Husband keeps contacting former girlfriends

[yessisan]

I just don’t think a wife should have to police her husband. He is a partner, not a child. I understand your reasoning but I still don’t think it’s right. And if the person who is being policed is really wanting to do whatever it is they are doing, they will find other computers to accomplish their goals with. If a husband is “misbehaving” then the root of the problem needs to be found. You can’t live your life not trusting him. That’s no way to have a marriage.

I guess I left out the part where we BOTH agreed to this. DH doesn’t want to have access to the computer when I’m not there, so he wanted the locks and all of that.

 

[rpp]

Really? and why is that? It is clear her husband is reconnecting with old girlfriends-she said so herself.

I suppose the basis of our disagreement is that I believe in the sanctity of marriage, am opposed to people having affairs or needlessly provoking their spouse to jealously. that is the basis for my post. So tell me, you think that it is all cool and everything for a man to frighten and provoke his wife needlessly? Wow.

Mysweetpeas, as you can see, with only exception, no one thinks this is appropriate. Perhaps it is time to consider an internet filter for your computer.

 

[whatevergirl]

I guess I left out the part where we BOTH agreed to this. DH doesn’t want to have access to the computer when I’m not there, so he wanted the locks and all of that.

*You know yessisan, that’s really a step in the right direction. I am happy to hear this. (I remember you posting things in the past about your dh with this issue) I hope it has been helping!

Sorry OP, not meaning to go OT!

 

[whatevergirl]

I suppose the basis of our disagreement is that I believe in the sanctity of marriage, am opposed to people having affairs or needlessly provoking their spouse to jealously. that is the basis for my post. So tell me, you think that it is all cool and everything for a man to frighten and provoke his wife needlessly? Wow.

Mysweetpeas, as you can see, with only exception, no one thinks this is appropriate. Perhaps it is time to consider an internet filter for your computer.

*rpp, sorry I don’t mean to interrupt…but canne stated that she “does not” think that the OP is overreacting, which would be in agreement with you. I reread her posts…it seems that way? *

 

[rpp]

I think that you are **not **over reacting and clearly your husband is using facebook to connect with ex girlfriends and reminise. The question is why and I think it is something you should ask him.

I re-read this post and completely missed this one critical word, which I put in bold.

My sincere apologies. Really, Canne, I am very sorry I misread your post and ask your forgiveness.

Thank you, whatevergirl, for pointing out my error.

Fortunately, I was able to delete my post. Again, Canne, my apologies.

 

[roselily]

My husband and I both belong to an online social website. You can become “friends” with people and contact them. It’s been great to hear from old high school friends again. It was always an unwritten rule that you just don’t talk to ex’s. I dunno, it just seems very disrespectful so I never did it.

A few months ago I found out he was “friends” on this website (facebook) with his ex fiancee who he lived with for a long time. He had made some inappropraite comments about some of her photo’s and that she “looked” good. I confronted him on it and told him it really hurt me. He apologized profusely, said it was wrong of him and just dumb curiousity and that he would “unfriend her” and it wouldn’t happen again.

I was under the assumption “it wouldn’t happen again” meant he wouldn’t contact ex’s anymore. I asked how he would feel if I chatted with ex’s of mine and he said he wouldn’t like it. I thought I got my point across but I guess not!

Fast forward to today. I go to log into my facebook account and it’s already open. I thought I forgot to log out so I didn’t think anything about it. I go to my “inbox” to respond to a message someone wrote me the other day and quickly realize these aren’t my messages. But they sure caught my attention! Turns out my husband forgot to log off his account sometime yesterday

There in front of my face in all it’s glory were MORE Messages to another ex girlfriend reminising about their first kiss, some “memory” in a woods (i can only imagine what that was!) and she was telling him a dream she recently had about him and he was interpreting it for her. All this while he talks about our kids playing by themselves in another room and I’m at work. So he’s sitting here talking about their past relationship and interpreting her dreams why I am working and our kids are being ignored.

So I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not. I just feel completely disrespected. Especially after last time which was MUCH more innocent I feel and he knew how much it hurt me. And he said he wouldn’t do it again. And he went behind my back and did it again. What doesn’t he understand about it’s not polite to converse with your ex’s about past relationships???

I don’t wanna know about what you did in the woods. I don’t need to know and I think it’s completely innapropriate for you to be talking about it with her anwyays.

This is someone who claims to be a “devout” Catholic and regularly attends confession. I thought he truly took marriage seriously, but am starting to wonder if I really “know” who this person is.

He is a little too friendly with these ex’s and compliments them a little too much. Factor in the fact that I told him I don’t talk to ex’s cause I feel it’s disrepectful and I feel very hurt by this all. It’s one thing to talk to an ex and say “hey how’s life. How are your kids? What are you doing lately?” It’s another to reminise about your actual relationship

So what do you think? Am I over reacting? Should I confront him?

No, you are not over reacting.
even not in marriage, if I know a man likes me, but not put me in a right position, you know what I will do.
“Never” “Will I remain on there, or be a girlfriend with him,-never!”

No, it is not permitted me to angry, for I am a Christian.
And I will make sure that I will not use online chatting site myself as well if I will have a good marriage.
but your situation is different, that you both married, and both Catholics, so I will say try to save your marriage, talk to him, I thought that he promised you before that he would unfriend her, it means he cares your feelings, but he still wrote to her, so this is not enough, you both should quit any internet chatting site, you can find some more interesting and useful things to do. first make your house in good order, and find some interesting things you both can do together , even you can play some games, like : Chess…, or go a walk after dinner every night to see sunset…and that of course you can find many happy things to do.
May God look after you and your husband.

 

[canne]

I re-read this post and completely missed this one critical word, which I put in bold.

My sincere apologies. Really, Canne, I am very sorry I misread your post and ask your forgiveness.

Thank you, whatevergirl, for pointing out my error.

Fortunately, I was able to delete my post. Again, Canne, my apologies.

Apology accepted

 

[noclevername]

No, you are not over reacting.
even not in marriage, if I know a man likes me, but not put me in a right position, you know what I will do.
“Never” “Will I remain on there, or be a girlfriend with him,-never!”

No, it is not permitted me to angry, for I am a Christian.
And I will make sure that I will not use online chatting site myself as well if I will have a good marriage.
but your situation is different, that you both married, and both Catholics, so I will say try to save your marriage, talk to him, I thought that he promised you before that he would unfriend her, it means he cares your feelings, but he still wrote to her, so this is not enough, you both should quit any internet chatting site, you can find some more interesting and useful things to do. first make your house in good order, and find some interesting things you both can do together , even you can play some games, like : Chess…, or go a walk after dinner every night to see sunset…and that of course you can find many happy things to do.
May God look after you and your husband.

It’s OK to be angry even as a Christian. Just as long as you focus the anger correctly.

 

[roselily]

It’s OK to be angry even as a Christian. Just as long as you focus the anger correctly.

You are right, and I will follow your advice.

but please feel quite at ease with me, if you only knew that in all my life I never hate anyone-I only fear others angry with me, that I feel quiet happy enough if others not angry with me.

Oh, May God bless sweetpeas and her husband, hope that everything goes well beyond expectation. I thought that- she can possibly manage, she shall, she shall; she is so good !

And canne, we like your name!

 

[cabolissa]

You have to nip this in the bud… I’m not sure you do know him.

Go to counseling, find out why he is getting his kicks with others, albeit online. It is emotional cheating, or you wouldn’t feel bad about it.

I’m now going through a divorce, so I’m a little raw, but I suggest going to a Retrouvaille weekend retreat with him and talk all this out (retrouvaille.org/).

 

[mysweetpeas]

Thanks for all your prayers and support. I confronted him abuot it on Saturday. He immediatly wrote me back and email saying it was stupid and he was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. I was mad since I got the SAME email 4 months ago when he did it before.

We didn’t really talk for the whole next day which was ackward. He informed me he deleted his Facebook account though(on his own. I never suggested it). He said it made it too easy to do things he never would dream in real life. Once an ex contacted him, he was just too sucked in I guess.

Finally Sunday night we had a long talk. I spilled it all out. How much it hurt and how much I was betrayed. I know he feels very badly. He said he’d give me all hsi passwords but I said no. I am just glad Facebook is gone. He said he is very relieved the temptation is gone. I hope he stays off Facebook though and doesn’t rejoin.

We discussed that it would take a while to heal from this and to ever get trust back on my side (i’ve been cheated on many times by other people).

Yesterday he said he was at Church talking to our Priest so I’m hoping he went to him for some advice

I am optimistic that our marriage will change over this for the better but still leary. Before I never imagined or thought he’d cheat. I never had to “read into” anything or suspect anything. Now I feel like for the rest of my life I will be wondering or reading into every little thing. Everytime he’s online I’ll have to wonder what he’s doing. Does that ever get better?

Thanks again for your support guys! It’s been excellent to come on here. All my regular “forums” would just tell me “ohh he’s a prick. Go divorce him” which isn’t exactly what I want to hear so this is a welcome change!

 

[roselily]

Thanks for all your prayers and support. I confronted him abuot it on Saturday. He immediatly wrote me back and email saying it was stupid and he was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. I was mad since I got the SAME email 4 months ago when he did it before.

We didn’t really talk for the whole next day which was ackward. He informed me he deleted his Facebook account though(on his own. I never suggested it). He said it made it too easy to do things he never would dream in real life. Once an ex contacted him, he was just too sucked in I guess.

Finally Sunday night we had a long talk. I spilled it all out. How much it hurt and how much I was betrayed. I know he feels very badly. He said he’d give me all hsi passwords but I said no. I am just glad Facebook is gone. He said he is very relieved the temptation is gone. I hope he stays off Facebook though and doesn’t rejoin.

We discussed that it would take a while to heal from this and to ever get trust back on my side (i’ve been cheated on many times by other people).

Yesterday he said he was at Church talking to our Priest so I’m hoping he went to him for some advice

I am optimistic that our marriage will change over this for the better but still leary. Before I never imagined or thought he’d cheat. I never had to “read into” anything or suspect anything. Now I feel like for the rest of my life I will be wondering or reading into every little thing. Everytime he’s online I’ll have to wonder what he’s doing. Does that ever get better?

Thanks again for your support guys! It’s been excellent to come on here. All my regular “forums” would just tell me “ohh he’s a prick. Go divorce him” which isn’t exactly what I want to hear so this is a welcome change!

What good news!
Love never fail! your marriage will change for the better for sure, I can see he is very good man in heart-that we human no one is perfect, and I see he loves you very much! Forgave him, But you must learn to try to trust in him, believe in him, because he is your husband.
you must not doubt about yourself-spare wonder what he’s doing-otherwise you shall doubt everything. Have pity on him. But I really hope he can understand that he should not hurt your feelings, husband should love wife as himself, In Genesis: “Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.’ Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.”- I read these words in Genesis, because I wonder how many men really understand this, that you and your wife are became one flesh, that you should not love your wife only as a woman, that you should love her as yourself, as your own body, sure everyone all love theirself, you do not want hurt your self, then your wife is part of you, so never hurt your wife. because she is you, you two already became one flesh.

May God look after you and your husband. you love each other as one flesh ! you love him and wish to be with him.

 

[whatevergirl]

Thanks for all your prayers and support. I confronted him abuot it on Saturday. He immediatly wrote me back and email saying it was stupid and he was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. I was mad since I got the SAME email 4 months ago when he did it before.

We didn’t really talk for the whole next day which was ackward. He informed me he deleted his Facebook account though(on his own. I never suggested it). He said it made it too easy to do things he never would dream in real life. Once an ex contacted him, he was just too sucked in I guess.

Finally Sunday night we had a long talk. I spilled it all out. How much it hurt and how much I was betrayed. I know he feels very badly. He said he’d give me all hsi passwords but I said no. I am just glad Facebook is gone. He said he is very relieved the temptation is gone. I hope he stays off Facebook though and doesn’t rejoin.

We discussed that it would take a while to heal from this and to ever get trust back on my side (i’ve been cheated on many times by other people).

Yesterday he said he was at Church talking to our Priest so I’m hoping he went to him for some advice

I am optimistic that our marriage will change over this for the better but still leary. Before I never imagined or thought he’d cheat. I never had to “read into” anything or suspect anything. Now I feel like for the rest of my life I will be wondering or reading into every little thing. Everytime he’s online I’ll have to wonder what he’s doing. Does that ever get better?

Thanks again for your support guys! It’s been excellent to come on here. All my regular “forums” would just tell me “ohh he’s a prick. Go divorce him” which isn’t exactly what I want to hear so this is a welcome change!

Oh, this is a great start! Don’t be too hard on yourself right now…you will have to let go of feeling like you can’t trust your husband, one day at a time. The more he proves that he is trustworthy, the more you will trust him, again. I will keep you both in my prayers. I am soooo happy to see your husband decided to change things on his own, without much urging from you. The internet is good, but it can get addictive, and sometimes, we think…‘it’s just words on a screen,’ but there is someone behind those words, and those words can “suck is in.” Praying things continue to get better.

 

[roselily]

You have to nip this in the bud… I’m not sure you do know him.

Go to counseling, find out why he is getting his kicks with others, albeit online. It is emotional cheating, or you wouldn’t feel bad about it.

I’m now going through a divorce, so I’m a little raw, but I suggest going to a Retrouvaille weekend retreat with him and talk all this out (retrouvaille.org/).

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa
Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
Mother Teresa

Cabolissa , I like your Mother Teresa’s words.
Love- How much happiness in one word !

Oh, Cabolissa, pray that- that everything going well with you.

 

[KRAS]

Thank Goodness He deleted his Facebook. Now the question is will he keep it that way. He made a Promise once and broke it. You have every right to be suspiciouse but dont loom over it.

I suggest Once again as many others have already said seek Help either by church or counsular.

Just Rememer Any attention given to another Woman Like His X is Attention He Should be giving to you and internet is an Addiction and and it harbors many many evil things, I pray he will see his intentions to his X as cheating …

 

[roselily]

The KRAS is right, we should guard our body and soul. I think also we need remember that God is LOVE, we need keep Faith, Hope, Love, and first is Love-that I think this is the most important thing above all.

"By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. "
-Galatians 5:22

Oh, sweetpeas, I thought that-Only Christ is Holy, we praise His name, and pray His Kingdom come,and we ask His forgiveness for our trespasses, and we should forgive those who trespass against us.
and we pray to mother of God, O Most Holy Mother!

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen. :harp: