Husband losing his faith

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Lessofme91

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How do you deal with a spouse losing their faith? I know I should be prayerful and supportive and all that but honestly right now I’m just mad. So mad. And scared for my family, but he doesn’t know I feel like this. I didn’t think he was serious at first but its been going on for several years now. I feel like I’m being cheated out of what I always pictured for our marriage. I am a recent convert, and he is a very well catechised cradle catholic. He “knows” it all forward and backward, God just doesn’t “make sense” to him anymore. Evil and suffering are huge stumbling blocks…hes also very proud and hates the idea of needing anything outside of himself, and “having” to do anything. He’s mad about a couple instances where he felt like he was following Gods will and things didnt work out the way he thought they should. We have no spiritual life outside of Mass which he only goes to because he’s afraid of how his parents would react if he stopped going, and he doesn’t want to send me alone with the kids. But we bounce around to several different parishes and Mass times depending on when he feels like going. I hear all day how Mass ruins his weekend and its a waste of time. We always get there late and leave right away so I don’t really know anybody. Praying is “ridiculous”. Even Catholic/Christian radio gets turned off as soon as he gets home from work. He does still agree with Catholic morals, nfp, etc, but I am starting to see him slipping with the way he treats others uncharitably 😞 He does still want our kids raised Catholic (they are young enough now that they hopefully haven’t caught on to how he feels yet) but refuses to put in any effort into working through his issues. In his mind if God is real then its up to Him to show Himself and he’s done doing anything related to religion. He does still have moments where he will say that he thinks deep down he does still believe but not often and only when everything in life is going his way. I don’t feel like I can be honest with anybody about this since my married friends have husband’s who clearly take their personal faith seriously. My husband is very worried about being judged by his very large Catholic family. I just don’t know what to do to help him see the beauty of what he’s missing. He knows theology better then I do so talking to him about it is difficult. I “don’t know what the real world is like” (I’m a nurse, I’ve seen suffering that he cant imagine). Its slowly killing me inside and eating at our marriage. I want to help him, not resent him but its getting harder and harder as I realize that this isn’t a phase and may not get better. :cry:Does anybody have advice how I can take care of myself and my kids spiritually? How I can set boundaries for him putting down spirituality without discounting his feelings? Any ideas for resources for him? I appreciate any prayers and having RCW as a place to get this of my chest.
 
What changed to cause him to start doubting? I mean, it sounds like when you first got married or were dating he was fairly devout. It seems something happened - was there a traumatic event? Or was he always like this but kept it quiet because he was courting you?

Prayer; lots of prayer is key. If he’s willing to talk to a knowledgeable, PASTORAL priest WITH YOU there to uncover what exactly triggered this doubt, that would be most helpful. Also, just have a quiet talk with him… explain to him how upset this causes you to be, because this is not what you expected in your marriage, and that you’re worried for him - the evil one can harass a person in many ways, and doubt is definitely one of them. He could be under spiritual attack! St. Monica and St. Augustine are wonderful companions and intercessors- I speak from experience! :gopray2: If not a priest, then perhaps a Christian counselor/therapist, just to extract the reasons why this is happening.

Yes, you have every right to be concerned, even with your littles being little still. They pick up things that we think they don’t. If they’re not school aged yet, go to daily Mass with them as much as possible- stations of the Cross, children’s rosary, any kind of Catholic Mother’s groups who cater to young children - so that they (and YOU!) are infused with the Faith at every turn, and can see that there are many families who are active in their Faith. Make bedtime prayers, with or without your husband, a priority. If he won’t take the lead as is his responsibility as husband and father, then you have to, unfortunately.

You mention that evil and suffering are stumbling blocks for him. If he is so well-versed, he would know that God doesn’t cause evil and suffering; most of that is caused by humanity’s own sin. God may ALLOW suffering if it serves a greater purpose- teaching the sufferer or the family/friends important lessons in the virtues of prudence, temperance, fortitude, justice and three heavenly graces (faith, hope, charity).
 
I don’t want to sound uncharitable but there is a difference between a cultural Christian and a committed Christian. Myself and all my siblings were raised Catholics, forced to go to mass until we were 16ish. Now, two are atheists, one is into new agey stuff, I myself am a fallen Catholic. Suffering is what also killed my faith, things not going my way when I thought my big break was long overdue, or at least going in a right way is what destroyed it. My father was a terrible model all around, I must admit, so that played a part in his children’s apostasy. I am truly sorry. More than I can express.
 
I think pray and try to set a good example. I would also put my foot down with attending a particular mass if you think it will help you practice your faith.
 
You described a lot of places his faith is faltering. Are there places his faith is still there? Find those points of strength: cherish and reinforce them, and when he comes to desire it slowly expand the areas of strength from there.
 
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