Husband does not want intimacy at all!

[Calliso]

I would suggest counseling…maybe that would help get to the root issues of what is going on here. Maybe a visit to the doctor to see if there are medical reasons for his seeming lack of desire.

 

[simple_soul]

Check out the awesome resources that Kristacecelia has posted!

Dear mommamaree,
Thank you I did.

Both spouses are equal in dignity, although necessarily ***different in the roles/functions they carry out. *** You are mixing up equality with sameness in our discussion; it is a common mistake, but still one to be guarded against.

I do not believe I could agree more with what you say here. I just do not believe we are aware of just how much it still needs to be guarded against.

Remember, your husband is NOT Jesus Christ, but is called to represent Christ to his family. What did Christ do for us? He served, he healed, he taught, and ultimately, he laid down his life for us. Whenever your husband is acting in a Christ-like way, you can willingly submit. However, even Jesus needed help carrying out his mission. In the gospels, we see that Jesus loved his disciples and the apostles. He treated them as brothers, not as inferiors. He trusted them to take the lead in building His church is his physical absence. Doesn’t sound like a ‘backseat passenger’ to me!

But in truth, we are inferior to Jesus. It is only out of His love and mercy that we are anything

And in regards to your question about whether or not the Church has a voice in her relationship with Jesus, I would respond ‘Absolutely, she does!’ Are we not taught that Jesus informed his apostles that whatever they bind upon earth will be bound in heaven and whatever they loose upon earth will be loosed in heaven. Jesus knew that there would be times when the Church would have to make decisions regarding the faithful that he could not possibly have time to prepare the apostles to make. He also promised to send the Holy Spirit to guide them, but he gave the authority to the Church to carry on in His absence.

*I believe I did not ask the question correctly. Let me try again.
How does the Church obtain her Truths? Does she just go to Jesus and tell him what they should be or has Jesus already said what they are and she goes to Him to understand them more clearly?
It is my understanding that the Church looks to Jesus Christ for all revealed truth. She does not have a voice in making those truths but she does have a voice in the implementing and understanding of those truths. *

Also, what else is prayer but the Church and its people having an audience with the King of Heaven? Isn’t it amazing that the Creator of all the Universe wants to hear our prayers, wants us to tell Him our needs. One of the other amazing teachings of the Catholic church that I love is that God is merely waiting to unleash all that He has in store for us if only we would just ASK! Wow! Think about that for a minute.

So of course by all means ask Him, tell Him, pray to Him, but in the end it is still His descision, His will, is it not? And if He does not comply with our wishes we have to trust Him and that He knows best, correct?

So of course, the Church and its faithful have the ear of the Almighty. He listens and answers our prayers, He sends His Holy Spirit to guide and comfort and more.
Anyway, I hope this helps. God Himself desires willing partners to work with Him, just as a husband needs a willing partner to work with him. Definitely go back and read through the great references that Kristacecelia posted for us. I would love to hear your thoughts after you get a chance to read and ponder!

I truly do believe St. Gianna said it best.

Pietro dearest, you know it is my wish to see and know you are happy. Tell me how I should be and what I should do to make you happy" and in the same letter “I ask you a favor from today on, Pietro. If you see that I do something that is not right, tell me, correct me. Do you understand? I will always be thankful.”

 

[simple_soul]

From the Catechisms’ section on marriage (emphasis mine):

*Dear kristacecilia,

Thank you for finding these resources to pray and ponder about.
After reading this part;*

The woman, “flesh of his flesh,” his equal, his nearest in all things,

*My thought is that I understood that equal and nearest meant that they both had a soul and a likeness of body compared to all the other animals that God created. I believe this would include physical and mental attributes.

I understand that both man and woman, in Holy Matrimony, are both subjected to each other and the marriage. I am not disputing this. But what I am trying to say is how they are subjected to each other and the marriage is uniquely different. Yes they should have mutual love and respect for each other but I believe it should be a love and respect of each other and their specific role and recognizing and accepting one’s own specific role with all the duties and responsibilities that come with it.
Now I believe that were we might differ is in our understanding of just what the specific role of a wife is.
I love the way Saint Gianna says it
“Pietro dearest, you know it is my wish to see and know you are happy. Tell me how I should be and what I should do to make you happy” and in the same letter “I ask you a favor from today on, Pietro. If you see that I do something that is not right, tell me, correct me. Do you understand? I will always be thankful.”

 

[mommamaree]

Simple Soul,
I really have no disagreement with anything you said here. It seems that as we go back to the actual Church teachings instead of relying upon analogies, most of our differences in perspective fall away. This has really been a thought-provoking conversation for me, and it had me reexamining my attitudes about marriage and being a wife, which is always a good thing to do in order to keep our attitudes in line with God’s plan for Christian marriages. I suspect that we have much in common in how our lives play out according to what we and our husbands understand regarding marriage and parenthood. I will say though that my husband has always relied upon me to be very outspoken and to make decisions with him. On the other hand, sometimes I say to him that I need him to take the lead and act unilaterally. Other times, he will say to me that he wants me to just relax and let him make a decision and not to worry because any negative consequences will be his issues to address. In this way, we have found a way to work with our unique personality types together in partnership while honoring each other and our marriage. I am sure that you and your husband have worked out a method beneficial for your marriage, even if it may look a bit different than ours. As an aside, my husband and I are both big teasers, and we love to ‘bust each other’s chops’. It horrified our families when they first started witnessing this dynamic playing out. But when they realized it is just our way of playing and being silly and lighthearted, they just started rolling their eyes whenever we get going.
Sorry for the longer reply, it is just that the more this conversation has gone on, the more I feel that I have found kindred spirits in you and kristacecelia and I thought maybe you might enjoy a little story.

 

[mommamaree]

*Now I believe that were we might differ is in our understanding of just what the specific role of a wife is.
*

I think this part is what is unique to each individual marriage. Each husband and wife must work out together how their complementary natures can support each other, and that is dependent in large part on each’s particular talents and personality traits. I know you were responding to Kristacecelia here, but I just wanted to add my thoughts.

 

[Ad_Deum_1]

I’m a newlywed and only 6 months in. We have lots of issues but honestly my best advice? Read Dr. Laura’s The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands. Sounds like you could use it!

Best of luck - just keep praying.

 

[simple_soul]

Simple Soul,
I really have no disagreement with anything you said here. It seems that as we go back to the actual Church teachings instead of relying upon analogies, most of our differences in perspective fall away. This has really been a thought-provoking conversation for me, and it had me reexamining my attitudes about marriage and being a wife, which is always a good thing to do in order to keep our attitudes in line with God’s plan for Christian marriages.

Again I could not agree with you more.

I suspect that we have much in common in how our lives play out according to what we and our husbands understand regarding marriage and parenthood. ** I will say though that my husband has always relied upon me to be very outspoken and to make decisions with him.** On the other hand, sometimes I say to him that I need him to take the lead and act unilaterally. Other times, he will say to me that he wants me to just relax and let him make a decision and not to worry because any negative consequences will be his issues to address. In this way, we have found a way to work with our unique personality types together in partnership while honoring each other and our marriage. I am sure that you and your husband have worked out a method beneficial for your marriage, even if it may look a bit different than ours.

*My father never allowed my mother to be outspoken nor did he ever rely on my mother’s opinion for anything, that I know of. My mother in obedience to her role as being his wife lived this way for just over thirty years. Just trying to follow his lead and trying to understand it. I am not saying it was easy and I know their was a lot of anger and resentment from it. But for some reason I understood that this was how a relationship of husband and wife was meant to be. But not as a power trip for one and a resentment trip for the other but out of a mutual love, support and respect for each other and each others role in the marriage.
Does this make any sense?
I, personally, expected nothing less from my husband. But even though he loves the fact that I have no problem with him leading the way and being in charge of things he has never demanded of me to accept it. In fact I believe he went to lengths at times to let me try and lead the way because for some reason he thought I wanted a career. When I finally got him to understand that the only “career” I had ever wanted was to be a wife and mother was when he was finally able to accept that I was willing and accepting of him being the one in charge. No he is not a jerk about this. He is actually very appreciative about it. Also, he does ask for my advise on things and he does listen to my (name removed by moderator)ut and I do believe he does give it food for thought. But I sometimes wonder if I am not outspoken enough about things and that I may have misunderstood what it means to be a wife. Then he tells me on so many occasions that he loves just being able to come home and spend time with his family. And having us and who we are makes everything he goes through to support and care for us worth while. And that I make him happy, very happy. This reassures me that through God’s love, grace and mercy, I must be doing something right. *

As an aside, my husband and I are both big teasers, and we love to ‘bust each other’s chops’. It horrified our families when they first started witnessing this dynamic playing out. But when they realized it is just our way of playing and being silly and lighthearted, they just started rolling their eyes whenever we get going.

*This is cute, the funny thing about us is when we are around our friends every one likes to ‘bust each other’s chops’. I have to be careful how I do it because I have innocently given his buddies more fuel than they need to "bust his chops’ and of course he teasingly accuses me of throwing him under the bus. Then I get mortified.
*

Sorry for the longer reply, it is just that the more this conversation has gone on, the more I feel that I have found kindred spirits in you and kristacecelia and I thought maybe you might enjoy a little story.

*No worries I always enjoy hearing about other’s life growing experiences. I believe we can all learn from each other and help each other through them. Thank you for sharing and I hope you enjoy my story. It is a little different than yours but it works for us. So far…
It has been a pleasure to meat you kindred soul.

I hope and pray you have a wonderful weekend in God’s loving care.*

 

[simple_soul]

I think this part is what is unique to each individual marriage. Each husband and wife must work out together how their complementary natures can support each other, and that is dependent in large part on each’s particular talents and personality traits. I know you were responding to Kristacecelia here, but I just wanted to add my thoughts.

I would just add that we accomplish this by what you said in your other post “keep our attitudes in line with God’s plan for Christian marriages.”

 

[simple_soul]

I’m a newlywed and only 6 months in. We have lots of issues but honestly my best advice? Read Dr. Laura’s The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands. Sounds like you could use it!

Best of luck - just keep praying.

 

[Musician]

I would keep myself silky smooth shaven and totally not mention sex or intimacy at all. Maybe he feels pressured. In any case, I usually let my DH pursue me - it makes everything a little sexier. If he doesn’t want sex, that’s his problem! I don’t think it does anyone any good to have to ask for intimacy. That is too humiliating.

 

[BettyM]

You’ve only been married 11 months. The first year of marriage is very hard. You both are just getting to know each other and have expectations of each other. It’s not the same as dating. Find some good Catholic books on marriage and just love your husband as he is. Let him pursue you but always be ready.

 

[Ponyguy]

But, I have told him time and again that I crave it, but I always have to ask and then get grunts when I cuddle up next to him or hold his hand.

Holy smokes! :bigyikes:

Where were you about 45 years ago, when I was “single and looking”?
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In a serious mode, I’ll add your name to my prayer-hopper… if your husband needs any razor blades, just ask. My wife makes certain that I have an ample supply… for the same reasons as yours.

When’s your anniversary? You mentioned being married about “eleven months” earlier in this thread, so your First Anniversary must be imminent. I hope you both are willing and able to “do it right” and really enjoy the day!