Husband is openly unfaithful

[MercyMia]

Sex should NEVER be used as a weapon in marriage.

Oh, but sex has already been used as a weapon in this marriage - and not by the poster here, but by her unfaithful husband. He has used sex with another woman as a weapon to destroy his own marriage and the marriage of this other women and her husband. He has used it as a weapon to devastate his wife emotionally. He has turned sex into a weapon that threatens to give his wife std’s and cut her life short or make it physically painful.

We are instructing her to stop having sex with her husband not as a weapon, but as a shield against disease and further heartache.

MinnesotaMom - Praying for you.

 

[estesbob]

It is sad enough, when you read a thread like this, about a woman who is doing everything she can to love her husband and be a good wife, and her husband is most likely cheating, and mistreating her every which way he can…and she still is trying to make things better.

*But what’s sadder, is when someone tells a woman in such a situation, that she is at fault somehow and that she should keep sleeping with such a guy. *

*I have tears in my eyes when I read things like that. *

:bighanky:

As often happens when I comment in a reltionship thread i have been smacked down and will now go stand in the corner.

 

[dulcissima]

As often happens when I comment in a reltionship thread i have been smacked down and will now go stand in the corner.

Kind of like when I comment in a politics thread.

 

[shannyk]

Oh, but sex has already been used as a weapon in this marriage - and not by the poster here, but by her unfaithful husband. He has used sex with another woman as a weapon to destroy his own marriage and the marriage of this other women and her husband. He has used it as a weapon to devastate his wife emotionally. He has turned sex into a weapon that threatens to give his wife std’s and cut her life short or make it physically painful.

We are instructing her to stop having sex with her husband not as a weapon, but as a shield

against disease and further heartache.

MinnesotaMom - Praying for you.



Minnesota mom I had cervical cancer and a hysterectomy as a result of my philandering husband and the lovely HPV virus he gifted to me.

At the age of 27 I lost all of my reproductive organs because of his bad behavior, my naivete and stupidity.

Don’t be like me, don’t end up like me.

I’m young and now husband-less with 3 kids and if I ever meet another man that would consider marrying me in the state I’m in we will never have children of our own.

You should not give yourself to this man.

My honest advice woman to woman would be to run like the wind as far and fast as your possibly can.

 

[whatevergirl]

As often happens when I comment in a reltionship thread i have been smacked down and will now go stand in the corner.

*lol

In normal circumstances your point would be well taken…but the husband here sounds like he is cheating and behaving horribly, and doesn’t care what his wife thinks about it. Having sex with someone like him, it puts her in danger, emotionally and physically. But, otherwise, your point, I agree with. *

 

[whatevergirl]

Minnesota mom I had cervical cancer and a hysterectomy as a result of my philandering husband and the lovely HPV virus he gifted to me.

At the age of 27 I lost all of my reproductive organs because of his bad behavior, my naivete and stupidity.

Don’t be like me, don’t end up like me.

I’m young and now husband-less with 3 kids and if I ever meet another man that would consider marrying me in the state I’m in we will never have children of our own.

You should not give yourself to this man.

My honest advice woman to woman would be to run like the wind as far and fast as your possibly can.

Oh shanny, I’m so sorry.

 

[Sierrah]

Why would he stop? He probably knows you won’t leave him. I’d get out of this as soon as possible if I were you. You’re being emotionally abused.

Yes he’s an emotional abuser and quite a jerk. You could probably get an annuallment based on his sentiment and affair of old. I’d leave him, apply for annualment and find someone who could love you.

 

[kage_ar]

Wow…I am floored by this and I feel ill as well. I can’t believe any human being could be so terrible to another. I am not one to jump to conclusions, but I can’t help myself in this case. He is using you. This is emotional abuse at best. I would give him an ultimatum that he either be your husband and cut off communication with this other woman, or leave.

I also am no canon lawyer, but I think you have very good grounds for an annulment here. You shouldn’t be forced to stay in this, you MATTER and you DESERVE to be loved passionatly by a man who thinks the sun rises and sets with YOU. Your husband’s behaviour is completely unacceptable, no matter how you slice it.

I can’t believe he is acting this way. I am still completely shocked at all of it. Wow.

A marriage does not require a man to “think the sun rises and sets on you” or a woman to think that about her husband. That is what hollywood movies and romance novels teach.

This OP needs to see a Catholic counselor.

 

[joandarc2008]

As often happens when I comment in a reltionship thread i have been smacked down and will now go stand in the corner.

You are a man on a thread of all women talking about a very bad man- what did you expect? :extrahappy:uch::hypno::doh2::harp::slapfight:

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Yes, but a marriage should have a reasonable level of certainty that when a wife is making love to her husband three times a week, he isn’t imagining he’s with the real love of his life, whom he’s thrown in her face for 4 years since the honeymoon was barely over and the first baby was on the way.

That fact alone is very interesting to tribunals. The longstanding relationship predating the marriage and continuing into the first 4 years could be grounds for a decree of nullity.

The problem is, she loves him, or thinks she loves him and he claims to love her (though his actions speak so loudly, I can’t personally hear a word he’s saying.) And there are three very young children.

So he needs to pick a wife and stick with her. Or move out and allow her to move on. With three small children. Which, believe me, can be a hindrance to ever finding a good man later.

 

[JerrySeibert]

This is coming from a man. If I recall 'till death do you part" but adultry is a valid claim to have a marriage disolved. Listen if he has done this to you how many times? Obviously his heart is not into changing.
Leave him. And find someone who will love you as you deserve to be loved. I’m sorry to put it so bluntly but, if he were willing to change. He would have done so after you caught him the first time.
Sorry, I will pray for you.

 

[Fidelis_Unus]

Well if wishes to be open about it take out a newspaper ad and tell the community exactly what type of person he is. Unfortunately being catholic you can’t divorce him.

Divorce is ALWAYS an option for Catholics, it is remarriage that would be the problem, if an annulment is not forthcoming. Only a Tribunal will know for sure whether this is a situation that warrants it. If not, it would simply mean a celibate life. Far better than one where the wife is so emotionally abused.

This is a sad, demeaning and humiliating situation. The husband clearly has some big issues and the first this that I would do is stop sleeping with him. No more children should be brought into this marriage and there are the more obvious health reasons.

My heart goes out to the OP for the pain and turmoil this leaves her and her family in.

My thoughts today are:

• pray the Novena to St Joseph, patron saint of families and example of a human father,
• talk to a priest,
• find some support for yourself, perhaps a counselor to help you make some choices.

God bless your family through this terrible time.

Maggie

 

[Rence]

Well if wishes to be open about it take out a newspaper ad and tell the community exactly what type of person he is. Unfortunately being catholic you can’t divorce him.

Of course she can. In fact, in her first post, she implied he was dating this married woman before the OP was even married to him. The marriage can be nullified due to deception. In addition, it would be hard to prove that he took the vows seriously in the first place.

Catholics need to understand that marriage is a sacrament. If pne party does not see it as a sacrament, then it very well can be proven that that marriage is not valid.

OP, consult with your priest. Tell him everything. Answer all his questions. He’ll be able to help you. Marriage is between 2, not among many.

 

[Maeglin]

Why do people keep bumping these old zombie threads? The OP has probably moved on by now.

 

[Sierrah]

Why would he stop? He probably knows you won’t leave him. I’d get out of this as soon as possible if I were you. You’re being emotionally abused.

Yep not married here but the second he told me he wasn’t in love with me and loved someone else I would have been outta there. You can’t make someone love you…ever. I learned that long ago the hard way. Kids or no kids you may have good grounds for annulment. I would leave the abusive guy who know he may try the emotionally abuse your kids as well.

 

[silentstar]

Why do people keep bumping these old zombie threads? The OP has probably moved on by now.

I don’t know; the OP has posted once on CAF and that was the first post on this thread. She never replied to anyone else’s posts here or posted elsewhere so I don’t know what she is feeling or doing.

In her post, she stated that she did not want a divorce but instead wanted to find out how to get her husband to stop. Unfortunately, it is not possible to control the actions of another adult, in this case a man who has had a relationship with a woman for more than 10 years and wants to continue it.

I agree with the people who say that seeing a priest is a good idea. and it is not good to assume that STDs are not a problem if a spouse is unfaithful. I got two STDs from being abused in childhood; one of them was treated but the other one although “minor” I’m still living with and it impacts my life in some ways. It’s a lot easier to get an STD than many people like to admit, and what is known is that both the husband and the “other woman” in this situation are being unfaithful to their spouses.

I hope she sees a priest and gets some good advice, and considers pastoral counseling. This is a tough situation especially w/the kids.