Husband had emotional affair with Co-worker

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babygirl1029

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Hi everyone, I have not been on here in many many years but I feel I need some advise and I am at a lost with where to go from here.

I just found out about 1 1/2 weeks ago that my husband has been talking to and texting a female co worker of his for months. At first I was so completely hurt but he swore and promised nothing became inappropriate. He works as a EMT-I and has been in Paramedic school for the last year he had this affair with another Paramedic he works with. He claimed that it was all talk about work but there was also about 30 pictures in 1 month that were sent between them both. Most of them were pictures she had sent to him. I still had a very bad feeling and thought they did have a intimate relationship or at least it got really inappropriate so I told him i will be contacting her to see what she had to say so as I started contacting her he told me there was more. He said how they started planning a life together etc and things got sexual over texting between them both etc. I knew it in my heart that had happened but to hear him finally admitting it after lying to me over and over that nothing happened between them I was furious. He has cut off all contact with her since but I feel as if I am at a loss I mean a CO WORKER i can’t even think i’m so lost with what to do. He seems really guilty and sorry and he is trying he gave me passwords to everything and his phone and I can check the call logs and bill whenever I want. I have been staying with my mom for the last 1 1/2 weeks. This is the first affair he has had but 4 years ago he left us we have a 9 year old daughter also. I had no warning he just woke up texted me at work and said he wants a divorce. Come to find out he got diagnosed with Bi-polar II and didn’t come back to us for 1 1/2 years. But I took him back cause marriage has always meant something to me for better or worse and that was one of his worsts. I know God hates divorce but when is enough enough? We have had our communication issues and everything but I would never dream about cheating on him or leaving him. He doesn’t have any testosterone in his body either so i don’t understand what the heck he was thinking. When we are together God seems to fall away and become unimportant. But when I am apart from him I feel God’s love and it makes me happy and I want to become closer to God. He met with our Priest this morning and really wants to make this marriage work but I am just at a loss and I think i want a divorce cause of all the pain and hurt. He is terribly sorry and really seems sincere but I just can’t even look at him. In time can I get past all this and be happy with him or is he always going to be one of those people who cheat and lie and ruin us over and over again? We have been together for 11 years we met when I was 15 and he was 17. We got married really young also. Has anyone had a similar issue and can it be worked out with time? I just have no trust or faith in him I feel numb. Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless
 
Living with a bi-polar person is torturous. I’m not advising you because I don’t know you or your circumstance, however, your spouse may not be mentally able to consent to marriage from the Church’s point of view. Considering how he acts before he thinks and changes his position so often, you need to secure yourself and your children’s future.
 
SyroMalankara said:
Living with a bi-polar person is torturous. I’m not advising you because I don’t know you or your circumstance, however, your spouse may not be mentally able to consent to marriage from the Church’s point of view. Considering how he acts before he thinks and changes his position so often, you need to secure yourself and your children’s future.
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I was going to say the same!

Mental illness is so hard, I’m so sorry to you OP and your situation. I really pray you’ll sit down with your priest and discuss options that would be healthier for you and your daughter because I find it hard to believe that unless your husband is committed to taking his medication/going to therapy, that you’d be able to have a marriage with true consent on his part.

God bless you dear.
 
I agree with the above posters that living with a bipolar person is torture. I was married to one for six years and indeed was a torture. My advice would be talk to a professional and start making decisions based on your children.
 
Thank you all for your prayers and responses. The thing I did forget to mention is he has been off his meds for the last year. He said it was interfering with his memory and with school he couldn’t retain anything. He was torture before his diagnose 4 years ago. The last 3-4 years he has seemed fine. No highs or lows he did stop going to therapy but continued to see his psychiatrist cause he was not on meds. He is fully aware of his moods and what is right and wrong. I meet with my priest on Weds. My husband met with him today and said that our priest does not recommend divorce period. I guess I will find out for myself on Weds. Please just keep us in your prayers that God may show myself and my husband which path to take and allow us to grow closer to him with or without one another. Thank you.
 
babygirl1029 said:
Thank you all for your prayers and responses. The thing I did forget to mention is he has been off his meds for the last year. He said it was interfering with his memory and with school he couldn’t retain anything. He was torture before his diagnose 4 years ago. The last 3-4 years he has seemed fine. No highs or lows he did stop going to therapy but continued to see his psychiatrist cause he was not on meds. He is fully aware of his moods and what is right and wrong. I meet with my priest on Weds. My husband met with him today and said that our priest does not recommend divorce period. I guess I will find out for myself on Weds. Please just keep us in your prayers that God may show myself and my husband which path to take and allow us to grow closer to him with or without one another. Thank you.
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It’s a good sign that your husband met with the priest. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but it’s possible that this crisis will bring both you and your husband closer to God, and to one another - but it will take time, as well as patience and forgiveness. It sounds like the priest has good intentions for you both.
 
I am just so sorry.

I agree with the people here that the cross you have been handed is a heavy one.

I don’t think you are numb…I think you are deeply hurt and in a lot of pain.

I know I would really have to force myself not to take an action while in this kind of pain.

If it is possible, go to Adoration and perhaps ask St Monica to pray with you.

I know I will keep you in prayer.
 
babygirl1029 said:
Hi everyone, I have not been on here in many many years but I feel I need some advise and I am at a lost with where to go from here.

I just found out about 1 1/2 weeks ago that my husband has been talking to and texting a female co worker of his for months. At first I was so completely hurt but he swore and promised nothing became inappropriate. Well that was a lieHe works as a EMT-I and has been in Paramedic school for the last year he had this affair with another Paramedic he works with. He claimed that it was all talk about work but there was also about 30 pictures in 1 month that were sent between them both. Most of them were pictures she had sent to him. I still had a very bad feeling and thought they did have a intimate relationship or at least it got really inappropriate so I told him i will be contacting her to see what she had to say so as I started contacting her he told me there was more. He said how they started planning a life together etc and things got sexual over texting between them both etc. Just to let you know, the chances that they achieved the level of intimacy that involved planning a life together without being intimate is extremely low. It was most likely a physical affiar. Contacting her does nothing in search for Truth. Who knows what she has been coached to say or what her motives are. I knew it in my heart that had happened but to hear him finally admitting it after lying to me over and over that nothing happened between them I was furious. He has cut off all contact with her sinceAnd you believe that because…? but I feel as if I am at a loss I mean a CO WORKER i can’t even think i’m so lost with what to do. He seems really guilty and sorry and he is trying he gave me passwords to everything and his phone and I can check the call logs and bill whenever I want.that also does nothing. 🤷 Have you checked all your finances. My guess is there are some huge surprises there for you I have been staying with my mom for the last 1 1/2 weeks. This is the first affair he has had but 4 years ago he left us we have a 9 year old daughter also. I had no warning he just woke up texted me at work and said he wants a divorce. Come to find out he got diagnosed with Bi-polar II and didn’t come back to us for 1 1/2 years. But I took him back cause marriage has always meant something to me for better or worse and that was one of his worsts. I know God hates divorce but when is enough enough? We have had our communication issues and everything but I would never dream about cheating on him or leaving him. He doesn’t have any testosterone in his body eitherThat is probably medically inaccurate. so i don’t understand what the heck he was thinking. When we are together God seems to fall away and become unimportant. But when I am apart from him I feel God’s love and it makes me happy and I want to become closer to God. He met with our Priest this morning and really wants to make this marriage work but I am just at a loss and I think i want a divorce cause of all the pain and hurt. He is terribly sorry and really seems sincere but I just can’t even look at him. In time can I get past all this and be happy with him or is he always going to be one of those people who cheat and lie and ruin us over and over again? We have been together for 11 years we met when I was 15 and he was 17. We got married really young also. Has anyone had a similar issue and can it be worked out with time? I just have no trust or faith in him I feel numb. Thanks for letting me vent. God Bless
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I wonder if either of you are going to use the bi polar angle as ratoinale for this. In my opinion it is a character issue.

The good news is, IT CAN BE WORKED OUT.

The bad news… The situation seems far from a healthy outcome at this time.

I am heading to adoration in about an hour. Rest assured your situation will be in my prayers today in front of Jesus.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I wonder if either of you are going to use the bi polar angle as ratoinale for this. In my opinion it is a character issue.

The good news is, IT CAN BE WORKED OUT.

The bad news… The situation seems far from a healthy outcome at this time.

I am heading to adoration in about an hour. Rest assured your situation will be in my prayers today in front of Jesus.
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His testosterone i meant to say he barely has any is true he has had blood work done and has been going through that for the last year his T is about 23 it should be at least 800 or so for his age (27). He just wouldn’t keep trying to get help for that at the moment. He also produces no semen either since the low T.

Our finances I deal with and yes there is nothing in there and he was and is always home from work on time and never hung out ‘with the boys’ or stayed late. I think in his mind it truly was a fantasy. He has no credit cards either because when he went through his bi-polar 4 years ago he filed bankruptcy.

I had already told him and asked him and he said it had nothing to do with his bi-polar. which I agree with also. I also told him I think his behavior is just HIM it’s who he is. Like you said a character thing.

At this point I don’t know if I want to work things out with the lies. At least if he was honest when I caught him at the beginning i would’ve known he was being completely honest with everything but now I don’t think I can.

I don’t think it can be worked out I feel like this will happen again years down the road and I don’t want to put myself or our child through that again and again.

I thank you for praying for us in adoration God bless.
 
You and your husband made the vows of for better or worse on your wedding day. Now I know that this is a realllly bad “worse”, but what good does it do to divorce him? Do you think that all your emotional pain that you are feeling with just go away? The answer is no.

He has done a terrible deed against you, I agree. But are we not all sinners? Do you think that when you sin against God, that He is going to just drop you?

One point that Jesus would continuously teach about is forgiveness. “Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!” Matthew 18: 21-22

You aren’t going to find peace in divorce, no matter how tempting it may be. True happiness in your marriage will only be found in Christ, through forgiveness.

God Bless,
ChurchSuffering
 
ChurchSuffering said:
You and your husband made the vows of for better or worse on your wedding day. Now I know that this is a realllly bad “worse”, but what good does it do to divorce him? Do you think that all your emotional pain that you are feeling with just go away? The answer is no.

He has done a terrible deed against you, I agree. But are we not all sinners? Do you think that when you sin against God, that He is going to just drop you?

One point that Jesus would continuously teach about is forgiveness. “Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!” Matthew 18: 21-22

You aren’t going to find peace in divorce, no matter how tempting it may be. True happiness in your marriage will only be found in Christ, through forgiveness.

God Bless,
ChurchSuffering
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Thank you for your words. I agree 100% with everything you have said don’t get me wrong. It is all mentally on my part can I get past this can I ever trust him again after all the lies and leaving his family twice? That is where I am at mentally right now. I have never and do not believe in divorce but if this continues to happen over and over do I just let it keep tearing my daughter a part? I chose to love my husband for better or worse no doubt and I will always do so but we also have a child together and do I subject her to this torture forever? It’s also only been 1 1/2 weeks too so I’m still in the shocked state as I also just found out 3-4 days ago that is was more then just “work talk”. I also agree 100% with happiness in marriage will only be found with Christ but how do I get there? I feel so close to Christ when I’m away from him I want to pray and read all about how to live a Christian life but with him it’s like God doesn’t exist when we are together.

I have a lot of praying and thinking to do and I really do thank you for your bluntness lol. It’s really the kick in the butt I really needed to hear. Thank you.
 
babygirl1029 said:
Thank you for your words. I agree 100% with everything you have said don’t get me wrong. It is all mentally on my part can I get past this can I ever trust him again after all the lies and leaving his family twice? That is where I am at mentally right now. I have never and do not believe in divorce but if this continues to happen over and over do I just let it keep tearing my daughter a part? I chose to love my husband for better or worse no doubt and I will always do so but we also have a child together and do I subject her to this torture forever? It’s also only been 1 1/2 weeks too so I’m still in the shocked state as I also just found out 3-4 days ago that is was more then just “work talk”. I also agree 100% with happiness in marriage will only be found with Christ but how do I get there? I feel so close to Christ when I’m away from him I want to pray and read all about how to live a Christian life but with him it’s like God doesn’t exist when we are together.

I have a lot of praying and thinking to do and I really do thank you for your bluntness lol. It’s really the kick in the butt I really needed to hear. Thank you.
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Your words tug at my heart, as I can see that you truly have your heart in this marriage.

These feelings that you have are normal, if not expected. It is still very recent sense this happened, so take all the time you need for yourself. And when you are ready to move again I would advise that you spend some time in silent prayer (I recommend in Adoration), but don’t even pray; just sit there, with your heart and mind open. Allow God to speak to you, to direct you in your next steps in the process of- if you choose- forgiveness.

Please know that I will be praying for you greatly.

Your brother in Christ,
ChurchSuffering
 
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