Husband never initiates intimacy and rejects my advances

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Perian

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I can’t stand being turned down anymore. Since our daughter was born almost 14 months ago, we’ve been intimate an average of once every 40 days. Before that, it was better, but I can honestly say my husband has initiated intimacy once in two years. And that was after I told him it made me feel aggressive and un-feminine to constantly be the one asking.

His excuses are always so feeble. If he really wanted to be with me, they wouldn’t be things that would deter him. He has a headache… He’s congested… He’s tired. Every time he rejects me, I tell myself I will NOT initiate next time. Then, I crave his love and it happens all over again.

Yes, we’ve talked about it. No, it never gets better. I just wanted to get out these words and feelings in an anonymous medium… Thank you for reading. Can anyone commiserate?
 
Perian said:
I can’t stand being turned down anymore. Since our daughter was born almost 14 months ago, we’ve been intimate an average of once every 40 days. Before that, it was better, but I can honestly say my husband has initiated intimacy once in two years. And that was after I told him it made me feel aggressive and un-feminine to constantly be the one asking.

His excuses are always so feeble. If he really wanted to be with me, they wouldn’t be things that would deter him. He has a headache… He’s congested… He’s tired. Every time he rejects me, I tell myself I will NOT initiate next time. Then, I crave his love and it happens all over again.

Yes, we’ve talked about it. No, it never gets better. I just wanted to get out these words and feelings in an anonymous medium… Thank you for reading. Can anyone commiserate?
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Was he ever interested in sex?
 
Joie_de_Vivre said:
Was he ever interested in sex?
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Before we were married, as interested as any young man who just couldn’t wait to be allowed to finally be together. I think the disillusionment of the realities of sex took the steam out of him.
 
Maybe it’s some form of clinical depression or just low libido? Surely there’s a treatment for it.

I can only commiserate in the sense that I’m a single person who wishes they were married, but your case indeed sounds very difficult.
 
Perian said:
Yes, we’ve talked about it. No, it never gets better. I just wanted to get out these words and feelings in an anonymous medium… Thank you for reading. Can anyone commiserate?
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I can commiserate, though that does little to help.

What comes from the talks? Has the merit of discussing apparent low libido with the doctor been considered?
 
Perian said:
I can’t stand being turned down anymore. Since our daughter was born almost 14 months ago, we’ve been intimate an average of once every 40 days. Before that, it was better, but I can honestly say my husband has initiated intimacy once in two years. And that was after I told him it made me feel aggressive and un-feminine to constantly be the one asking.

His excuses are always so feeble. If he really wanted to be with me, they wouldn’t be things that would deter him. He has a headache… He’s congested… He’s tired. **Every time he rejects me, I tell myself I will NOT initiate next time. Then, I crave his love and it happens all over again. **

Yes, we’ve talked about it. No, it never gets better. I just wanted to get out these words and feelings in an anonymous medium… Thank you for reading. Can anyone commiserate?
Click to expand...
I could have written this letter, particularly the part in bold letters, so I know well what you are going through. Even when he did approach me, which wasn’t often, it was evident that he wasn’t particularly interested, often turning over and going to sleep if foreplay took care of my needs. He couldn’t be bothered to have intercourse.

Every possible scenario went through my head: he had a lover, he was gay, etc. Since we had three kids I didn’t make any effort to find out for sure because to find out either of those would have meant having to make the decision to either go or stay and pretend not to know.

We’ve been married 39 years. It never got better. He eventually got diabetes and, despite knowing that impotence was a real possibility if he didn’t take care of himself, he is what doctors describe as ‘non-compliant’ – with the predicted results.

Keep trying to find out what’s going on. It may be physical or psychological. Make sure he sees a doctor if there is no other explanation.
 
Do you know if he masturbated a lot before you married? It may be that proper intercourse is not giving him the stimulation he is used to.
 
I hate to say this but your feelings express what men feel like often. This doesn’t justify your husbands behavior, but it may open the door for women to see the viewpoint of men in the sexual realm.

Who better to understand the rejection of sex, but me, a man. So, I can only tell you what many men want. Possibly, you will need to change your approach towards him. Do this by creating seductive language or wearing apparel that you don’t typically wear that will stimulate him. Remember, the most sexual organ of the body is the brain. Use it to your advantage.
 
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