Husband seeking for porn

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Kap_4

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Hi, im new here and I havent read all your post but i want to reciebe your point of view in something that bothers me. Sorry if I bother you. Lately I have noticing that my husband is recieving porn mails, and he told me that he even suscribed last year to a web page. I reallly dont know how to react or how to handle this information, cause i know he wants me to be ok, and not make a big deal of it, but i am not ok.
 
I wouldn’t be okay with it, either. Explain to him that you find that sort of thing unacceptable and even insulting to you.
 
I think that if you are not comfortable with it, I think that you have every right to let him know exactly how you feel about it. Does he feel that it is okay? Does he have no problem with pornography?

Check out True Knights and Porn No More for helpful suggestions as well

You do not have to accept this behavior and can tell you from experience and from reading other stories on here that this lifestyle is so empty. Fortunately for me I have not viewed porn for too many years to count, but it is addicting and can cause a lot of other problems, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Please be there to support him when he decides that he wants to step away from this lifestyle.
 
Hi Kap 4

My opinion, you should put your foot down right away. Porography is very destructive. It may start out “harmless” but it will progress into something far more serious. I speak from experience on this.

Unfortunately this may cause a rift between you and he. But it is better to deal with it as early as possible, since this behavior is a progressive one.
 
Thanks for your answers, the thing is that he tells me that this goes on in the office too his colegues talk about it andmail about porn, they show him images also as something amazing to look at, I feel like they are all teen agers and not people above 34 years or more. He tells me he does not start talking bout it but goes with the flow, and when he is alone he does open the porn mails. 😦
 
People get fired for looking a porn on work computers, email, etc. Have your husband check in his employee handbook or the corporate “acceptable use” policy, the hostile work place HR policies, etc.

When he then knows the policy, and that he can lose his job over it - he can simply answer his co workers “no thank you, I will follow the company rules.”
 
Personally, I would feel sick if it were my dh. I’d have no desire for intimacy w/ a man I knew was looking at other women that way.

If your husband is addicted (he’ll say he’s not) you have a long road ahead. —KCT
 
All I can say is that you and your husband will be in my prayers.

Pornography teaches men to look at women as objects. The women who are involved in that industry are not being treated as daughters of the King, but still, daughters of the King they are.

It is a tragedy that our society does not treat women with the esteem with which we deserve to be treated. We are all daughters of the King, daughters of God who have been Redeemed and are loved by Christ. He died for us too.

And so are you, a daughter of the King. You deserve better, because when a man begins to look at one woman as an object, how can you know he is not looking at you in the same way?

Again, I will be praying for you.

with love and prayers,
Saoirse
 
If your husband cares for you, loves you, respects you, and respects the marital bond, and knows this is hurting you - tell him it hurts you and ask him to stop. If he doesn’t stop, counseling may be in order.

Just because others do it at work - doesn’t make it right or mean it isn’t harmful. In most cases, if they are doing at work - it usually is wrong IMO.

Some men make the argument that I don’t treat this stuff the way I think of my wife. Doesn’t fly. It is wrong to demean any human in this way and only adds to the pain and suffering of many.

Good luck to you and your family.
 
First, your husband and all his idiot “friends” are going to lose their jobs if they continue using work computers to look at and trade porn. Ask your husband if the pleasure he gets is worth losing his ability to support his family?

Second, disconnect the home computer. I am serious. Yes, I know we all use them for a lot of things, but you can still get paper bills, write checks, and mail them. Cancel or suspend the ISP, disconnect everything, and put all the equipment in a corner of the garage. Do this while he is at work one day, so he finds it like that. When he asks why, tell him you are taking away his smut supply because you refuse to live with that in your house.

Third, insist he get counseling, either at church or from a reliable professional who deals with sex addiction. Because even if he is not an addict yet, he is on his way. Porn is so pervasive and destructive to a psyche… In college I watched some and thought for the most part that after a while, it’s just boring and gross. However, my roommate and her boyfriend got into the nastiest magazines and trading porn on the internet. After a while, it was all they did. She lost her ROTC scholarship and had to drop out of school, and they just looked at the grossest things together. She showed me some of it one time, and I realized just how far and how fast a person can go from seemingly normal naked people pix into bestiality, anatomically impossible-looking contortions, and group/orgy stuff. Just because you have to keep the variety or the effect wears off.

Make this a big deal, because I really believe you are fighting for your husband’s soul, his ability to have a normal sexual relationship, and your marriage. Not to get too personal…but has this affected your sex life yet? Is he neglecting you in favor of the pictures? That happens very often…pix don’t demand anything of you or make you vulnerable.
 
duskyjewel said:
Second, disconnect the home computer. I am serious. Yes, I know we all use them for a lot of things, but you can still get paper bills, write checks, and mail them. Cancel or suspend the ISP, disconnect everything, and put all the equipment in a corner of the garage. Do this while he is at work one day, so he finds it like that. When he asks why, tell him you are taking away his smut supply because you refuse to live with that in your house.
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I agree with the other points that you made except for this one. Why not put a filter on the computer? Would that not serve the same purpose. That way the internet could still be used. Also, if there is no internet, how can she be on CAF? :ehh:
 
Ouch. Your husband needs to know how this makes you feel. I would also recommend installing SafeEyes on your computer–it’s a filter that has a small cost involved, but its well worth saving your husband some temptation.
 
I have to agree with others. Tell him that you will not have this in your home (my husband left some out where our 12 year old daughter could find it). We don’t know if she saw it, but he was sufficiently embarassed. I don’t know if he is still looking at it, but I check everything including his cell phone (watch out for cell phones with internet access!). He knows I do this. He is still in denial that it is an addiction and refuses to go for help. So put your foot down now! In my case I kept looking the other way, chalking it up to harmless “guy stuff” but if you are just finding out, stop it now. Please, it will cause such heartache later. It’s hard to address it and he may blame you, the Catholic church,his friends, whatever, don’t give in on this. It is for the good of your entire family. I will pray for you.
 
Mirror_Mirror said:
I agree with the other points that you made except for this one. Why not put a filter on the computer? Would that not serve the same purpose. That way the internet could still be used. Also, if there is no internet, how can she be on CAF? :ehh:
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I suggested total disconnection for the dramatic effect. As in, she is willing to give up the whole shebang because she is so serious. And honestly, most filters…a 12-year-old can find tools on the web to help disable even the best…you think a porn addict can’t?

Being on CAF is nice, it’s a treat, but it’s not necessary to life. If she needs to sacrifice it for a time in order to try to help her husband and her marriage, I think it should be done.
 
Hey, I’m right there with you. My husband addiction to porn which he just says oh well, I can’t help it to has caused so many problems in our marriage including that he carries on and flirts with other women for attention. Do everything you can to stop this now. It is not harmless. Some say it’s more addicting than cocaine. It alters the chemicals in the brain so that they need the high. It will only get worse.
I agree with the suggestions on here. It’s hard to take that step and stir things up in your marriage but you may be saving it in the long run.
Is he a faithful Catholic? Remind him as a starter that the Church views it as a mortal sin!! Jason Evert and Christopher West stuff is good. They each have a tape set if your husband would be willing to listen.
Don’t attack him about it. Be his friend so that he can lean on you when he decides to get it out of his life.
 
I do not think that this is acceptable he has pledged himself to you and should respect you - it is not something that can be swept under the carpet! I would be having firm words but not an argument this is the time for talking and expressing your views whilst he listens. This is a matter of him dealing with the problem and resolving it putting you first and also showing respect for himself!
 
This is so much easier said than done b/c it is very hard to overcome. Men are so susceptible to sight and so many women don’t understand that they are turning men on with what they wear. Even I was surprised at what little it takes to get my husband “in the mood”. I have to really be careful with what I wear b/c even though I like my husband looking at me, I have to be careful not to lead other men to sin.
 
I also wanted to mention some web sites for YOU:
Jason Evert recommended www.pureintimacy.com to me and also www.dads.org. Both these sites have sections helping the wives figure out what they should do now that they are aware of their husbands problem.
 
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