I did agree to and say the vows b/c if by some miracle I was pregnant, I would of course go through with the pregnancy, but have no plans to get pregnant.
There are childless couples out there and I dont see that their marriage is less valid or not brining glory to God just because they dont have children.
You seem to be back-tracking: did you have no plans to have children, or did you plan on not having children?
There’s a difference: I didn’t plan on going out to eat tonight, but my wife asked me if I wanted to and I said OK. On the other hand (and bear with the example, it’s the first that came to me), I plan on not going to Klan rally tonight
- or a strip club, or something else I wouldn’t want to go to - so were she to ask about that, I would say absolutely not.
Between those two options, your attitude seems like the latter - you planned on not having children, and you thought those plans were shared by your husband - who has clearly changed his mind (for the better! I might add, according to the Church). It’s not like you just didn’t have plans to have any children, like I had no plans to go out to eat. You had an active plan to avoid pregnancy for the duration of your marriage, and you thought your husband had that same plan.
The problem is that such a plan is considered by the Roman Catholic Church as a reason to suspect you and the man you live with are not at all married - that there is no valid *sacramental *bond that unites the two of you, because of these intentions. And notice, this is important: it is very likely your intentions in these circumstances are sinful, perhaps *mortally *so.
You must seek the reliable advice of your confessor in this matter, as only he will be able to tell if you have put your salvation in doubt, through mortal sin.
Similarly, given these intentions, you must consult a marriage tribunal to determine if you are, right now, married. You very well may not be, and only they will truly be able to determine if you are. This is also important, because you seem confused about what counts as “valid” in marriage. You are confused, I think, because you say that you don’t “see” that a childless marriage is any less valid than a marriage blessed with children - this is a confusion because no one can
see a sacramental bond of marriage. This is why the tribunal review processes are lengthy and difficult, because they must review everything about the marriage, have witnesses and paperwork - all to determine what your intentions were when you made your vows. And by your own admission, your intentions were
not intentions consistent with a valid sacramental bond. Again, that means you may not be married in the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church.
More broadly, though, if you are serious about your faith then you need to change your mind about kids - and be open to those lives your husband wants to bring into the world. If you truly feel called by God to barrenness, then you should get an annulment and live your life as a single, celibate person.
People must come to them first.
