Husband and RCIA

[jmcrae]

I I regret not being my wife’s sponsor. I would strongly recommend attending as many of the classes as possible. If you are proficient in your faith you can be very helpful. Often my wife would come home with questions I had a hard time answering since I did not understand what she was referring to. There were also things I would like to have corrected in her group discussions. It is much harder to straighten things out after the fact.

Just FYI, everyone who is involved with the RCIA participant - spouse, sponsor, and other friends - should be coming to RCIA with her or him, in order to provide as much support as possible.

But I still think that the spouse has a different role than the sponsor.

 

[Seatuck]

thank you for your responses and answers. i have been troubled about this for some time now and have praying very hard. it seems now that it is all coming to a head. he has some reservations about some catholic views which he does not hold. 2 main ones are: 1. a woman’s right to choose if she has been raped thru incest. 2. females in the priesthood.

because of his views on these 2 topics, he is concerned that he will be told that he can not join/and vice versa. this will then have a major affect on our family life b/c we attend mass everyweek as a family…*and *my husband participates fully. he knows that if he goes thru the program, he can not participate fully until confirmed. he would be ok with operating as we have been for the last several years but he knows that i want all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed, so he is willing to go thru with it…am i being selfish, should i just let him be?

by the way, he believes in the real presence, or shall we say he wants to believe.

so after all this blabbering, you can see, it is complicated.

thanks so much…

You will need to stand firm on his sponsorship then. As much as you would like to have a whole Catholic family it might not be the best thing for him to convert if he cannot accept the beliefs of the church. This is probably why some do not recommend a spouse being sponsor. Also if you mean he recieves communion now when you say "participates fully " then he needs to stop.

 

[Marian_Carroll]

**Please see:

Post 6
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=17511**

 

[jmb100]

You will need to stand firm on his sponsorship then. As much as you would like to have a whole Catholic family it might not be the best thing for him to convert if he cannot accept the beliefs of the church. This is probably why some do not recommend a spouse being sponsor. Also if you mean he recieves communion now when you say "participates fully " then he needs to stop.

well, if you speak to the general population, you will see that there are some fine grey areas…i find that that is ok…you can not take faith blindly…you must ask questions. he has been ‘participating’ for over 20 years now, it is the norm in our family;

 

[jmcrae]

well, if you speak to the general population, you will see that there are some fine grey areas…i find that that is ok…you can not take faith blindly…you must ask questions.

This is true - hence the “Inquiry” period of RCIA.

he has been ‘participating’ for over 20 years now, it is the norm in our family;

“Participating” meaning what, exactly?

He can join in the prayers and responses, and he can use Sacramentals, but he should not be receiving the Sacraments of Holy Communion or Reconciliation until he has been properly instructed, and has received the appropriate Rites of Initiation into the Church for each of these - the same as we do with our children, and the same as everyone else in the Church has to do.

 

[jc-servant]

I would not get hung up on which teachings he does not fully accept at this point in the process. One purpose of RCIA is to learn about the church, so he may have a conversion during the year. If he decides that he still disagrees with actual dogma before Easter, then he does not have to enter the church.

I would look around for an orthodox program where the teachers don’t use their opinion instead of church doctrine. If you have them assign a male sponsor to your husband there is nothing to prevent you both from discussing the topics on your own also. I have been a co-sponsor with another person for one catechumen in the past.

 

[jmcrae]

I I regret not being my wife’s sponsor. I would strongly recommend attending as many of the classes as possible. If you are proficient in your faith you can be very helpful. Often my wife would come home with questions I had a hard time answering since I did not understand what she was referring to. There were also things I would like to have corrected in her group discussions. It is much harder to straighten things out after the fact.

Spouses also have a role, in addition to the Sponsor’s role. One reason it’s better if these are two different people is because of how different the roles are - but yes, you should have been attending RCIA with your wife and her sponsor.

I’m sorry that you felt like you weren’t allowed to attend the meetings with her. Something went badly wrong, there.

 

[Orionthehunter]

There is no Church document (that I know of) that specifically states that a spouse cannot be a Sponsor for their spouse, as long as they qualify under Canon Law as a sponsor. And no Pastors and others cannot just make up their own rules.

During my five years being on teh RCIA team in our parish and my knowledge of the other programs in our city, our Pastor strongly encouraged that the Sponsor be a non-spouse member of the parish. Since this was a universal position in our city, I assume it had the endorsement of the Bishop (who resided in our diocese and was not a passive Shepherd). While the Pastor didn’t appear to have it as an absolute prohibition, he was pretty adamant in his position. His rationale was simple: A sponsor is a representative of the entire Catholic community. A spouse has a more parochial interest. He did encourage the spouse to attend classes with the Candidate/Catechumen and allowed them to be a witness.

On a practical reason, by having someone other than the spouse, it allowed for a more honest sharing of the person’s “freedom” to make the confirmation. In more than one case, it became evident that the motive was only to satisfy the demands of the spouse and was in no way related to the spiritual desires of the candidate. By having this non-spouse sponsor, informatin was able to get to the Pastor who then used it as a teaching moment with the couple.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

Here are the specific canons:

Chapter IV : SPONSORS

Can. 872 In so far as possible, a person being baptised is to be assigned a sponsor. In the case of an adult baptism, the sponsor’s role is to assist the person in christian initiation.
In the case of an infant baptism, the role is together with the parents to present the child for baptism, and to help it to live a christian life befitting the baptised and faithfully to fulfil the duties inherent in baptism.

Can. 873 One sponsor, male or female, is sufficient; but there may be two, one of each sex.

Can. 874~1 To be admitted to undertake the office of sponsor, a person must:

1° be appointed by the candidate for baptism, or by the parents or whoever stands in their place, or failing these, by the parish priest or the minister; to be appointed the person must be suitable for this role and have the intention of fulfilling it;

2° be not less than sixteen years of age, unless a different age has been stipulated by the diocesan Bishop, or unless the parish priest or the minister considers that there is a just reason for an exception to be made;

3° be a catholic who has been confirmed and has received the blessed Eucharist, and who lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken;

4° not labour under a canonical penalty, whether imposed or declared;

5° not be either the father or the mother of the person to be baptised.

~2 A baptised person who belongs to a non-catholic ecclesial community may be admitted only in company with a catholic sponsor, and then simply as a witness to the baptism.

For Confirmation:

Chapter IV : SPONSORS

Can. 892 As far as possible the person to be confirmed is to have a sponsor. The
sponsor’s function is to take care that the person confirmed behaves as a true witness of Christ and faithfully fulfils the duties inherent in this sacrament.

Can. 893~1 A person who would undertake the office of sponsor must fulfil the conditions mentioned in can. 874.
~2 It is desirable that the sponsor chosen be the one who undertook this role at baptism.

Concerning 874 #5

This includes Step-parents and adoptive parents, it does NOT exclude Grandparents.

I am still hoping for a post defining the “Godparent” verse the duties of the “Sponsor” this is something that our RCIA team discusses every year but can not resolve. Any help is appreciated

I have never seen the Priest call for the “Sponsors” when baptizing babies but I have heard the call for the “Godparents”?

 

[Karin]

I am still hoping for a post defining the “Godparent” verse the duties of the “Sponsor” this is something that our RCIA team discusses every year but can not resolve. Any help is appreciated

I have never seen the Priest call for the “Sponsors” when baptizing babies but I have heard the call for the “Godparents”?

Every year you guys go through this…would not the easiest thing be to ask the Priest what the difference is?
As to what a “SPONSOR” is and does Br. Rich SFO did give you the break down of that…

 

[Texas_Roofer]

Every year you guys go through this…would not the easiest thing be to ask the Priest what the difference is?

Our Priest is a big picture guy, so the answer is - What ever it does not matter,- divide it as you would like.- Actually, I like this attitude but the RCIA Teams ends up split on the roles of Godparent vs Sponsor and we read many guide books and these books certainly to not agree on the issue.

As to what a “SPONSOR” is and does Br. Rich SFO did give you the break down of that…

Yes could I get the same for “Godparent”, or is the marriage reference to be assumed as a complete guide?

 

[jmcrae]

I’d guess as long as you’ve got someone teaching the participant his prayers, someone teaching him his Catechism, someone being there as a shoulder to cry on when things get difficult, someone standing up for him at the Rites, and someone minding the kids at home, you’re good to go, whatever you want to call them, although hopefully people are using their common sense.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

During my five years being on teh RCIA team in our parish and my knowledge of the other programs in our city, our Pastor strongly encouraged that the Sponsor be a non-spouse member of the parish. Since this was a universal position in our city, I assume it had the endorsement of the Bishop (who resided in our diocese and was not a passive Shepherd). While the Pastor didn’t appear to have it as an absolute prohibition, he was pretty adamant in his position. His rationale was simple: A sponsor is a representative of the entire Catholic community. A spouse has a more parochial interest. He did encourage the spouse to attend classes with the Candidate/Catechumen and allowed them to be a witness.

On a practical reason, by having someone other than the spouse, it allowed for a more honest sharing of the person’s “freedom” to make the confirmation. In more than one case, it became evident that the motive was only to satisfy the demands of the spouse and was in no way related to the spiritual desires of the candidate. By having this non-spouse sponsor, informatin was able to get to the Pastor who then used it as a teaching moment with the couple.

I would not have a problem if a pastor wanted to, at our Sponsor training and formation session to tell the sponsors that he personally felt this way or that way. But that it was the Catechumens and Candidates decision alone.

I sense a strange idea of the Marriage relationship in saying that a person might not be open to their spouse? Or more honost to a stranger? Huh?

 

[jmcrae]

I would not have a problem if a pastor wanted to, at our Sponsor training and formation session to tell the sponsors that he personally felt this way or that way. But that it was the Catechumens and Candidates decision alone.

I sense a strange idea of the Marriage relationship in saying that a person might not be open to their spouse? Or more honost to a stranger? Huh?

There are some cases where the Catholic spouse is actually bullying the non-Catholic spouse into becoming Catholic, instead of honestly presenting the facts and letting the person make the decision, because they are emotionally invested in having a Catholic family - rather than have to ask, “Are you planning to bully your spouse into the Church?” it’s easier just to get all of them to have sponsors from the parish.

And there are some subjects that are best dealt with in a man-to-man or woman-to-woman conversation, which is why in our RCIA we strongly recommend having sponsors of the same sex.

 

[YADA]

We allow spouses to be a Co-Sponsor, but always assist a our RCIA participants in finding a non-spouse, non-fiance Sponsor because as in Bro Rich SFO’s posting \Quote\ to be appointed the person must be suitable for this role and have the intention of fulfilling it\Quote\ A spouse [or fiance] has a vested interest in a ***Specific Outcome ***[the person actually entering the church].

We encourage spouses [and fiances] to participate, encourge and “walk the journey” but the person needs someone to who they can come to with all the hard struggles, concerns, questions, fears, etc. They need and “honest broker” as our deacon always refered to it.

God Bless you both on the journey…

 

[Jeff_Hale]

Our RCIA program also does not allow spouses to sponsor each other, for the reasons that others here have posted. Confirmed spouses in good-standing are encouraged to participate, but while sponsoring someone else. My wife sponsored another lady that neither of us knew beforehand when I was a catechumen six short years ago.

 

[Texas_Roofer]

I sense a strange idea of the Marriage relationship in saying that a person might not be open to their spouse? Or more honost to a stranger? Huh?

Just some examples

1. Couple is having marriage problems already and this flares up as they begin the *- even the bible requires you to - dismiss divorce ideas, show me more respect, not participate in adultery, * - and the fighting escalates.
2. One Spouse berates the other for the arm twisting which brought them to this class.
3. One spouse (this was actually a family member) talking about the not so proud moments of life - which sent the other (spouse, family member) into orbit
4. Divorce and Annulments when one spouse has and ex and the other is not forgiving about it.

I know these are not supposed to occur, but 3 of the 4 I have seen. And yes the men do say things about family situations particularly wives and daughters that they would not say to the spouse. And yes, I think the women do talk about the men.