Husband having online Affair

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Raine

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Hello Everyone,
My husband is having an online affair. We have recently separated over it (in-house separation) because he refuses to give it up and he spends hours chatting online or on the phone with her. She is a phone sex operator and he pays to speak to her. He believes their relationship is real. It is obvious to me that she is just scamming him.

I feel terrible that it has come to this, but he has had issues with porn and chatrooms for years now. In the past he was remorseful and tried to overcome his behaviors, but now he is embracing this fully and I feel that separation is the only option, especially since he is now moving around money to pay for his online affair.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I am devastated at the thought of separation and divorce, but it seems to be the only option now considering my husband is fully invested in his online affair/ fantasy.
 
Raine said:
I am devastated at the thought of separation and divorce, but it seems to be the only option now considering my husband is fully invested in his online affair/ fantasy.
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Seek Marriage Counseling. Otherwise, consider a lawyer.
 
We have been through marriage counselling…he was hiding this from the counselor also. I have a lawyer.
 
I already am doing so. Unfortunately, I think this may be the path the Lord is setting before me, as tragic as it is.
 
There are a few things you can do on the Q.T. Shoot the computer-my sister did. She had it shut down. Call your provider and have her blocked. Call the BBB and file a complaint against the co. she works for. If you do these things don’t advertise, but keep your silence. You have my prayers.
 
Oh wow…What do you mean she had the computer shut down?
Good idea to call the BBB.
 
Yes, He was introducing their two young sons to online porn and she took action Online 'verbal prostitution is the next step and then to the real prostitution. Stop it in its tracks. Save your marriage if you can, but also do not be in harm’s way. I really, really wish you the best and pray for you.
 
Thank you. This has been going on for some time in our marriage. He was always remorseful in the past when he was caught, we were in counselling for years, and I had all the software on our computers. Now he is embracing it. It seems the only thing to do is separation for the sake of the children. He has not shown an ounce of remorse but rather is going in deeper.
 
Monica,
Thanks so much for your reply. And for validating that I (and my kids) deserve better. It is tragic. I actually forgot that I posted 11 years ago. When I re-read my message from 11 years ago, I was so sad also…I remember that event vividly. And I asked myself “What would I have done differently?” I’m not sure. Probably separated sooner. But then I have to trust in God’s plan. Over the years, we’ve been through counseling (4 different counselors), Retrouvaille, spiritual direction, he’s also done the 12 steps (didn’t finish)…but we’ve given it an honest effort. This is the final straw, I believe, and I need to remove myself for my safety and for my kids’ safety. We do deserve to be cherished and treasured. You are so right. Thanks for validating that…it’s been a rough road.
 
It sounds like you’ve done all you could. I think you’re right to separate. I’m so sorry.
 
Step one. Protect your finances. This sort of activity can quickly wipe out life savings, bankrupt a family. Speak to an attorney about that today.
 
Sorry, the Better Business Bureau has no teeth. You know what they can do? Not let the business display a BBB sticker. That is it.

You can block 900 numbers from your phone service, but, if he is determined to he will get around it.
 
I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

What TheLittleLady said here is of vital importance. You have to protect yourself financially to be able to move ahead for your children’s sake as well as your own. If you are not protected financially, your husband’s recklessness can end up leaving you with nothing but debt. It sounds like you haven’t been in a real marriage since the beginning, so you need to think of yourself and your children only now.

You have done everything possible to make this marriage work, but your husband is honestly just not interested. Hard and sad as it is to hear, it is the reality of the situation. The Church does not expect you to stay in an abusive marriage. That is good that you have a lawyer, have him protect you financially as soon as possible.

I will keep you and your children in my prayers. ((HUG))
 
BBB’s function is to alert customers and iguireies of certain businesses or activities. You or anyone need what or who or how they are rated. They do not prosecute.
 
They were important back 30 years + ago. Today, YELP reviews are far more influential.

There are sex chat line businesses, they may engage in immoral speech, however, they are often legitimate businesses. The State AG office of the Federal Trade Commission would be the places to apply if you have been “scammed”.
 
Thank you everyone. Yes, I have a lawyer and also a good support network at my parish. I’ve also had the house blessed, but think I may have it done again as it’s been a while. Has anyone been through divorce and can speak “from the other side”? This is just so foreign to me. It is completely outside of my frame of reference. I have only told a handful of people what I’m going through, so doing a lot of processing on my own.
 
Thank you, Monica…did you go through a divorce too? Just need some glimmers of hope that life on the other side is not as bad as I imagine.
 
Get a legal separation to protect you from his financial spiral. Talk to a lawyer about how to protect you from his debts. I’m not a lawyer.

The only trouble if you have a marriage recognized by the church is remarrying.
 
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