

I know this is where I’m supposed to be. I know it’s where our children (both toddlers) are meant to be, to grow. It’s just difficult when I come up against his opposition. He says he’ll never set foot in a Catholic Church again, that they do things that are against the Bible. I never argue with him, just listen and either state my intention or change the subject. I pray for him daily and I love him unconditionally. I know that he may one day change his views, but it seems so hopeless right now.

Has anyone ever dealt with the opposition of a spouse? How did you handle it?
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Just wondering-- why do you never respond or change the subject? 1 Peter 3:15 tells us “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence.”

I’m not saying to have huge arguments and debates with him. Maybe even just give him a book that explains some of his biggest objections. But if he’s saying Catholics believe things that aren’t biblical (i.e. he probably says we “worship Mary,” “earn our way to Heaven,” etc etc) then why WOULD he want to revert to Catholic? If that’s what he thinks Catholics believe then he SHOULDN’T come into the Church.

I’m a former Protestant, and it took years of study before I realized I had to become Catholic. My wife was Catholic and didn’t know her faith. She was nice and never challenged me. She never pushed me towards the Church-- ever. Instead, I accidentally started reading the Protestant Reformers and the Early Church Fathers (to find out if they were basically Capitalist Republican Protestants, actually). Well, I didn’t find any laissez-faire Republicanism, but I did find out they were actually Catholic. OOPS!

If I had never found out what Catholics ACTUALLY believe, rather than what I was TOLD they believe, I know I’d still be a Protestant.

I guess it’s good that my wife never fought me on it. But if I had never read Catholic sources for myself then I would never have become Catholic.
 
At least be consoled that he is not aggressively demanding you obey him in his ignorance. Continue being the loving spouse showing him in little ways the flowers of your faith. Pray for your lover and husband constantly as St. Monica prayed so successfully for her son.
My wife was born into a very sectarian Anglican family with a father who hated the Church, having left it as a child. She was raised to dislike Catholics and was fated, no doubt for her sins, to fall in love with a sadly flawed one.
She has no problem with me following my faith, however continually scoffs at my little devotions to Our Lady such as wearing her scapular. She moved my picture of the Sacred Heart into our bedroom so as not to scandalize our atheist friends, no doubt. I am often in considerable pain from a fatal disease that requires morphine and I am severely limited, being on 24/7 oxygen now. Having come back home after two and a half months in hospital, she is a wonderful support to an invalid feeling his impotence as a provider. However, when I tell her I offer my pain up to Our Lady’s intentions to place before the Lord she scoffs and makes fun of me. This can be hurtful as she is the rose in my life. All you can do is love em’.
 
CaitlinSiobhan said:
He says he’ll never set foot in a Catholic Church again, that they do things that are against the Bible.
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Ask him exactly what “things” Catholics do that is “against the Bible”. Catholics don’t do anything that is “against” the Bible. We do things based in part, on tradition, and sometimes those traditions are not spelled out in the Bible, but they are not *against *or opposed to the Bible. They compliment it, actually. Get a list from him, and then go about your research and refute his unfounded objections, and you’ll learn a lot in the process.
 
And yet they call their dads father and celebrate.Fathers day. That is a total misunderstanding and Jesus even called Abraham, “Father Abraham”. God Bless. Memaw
 
Protestants claim that the Bible says to call no man father, not even a Catholic priest.
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That’s one of them, so I’ll thank you for the links and look into them.
Just wondering-- why do you never respond or change the subject?
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I don’t feel I know enough yet. To speak lovingly but truthfully, without frustration or anger, requires that I be more solid in my foundation of knowledge. I’m hesitant to say anything that might drive him further from what is, in my mind, the true church.
Get a list from him, and then go about your research and refute his unfounded objections, and you’ll learn a lot in the process.
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This is a really good idea. Even if it doesn’t change his mind, it would help me feel more secure, and learn more.

Thanks, everyone, for the feedback.
 
CaitlinSiobhan said:
I don’t feel I know enough yet. To speak lovingly but truthfully, without frustration or anger, requires that I be more solid in my foundation of knowledge. I’m hesitant to say anything that might drive him further from what is, in my mind, the true church.
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You’ll never “know enough.” No one does. Keep learning about Catholicism; answer questions when you can; tell him “I don’t know yet, but I can find out” when you don’t. He shouldn’t ridicule you for not knowing everything, and don’t let him if he tries.

As far as going against the Bible–well, I’m very much of a Reformed, sola Scriptura Protestant, but I would say a sincere, practicing, well-informed Catholic who truly loves Jesus and His sacrifice and tries to live in a way that reflects Jesus and keeps God’s commandments is a great deal better off than someone who doesn’t go to a Protestant church. (Not that I think going to church will get you to Heaven, but we are told not to forsake gathering together, and we’re clearly meant to live in community with each other.)

Catholics and Protestants have serious theological differences, but it is also true that some of your husband’s objections may be based on misconceptions. It may help if this is the case and you can correct these conceptions.
 
Tomdstone said:
I don’t believe that many Protestants have changed their minds on the passage in the Bible which tells us to call no man father.
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But if they ask us about it, we can explain, or show them some literature about it.
 
Tomdstone said:
I don’t believe that many Protestants have changed their minds on the passage in the Bible which tells us to call no man father.
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I did.

And the largest Protestant communion in the world-- the Anglican Communion-- call their priests “father.”

And btw, the same Bible verse also says to call no one “teacher.”
 
CaitlinSiobhan said:
I know this is where I’m supposed to be. I know it’s where our children (both toddlers) are meant to be, to grow.
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As far as the kids go, just remember that just because you’ve decided to be Catholic doesn’t mean your children are automatically going to be Catholic. Your husband’s opinion on what religion to raise them in matters just as much as yours does.
 
Tomdstone said:
I don’t think that they call their women priests “father”.
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lol, that’s a very new development. Theyve been referring to their male priests as “father” for 500 years. Regardless, pointing out that they now have female priests doesn’t refute the fact that they-- the largest Protestant communion in the world-- have been calling their male priests “father” for half a millenium. Likewise, every single Protestant denomination calls their teachers “teacher,” even though the specific aforementioned Bible verse also says “call no man teacher.”
 
KEP1983 said:
lol, that’s a very new development. Theyve been referring to their male priests as “father” for 500 years. Regardless, pointing out that they now have female priests doesn’t refute the fact that they-- the largest Protestant communion in the world-- have been calling their male priests “father” for half a millenium. Likewise, every single Protestant denomination calls their teachers “teacher,” even though the specific aforementioned Bible verse also says “call no man teacher.”
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Anglicans are close to Catholic and were thought to have been in schism with valid sacraments for a while. Anyway, at an Episcopal Church in this area, the usher told me that they call the priest “reverend”.
The Bible says specifically to call no man father.
 
QuasiCatholic said:
As far as the kids go, just remember that just because you’ve decided to be Catholic doesn’t mean your children are automatically going to be Catholic. Your husband’s opinion on what religion to raise them in matters just as much as yours does.
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Unless my husbands opinion is to raise them outside of a faith community, in which case the sanctity of their souls takes precedence over his station as spiritual head of household. They will, naturally, be free to choose when they are of an age of reason. I will hope they choose Christian, and pray for all members of my family.

Not that he’d necessarily choose that, but despite his vehement objections to the church I’ve chosen, he has yet to choose any other. He spends his Sunday mornings sleeping in until almost noon. There was a time in our marriage when he was a very spiritual man, so this makes me sad for him and what he’s going through. But we all have times in our lives when we’re farther away from God… It won’t always necessarily be this way.
 
QuasiCatholic said:
As far as the kids go, just remember that just because you’ve decided to be Catholic doesn’t mean your children are automatically going to be Catholic. Your husband’s opinion on what religion to raise them in matters just as much as yours does.
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It is a Catholic parents serious responsibility to raise their children in the One, True, Faith. Who would want anything less. If the children are young adults then they should be encouraged to learn the Faith on their own and through your good example. God Bless. Memaw
 
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