Husband drinks too much

[sparkle]

BusyMom23:

My husband drinks too much and often is not “himself” I know he also smokes pot at times and I’m feeling really disgusted with him. Our daughter (9) doesn’t show disgust for his personality when he’s been drinking, but son (12) gets disgusted and asks why does Dad have to get drunk and act differently. Most family occassions end up with me driving home and him drinking too much. Where do I start?

God Bless You BusyMom23:

I feel for you dear friend, and know this is a nagging problem. There are real issues behind them, which BTW CAN be resolved. Don’t lose hope. This problem can totally and completely be resolved. I know it.

I would SERIOUSLY consider getting hubby in a program. CONFRONT the issue NOW, don’t push it under the rug and think it will work itself out. It won’t. Tell him of course you love him, and that He need help, now. Call your medical provider, see about programs, either in or out patient depending on the seriousness of the problem and enroll him today. Tell him HE NEEDS to do this and that your marriage and family depends on it. No ifs ands or buts.

If, on the other hand, you don’t really feel he is an “alcoholic” exactly, but just tends to drink too much on occasion, which can be the case too, for not every drinker is a true “alcoholic” but might turn “on occasion” to numb the pain----HE needs to deal with certain issues, the pain issues/perhaps self-esteem issues of his life–and needs counseling all the same. Christian counseling. He’s escaping from some pain here, which does need addressing. Make the appointment for him today–don’t wait–as he’s postponing truly being the Man of God He is meant to be.

God Love You.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Where do I start?​

Al-Anon

 

[catholicbudgie]

I’ve been away from this thread for a while. How are you going with it, BM 23?

 

[anne1]

Something Alanon teaches is to not enable the alcoholic. That means not picking him up from a bar just because he’s too drunk. Tell him to get a cab. Stuff like that. As long as a person enables an alcoholic to drink the alcoholic will never get the message that he has a problem. Alanon has some great literature on this that is really really helpful to a spouse of an alcoholic.

This is so important!!! There has been much good info. given you by other posters here. Do try more than one group also to find one that you feel comfortable in and keep going to meetings at least one a week - it will help! There books & literature are also very helpful.

I started going to Alanon before my husband finally went to AA. Learning to no enable him was so important for me. It can make an alcholic have to look at themselves instead of blaming their wife & others for their drinking. My husband has now been sober for many years. What a blessing.

With much prayer and Alanon things will get better for you too! Just hang in there though the rougher times and have much faith for brighter days ahead!!!

 

[anne1]

Also, just in case you too might sometimes drink & or smoke pot, etc. too - it is extremely important that you also give them up. It is very difficult ( I think almost impossible ) for an alcoholic to quite when their spouse may also use them. I saw other people in the program struggle with this and see some women feel that they could still socially drink and yet expect their husbands not to.

My prayers will be with you & your family!