Yes he has broken it off but he still doesn’t quite see what he did was cheat on me. We are planning on going to counseling. I want him to find the counselor though so he can’t hold it against me if he doesn’t like or agree who we are seeing.
L(name removed by moderator)my probably the best path, which may not be the least painful, is to start within. For different reasons neither of you appear to be 'at home" at the moment even though the lights seem to be on. Focussing on the other with so much emotion is a fairly sure sign there are things we are not looking at in ourselves.
You appear to be controlling things yet try to normalise it under a “he” or a “we” that doesn’t really gel. “Yes
he has broken it off…” (but you forced him to didn’t you?)". “
We are planning on going counselling…” (but really this is your will not his).
And you want him to find the counsellor…but if you think he won’t hold it against you or will even do it unforced/reminded I think you are dreaming. That you would think it will happen suggests you may not be aware of how much you may be over controlling him.
There is nothing amiss about wanting to take action to save your marriage - but the way you are doing it and the way you talk about it suggests this unconscious attitude has been plaguing your relationship for a while and may be part of the cause as to why your husband now acts the way he is acting. Treat someone like a child and that is how they will eventually respond. The recovery from cancer, as others have noted, may have made him unconsciously realise he has nothing to lose by disrespecting “mum” - you.
Yes you (and your marriage) are being disrespected, probably unconsciously at the moment. But the road home (if possible) wont be along the lines of “husband cheated” (a one way street). I believe it will require you looking at yourself much more than you looking at him.
Admitting this (or whatever you consider to be your failings in this situation) to yourself and actually communicating same to your husband may be the first step in attracting him back to you and making him feel he actually has something valuable he might lose. At this moment the social stigma of leaving a wife and baby probably doesn’t compare to the vacuum he now feels within post-cancer when he views his life with possibly more mature eyes than he had before.
Indeed he may no longer be the (immature?) man you married and is now rebelling.
Then again on so few facts I may be completely wrong…only you know.
If so ignore what I say. Good luck
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