Husband doesn't want any more children

[johngh]

First of all whatever you do do not get a vasectomy. It is immoral and you could very well regret it in the future.

That being said, I say use NFP for now, and hopefully in the future your financial situation will improve and your husband may become more open to children again. Or maybe he’ll even realize later that he wants more kids.

The important thing is to not make such rash decisions as to get sterilized. Even if you try to prevent having children again, you should keep the possibility open. And if God decides you need to have another child, you need to be able to accept that child and not be so selfish as to think of them as a “burden” like so many people unfortunately do these days.

 

[newbetx]

I’m sorry so many people think NFP is “Catholic Contraception.” And yes, that includes priests and bishops that I have seen write about it used in that context.

While it may be true that the vast majority of people using it at a given time may be using it to avoid, one could say the same about ecological breast feeding but no one seems to condemn that practice. Why?

NFP stands for “Natural Family Planning”, not “No more Family Planned.”

I offer this article:
catholic.com/thisrock/2005/0502fea2.asp
in defense of use of NFP throughout the marriage. Many here will claim, as I do, the methods of NFP are beneficial to the marriage, whether or not the couple uses the information to avoid possible conception.

To try to get this back on topic. The OP knows NFP methods are far better than sterilization. And my intent here is to drive home the point that only when one has confidence in the NFP methods are they effective in avoiding the temptation for ABC methods. Most engaged women are encouraged to learn NFP prior to marriage so that they can build the confidence in it when the couple determines it is necessary to use to avoid or to conceive. NFP methods take some learning. To wait to learn it after a couple is at the limit of supporting their children does not provide NFP methods a chance to be considered in some cases. This would be disappointing as it might drive the couple to use ABC. So I stand by my statement that using an NFP method SHOULD be part of marriage throughout the fertile time of the couple. Now this is 20/20 hindsight for the OP and I’m sorry to imply that. If the OP’s husband gets an “NFP surprise” too, soon, I’m afraid that he’ll go forward with his original plan. That would be a grave error.

 

[newbetx]

I think the OP needs to sit down and talk to her husband about WHY he doesn’t want any more children.

My wife and I only have two, we thought we would have at least three and as many as five when we first got married. Our oldest son had massive medical problems that required so much of our time (literally months on end in hospitals) and then his home treatment required more intense care than an infant does - and that lasted 5 years. Today we feel his condition is stable enough that we might consider another child but we have to seriously question how good of idea it is. I’m 42, my father died at 52, both of his parents died in their 40s, I had an older brother that died at age 30. The idea that I may not live to see a baby born today graduate from highschool is a very real possibility - much less be around to help with college or ever be a grandfather. At age 48 my mother (to 12 children) suddenly found herself the breadwinner with 4 children and life was very hard on her and the children.

Even if I live to see 60, I see being 52 with a 10 year old being very taxing on me (and the child).

I know what you are saying. I love my family, but some days, I’m just going through the motions. I’m 54 and have a 10, 14 and 17 year old. They say they keep you young. My father died at 56. My mother is 85 and still living. The family longevity is quite mixed. However, I recall that John the Baptist’s parents probably died when he was quite young. We need to plan for such events as we live. The decision of what to do is up to you and your wife. Adopting an older child is a possibility too. And we’ve kicked that around a bit too, but at my house SAHM is a gross misnomer. I have a great job that could end any day. At my age, finding something similar would be very difficult. And extended family issues impact us too.

Sorry. this is off topic except to say that over time, situations change and openness to another blessing do present themselves.

 

[kage_ar]

I agree. The “default” is openness to life. Preventing pregnancy with NFP is to be used for “grave reasons” and with regrets.

Please read the Catechism reference that was posted at the beginning of this thread. The term “grave reason” is NOT used by the Church, nor is the “with regrets” - you are adding burdens to this teaching that the Church does not impose.

 

[kage_ar]

Here are the Catechism quotes:

The Catechism uses a more precise term - “Just Reason”. Reading this section, praying about it and discussion between the spouses as well as each spouse with his/her confessor will guide you to know what reasons are just.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2367

2368 A particular aspect of this responsibility concerns the regulation of procreation. For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children. It is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood. Moreover, they should conform their behavior to the objective criteria of morality:

When it is a question of harmonizing married love with the responsible transmission of life, the morality of the behavior does not depend on sincere intention and evaluation of motives alone; but it must be determined by objective criteria, criteria drawn from the nature of the person and his acts, criteria that respect the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love; this is possible only if the virtue of married chastity is practiced with sincerity of heart.156

 

[mom24boys]

I’m not disagreeing with the concept of NFP. I have no problem with it and I trust individual couples to make their own decisions about it. I have two issues here with how NFP is being portrayed: #1 It is NOT the default. None of those passages that have been cut and pasted say that NFP must be used or it is of special benefit to all couples. All the passages say is that couples MAY use it if they feel they MUST (in a nutshell). #2 NFP is a burden to some couples. It is not always easy and not every woman finds great joy in the daily analysis of her cervical mucous.

 

[Scottgun]

Let’s please get this back on track. There are a multitude of threads about NFP and its moral licitness and discerning serious reasons for use, etc. But this is a wife looking for a pastoral answer as to how to arrive at a meeting of the minds with her husband about the number of children they should have and how to deal with the sadness she feels. So how about less catechism and magisterial document quoting and more sympathy and down-home practical advice? Some prayers in there probably wouldn’t hurt.