Husband is not Catholic- trying to convert me. Help!

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Catholicmom30

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My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We were married in the Catholic Church- at the time of our marriage he was not practicing any religion and was friendly to Catholicism. He had no interest in converting, but was ok with raising our kids Catholic and allowing me to freely practice my faith. Well gradually over the last few years he has been slowly becoming more interested in Christianity and unfortunately has become quite anti-Catholic in the process. Every day we get into disagreements about Catholic teachings and Church history and quite frankly I am exhausted. He admitted today that he is trying to convince me to leave Catholicism because he loves me. I am at a loss. I will never leave my Catholic faith… even if it ends in us separating. What do I do? I have given him books and shown him YouTube videos from various Catholic apologists. Today I even gave him a copy of Eusebius Church History and after reading the first chapter he picked it apart as being false for reasons that make absolutely no sense. I don’t know where else to turn to for advice… good Catholic people of Catholic Answers Forums please help!
 
It would seem to me that there is a wave of anti-Catholic sentiment going through the world. Like a storm of waves, it seems to batter the ship and toss it about. Even in the midst of the storm, I pray, recall our most loving Lord as he peacefully slept in the boat as his disciples were terrified and fearful of drowning and dying. Recall our Lord walking on the water amidst a chaos of wind and waves…

My wife is not Catholic and, to my pain, is actually very opposed to the Faith and has even in anger looked me in the eye and said she hated it. She has even taken my daughter and left me abandoned and has not shown any signs of returning anytime soon… all because of my faith. While she has stated that she’d “try” counseling, I do not have any expectations from her. Thanks be to God, no divorce has been filed by her at this time.

It has been a very difficult time for me and not simply because of her hatred and contempt toward me, but for other things that seem to pour salt on the wound and compound this difficult time that I must endure for God’s sake… I love Him.

I mean to share my suffering as encouragement…

I have spoken with a few priests concerning this and what I have been doing and must continue to do is love. Be charitable and uphold your vows. I must show more my faith in action instead of word. Certainly don’t abandon the faith, but being willing to bite the tongue. Perhaps finding a way of maintaining peace and “agreeing to disagree” would be prudent. Perhaps reminding him that you love him and that it would appear that you two will not see eye to eye on a few issues is evident, but that you two should seek more of being united, at peace, in a home of love and compassion. Do so gently.

One thing that stands out in Catholicism above all other so-called “non-denominations” is our belief in redemptive suffering. Our belief in sharing in the very sufferings of Christ is something most other sects of Christianity seem to ignore or even utterly reject. Remember, our reward is in Heaven…
 
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Catholicmom30 said:
Every day we get into disagreements about Catholic teachings and Church history and quite frankly I am exhausted. He admitted today that he is trying to convince me to leave Catholicism because he loves me
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I know what I say may sound contoversial to some. But is it at all possible for you to not discuss religion or engage in religious argument with your spouse? Really, if he’s this adversarial to Catholicism, I think that this may be your best approach. It takes 2 people to argue. And if you make it clear to him that your Catholic faith is not negotiable and not open to argumentation. And any negative comments that he may make will just be met with a smile and a change of subject.

I read a diary about a Catholic Saint married to an atheist at one time. He would also try to make arguments to her about her Catholic faith. She bore this quietly with prayer and non engagement to his attacks on her faith. In the end, after she passed away, he became a priest.

Edit: The woman that I am speaking of is not a Saint but is a servant of God, Elisabeth Leseur


She endured her husbands attacks with prayer and patience.

Mayber her diary may help give you strength and insight. The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur
 
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Thank you for your incredibly kind and thoughtful reply. I am so sorry to hear of your sufferings! Indeed I pray everyday that God will unite my sufferings to the suffering of Jesus on the cross for the salvation of souls! I know I do need to be kinder and gentler in my approach. I am happy to agree to disagree and live as peacefully as possible, however it seems that he has an agenda and almost will not rest until I am not Catholic, which of course, will never happen. I will try to be kinder in my replies and see what happens. And keep praying! Thank you again and I will pray for you as well!
 
Thank you so much! I will absolutely look into reading her diaries! I am actually a very quiet person by nature and the changing the subject/keeping silent approach is actually how I prefer to handle things as opposed to trying to dish out apologetics, which is not a strong point of mine haha. (I will say, this has definitely strengthened my ability to defend the faith though!) Recently he actually called me out and got mad for not giving him any response. This is one of those circumstances where I feel no one will be able to reach his heart other than the Holy Spirit. Therefore I will keep praying, and I will for sure look into reading those diaries. Thanks very much for your response!
 
Your prayers would be lovely! Yes, definitely be gentle and calm no matter how enraged he may become at your silence or your gentle brief words. Less is more… a pleasant distraction never hurts either when in view of keeping the love and peace.

I prefer silence more these days.
 
From my point of view only. My wife and I were married in a protestant church 30 years ago. We have actively brought our children up in our faith. 4 years ago with some heavy evangelizing by a catholic co-worker, my wife decided she wanted to convert to Catholicism. She did this over 2 year period of study and without letting me know or showing me the things she was learning along the way. One day she said, I have wonderful news, I’m converting to Catholicism and I want you to do that too someday. I was shocked! Trying to catch up… I went thru RCIA, spoke to the local priest, attended spiritual counseling trying to see how to get our marriage back on track. Fact is, I still feel like the secrecy around her conversion was like her developing a separate relationship. Kind of like an affair. Now before those reading accuse me of savagery (she probably didn’t feel safe sharing with you, you are probably hard to talk to, or any other character flaw you may throw my way) I just want to say, you don’t know our situation and I would encourage you to withhold that kind of judgement. Defending myself, I will say I tried over the years to see the beauty in the Catholic church through immersing myself, Church services, Church functions, social occasions. The more I dug into scripture, the less sense Catholicism made to me. So, since I don’t want to be divorced - EVER, our compromise is, My wife has her religion and I have mine. It has caused a HUGE loss in the intimacy we once shared. Our marriage is a shell of what it used to be. The Catholic faith is wrong for me but appears to be right for her. Now, having said that, what will happen to our marriage??? I pray God intervenes and heals. Most days, we just deal with each other with respect. Let’s bring it back to your situation. When you are dealing with your husband I can only encourage you to try to strike a balance between honoring God through your Catholic lens and honoring your husband through the vows of your marriage. Be open and honest with him, always! Seems like successful marriages are those where the individuals care more about their mate’s well being than their own (I’m trying to take that advice too).

I fear your marriage may be in jeopardy if what you believe what you said in your post “I am at a loss. I will never leave my Catholic faith… even if it ends in us separating” You are already vocalizing the ending of your marriage to strangers in a forum. Once that seed of ending your marriage is a thought and is spoken, then it’s easy to give birth to the idea of divorce. Statistically, the odds are against marriages like yours and mine. Matters of faith and religion are a HUGE source of friction in marriages and oftentimes lead to divorce. People desire that oneness in marriage. Faith is a big part of that oneness. Wish I had better news here. This is a difficult road. God Bless you as you try to navigate.
 
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Wow this is tough 😦 would he be willing for both of you to meet together with a priest? Maybe he could help.

Keep up prayers and say the rosary with the intention of him coming to the Catholic Faith. Also look into the Green Scapular and it’s ability to bring about conversions.

So sorry you are going through this

Maybe show him some Eucharist miracles too? And some people speaking about converting from Protestantism to Catholicism
 
Thank you! It’s funny that you mention the Green Scapular, I recently hid one under his side of the mattress 😉.
 
Thank you for a different perspective! I sincerely hope our marriage can beat the odds… however I am trying to be as realistic as possible. I truly do accept him as he is, Catholic or not… but he does not seem to accept me for who I am (as a faithful Catholic) and is fervently trying to make me change into someone that I’m not comfortable with. And I genuinely do not want our marriage to fail, but I feel very helpless. I just keep praying for peace in our household, I think that’s all I can do at this point :pray:t2:
 
Marriage is crucifixion. Remain faithful. Stick to your promise at the Altar. He can attempt to persuade you to be someone else, but ultimately you are who you are and who you truly are is hidden in Christ and is unchanging, ultimately. We all fall short of His glory and are imperfect and sinners, but we get back up through Him Who Is and keep on keeping on. The Lord is faithful and will perfect you in Himself.

Bear the suffering patiently. Never mind those who discourage or the negative thoughts that may attempt to “haunt” you. Keep prayer often and receive the sacraments more often if possible.

Great spiritual reward will come with your acceptance of this suffering and peaceful perseverance in carrying this heavy cross. Be as selfless as you can and bear in mind, albeit a crown of thorns of sorts, that you made a vow… you have children together, and that less is always more.

I believe Christ is with you and with your spirit!
 
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Thank you so much. I am thankful for those who encourage me to “hang in there” rather than “this is too hard and you don’t deserve this- give up”. I will keep preserving! Thank you for the words of encouragement! Many of my friends are not very encouraging in regards to this situation and it’s very refreshing to hear some positivity, despite a seemingly impossible situation. Thank you!
 
Most friends and even parents or relatives only say what they think you want to hear… they base their words on what they assume is going to help you heal and not suffer. The key is THEY THINK and “assume.” However, there is something (Someone) higher than comfort Who is the healer and who calls us; He’s the only Way: the narrow Way… the path least trod. He, paradoxically, heals you while you suffer. It’s mysterious, but it’s the only route and map to the goal. 🙂

Remember Saint Rita (a help for marriages) and Saint Jude of “impossible cases”
 
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Im so sorry this is an epidemic in catholic families. Its heartbreaking. So many men, especially men, are either ditching the faith, becoming indifferent or just numb.

This needs extreme prayer so you dont get sucked into his web of horrors. It will exhaust you on all levels.

Try to separate physically from him to regain sanity or strength as much as possible. Take walks, or read in another room. Hide out in blessed sacrament. Whatever it takes. You are in pure survival mode.

Read good books. Dont give up. This is a war. Let the Holy Ghost guide you. If you feel it you may have to stand up to his heresies pretty strong. Let God guide you. I will try to include this in my rosary intentions.
 
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Thank you so much, I would greatly appreciate your prayers! ❤️ I definitely will take your advice and surround myself with as much Catholicism as possible and of course pray, pray, pray :pray:t2:
 
Speaking to his stubborness about the catholic faith, I had that initially because my wife chose to make her conversion more of a secret rather than sharing those things with me. Your husband needs the gift of time for him to see that you (as a catholic) hold marriage as a sacred union. seems like your marriage needs more actions, less words. You should not ‘change into someone that you are not comfortable with’. From the outside looking in, you seem to be more spiritually mature than him (that’s not a bad thing). I’m praying for patience in your marriage and that time will heal some of the current hurts on both sides. Thanks for sharing your story…
 
in my opion, hiding this catholic symbol under the mattress is not helpful to the division in your marriage. Honesty not secrecy. Thoughts?
 
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I didn’t know it was an epidemic in Catholic families.My dad never stopped being a Catholic, he just stopped believing some of the Church’s teachings. like on suffering.We went to visit his aunt Sister Generose SSND. one time in the late 1980s. Don’t even recall how the subject came up, but suffering was the topic.That’s when he spoke about being in Italy during WW2 and seeing an italian woman,screaming and crying, carrying her dead child in her arms, and half the child’s head was blown away. That’s what turned him against certain things. In the bible it says, the sins of the father will be visited on the sons. But he said, what sin could the parents have commited that was so awful, that a poor child died a horrible death? So that turned him off the Churches teachings. Now he remained a catholic, though the only time he went to mass was for a funeral or wedding and that was it. And he did come back so to speak before he passed on , though he never really left the Church.
 
It’s not secrecy. It’s a common practice among Catholics to do so.
 
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