Husband cheated

[The_Bucket]

You are the one that needs the help…how sad for you. I think you must have made a mistake and posted in the wrong forum.

I really don’t understand the hostility. Your husband has a number of issues to deal with and would probably benefit from therapy. You don’t think the child involved here would not benefit either? In all seriousness, no, marrying a former in-law is not normal and yes it could indeed play mind games with a young woman.

Now you add the additional complication of an affair in a situation where both parties are divorced and the families are really, really jumbled. Yes I daresay everyone would benefit from a conversation with a third party.

 

[bsketlady]

I will not reply to any further postings from you. God Bless

I really don’t understand the hostility. Your husband has a number of issues to deal with and would probably benefit from therapy. You don’t think the child involved here would not benefit either? In all seriousness, no, marrying a former in-law is not normal and yes it could indeed play mind games with a young woman.

Now you add the additional complication of an affair in a situation where both parties are divorced and the families are really, really jumbled. Yes I daresay everyone would benefit from a conversation with a third party.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I meant the marrying of an ex-inlaw is more common than most people know…

i remain hopeful we can work through this and with Gods help and many prayers we will
he’s a good man and he still loves me.

I am sorry that some here are being quite uncharitable to you. Your situation isn’t usual, but that doesn’t mean that you deserve to be attacked because of it. I am putting you and your family into my prayers. I sure hope you and your husband can get some counseling and get through his infidelity. If, in fact, he really cheated - you somewhat implied in your original post that he said he didn’t do anything. Anyway, that’s not even important if trust has been broken.

See if you can get an appointment with a counselor through Catholic Charities. They charge according to income and are usually licensed clinical social workers. They can be very helpful.

 

[bsketlady]

Thank you…he’s waiting to hear from his AA sponsor and he said he would speak to our priest or deacon within the week. So I am going to wait and see how that works 1st…

We just had a dinner date, it was nice and I really think we will be ok, just going to take time to heal.

I am sorry that some here are being quite uncharitable to you. Your situation isn’t usual, but that doesn’t mean that you deserve to be attacked because of it. I am putting you and your family into my prayers. I sure hope you and your husband can get some counseling and get through his infidelity. If, in fact, he really cheated - you somewhat implied in your original post that he said he didn’t do anything. Anyway, that’s not even important if trust has been broken.

See if you can get an appointment with a counselor through Catholic Charities. They charge according to income and are usually licensed clinical social workers. They can be very helpful.

 

[tuscany]

Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Hold the sorrowful, strengthen the fearful,
give aid to all needing help or healing,
assist those who are sick, in pain or suffering,
be with those needing peace, console the lonely,
comfort the lost or hopeless, guard the unborn,
pray for those who are dying or who have died,
protect those in danger, guide us from evil,
soften those with hardened hearts,
enlighten those who do not yet see truth;
may all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen.

 

[thetruth0flife]

Prayers please and any guidance would be great. I want to ask 1,000 questions but don’t know if that helps, probably not and who knows if i am getting honest answers anyway. I told him “what if I can’t forgive” his response “let me know” ?? i was like really???

Thank you all in advance, looking forward to your (name removed by moderator)ut.

I didn’t like the tone of ‘letting him know’. Don’t forgive a cheating.That’s my opinion.

Let others know when something is wrong. Honesty counts in this game. bye.

 

[lovemyson]

Oh my. Your story sounds so similar to mine. I poured my heart out on this forum. I am truly sorry you are going through this. If you want to private messages please do. My husband was cheating with a coworker yet he denies it. We managed to keep things together until Christmas. He wants to separate. Remember once someone has cheated its hard to forget. I know the hurt and humiliation. My husband married before cheated on his first wife too, with her out of country sister. He has two grown children and when they were younger same visitation. They showed little respect for me and he never corrected them. His daughter said to me I don’t have to listen to you because your not my …mother. So please let’s chat. Keeping you in my prayers. You deserve better xoxox

 

[EasterJoy]

I told him “what if I can’t forgive” his response “let me know” ?? i was like really???

He doesn’t deserve to have you forgive him. He can hope for it, but it is pure mercy if you do. If you don’t forgive him, or if his repentance and purpose of amendment are not real, your marriage is over, and it will be his fault. Even if the bond remains, if you cannot forgive or if he does not repent, you won’t have a common conjugal life in any true sense of the word.

Perhaps he means this: He does deserve to know if you realize that you can’t or that you won’t forgive him, and also if you hope you can forgive him but know that you cannot put him back into a marital position of trust (which are different things). In either case, any reconciliation between you will not be a reconciliation that saves your marriage. It will be a reconciliation that keeps your separation civilized.

By that same token, you deserve to ask him this: Is it your intention to repent of this infidelity, to take steps to make sure it doesn’t ever happen again and to make amends as necessary to rebuild my trust and our marriage? If he doesn’t, then I think you have your answer about whether or not a reconciliation is possible.

My advice is to find your pastor and make a plan to get both pastoral and professional support to work through your feelings about this. You need to give yourself time to digest this and you are going to need guidance to help you learn your own heart and your own mind. Marriage counseling can follow after you have got your emotional “sea legs” concerning your own feelings.

If you can find the book, “How to Forgive: A Step-By-Step Guide” by John Monbourquette, I’d highly recommend it. It was written by a priest and psychiatrist. I didn’t find every bit of it helpful, but his description of the process of forgiveness and (where it is possible) reconciliation was very helpful. He also highlights “blind alleys” that don’t work, which is helpful. It is highly likely that your library does not have it, but I think you can get it on Amazon.

 

[blackwidow]

Normal, this is far from normal. Cheating husbands. A daughter who is totally getting messed up and the mom is concerned about her cheating husband first. You all need counselling. Individual and then group. You should be a mother first. Your husband is a liar first to YOU. Also, it is not normal to marry a brother so don’t even go there. Nobody dealt with the issues in your first marriage. What if your daughter marries her first cousin, is that ok also? I don’t mean to be so harsh but seriously this is a Jerry Springer episode.

 

[blackwidow]

Forgiveness takes lots of time. Trust is something people earn and when they lose it well its very hard to get back. What are you people teaching children who look up to you for advice. I just shake my head at the heartache of that daughter, no wonder she is rebelling. You should take your daughter and run away and start fresh with her, she is your priority.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Well first off I would say cheating can be a learned behavior. Since you married brothers and they both cheated maybe they learned that from their dad. I find it strange and a little creepy that you married your brother in law…ex or not. Maybe your daughter finds that creepy and messed up too. I can’t say weather or not she’s been abused but abusers often do whatever they can to stay close to their victims so marrying you wouldn’t have been that outlandish. Also abusers are usually master manipulators and act the part of a victim

I’m curious why you think his first wife treated him so badly. Did you witness abusive behavior or did he just constantly talk about her being abusive or constantly talk negative about her to where everyone believed him. He never HAD to marry her. No one can handcuff someone and make them marry or stay married. My first instinct would be to get the first wife’s side of his story. She kicked him out because he cheated…well that’s pretty common actually. If my husband cheated I’d probably leave or kick him out too.

I’m making no judgements here just surmising. I think your whole family needs lots of prayer. I’ll pray for you all.

 

[bsketlady]

Well first off I would say cheating can be a learned behavior. Since you married brothers and they both cheated maybe they learned that from their dad. I find it strange and a little creepy that you married your brother in law…ex or not. Maybe your daughter finds that creepy and messed up too. I can’t say weather or not she’s been abused but abusers often do whatever they can to stay close to their victims so marrying you wouldn’t have been that outlandish. Also abusers are usually master manipulators and act the part of a victim

I’m curious why you think his first wife treated him so badly. Did you witness abusive behavior or did he just constantly talk about her being abusive or constantly talk negative about her to where everyone believed him. He never HAD to marry her. No one can handcuff someone and make them marry or stay married. My first instinct would be to get the first wife’s side of his story. She kicked him out because he cheated…well that’s pretty common actually. If my husband cheated I’d probably leave or kick him out too.

I’m making no judgements here just surmising. I think your whole family needs lots of prayer. I’ll pray for you all.

if he didn’t marry her she would hav ehad her 4th ABORTION is that sufficient enough?

 

[Luvz2travel]

if he didn’t marry her she would hav ehad her 4th ABORTION is that sufficient enough?

An abortion would have been her choice it’s not the only one she could have given her children up for adoption rather than marry this guy.

 

[bsketlady]

you are flat out ignorant

he saved 2 lives right or wrong they weren’t sucked into a sink!

geez do you not know what today is?

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

Please Dear God Our Heavenly Father, The Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ Our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus, could you please bathe this Mother and Wife in your most Loving Divine Wisdom and flow Thy Love and Direction through her to make the right Christian decisions in her family situation for the most beneficial outcome for her and her 17 year old daughter, Amen.

Hail Mary Full of Grace, The Lord is with Thee,
Blessed art Thou among Women and Blessed is the Fruit of Thy Womb Jesus,
Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death,
Amen.

Please Dear Jesus Christ Our Saviour, could you please expel the cheating ways of Satan from this woman’s husband and renew his respect in his Wife now and for Eternity, Amen.

 

[tuscany]

Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Hold the sorrowful, strengthen the fearful,
give aid to all needing help or healing,
assist those who are sick, in pain or suffering,
be with those needing peace, console the lonely,
comfort the lost or hopeless, guard the unborn,
pray for those who are dying or who have died,
protect those in danger, guide us from evil,
soften those with hardened hearts,
enlighten those who do not yet see truth;
may all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen.

 

[tuscany]

Holy Mother, please intercede for us.
Hold the sorrowful, strengthen the fearful,
give aid to all needing help or healing,
assist those who are sick, in pain or suffering,
be with those needing peace, console the lonely,
comfort the lost or hopeless, guard the unborn,
pray for those who are dying or who have died,
protect those in danger, guide us from evil,
soften those with hardened hearts,
enlighten those who do not yet see truth;
may all who keep your sacred commemoration
experience the might of your assistance.
Amen.

 

[canadianoil]

My wife of 19 years is board with our marriage.
We have not been intimate for three years.
I reside a one hour flight away for employment, however, I visit often.
She has stopped going to church.
She has stopped raising our children in the Catholic faith.
She will not speak to our parish priest about us.
We have been to counselling.
However, my wife states that she wants her own life.

I have never been unfaithful to my wife.

I pray, keep the faith and have hope I can save our marriage.
However, I am becoming increasingly tired to try to salvage our relationship.

What do I do?