Husband having online Affair

  • Thread starter Thread starter Raine
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Raine said:
Just need some glimmers of hope that life on the other side is not as bad as I imagine.
Click to expand...
I went through a divorce years ago. I had separated from my husband because of physical abuse that began to involve my small son, but the final straw came when he told my 3 year old “I wish you’d never been born!” I went the next day and told my pastor I was getting a divorce, and he put me in touch with a lawyer in the church. It was not hard, and I got an annulment later on. I was 6 months pregnant when all this happened.

I had become used to abuse, verbal and physical, and it took years for the fear to go away. I raised my two sons by myself, put myself through nursing school, and years later met my second husband.

I was sad at times but worked to develop good friendships, and raised my kids to be decent young men. It was such a relief to not live in fear all the time.

Being a single parent is not easy but it can be done more easily with support from family and friends. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I started out a timid young mother, but by the end I was a fierce protector of my children.
God bless.
 
Thanks, Viki. This is helpful to know. I need to shift my thinking. I am still in the phase of disbelief at the whole situation. I also dread telling my parents. They just won’t believe it…the change is that drastic.
Or, I might say, he hid it so well all these years.
 
Thank you so much for your prayers. I really appreciate it. It has been a rough go the past few weeks. I mourn for my children, but I know that there is nothing else we can do since he continues on with his behaviors. Please keep us in your prayers…we need them.
 
Raine, I am sorry to hear about your husbands online affair. I was in your (almost) exact shoes, in 2003.

My (now ex-husband) had three women that he was having affairs with, to varying degrees, online. I would catch him, he would be remorseful, be supportive, and then…eventually go right back to it. It was heartbreaking. It also horrible in that I couldn’t trust him for a minute. I felt like anytime I was out of the house, or even out of earshot, he would be back at it.

I am (well, I try to be) a serious Catholic. I was committed to staying in the relationship, but there came a point in which I knew I couldn’t go on any longer. I learned that one of the women he was talking to, whom he had met online before we got married - and that he was ecstatic that “after all this time” he was finally going to meet her in person. This told me that he was not committed to me on our wedding day.

I was sick over it. I prayed and prayed. I didn’t tell my family about it because I was raised to not share your problems with others. I was living 1500 miles away from my family (husband was military) and had NO ONE to help me.

Fast forward to 2018 - I divorced my husband in 2003, and received an annulment. I am now married to an awesome guy and have a young child. I never thought I would be happy again, and I am! God is great and will help you through this. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you.

I am praying for you.

Julie
 
Raine, I just re-read some of your other posts.

Life on the other side will ABSOLUTELY be better for you - eventually. It sounds like you have done a LOT to try to save this marriage, and he is telling you with his actions that he doesn’t want to. The lack of remorse is very concerning.

You need to take action to protect yourself and your children from this man. Open your own bank account, get ready for life on your own. You can do this. I know it’s hard, but I would encourage you to tell your family. You need them right now!

Your life WILL eventually get better. A lot better.

Hang in there sweetie, okay?

Julie
 
I am so sorry for your situation and will pray for you. I hope you can find the courage to speak to your parents if you haven’t already done so. You need your family. :pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:
 
I can only add…din’t let yourself be tied to him, financially. This woman he’s texting is taking him for all she possibly can. So are her employers. That’s what they DO!

You and your children deserve much better. You tried to make it work. He wasn’t ready for a mature, monogamous, relationship, and likely, never will be.

Your lawyer has probably discussed this with you, but on the chance he hasn’t, or doesn’t have all the facts…separate your bank accounts from his, and keep them that way. At yhis point, it’s about the only thing you can do, but it is very important…don’t let him lower you, or your children, any further!

God Bless.
 
I told them and they were amazingly supportive. They were very sad, but supportive.
 
Thank you for sharing your story. How amazingly similar our stories are, sadly. I am so glad to hear how life is for you “on the other side”. This gives me tremendous hope for the future, once we get through this difficult time.
 
Your story has a final happy ending, but to be honest, few chances that it can be a model for people in the same situation.

Null reconized marriage are the exeptions, and the majority of divorced catholics will have to finish their life alone, or put themselves out of the Church’s communion.
 
Anicette said:
Null reconized marriage are the exeptions, and the majority of divorced catholics will have to finish their life alone, or put themselves out of the Church’s communion.
Click to expand...
Would you kindly point me to the source for this statement? An official report?
 
Not an official, but it is obvious that marriage who are reconized null are a very small minority of all marriage.
Nullity is not a “catholic way of divorce”.

Or are you assumed that the majority of marriage are void since the begining? And if so, why are they permits?

(In my ecclesiatical province, 13 declarations of nullity in 2015). And 50% of catholic marriages end in a divorce.

And if you have US statistics they cannot be extropolized wordwide, because US, are the first contry for nullity declaration even if they are the 6th country for catholic population…
 
Last edited:
Might it be more charitable to speak encouraging words to someone who is hurting?

Stating opinions as facts could lead a brother or sister to despair.

We are to encourage one another. God will always make a way.
 
Just my opinion: I wonder if she would have married this man if she had any idea what she was in for. If she didn’t know what was really in his heart, could she really have “consented” to the marriage?

I don’t know the answer to this, just asking. 🙂
 
You will get through this. One day, or even one minute at a time.

Your life WILL get better. I remember the agony of being cheated on, repeatedly. No one deserves that.

I am SO GLAD you told your family. That is a step in the right direction. 🙂 You need all the support you can get during this time. Take them up on offers of help.

Don’t worry yourself too much with fear of the future (i.e. will I be able to get an annulment?, will I be able to marry again?, will I ever meet someone else?). Allow yourself to get through this awful nightmare first. No need to worry about the future, God will take care of you. 🙂 Believe it!

Above all, pray to God for guidance and help. He will hear you, and answer you. 🙂
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top