Husband has to get an annulment for us to become Catholic

[nat_c1990]

So, my husband and I have both grown up Protestant but have recently decided to become members of the Catholic church. My husband had previously been going to a non denominational church. Although I really liked the pastor and his wife and think that they are great people, I never really felt that the church was a perfect fit for me. I am a pretty introverted, reserved person and my husband’s church seemed more geared toward people that are more vocal and extroverted. My husband was a member of the worship team there, and a lot of times during worship, people would tend to get pretty loud. There was lots of clapping, speaking in tongues, even dancing sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I mean if thats how someone chooses to worship, I’m not going to judge them for that, but personally its just not my personality to do those things. I’m more likely to just stand there and really concentrate on listening to the lyrics of the song and meditating on them.

On one particular Sunday, one of the ladies there decided to stop everyone in the middle of worship, grab the microphone and started trying to get everyone worked up, saying that there were some people in the room who were worshiping “half-heartedly”. Its a really small church and considering the fact that I’m probably the quietest, most reserved person there, I couldnt help but to feel like she was talking about me. This really bothered me because I felt like who is she to judge how someone worships? Everyone is different and everyone worships differently. Her way isnt the right way or the only way. To be honest, my husband has had his issues with the church as well. The main reason he really joined was because he likes playing music with them and being on the worship team.

In the past, my husband and I both have heard some negative things about the Catholic church so we had never really been interested in joining until we decided to start doing our own research. Come to find out, a lot of the preconceived ideas that we had about the church were totally wrong. We decided to attend Mass at a nearby Catholic church last Sunday and afterwards we had a chat with the deacon and met the priest. The deacon was very helpful and friendly in answering any questions that we had. I honestly loved everything about the Catholic church. I loved how it was so calm and relaxing. I didn’t feel like anyone was judging me or making me feel uncomfortable.

Needless to say, I was pretty excited that I felt like I finally found the right church for me and my family. I’m ready to get things going so that we can become members but according to the deacon, my husband has to get annulment first because he was previously married. I was reading online that this process can take a year or more, is that true?? Also, I guess I’m kind of nervous because I don’t want there to be any issue with him getting the annulment but my husband assures me that there wont be, based on the circumstances of his previous marriage.

He is 35 and they’ve been divorced since he was 26. They were only married for a few years. He had never been married before, but she had been. She married someone right out of high school and got divorced about a year later. Shortly after that is when she and my husband got together. There were no children involved in my husband and his ex’s marriage. A few years into the relationship he found out that she was cheating on him. Supposedly she didnt physically cheat on him but she was emotionally cheating on him because she was exchanging inappropriate messages with her sister’s husband. Despite all of this, my husband was still willing to work things out with her because he took his marriage vows seriously. It was more than just about her, it was a commitment that he made unto God and he didn’t want to break that. But she wanted out, so she was the one that filed for the divorce. Within a year of their divorce she was already married to someone else. So my husband seems to think that the fact that she wasn’t faithful during the marriage and the fact that she had been previously married (which means she was unavailable to be married to him because she was still married to her first husband according to the church) is enough to qualify for an annulment. What are your opinions on this? Also, will the church have to get in contact with my husband’s ex at all? Like for instance, if my husband says that she was unfaithful during the marriage, will they just take his word for it or will they want to hear his ex’s side of the story? Thanks in advance!

 

[Catholic1954]

Your husband needs to make an appointment with the priest ASAP so he can get the paperwork started for his annulment. Annulments are granted (or not) on a case by case basis and the priest will be in the best position to advise him during the process; it can take up to two or more years, depending on the circumstances, but please do not be discouraged or intimidated by that. Your husband’s ex will be contacted, but it is up to her to respond or not. The Holy Spirit is calling you into His Church, trust Him and all be well. Welcome Home! :grouphug:

 

[Allegra]

So, my husband and I have both grown up Protestant but have recently decided to become members of the Catholic church. My husband had previously been going to a non denominational church. Although I really liked the pastor and his wife and think that they are great people, I never really felt that the church was a perfect fit for me. I am a pretty introverted, reserved person and my husband’s church seemed more geared toward people that are more vocal and extroverted. My husband was a member of the worship team there, and a lot of times during worship, people would tend to get pretty loud. There was lots of clapping, speaking in tongues, even dancing sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I mean if thats how someone chooses to worship, I’m not going to judge them for that, but personally its just not my personality to do those things. I’m more likely to just stand there and really concentrate on listening to the lyrics of the song and meditating on them.

On one particular Sunday, one of the ladies there decided to stop everyone in the middle of worship, grab the microphone and started trying to get everyone worked up, saying that there were some people in the room who were worshiping “half-heartedly”. Its a really small church and considering the fact that I’m probably the quietest, most reserved person there, I couldnt help but to feel like she was talking about me. This really bothered me because I felt like who is she to judge how someone worships? Everyone is different and everyone worships differently. Her way isnt the right way or the only way. To be honest, my husband has had his issues with the church as well. The main reason he really joined was because he likes playing music with them and being on the worship team.

In the past, my husband and I both have heard some negative things about the Catholic church so we had never really been interested in joining until we decided to start doing our own research. Come to find out, a lot of the preconceived ideas that we had about the church were totally wrong. We decided to attend Mass at a nearby Catholic church last Sunday and afterwards we had a chat with the deacon and met the priest. The deacon was very helpful and friendly in answering any questions that we had. I honestly loved everything about the Catholic church. I loved how it was so calm and relaxing. I didn’t feel like anyone was judging me or making me feel uncomfortable.

Needless to say, I was pretty excited that I felt like I finally found the right church for me and my family. I’m ready to get things going so that we can become members but according to the deacon, my husband has to get annulment first because he was previously married. I was reading online that this process can take a year or more, is that true?? Also, I guess I’m kind of nervous because I don’t want there to be any issue with him getting the annulment but my husband assures me that there wont be, based on the circumstances of his previous marriage.

He is 35 and they’ve been divorced since he was 26. They were only married for a few years. He had never been married before, but she had been. She married someone right out of high school and got divorced about a year later. Shortly after that is when she and my husband got together. There were no children involved in my husband and his ex’s marriage. A few years into the relationship he found out that she was cheating on him. Supposedly she didnt physically cheat on him but she was emotionally cheating on him because she was exchanging inappropriate messages with her sister’s husband. Despite all of this, my husband was still willing to work things out with her because he took his marriage vows seriously. It was more than just about her, it was a commitment that he made unto God and he didn’t want to break that. But she wanted out, so she was the one that filed for the divorce. Within a year of their divorce she was already married to someone else. So my husband seems to think that the fact that she wasn’t faithful during the marriage and the fact that she had been previously married (which means she was unavailable to be married to him because she was still married to her first husband according to the church) is enough to qualify for an annulment. What are your opinions on this? Also, will the church have to get in contact with my husband’s ex at all? Like for instance, if my husband says that she was unfaithful during the marriage, will they just take his word for it or will they want to hear his ex’s side of the story? Thanks in advance!

I suspect that the fact that your husband’s ex was already previously married is enough to get a fairly hasty annulment. I think they have to attempt to contact his ex regarding the annulment and ask for her testimony, however, it isn’t necessary for the ex to participate. If the marriage is declared null, I suspect they will want to contact her to let her know.

 

[nat_c1990]

Glad to know that the ex’s participation isn’t required. Thanks so much for the encouraging responses. I definitely feel like the Catholic church is where God is calling me to be!

 

[robertmidwest]

You and your husband can become Catholic without the annulment.

For you to have your marriage normalized in the Catholic church you will need to have the annulment.

I don’t think your husband will have a hard time with the annulment because his ex’s first marriage was never annulled.

 

[Casilda]

Glad to know that the ex’s participation isn’t required. Thanks so much for the encouraging responses. I definitely feel like the Catholic church is where God is calling me to be!

OUR opinions have no basis in this matter. I would advise you to seek counsel of a priest and get your paperwork in.

Just to clarify, you do not NEED an annulment to be Catholic. There are many divorced and un-remarried Catholics. An annulment of any prior marriage is needed so that your marriage will be valid in the eyes of God and His Holy Church.

 

[jmcrae]

He is 35 and they’ve been divorced since he was 26. They were only married for a few years. He had never been married before, but she had been. She married someone right out of high school and got divorced about a year later. Shortly after that is when she and my husband got together. There were no children involved in my husband and his ex’s marriage. A few years into the relationship he found out that she was cheating on him. Supposedly she didnt physically cheat on him but she was emotionally cheating on him because she was exchanging inappropriate messages with her sister’s husband. Despite all of this, my husband was still willing to work things out with her because he took his marriage vows seriously. It was more than just about her, it was a commitment that he made unto God and he didn’t want to break that. But she wanted out, so she was the one that filed for the divorce. Within a year of their divorce she was already married to someone else. So my husband seems to think that the fact that she wasn’t faithful during the marriage and the fact that she had been previously married (which means she was unavailable to be married to him because she was still married to her first husband according to the church) is enough to qualify for an annulment. What are your opinions on this? Also, will the church have to get in contact with my husband’s ex at all? Like for instance, if my husband says that she was unfaithful during the marriage, will they just take his word for it or will they want to hear his ex’s side of the story? Thanks in advance!

First, they aren’t going to look at her cheating behaviour unless it was also happening prior to the marriage, and your husband was completely unaware of it.

Second, what they look at are the circumstances of the marriage - were they both free to marry, first of all, and then secondly, was either one keeping secrets from the other to the point that the other had no idea who they were really marrying?

The Tribunal hears every kind of story, and they know how to distinguish the truth from the lies.

 

[jmcrae]

You and your husband can become Catholic without the annulment.

However, they can’t become Catholic without having their marriage made valid in the Church, and in order to have the marriage made valid, they must both be recognized as free to marry - which is where the Declaration of Nullity comes in.

For you to have your marriage normalized in the Catholic church you will need to have the annulment.

Which would be a prerequisite to becoming Catholic.

I don’t think your husband will have a hard time with the annulment because his ex’s first marriage was never annulled.

This is also my private opinion, as well, but private opinions are of no value - the Tribunal has to make an official ruling on the matter.

 

[robertmidwest]

However, they can’t become Catholic without having their marriage made valid in the Church

No, I don’t think that is true. They can become Catholic and chose to live chastely as brother and sister. Even if the annulment is denied they can become Catholic.

 

[robertmidwest]

Just to clarify, you do not NEED an annulment to be Catholic. There are many divorced and un-remarried Catholics. An annulment of any prior marriage is needed so that your marriage will be valid in the eyes of God and His Holy Church.

 

[jmcrae]

No, I don’t think that is true. They can become Catholic and chose to live chastely as brother and sister. Even if the annulment is denied they can become Catholic.

They would not be able to live as a married couple, for sure, and both would have to remain celibate for life.

Better to get the Declaration of Nullity and get the marriage convalidated.

 

[robertmidwest]

They would not be able to live as a married couple, for sure, and both would have to remain celibate for life.

Better to get the Declaration of Nullity and get the marriage convalidated.

Isn’t that what I said in my first post?

 

[St_Francis]

Your husband needs to discuss his situation with the pastor or proper person at the parish. We do not know enough to be able to say one way or the other about which process would be needed or how long it might take.

Even without the marriage situation, you would need to wait until you were sufficiently educated in order to be received into the Church. Most parishes do this via RCIA classes, which often start in September to prepare for reception at Easter-time. However, this is not a mandatory schedule: a priest may receive people into the Church at any time he sees that they know enough to make the decision; however, some or many priests do stick to the RCIA schedule.

All that being said, you are totally welcome to come to Mass and start meeting people and learning about the Church… just do not receive the sacraments–don’t receive Communion or go to Confession–until you received into the Church. (I am really sorry, I don’t have time to explain why not!).

And welcome to CAF and to Catholicism

So, my husband and I have both grown up Protestant but have recently decided to become members of the Catholic church. My husband had previously been going to a non denominational church. Although I really liked the pastor and his wife and think that they are great people, I never really felt that the church was a perfect fit for me. I am a pretty introverted, reserved person and my husband’s church seemed more geared toward people that are more vocal and extroverted. My husband was a member of the worship team there, and a lot of times during worship, people would tend to get pretty loud. There was lots of clapping, speaking in tongues, even dancing sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I mean if thats how someone chooses to worship, I’m not going to judge them for that, but personally its just not my personality to do those things. I’m more likely to just stand there and really concentrate on listening to the lyrics of the song and meditating on them.

On one particular Sunday, one of the ladies there decided to stop everyone in the middle of worship, grab the microphone and started trying to get everyone worked up, saying that there were some people in the room who were worshiping “half-heartedly”. Its a really small church and considering the fact that I’m probably the quietest, most reserved person there, I couldnt help but to feel like she was talking about me. This really bothered me because I felt like who is she to judge how someone worships? Everyone is different and everyone worships differently. Her way isnt the right way or the only way. To be honest, my husband has had his issues with the church as well. The main reason he really joined was because he likes playing music with them and being on the worship team.

In the past, my husband and I both have heard some negative things about the Catholic church so we had never really been interested in joining until we decided to start doing our own research. Come to find out, a lot of the preconceived ideas that we had about the church were totally wrong. We decided to attend Mass at a nearby Catholic church last Sunday and afterwards we had a chat with the deacon and met the priest. The deacon was very helpful and friendly in answering any questions that we had. I honestly loved everything about the Catholic church. I loved how it was so calm and relaxing. I didn’t feel like anyone was judging me or making me feel uncomfortable.

Needless to say, I was pretty excited that I felt like I finally found the right church for me and my family. I’m ready to get things going so that we can become members but according to the deacon, my husband has to get annulment first because he was previously married. I was reading online that this process can take a year or more, is that true?? Also, I guess I’m kind of nervous because I don’t want there to be any issue with him getting the annulment but my husband assures me that there wont be, based on the circumstances of his previous marriage.

He is 35 and they’ve been divorced since he was 26. They were only married for a few years. He had never been married before, but she had been. She married someone right out of high school and got divorced about a year later. Shortly after that is when she and my husband got together. There were no children involved in my husband and his ex’s marriage. A few years into the relationship he found out that she was cheating on him. Supposedly she didnt physically cheat on him but she was emotionally cheating on him because she was exchanging inappropriate messages with her sister’s husband. Despite all of this, my husband was still willing to work things out with her because he took his marriage vows seriously. It was more than just about her, it was a commitment that he made unto God and he didn’t want to break that. But she wanted out, so she was the one that filed for the divorce. Within a year of their divorce she was already married to someone else. So my husband seems to think that the fact that she wasn’t faithful during the marriage and the fact that she had been previously married (which means she was unavailable to be married to him because she was still married to her first husband according to the church) is enough to qualify for an annulment. What are your opinions on this? Also, will the church have to get in contact with my husband’s ex at all? Like for instance, if my husband says that she was unfaithful during the marriage, will they just take his word for it or will they want to hear his ex’s side of the story? Thanks in advance!

 

[nat_c1990]

We actually wanted to take the RCIA classes but the Catholic church here sticks to the September-April schedule so they said its too late to take them. They told us though that we would be able to set up appointments with the priest and that he would basically educate us about the church personally since we are too late for the classes. We were told that we could go ahead and start setting up appointments at any time we are ready so we’re planning on doing that when we go Sunday this week.

The deacon explained a little bit too us about why non Catholics arent supposed to take the Communion, and its totally understandable. I understand its a pretty serious thing and its not to be taken lightly.

 

[TruthSeeker319]

I’d like to extend a warm welcome to you and your husband! I am glad you are heeding the Spirit’s call into the fullness of Truth. Talk to a priest, he will be willing to help you two along on your path home.

 

[jmcrae]

We actually wanted to take the RCIA classes but the Catholic church here sticks to the September-April schedule so they said its too late to take them. They told us though that we would be able to set up appointments with the priest and that he would basically educate us about the church personally since we are too late for the classes. We were told that we could go ahead and start setting up appointments at any time we are ready so we’re planning on doing that when we go Sunday this week.

The deacon explained a little bit too us about why non Catholics arent supposed to take the Communion, and its totally understandable. I understand its a pretty serious thing and its not to be taken lightly.

September will come very quickly. Get the marriage issues dealt with right now, and be ready to join the RCIA when it gets going in the fall.

 

[1ke]

He had never been married before, but she had been.

Then he might have a Ligamen case. This could be less time than a full tribunal nullity case.

What are your opinions on this?

You need to lay out all the facts with the priest or deacon at the Catholic Church and take it one step at a time.

Also, will the church have to get in contact with my husband’s ex at all?

To prove Ligamen or pursue a tribunal case, she will be given the opportunity to participate, but she can decline.

Here is an explanation of Ligamen:

arlingtondiocese.org/tribunal/documents/cases_ligamen.pdf

Like for instance, if my husband says that she was unfaithful during the marriage, will they just take his word for it or will they want to hear his ex’s side of the story? Thanks in advance!

Her own testimony and/or that of witnesses.

The tribunal contacts her, not your husband.

 

[pnewton]

This case is one I was hoping might be addressed by the upcoming address of the Holy Father. The reason, unrepentant mortal sin, for denying entry to the Church simply does not apply. In almost all of the Protestant world, there is no knowledge of this situation as sinful, much less mortally sinful.

 

[1ke]

This case is one I was hoping might be addressed by the upcoming address of the Holy Father. The reason, unrepentant mortal sin, for denying entry to the Church simply does not apply. In almost all of the Protestant world, there is no knowledge of this situation as sinful, much less mortally sinful.

A valid marriage is a valid marriage. If a non Catholic is in a valid marriage, they are not free to contract another.

There is nothing in that scenario that the Pope could “address”.

Whether the OP’s husband was in a valid marriage or not is something investigation will determine. The facts as presented seem to point to no, but all the facts must be reviewed.

 

[Lost_Sheep]

Glad to know that the ex’s participation isn’t required. Thanks so much for the encouraging responses. I definitely feel like the Catholic church is where God is calling me to be!

You can still become Catholic without waiting for the annulment, but before your marriage can be recognized by the Church the annulment must be complete. Talk to your priest for more specific details.

My sister got an annulment from her first husband and it took about a year. Her first husband was contacted but never responded. Still, she got the annulment with no problem.

Pro tip: It helps to have family support to make your case. Even if they are not Catholic, the Church may solicit (name removed by moderator)ut from your husband’s family members to testify (in writing) the circumstances of his breakup with his first wife. From what you have described it sounds like it was more her fault than his, and if his family can back up that story it will be a big help in making his case.

Good luck.