Husband against conversion!

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Eruvande

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My husband has made it clear that he is totally opposed to my conversion. He and the children are very settled and happy at our current church. I am disabled and have no option to rely on him for transport and so cannot get to mass - and even when he has been softer of heart about letting me go on a Saturday, he makes sure some crisis comes up and I have to stay in with the children. He has softened towards Catholic things, but made it clear a few weeks ago that he is happy for me to go ‘on occasion’ and no more than that.

I want to honour his position as head of the household, and he is a good man, but I find myself stuck, unable to move forward. This has been going on for a long time. I don’t really know why I’m posting about this, except to have someone say they’ve heard me.
 
I hear you.

You keep loving your husband and pray for him and keep following your heart towards the Catholic church in any way you can. By doing this, you’re honoring and loving Jesus and have the ability to make a deeper communion than a majority of Catholics receiving communion at the masses you are missing. By videos, books, watch the catholic channel on tv and radio, buy religious pictures and make yourself a little prayer space. Don’t let his unwillingness to get you to mass hinder your spiritual growth. Also, you can contact nearby parishes for a priest or parish member to visit.

You need to show your resolve in your decision and you need to show the fruits of your decision in how you love and honor your husband.

I find it very sad your husband won’t give you what you need spiritually. It’s his FIRST obligation as your husband…to bring you closer to God.

I’ll pray for you all.

God bless
 
Eruvande said:
My husband has made it clear that he is totally opposed to my conversion. He and the children are very settled and happy at our current church. I am disabled and have no option to rely on him for transport and so cannot get to mass - and even when he has been softer of heart about letting me go on a Saturday, he makes sure some crisis comes up and I have to stay in with the children. He has softened towards Catholic things, but made it clear a few weeks ago that he is happy for me to go ‘on occasion’ and no more than that.

I want to honour his position as head of the household, and he is a good man, but I find myself stuck, unable to move forward. This has been going on for a long time. I don’t really know why I’m posting about this, except to have someone say they’ve heard me.
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I think you and your husband need to talk to his pastor about what he’s doing.

It’s abusive.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a bad, bad person through and through, but he is doing bad things and he needs to stop.

abuse-against-women.com/abuse_checklist.html

Also, make inquiries with your parish about both transportation and having communion brought to your home.

Best wishes!
 
Thanks, both of you. I’m afraid there’s not much point talking to our pastor, he is quite openly anti-Catholic. I find it hard to criticize my husband as he is merely concerned for my soul from his perspective, and is just very slow to change his mind before he is convinced of something.
 
Eruvande said:
Thanks, both of you. I’m afraid there’s not much point talking to our pastor, he is quite openly anti-Catholic. I find it hard to criticize my husband as he is merely concerned for my soul from his perspective, and is just very slow to change his mind before he is convinced of something.
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And none of that matters. You are an adult woman with a soul. You have every right to worship as you see fit and NO ONE, not even your husband, has the right to interfere with that. Your husband and his pastor are free to be concerned for your spiritual well being, but they should not hinder free practice of your chosen religion. If his pastor is a good and Godly man he should recognize your right to worship as you see fit and encourage your husband to help you.
 
Eruvande said:
My husband has made it clear that he is totally opposed to my conversion. He and the children are very settled and happy at our current church. I am disabled and have no option to rely on him for transport and so cannot get to mass - and even when he has been softer of heart about letting me go on a Saturday, he makes sure some crisis comes up and I have to stay in with the children. He has softened towards Catholic things, but made it clear a few weeks ago that he is happy for me to go ‘on occasion’ and no more than that.

I want to honour his position as head of the household, and he is a good man, but I find myself stuck, unable to move forward. This has been going on for a long time. I don’t really know why I’m posting about this, except to have someone say they’ve heard me.
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To be fair, if you are not able to get to mass, that removes your culpability for the sin.

Perhaps writing (or emailing) to your local Catholic Bishop explaining the situation might help you find an easier way (with respect to your husband’s feelings) to go through the Rite of Initiation. At this point, that seems to be the only course of action available to you.

Importantly though, while you should not give up on the endevor, remember that God sees your intent.👍
 
Maybe you can start with private devotions such as the rosary. As a poster said before, God sees your intentions.
 
Thank you all for your encouragements - honestly, I think posting about this has stiffened my resolve to pursue the church with more persistence. I pray a daily rosary already, and the divine mercy chaplet at 3pm. Please pray for me and my husband to both be true to God’s calling.
 
I would definitely contact your parish priest about this. Either your church can arrange transportation for you or have someone come out to give the lessons. Perhaps the priest would be willing to speak to your husband regarding this matter as well. For now, offer your sufferings to the Lord and show Him your resolve to practice your faith. God bless!
 
These are tough situations. He is likely following his conscience in not supporting you. If you were all Catholic and he decided he was going to join a protestant church, you would probably not be terribly supportive (although you may be more helpful than he is being to you…). Abuse sounds like a bit much here–some day I’ll force my kids to attend mass. To an atheist, this sounds like abuse, but to a Catholic, this is good parenting. It depends a lot on your perspective. He may think it morally wrong to be complicit in your attendance of mass. Frankly, it doesn’t matter too much–if he is generally a good man and good husband, this is the lot you have to deal with.

Speak with your pastor (of your Parish, not his pastor), and if accommodations need to be made for your RCIA and reception into the Church, I suspect those are possible. I joined the Church attending only one RCIA session.

A larger point for you to consider: it may be that you hardly ever make it to Mass due to this personal situation. Consider the possibility that God is calling you to be a missionary in your own home, and God views your cheerful and loving witness as wife to be more valuable than frequent mass attendance and the like. As others have stated, there is no culpability for you if you cannot physically attend mass. There are millions of faithful, ardent Catholics who hardly ever attend mass because of their location and situations. It is a cross they bear, but all of our crosses have a purpose. Perhaps your path is to embrace your cross.

When I was first married, I might well have taken the exact same position as your husband. Several years later, I converted, and am thankful every day my wife persevered despite my anti-Catholic sentiment instead of giving me an ultimatum or leaving me.

God bless you and your perseverance.
 
Perhaps spend the money on a cab if you have to; he’ll likely see this as a waste of money and come around to providing rides in the end. If that’s not possible perhaps the local bus company runs some sort of accessible transit service that provides door to door service.
 
Eruvande said:
Thank you all for your encouragements - honestly, I think posting about this has stiffened my resolve to pursue the church with more persistence. I pray a daily rosary already, and the divine mercy chaplet at 3pm. Please pray for me and my husband to both be true to God’s calling.
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You are on the right path. You can always count on the power of prayer.
 
May I just offer a small suggestion, as you pray each day pray also to St. Monica to intercede for you in this situation. She has been an inspiration to me and a comfort as I recall the perseverance and suffering in her own life. God bless you with a resolution and harmony in your family.
 
Ephesians 5: 22-24, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

We submit to our husbands not because they deserve it, but because God commands us, and He deserves our obedience. Obedience comes before understanding.
 
camerong said:
These are tough situations. He is likely following his conscience in not supporting you. If you were all Catholic and he decided he was going to join a protestant church, you would probably not be terribly supportive (although you may be more helpful than he is being to you…). Abuse sounds like a bit much here–some day I’ll force my kids to attend mass. To an atheist, this sounds like abuse, but to a Catholic, this is good parenting. It depends a lot on your perspective.

**A wife is not a child.

A disabled wife should not be a prisoner in her own home, only able to come and go with her husband’s approval.

If the roles were reversed, and he were disabled and she were able-bodied, what would be think of her if she wouldn’t drive him to his church?

Heck, if a spouse were disabled and just wanted an ice cream once a week, the able-bodied spouse ought to make that happen.

An able-bodied spouse ought to think very seriously about how to preserve the disabled spouse’s autonomy and dignity.
**

God bless you and your perseverance.
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Eruvande said:
Thank you all for your encouragements - honestly, I think posting about this has stiffened my resolve to pursue the church with more persistence. I pray a daily rosary already, and the divine mercy chaplet at 3pm. Please pray for me and my husband to both be true to God’s calling.
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Glad to see that you are resolved to pursue the church will more persistence. At the same time, you might consider being extra-loving and caring toward your husband. Not an easy thing to do, perhaps, but it might help. And being loving and caring may help to keep the situation from causing too much division, some of which is unavoidable, of course. God bless!
 
Thank you, and yes, you are right, as a former baptist I’m familiar with the scriptures that encourage spouses to love their other half well, so they might be won without a word 🙂 That’s my plan, along with asking St Monica for her prayers. God has turned my heart from anti-Catholic polemics, there is no reason at all for discouragement in the hope that He will do the same for my husband.
 
Eruvande said:
Thank you, and yes, you are right, as a former baptist I’m familiar with the scriptures that encourage spouses to love their other half well, so they might be won without a word 🙂 That’s my plan, along with asking St Monica for her prayers. God has turned my heart from anti-Catholic polemics, there is no reason at all for discouragement in the hope that He will do the same for my husband.
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👍
 
I can imagine that this is a very difficult situation for you. Call your local Catholic church and explain the situation to them. Maybe they can arrange transportation for you and find some way to get you through the RCIA program despite your circumstances. Once you are initiated, they can even arrange to have Communion brought to you if you can’t get to Mass.

If they’re not helpful, call a different parish. Some parishes are better at this stuff than others.

And on the weekends that you can’t get a ride to Mass, you can always watch on EWTN as a last resort.

You can still be loving and respectful to your husband and practice your faith according to your conscience. Don’t fight with him about it. Just do your best to connect with the local Catholic resources and do your thing. If it bothers him while your watching Mass on TV or he gets mad, that’s his problem. All you can do is pray for him.

Best wishes to you.
 
I wanted to update this thread, as my husband has had a change of heart, and will be taking me to the Saturday 5pm mass from now on, as he has decided that I talk a lot of sense when we discuss faith issues, and he can trust me to make my own decisions, as he is not my boss. That’s pretty much word for word. He has no intention of joining me, but having his help will be invaluable. Thank you for praying for me, I am so encouraged.
 
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