husband lost faith

  • Thread starter Thread starter KZ2011
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

KZ2011

Guest
Hello. This might be more of a family forum question but it is about spirituality. I married a catholic who was baptized and at time of marriage in church received first communion. Later on he even received his confirmation. We have been married for about 6 years. However we never really spiritually connected on a deeper level than going to church together. When I wanted to pray together I met with a lot of opposition and since it was such a dividing argument we never did. Now it is turning out that my husband does not even believe in any spiritual being such as God (or sometimes he does but sometimes he does not). He certainly does not believe in Jesus. We are thinking of starting a family. I am devastated. What would you advise?
 
Pray for his true conversion. Remain faithful to the faith. I will pray for you both and I hope you will get good advice soon.
 
Did he convert just sort of for form’s sake and to please family for the wedding?
 
It is quite complicated. He had a tough time when we met and so did I. So in fact our marriage was born out of desperation of 2 people. He was genuinely looking for something to save him at that time and christianity fit this measure nicely at that time. Also he is italian American with catholic roots from grandparents. His parents were “occasional” christians. In fact I think they were quite secular. My husband now classifies himself as secular humanist. I know deep in my heart that he is not kidding (I have my experience from 6 years of marriage). He believes in humanism. He goes to church because he enjoys the rituals (he also sometimes goes to synagogs because again he enjoys the rituals).
I am 32 and dearly want children but now we are arguing because he dies not want to raise them in what he does not believe. For example even a question whether there is a God. I am quite confused. Should I have children with him? I will tell my children that there is a loving God and he will tell them that God does not exist? How will the children grow up?

I am so conflicted. A lot of things happened to us this year so that we were even thinking of separation (he had a psychological collapse and then an emotional affair). The explanation for this that I believe is that he did not really want to grow up and was afraid to be a responsible adult sacrificing himself for family. He overcame these things now and he wants to have a family same as I do. I feel that I was deceived on so many levels in this relationship. However I still feel a lot of affection for my husband. Just it is very difficult and we disagree a lot.

I am doing Ignatian exercises this year and in our parish it takes 30 weeks. I am trying to discern whether I should in fact stay in my marriage and it seems to me that yes. There are so many obstacles though in the future for our family I don;t know how to handle.

What would you advice? Thank you for any suggestion.

God bless
 
Sounds like my daughter’s ex-husband, who converted to Catholicism, merely to marry her.

Once married, all spirituality went out the window.

Her case was worse however, he’s an alcoholic, so his drinking compounded all the problems and he essentially abandoned his wife and two kids, emotionally and financially.

Anyway, pray for them is all we can do.

No one can make another person have faith.

Faith is a gift from God, but the individual has to be open to God in order to receive it.

Jim
 
Jim, I am so sorry about your daughter. I know that I did not think twice when I was marrying my husband. I was just too much in love. My situation was difficult though. I have moved to USA from Europe and so we did not have common friends and our families did not know each other in order to tell us to wait until we come out of the acute “in love” syndrome and think about this with a cool head. Not to mention that we had both miserable times in life and this intoxifying love was keeping us going and overcoming the difficult situations we were in ( and we were quite strong in faith at that time too).
I have always thought that God wanted me to marry and have a family and this was my first boyfriend! He was very nice and I still have emails when he wrote that we would do whatever God asked from us! I don;t know whether our marriage was God’s will at that time. I am really praying to discern my path at present time as I never did in the past. I am afraid of his atheism though. We promised that we would bring our children up in catholic faith and now he is going back on his word. If he truly never meant his marriage wows seriously is this marriage valid?
 
Well, God’s will for you right now is to be a good mother to your children.

Be sure that they are protected, spiritually, emotionally and getting their basic material needs met.

My daughter struggled to stay with her husband. In fact, I believe she’d take him back if he reformed himself.

However, because of his irresponsibility in supporting his kids, she had to file for a divorce to be sure that the kids would be supported. The court actually mandated that his child support payments be deducted from his pay check automatically and put into my daughters bank account. She also got primary care provider.

So, this may be the path you’re heading down, but as I stated above, God’s will for you right now, is the welfare of your children.

As far as your husbands faith, faith can only come from God and he can only receive faith by being open to it.

Unfortunately, for many people it takes hitting rock bottom before they begin to turn to God for assistance.

Prayer is the key for your own faith. God will provide you with the strength you need.

My daughter’s faith has gotten her through this and without it, she would’ve had a mental break down, I have no doubt about it.

Jim
 
Jim, we do not have children yet! We are just thinking of having them in future. Who knows, maybe we are not even fertile. We specifically tired to “make a child” with all the charting methods and nothing. The spiritual division in the family scares me though. Should we stop to try to have a child then?
 
KZ2011 said:
Jim, we do not have children yet! We are just thinking of having them in future. Who knows, maybe we are not even fertile. We specifically tired to “make a child” with all the charting methods and nothing. The spiritual division in the family scares me though. Should we stop to try to have a child then?
Click to expand...
OH, sorry, I misunderstood.

Yes, I would get your marriage in order first.

To have children while in a conflict over faith, would make raising children in the faith, very difficult.

Jim
 
Yes but how do you get marriage in place? Faith is a gift as you said and so I cannot push it on my husband. It only brings division.
Divorce somebody who can be a good Dad and is a nice spouse (has his faults but who doesn’t?) because he does not believe in God or does not want to bring children up Catholic anymore?
Then how is my vocation as a spouse and potential mother carried out?
In case he does not want to bring up children catholic what to do ? Divorce and seek annulment? Does church grant annulment just because husband lost faith?

Thanks.
 
KZ2011 said:
Yes but how do you get marriage in place? Faith is a gift as you said and so I cannot push it on my husband. It only brings division.
Divorce somebody who can be a good Dad and is a nice spouse (has his faults but who doesn’t?) because he does not believe in God or does not want to bring children up Catholic anymore?
Then how is my vocation as a spouse and potential mother carried out?
In case he does not want to bring up children catholic what to do ? Divorce and seek annulment? Does church grant annulment just because husband lost faith?

Thanks.
Click to expand...
Well its a tough one.

Prayer is the key and people have been converted through prayer. Pray to St. Monica, the mother of St. Augustine, who prayed for years for her son’s conversion.

Also, try not to push religion at him. It’s counterproductive.

No one can make a person believe. Only faith can do that and it must come from God.

You’re in my prayers.

Jim
 
Thank you Jim, yours words are a great comfort to me. I will read more about St. Monica and try to pray to her (I was not brought up to pray to saints so it feels a little strange). Also I am trying to seek intercession of St. Rita as some friends in my parish pointed out that she is a patroness of impossible cases and she herself had a tough (and abusive) marriage.
 
My brother advised me to put everything in God’s hands. I think I will try this and let God work in our marriage. Pushing religion on someone is really counterproductive I have it many times in my own household. What I have found works best is a profound sense of peace that comes form God (called consolation). It greatly inspires people to see how calm and confident one can get when trusting God. I believe this God’s gift saved our marriage when times were tough half a year ago. Unfortunately this profound peace comes and goes.
 
KZ2011 said:
Hello. This might be more of a family forum question but it is about spirituality. I married a catholic who was baptized and at time of marriage in church received first communion. Later on he even received his confirmation. We have been married for about 6 years. However we never really spiritually connected on a deeper level than going to church together. When I wanted to pray together I met with a lot of opposition and since it was such a dividing argument we never did. Now it is turning out that my husband does not even believe in any spiritual being such as God (or sometimes he does but sometimes he does not). He certainly does not believe in Jesus. We are thinking of starting a family. I am devastated. What would you advise?
Click to expand...
im a big fan of the holy souls in purgatory…if you pray to god for their relief and deliverance and ask god to grant through their prayers and intercession the grace for your husband to be converted and to have an increase of faith and belief then you will see miracles happen

they really are in need of our prayers so they are so grateful when we do pray that they repay the “favour” by praying and interceding for our prayer requests…

heres a website that may be helpful to you
missionbell.homestead.com/Afavourgrantedbytheholysouls.html
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top