Husband scheduled a vasectomy?!?!

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105lynne

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Hello all…my husband had a consultation for a vasectomy today (told me after the fact) and scheduled one for the 22nd of this month. I’m fighting as hard as I can to get him to not do it. We just had our fourth child in October and we aren’t doing well financially. At all. Please pray he reconsiders and goes along with NFP again! Yes, I realize this is grounds for an annulment, but I really don’t want to resort to that or threaten that, so please don’t suggest it. Thank you.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Everything we do, we are to do “as unto the Lord”. This means every time you do anything and everything, you can (and should) say, “Jesus, I am doing this for you as a gift right now”, “Jesus, I am going to work for you”. “Jesus, I am washing the dishes for you”. “Lord, I am making dinner as a gift for you to use in feeding this family”. “Jesus, I am loving my [wife / husband] for you right now”. etc. Every day, all day long, in everything you do.

My guess is that few people actually think that way and that literally. But, it is very useful for at least two reasons.
Firstly it brings to your consciousness the actual presence of God in each moment of your day and your life.
Secondly, it is a good filter for helping to choose truly good work versus things that appear good but are not good in the big picture, and helps us not to lie to ourselves because it is hard to lie to the Lord in a face-to-face declaration.

If you and your husband would practice this (telling the Lord with each thing you do that it is for Him), when it comes to the vasectomy, it may be very difficult for him or you to say, “Lord, I am getting this vasectomy for you, because you want it done and don’t want people to use self control, and because you don’t provide for us if we have more children”.

If you do this, both of you, you are doing all things as unto the Lord. Or, if you only think about things as being wrong, but do not consider Jesus as being right with you right now, then you think you make choices in isolation from God, and think they are done in secret.

Do not wait until after the fact to tell Jesus all you have done. Instead tell him before you do things. It won’t slow you down, and it will keep you in his presence in all you do.
 
Mmmm Lynne, that is a tough one. I’m guessing your husband knew you would disapprove of this decision and thus kept his appointment secret from you… No doubt he is feeling under pressure, and that is understandable. How has your previous experience with NFP been? Are there reasons why he does not wish to trust it? I have had a couple of unplanned pregnancies whilst using NFP, but have to concede that the issue was not with the method failing, but with us failing to abide 100% to the conditions of abstinence required during the fertile phase. Is this a challenge for either of you? I know that some couples who struggle with (for example) irregular cycles will opt for post-ovulatory love making only (i.e. abstinence between the menses and ovulation, only engaging in intercourse once the 3 high temps have been achieved and all fertile symptoms have well and truly passed). It does involve more abstinence and sacrifice, but for some couples it gives them that extra assurance.

Of course you cannot force his will, but there may be some things you could do to persuade it (apart from the obvious which is prayer!). Ie- Perhaps you could let him know that out of respect for your willingness to observe the Church’s teaching, and abide by what you feel is natural law, you will continue to abstain in your fertile phase regardless of his fertility status. That way you are abiding by the Church’s principles, which involves true sacrifice, rather than feeling like you are being drawn into the modern ‘have my cake and eat it too’ contraceptive mentality which is all about having intimacy whenever you want it without wanting to take responsibility for what may come of that. It may possibly also make him feel that his decision to have a vasectomy is now redundant - because he is going to have to abstain at times out of respect for your wishes anyway. Just a suggestion, as I have often pondered this, and what I would do in this situation.

I listened to a wonderful pro-life speech from a protestant Dad the other day - possibly the best pro-life speech I have ever heard actually. In it, the father speaks of his regret of cutting off the gift of fertility in his marriage years ago, and his journey toward that conclusion based upon the study of God’s word in the Bible. Perhaps you could email it to your husband, and pray that he watches it alone and without feeling pressured? Here it is;
embassyinstitute.org/media/hidden-message-lost-pearl
God bless you at this difficult time.
 
105lynne said:
Hello all…my husband had a consultation for a vasectomy today (told me after the fact) and scheduled one for the 22nd of this month. I’m fighting as hard as I can to get him to not do it. We just had our fourth child in October and we aren’t doing well financially. At all. Please pray he reconsiders and goes along with NFP again! Yes, I realize this is grounds for an annulment, but I really don’t want to resort to that or threaten that, so please don’t suggest it. Thank you.
Click to expand...
:hug1:

You have done all you can do. Be at peace. Put your life in God’s hands, and let go of it.

You don’t need to get an annulment, either. Do what your heart tells you to.
 
105lynne said:
Hello all…my husband had a consultation for a vasectomy today (told me after the fact) and scheduled one for the 22nd of this month. I’m fighting as hard as I can to get him to not do it. We just had our fourth child in October and we aren’t doing well financially. At all. Please pray he reconsiders and goes along with NFP again! Yes, I realize this is grounds for an annulment, but I really don’t want to resort to that or threaten that, so please don’t suggest it. Thank you.
Click to expand...
praying for you and your husband. I am sorry.
 
Gracious and merciful Father, please come to their assistance.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen.
 
This is not grounds for an annulment.
Praying for you and your situation.
 
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth
as it is in heaven.
Give us this day
our daily bread, and
forgive us our trespasses as we
forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but
deliver us from evil. Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women, and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God,
pray for us sinners, now and at
the hour of our death. Amen.
 
Heavenly Father! In Your infinite love and mercy, you heed the prayer of Your beloved servant, Saint Rita. You graciously grant favors through her intercession, which are considered impossible to human foresight, skill and efforts. Relying on her compassionate love, we ask You to assist us in our trials and difficulties. Let unbelievers know that you are recompense helper of the humble, the defense of the helpless, and the strength of those who trust in You. We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
 
PennyinCanada said:
This is not grounds for an annulment.
Praying for you and your situation.
Click to expand...
Exactly. Annulments are granted based on the dispositions of the couple on the wedding day. If the husband had then planned on eventually getting a vasectomy, it would be grounds for an annulment. If he later decides to, it wouldn’t be.

Praying to our Blessed Mother for you.
 
Even if there could be grounds for an annulment it is not a reason to seek one or even threaten to leave him.

You asked not to go in that direction; so we should assume that leaving him or threatening to is not what you had in mind, but I want to close that as any sort of option for other readers.
 
Wife’s Prayer for Her Marriage

Most Holy Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Thou didst institute marriage in the earthly Paradise
and in the New Law elevate it to the dignity of a Sacrament,
attaching to it many graces. Grant to my husband
and me the grace to live holy lives in so sacred a state
and, by the practice of Christian virtues, to act always
as is becoming a Christian couple. Teach us to be
faithful images of the Holy Family of Nazareth,
of the blessed foster-father Joseph,
of the most devout Mother Mary,
the most blessed Mother of the Child Jesus,
that we may be made worthy to live
under their protection, to die in their favor,
and to be forever blessed in their society. Amen.
God bless you and may you leave this problem in His hands.
:crossrc:

​
 
Jemiah said:
Mmmm Lynne, that is a tough one. I’m guessing your husband knew you would disapprove of this decision and thus kept his appointment secret from you… No doubt he is feeling under pressure, and that is understandable. How has your previous experience with NFP been? Are there reasons why he does not wish to trust it? I have had a couple of unplanned pregnancies whilst using NFP, but have to concede that the issue was not with the method failing, but with us failing to abide 100% to the conditions of abstinence required during the fertile phase. Is this a challenge for either of you? I know that some couples who struggle with (for example) irregular cycles will opt for post-ovulatory love making only (i.e. abstinence between the menses and ovulation, only engaging in intercourse once the 3 high temps have been achieved and all fertile symptoms have well and truly passed). It does involve more abstinence and sacrifice, but for some couples it gives them that extra assurance.

Of course you cannot force his will, but there may be some things you could do to persuade it (apart from the obvious which is prayer!). Ie- Perhaps you could let him know that out of respect for your willingness to observe the Church’s teaching, and abide by what you feel is natural law, you will continue to abstain in your fertile phase regardless of his fertility status. That way you are abiding by the Church’s principles, which involves true sacrifice, rather than feeling like you are being drawn into the modern ‘have my cake and eat it too’ contraceptive mentality which is all about having intimacy whenever you want it without wanting to take responsibility for what may come of that. It may possibly also make him feel that his decision to have a vasectomy is now redundant - because he is going to have to abstain at times out of respect for your wishes anyway. Just a suggestion, as I have often pondered this, and what I would do in this situation.

I listened to a wonderful pro-life speech from a protestant Dad the other day - possibly the best pro-life speech I have ever heard actually. In it, the father speaks of his regret of cutting off the gift of fertility in his marriage years ago, and his journey toward that conclusion based upon the study of God’s word in the Bible. Perhaps you could email it to your husband, and pray that he watches it alone and without feeling pressured? Here it is;
embassyinstitute.org/media/hidden-message-lost-pearl
God bless you at this difficult time.
Click to expand...
Yes, he feels NFP has “failed” us. He said that either the method is flawed or I’m a liar as to when I was fertile. Ridiculous. I’ve never lied about fertility. I’ve even suggested that he read up on NFP, I’ve let him know where I am at any point in my cycles. He couldn’t care less…until he wants sex. Our first two kids are 15 months apart and our 2nd and 3rd kids are also 15 months apart. But I wasn’t using NFP entirely correctly those years. After the 3rd baby, I became more familiar with the method and used it correctly and successfully for 5 years. But, he doesn’t see those 5 years (SIXTY MONTHS!) as me knowing what I was doing and therefore no longer trusts it. I like your suggestion of abstaining during my fertile period anyway. Hadn’t thought of that.
I appreciate your response and prayers. Thanks.
 
Are you really using NFP and not the “rhythm method”? Many people confuse the two. Most couples who wish to truly practice NFP take a class on it (as a couple) at the parish or at the diocese.

Besides, NFP is not something that you can practice on your own. Both spouses must be involved in the recognition of when you are fertile. If your husband is not keenly involved in the biological process, then he might be tempted to ignore it when he is “in the mood”. We men, after all, are blessed with two heads. Unfortunately they only work one at a time. 😃

NFP, when practiced correctly, can bring a couple into a deeper intimacy, trust and respect.

Praying for you,
Paul
 
Praying for you and your husband…
***+
Prayer to Our Lady of Mount Carmel

*** O most beautiful Flower of Mount Carmel, Fruitful Vine, Splendor of Heaven,
who brought forth the Son of God, still remaining a Virgin, assist us in this necessity.
O Star of the Sea, help us, and show us that you are our Mother.
O Holy Mary, Mother of God, Queen of Heaven and earth,
we humbly ask you from the depths of our heart to help us in this necessity.
There are none who can withstand your power.
O show us that you are our Mother.
O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.
Sweet Mother, we place this cause in your hands. Amen
 
Prayer in Marital Difficulty

Saint Jude, we have problems with our marriage. Beg Almighty God to give us the light to see ourselves and each other as we really are. Help us to grow daily in self-knowledge and mutual love, while at the same time developing our potential to love and be loved. Help us, Saint Jude, to see and root out every manifestation of selfishness and childish self seeking – those hidden enemies of love and maturity. Thus learning to love and being filled with love, we may complement each other the remaining days of married life.
Amen.
 
:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:
 
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